Weddings are suppose be the greatest day of your life. But not all weddings are winners. The wedding staff always have the best stories because they witness weddings through a different lens than guests. Here are stories from wedding staff about when they knew the marriage wasn't going to last,
For Richer Or Richer
“Minister friend did a wedding once where in the vows the woman wouldn’t say ‘for richer or poorer’. Just kept saying ‘for richer or richer’. And she wasn’t joking. They didn’t last long.”
What A Mess
“Oh man. The poor bride was 6 months pregnant at the time of the wedding, puking regularly. The groom was 3 hours late to the ceremony. By hour 2, he hadn’t even picked up his tux. The venue almost cancelled the reception because the groom’s number was the only contact they had and nobody knew what was going on. He finally showed up and everything went as planned, albeit 3 hours later.”
Affectionless Relationship
“Well, I’m the best man in an upcoming wedding, so I’m definitely involved in some of the planning. Just found out yesterday that it’s already a sexless/affectionless relationship so I give it a year tops. My poor bastard of a best friend thinks getting married will make it better, I think he is in for a surprise. It all makes me very sad.”
Baby Daddy
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“Event Manager with a caterer. Pregnant maid of honor told the bride’s sister that she’s been f–king the groom and the baby is his. She was dead sober, which is what made it so odd that it came out like that. Needless to say we got to go home early that night.”
Groomzilla
“Sometimes we just got THOSE events. You go in knowing it’s going to be a bad time. So this couple wanted everything decked out in orange and camo, which is not my thing but whatever. However, the groomsmen tried to bring rifles into the event venue which is a big no (guns+alcohol+ extended family never a good idea). They were very understanding, but the groom, who we will call groomzilla, was not. He has been drunk since at least 9am. Anyway, by some miracle the ceremony goes off without a hitch and we get everyone served apps and dinner. This was an open bar, so by the time the first dances were over everyone was fairly wasted. We had to buy 2 more kegs for a 130 person wedding level wasted. So then we make last call. The bridal party is nowhere to be found. After some searching, the bride is peeing out back (WE HAVE BATHROOMS) and the groom is MIA. My supervisor goes to check up by the DJ booth, and lo and behold. Groomzilla. Passed out at the top of the staircase, head facing down the stairs. The following conversation was relayed to me by my supervisor. She is S, groomzilla is GZ. Supervisor: ‘Excuse me sir, we’re closing and you can’t–‘ GZ ‘SHHHHHH’ shoves a finger in her face to shush her. She tries several more times to tell him his hotel shuttle is outside waiting, but he won’t stop shushing her like an a–. So she grabs our security guy, who we’ll call James. James: ‘Hey buddy, this is a bad place to sleep-‘ GZ: ‘Shhhhhhhh!’ finger in the face yet again. James, to S: ‘He shushed me.’ S: ‘Let’s just let his friends get him outside.’ So they leave him with 2 groomsmen, who convince him to go smoke outside. Bridal party is already in the limp, minus those 3. James goes outside to make sure they’re getting their a–es in the limo, and Groomzilla doesn’t like this. In a drunken haze, he lunges for James and attempts to punch him in the jaw. James dropped his fat a– like a sack of potatoes in one, fluid, artistic motion. He rotated Groomzilla in a graceful circle before letting him land flat on his back. Nice try, d–khead. Btw, they were some of our worst guests. Our venue was trashed and they were rude to the staff all night. All trashy a–holes. They’re all blacklisted. As for why the marriage didn’t last, he was an alcoholic, belligerent a–hole who embarrassed her in front of her family. I worked there for 11 years. I have books of stories.”
You Deserve Better
“I was a photographer. Bride and groom both lovely people, but the grooms mother… at the reception she got so drunk that she leaned over in her chair and just puked on the floor. She spent the next 2 hours wailing and crying because she (told everybody) thought her son deserved better. As I was packing equipment back into my car, I spotted MIL in the bushes, dress around her head, legs in the air and a group of people trying to get her out. I later found out that she sh-t herself at a later point in the evening – and the bride spent time cleaning her up. Didn’t think the marriage would survive with a toxic MIL like that around. Then I saw on social media that the bride and groom moved overseas, far away from their families!”
Seperated
“I catered weddings for several years, and the subtle sign I always paid attention to was how closely the bride and groom sat next to each other during the speeches, dinner, etc. The happy couples were always right on top of each other, sharing food, laughing, and just generally chatting. They were in their own world, while the rest of the wedding went on around them. Other times, the two would be practically on the other side of the table from one another. The groom would spend the whole meal turned away chatting with his groomsmen, while the bride looked the other way staring into space. Families can be a–holes, people get drunk, and nightmares happen, especially as the night progresses, but if you don’t care enough to appreciate the presence of your spouse the very first time you sit down next to them, you have no chance once the real world takes over.”
I Want This And This
“I had a wedding couple come to see me by appointment to plan the music for their church wedding ceremony. They each brought their respective mothers to the planning session. Right out of the gate, they started arguing over choices for the Processional. The groom-to-be wanted something to show off the full organ whereas the bride-to-be wanted something smaller scaled and gentle. There was no middle ground, no matter what organ pieces I showed them. Then, of course, their mothers took sides and further intensified their bickering, even though I asked them politely to let the couple choose their own selections. In the end, it really wasn’t about the choice of music. It was about a fundamental crack in the foundation of their soon-to-be marriage: an unwillingness to compromise or to even hear what the other was attempting to convey. Sadly, their marriage ended in divorce in less than 2 years. How they made it that long I’ll never know.”
The Wedding Blessed By God
“My Sister in Law. She announced in front of everyone how her wedding was blessed by God and mine wasn’t because she was married in the Catholic Church and I had a civil ceremony. 7 years later and I’m the only one still married.”
Shotgun Wedding
“I worked as a receptionist for a conservatory and garden. We were an extremely popular wedding venue 7 days a week year-round. But this is the one that stuck out. A couple of families came in on a Sunday afternoon during business hours. They were dressed very nicely, but again, was a Sunday, so not all that unusual. There appeared to be a older teen girl, a boy around the same age, their respective parents, and a smattering of grandparents. Looking back on it, with the exception of a couple of the grandmas, everyone looked either ill or angry. Everyone but one of the fathers paid their admission and went inside. The father made it known to me he was still waiting for someone. No big deal. Well about 10-15 minutes later, in came a priest ! Black robes, white collar, the works. It then occurs to me that all these people must be here to scope it out as a wedding venue. I took the admission, then went to get our on site wedding coordinator, in case the family wanted to see her. I find her, and we start heading towards where I last saw the group. We were floored to see them by our water feature very obviously conducting a wedding! Very obviously a shotgun wedding that the kids had no control over. Was startling and funny and sad all at once. With the amount of strong arming they got, I doubt they lasted.”
The Cabana
“NAWP, but a few years ago I was serving lunch and cocktails poolside at a fancy hotel in Hawaii. Lots of wedding parties, at least 4 or 5 a week during the summer. The bride and her party were having a spa day, and the groom and his men were poolside in a rented cabana. They were hitting on all of us, and on some of the ladies lounging poolside. We kept an eye out in the event we had to cut them off or call security. Later in the afternoon, we noticed the groom and one attendant (there were only 5 total) were not with the rest of the group playing bocce on the lawn. A glance over at their cabana, and I saw it was zipped up completely. At the end of the night when we were cleaning it out, there were 2 condom wrappers (no actual condoms, thank goodness). Whether they were going at it with each other or with a willing not-bride lady or two, I don’t know. But two years later the bride and two of her bridesmaids came back (I remembered her bright red hair) and she didn’t have her ring. It’s not my place to ask, but I couldn’t help but wonder if she found out about the cabana tryst.”
Fake Wedding
“I used to play bass in a soul band that occasionally played weddings, so I’m not really in the planning business but I was privy to some sh-tstorm weddings. The one that sticks out the most wasn’t actually a wedding at all. One Saturday afternoon the keys player and I drive up to a rural Texas town for what we assumed was just another wedding. We arrive at a fairly large church and are told to load in our gear into the gym. First thing I noticed that was off is the wedding was ‘Dia de los muertos’ themed. It was February. There was a plastic skeleton band at the entrance to the gym. I might still have a picture of it somewhere. We head over to a makeshift stage against the back wall and start setting up. The ‘bride’ comes up to talk to us and she has fake blood all over her dress to go with the theme. She’s in her mid-40s and clearly a huge fan of the band because I recognized her from a few previous shows. She already seemed a little drunk. So we set up, sound check, and we’re told to leave the area for the ‘ceremony’ and we will have our performance and dinner right afterward. So we hang outside the gym shooting the sh-t for about half an hour before we’re told to come back in and play our set. We’re all holding our instruments ready to go when the ‘bride’ steps on stage and takes the mic from the lead singer. She says she’s sorry the ‘groom’ couldn’t make it to the wedding. Then goes on a long winded rant about how she doesn’t think she’ll actually ever get married, and how thankful she is that her dad was still willing to pay for her to have a wedding anyway. So long story short this woman duped a bunch of people to a fake wedding that her dad paid for. I was sitting there with my mouth open the whole time thinking ‘what the f–k is going on’. I really wanted to know what happened for the 30 minutes we were sitting outside in the parking lot but I never got a straight answer. We played the show, people seemed to have an alright time. Ate some food, made some cash. But I never forgot the time I played a fake wedding.”
Daddy’s Princess
“I was a wedding guest. The bride had a father who was mortgaging his home to pay for the wedding. She had been given everything as a child and became accustom to life on a silver platter. She worked for Christian Dior in makeup sales and there for insisted everything must be designer. She had a destination wedding that lasted a month at a villa in Italy. More that 50 people flew out and she had designer dresses and accessory for every single planned event for an entire month. There were nonstop events planned. She was the star of everything. Her husband was an afterthought and only beckoned for pictures when her personal photographer reminded her that they should take some together. The extravagance of the wedding put my estimate at 2 years tops. They made it about two years, pregnancy likely playing a big part in the longevity of the 2 year marriage. The father of the bride ended up living in the spare room of her condo with her and her new husband because the fathers of the bride had a wife that was not the brides mother and the cost of the wedding was so outrageous that they divorced over it. Father of the bride was a sales rep for a medical company, not a millionaire. Bride gives no f–ks because every thing is about her and want she wants regardless of who it harms or affects. Rule of thumb: the more extravagant the wedding, the more likely they are compensating for a hollow relationship.”
Interesting Neighbors
“The night before our wedding, my husband and I were staying at the hotel we would be getting married at the next day. Another couple had gotten married there that night and our room happened to be right next to theirs. The couple had decided to continue the party in their room – blasting music, screaming at their friends from the balcony, and generally making so much noise at such a late time that we called the font desk. The next night, our own wedding was done. We were hanging out in our room, gorging on leftover cupcakes, and getting ready to go to bed. The couple next to us, it turns out, had decided to stay an extra night. But this time they were screaming at each other. We couldn’t figure out what exactly was going on, but we clearly heard the woman yell, ‘I can’t talk to you when you have your pouty face’. Three years later we still use that on each other and it instantly diffuses any argument. I often wonder what happened to them.”
6 Month Marriage
“My friend is a wedding planner. Picture this: 100 degree July summer afternoon in Northern CA. For those of you unfamiliar, it is a miserable time. Wedding itself is held at some family members house in the country, in the backyard. Absolutely no shade. White folding chairs line the dirt gravel backyard and a plastic white table runner serves as the aisle way. The ‘altar’ is a white plastic trellis from Home Depot. The bride is late to her own wedding because she is busy taking shots. After about an hour of sitting in sweltering heat, the ceremony starts. Bride can barely walk from intoxication and has a wonky drunk eye the entire ceremony. Vows are exchanged, they are official, we clap and the newlyweds walk back down the plastic table cloth aisle. The MC then asks for the guests to pick up their chairs and CARRY them to the other side of the yard to a table for the reception. The dance floor is 4 pieces of large plywood, painted black and set on top of a hay pile?? ‘Dinner’ consists of random appetizers set out on plastic folding tables. Think Costco food platters. The bride is chugging Cooks champagne from the bottle, while the groom tries to stop her, she smacks his hand away. All night the bride drunkenly gets on the mic and says gibberish. Groom looks very uncomfortable all night. During their first dance, the bride starts yelling ‘I don’t even like this song!’ Groom uncomfortably laughs. Instead of allowing the wedding guests to use the restrooms inside the house, they have conveniently brought in port-o-potties and placed them around the side of the house. Not the nice kind either. The blue ones you see at music festivals. In case you are wondering, it is very questionable taking a pee in a dark port-o-potty. The bride ends up passing out across a couple of chairs around 9:30pm. I believe they were married for about 6 months.”
My Way
“Years ago I was a waitress at a fancy restaurant where we regularly had weddings. One night we had this massive wedding party. His side were one of those families with loads of money but not an ounce of class. Just rowdy, loud and incredibly rude, making sure to let everyone know how rich they were. She was a quiet, shy girl with a small family full of boring mousy types. As the night progressed his family just got drunker and louder as hers hid in the corners, visibly annoyed. At one stage the groom grabbed the microphone, and did a heavily intoxicated version of Frank Sinatras ‘My Way’ whilst his whole family cheered him on. Afterwards he turned to his bride and slurred over the speakers: ‘Tonight, we will do it MY WAY, wifey!!!’ and then proceeded to make doggy style thrusting gestures. The bride flushed bright red, got up and walked out, her mum on her heels. She didn’t come back. The groom stayed and got so trashed his disgusting family had to carry him out at the end of the night. It was spectacular. They didn’t last long.”
Absolute Chaos
“I worked the most amazing wedding ever! The marriage didn’t last 6 hours! I was bartending for the reception. Everything seemed pretty typical and standard as guests arrived, drank, and conversed. The wedding party arrived and everything seemed to be completely normal. Everyone was happy, having fun, etc. When it came time for the formalities, the bar closed and everyone took their seats. The speeches began, with the maid of honor, and best man. Everything was going as per usual for a wedding—until the best man finished his speech and the food began to be served. The groom grabbed the mic after the best man’s toast and wished everyone a great night and a nice meal. That’s when sh-t hit the fan. After his well wishes, he asked for the attention of his best man and bride. He told them that he knew they were having sex behind his back for the entirety of the engagement, and that he would be filing for an annulment on Monday. He thanked everyone for coming, and apologized to the father of the bride saying ‘I would have called it off weeks ago, but I figured you would be way more pissed at your little princess when you couldn’t get out of the bill for the reception.’ He turned to his wife and said ‘F–k Y–‘, then turned to his best friend and said, ‘From what I overheard–my d–k is still bigger than yours’. Mic dropped—groom out the door—absolute chaos. Me and my fellow bartender looked on in amazement. We had to go into the kitchen to laugh and high-five.”
No Photos Please
“I do wedding photography. I second-shot at a very large, extravagant wedding. The wedding party were all sorority sisters and fraternity brothers at rival schools. There were 24 of them (12 bridesmaids, 12 groomsmen). The couple’s family had clearly spent a lot of money, especially on the decorations. Also, Ben Stein was there for some reason. The first thing the father of the bride said to me was a complaint about the groom. The groom didn’t like the way the suits turned out, and insisted that all of the men return to the shop that morning to get something else. (Those poor menswear shop employees…) I met the groom when it was time to do groomsmen photos, which I generally handled solo while the main photographer did bridesmaid photos. We typically do some posed shots and some informal ones. Well, the groom flat-out refused to do any posed photos. I can usually convince reluctant subjects to just do the thing, but he absolutely WOULD NOT do a single group photo. I seem to remember I finally managed to get some informal photos (like I was their paparazzi or something), but that was all he’d allow. As we were walking back to the main reception area, he told me he didn’t even want to get married. ‘This is all her thing.’ My photos weren’t very good. I was working for this a–hole studio manager, and I figured I’d get in trouble later and possibly wouldn’t be hired again, but there wasn’t much I could do. Photogs were responsible for specific coverage and types of images, to the point that we were on the hook financially. I was worried the couple would complain later about the lack of groomsmen photos. As it turns out, nobody ever said anything about it, and I was stressing over nothing. I have to imagine the studio owner knew about the groomzilla after planning coverage with them. I sometimes think about that couple. I hope they’re not together anymore. The bride was really sweet, if naive and a little superficial. She put a lot of work into that wedding. I hope she found someone who deserved it.”
Rain Tantrum
“Half of them. I wasn’t a wedding planner but I worked with them in the past, and I had to be in close proximity to many brides and grooms before, during, and after the wedding. This is a small example, but one time a couple was getting married at a resort. It was 1-2 days before the wedding, and the forecast was saying rain and lightning storms. They had an outdoor garden wedding planned, which will obviously not work out in a lightning storm. So, as most venues do, if it’s an outdoor wedding, there’s a back up plan in case it rains. The bride was totally cool with it. The groom, on the other hand, was acting like a total fartnugget. ‘I don’t want to get married inside!’ Well, guess what, you’re getting married tomorrow. We’re not refunding you at this point nor are we going to ask the rain to stop raining. Most of the time when a bride was a b–ch, the groom was an a–hole as well; so they were like a match made in heaven. This, though, was an example of a bride who was super nice and receptive to things, while her grown husband is sitting there throwing a tantrum about rain. I bet they divorced already.”
What A Toast!
“Had a wedding I coordinated where the bride literally went from this sweet, kind and very fun person, to a meltdown-laden bridezilla. It was bad. I knew it wasn’t going last the moment she arrived at the venue. She tore up the guest list, and was furious at the groom because his family, most of them either elderly and disabled, weren’t at the ceremony yet (they were 5 minutes late, and parking was awful). So she decided to start the ceremony even though they weren’t there yet. The groom had zero say as he was a really quiet guy. During the bridal procession down the aisle, people kept arriving and having to walk down the aisle to get to their seats. She insulted each member of his family as they would enter the venue. Then, during the actual vows, the groom was so terrified, he literally couldn’t look at her. Instead, he did his vows while looking at the minister. She grabbed his face mid-vows, pointed his face to hers, then said ‘Do them over…NOW!’. Probably the most cringe-worthy moment I’ve ever seen in my entire career. The guests tried to laugh it off, but we all felt bad for him. The icing on the cake was during the toast. She decided to talk about his mom…then passive-aggressively insult her… then completely insult the crowd… then her new husband (yes, she was sober). After the dinner, about 75% of the guests just up and left. There was so much more than happened (and if there is enough interest, I’ll share more), but it was a total sh-t show. I knew, this one wouldn’t last. And it didn’t. They divorced a few weeks later. How do I know? She stiffed me on payment and kept blaming her now-ex-husband for not having any money and everything that went wrong in their marriage.”
Taking Bets
“We had friends taking bets at our wedding on how long we were going to last. Most of them confessed they bet six months. I couldn’t really blame them, we were together less than a year, just turned 18 and both going into the military. Worked out though. Celebrating 11 years next month. If only we got all those bets in writing, we’d be rich!”
The Bar Consultant
“Is wedding catering staff an acceptable source? I’m going to go ahead and assume you said it’s cool: I managed the bars at a sports venue and was the ‘bar consultant’ for our catering department. As you would expect, most of the time we worked during sporting events. Occasionally there’d be a concert. So when the stadium marketing team told us in our weekly meeting that they’d just booked a wedding, we were shocked. We’d never hosted a wedding before, and most of us were unmarried so we didn’t have that much experience with the industry. The marketing team brushed our concerns aside (warning sign #1) and gave us the details for event. After asking around the office staff, we learn that this is being done as a half favor, half side deal for one of the big corporate sponsors of the team. One of their VP’s son’s is getting married and is a huge fan so he insisted on getting married at the venue (warning sign #2). We have our first meeting with the family and it’s an eye-opening experience. Husband to be is clearly disinterested in the planning, wifey is less than excited about his chosen venue, and MIL (husband’s mom) is a USDA First Class B–CH. MIL starts the meeting off by giving us her list of demands for the wedding. She has picked almost everything out from the food to the decor to the place settings. The only thing the bride had input on was the flowers. Myself and the rest of the catering staff are looking over her list and quickly realize that this is going to be pricey. We ask MIL what the budget is for the entire event and she says $10,000. We ask how many people are going to be attending, she tells us there will be 200 guests. This is the exact moment when we realize there is clearly a disconnect between MIL and reality. The Catering Director hesitantly tries to tell MIL that the things she wants and her budget aren’t exactly congruous. We get a haughty, ‘well other vendors have said they could make it work!’ This should have been huge warning sign with neon lights #3. What follows is months of b—hy threats, complaints, and criticism from MIL about everything from our prices (exorbitant), to our policies (ridiculous), to our staff (inexperienced and inept). Our first step was to give her exactly what she wanted, along with what that would cost. The first proposal included everything she wanted, at a price of about $30,000. Cue the first round of angry emails and phone calls. During this phase she threatened to cancel the event twice (fine with us, we didn’t want or need this event), and went back to the marketing department to complain about how unreasonable we were being. During the 2nd phase, she had begun climbing down off her previous demands to wheedling and trying to bypass us to bring costs down. First, she didn’t want us to provide any liquor or beer, she’d bring it in (through the corporate sponsors, a beer company). I tell her flat out, no that’s not going to happen. The liquor license is in our name, we are the ONLY providers of alcohol on this property. She can either use us or have no booze at the wedding. She then proceeds to ratchet up her complaining all the way to her husband who talks to his buddies in the front office about ‘the alcohol problem’. Now we’ve got VP’s and C-level executives getting involved in the nitty-gritty of planning a wedding. Fortunately we’re able to hold our ground on this. 3rd phase of planning gets sad. MIL is still angry about having to downgrade all her plans and sends us a new list of what she wants for the wedding. She has gone 180 the other way and requested the cheapest of everything. Plastic folding tables and chairs, no linen except at the head table, paper plates and napkins for all guests, the cheapest buffet option (basically beans and hot dogs), and so on. We’re in the middle of preparing this new proposal (it would have come in at around ~$8,000), when the bride comes in to meet with us. She is visibly upset and we get the distinct impression that she has had little to no part in planning her own wedding. It turns out her family doesn’t have much money but her fiance’s family is well-off. Her soon to be FIL offered to foot most of the cost of the wedding, but MIL has insisted she be the financial adviser so that the money is used judiciously. The bride was able to pick out her own dress, but that was one of only three things she’d been allowed to have a say in so far. We all feel bad for her, especially since we’d been dealing with the disaster that is her soon-to-be MIL for months now. The bride makes a few requests and we change the budget to reflect these. The new proposal comes in around $14,000. We don’t hear from MIL, bride, or anyone for 3 weeks. We reach out to marketing to ask them if they’ve heard anything since the actual wedding is 1 month away and if we’re going to do this, we need to start ordering product and arranging things now. They haven’t heard anything either. We sit another week. Finally we get a fax(!) from MIL with the contract signed. The next 3 weeks suck as MIL is back in full force, trying to get us to make changes to the contract as we refuse repeatedly. Finally we get to the day of the wedding and technically speaking, it goes off without a hitch. However, it is a sh-tstorm to watch this family party. MIL gets sloppy drunk and alternates between criticizing everything we’re doing and trying to seduce one of the groomsmen. The groom gets absolutely blasted and passes out mid-way through the evening. His groomsmen think it would be hilarious to carry him, unconscious, through the stadium on their shoulders. The bride spends most of the day sitting at the head table, surrounded by her bridesmaids. The happiest I saw her all day was when she had her father-daughter dance. This wedding was a topic of conversation amongst the staff for years afterward. Occasionally we’d hear updates on the family from the front office. The bride got pregnant soon after, her husband got a job w/Daddy’s company but made the mistake of getting plastered at a company event and making an a– of himself so he’s in flux there.”
Drunken Rage
“I know a guy from college who broke his fiance’s diamond engagement ring against a wall in a drunken rage while they were engaged. They still got married, but it has not been a year yet. We’re convinced it won’t last the year.”
Creepy Vibe
“Not a wedding planner, but tomorrow a friend’s 18 year old sister is getting married to a 33 year old man with 2 kids after being engaged for 3 weeks. I have a very bad feeling about the marriage…… Hope I’m wrong and it lasts but the whole thing gives me a creepy vibe….”