It's nice to go out on a date every once in a while. Meet a nice person and have a pleasant experience. Maybe it'll go so well that they'll meet again and again. Well, for every good date, there's a bad date. For these folks, they just happen pick out the worst people to go on dates with. These people share the worst first date they've ever been on. All stories have been edited for clarity.
No, There Will Not Be A Second Date
“Met up with a guy from OkCupid. When I met him at the fancy bar, he was wearing ratty shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops (he picked the bar). I was in heels and makeup and most other guys in the bar were in classy blazers/suits etc so I was a little embarrassed by his clothes but thought, ‘Well, maybe he isn’t very materialistic, that’s cool I guess.’
Then, while we were waiting for our drinks to arrive, he took the chewing gum out of his mouth and casually put it in the little fancy stone dish of hummus that belonged to the couple at the table next to us. I actually felt my heart skip a beat with embarrassment. The couple were in the process of switching tables and I guess he thought they abandoned it but the dude was in fact coming back for it at that moment.
Other dude (wearing a suit) : ‘Hey what the heck are you doing?’
Date guy: (arrogant) ‘There’s no trash can. What do you expect me to do?’
To say the least, the rest of the dinner did not go well.
On the way to the subway, he pointed out a bit of union square he’d had inebriated coitus on with a previous date.
The next day, he texted to say he thought we’d really hit it off and should hang out again. I had to advise him he was incorrect.”
Get Out Of My Room!
“This guy picks me up in his car and I soon found out that we weren’t going to do anything but drive in his car. I also soon found out I was not at all interested in him and I think he caught my vibes.
I make up some lame excuse and ask him to drive me back home. He does just that, but upon arrival asks me if he can use my bathroom. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he just wasn’t my type and I thought it was the polite thing to do so we go into my place. I wait in the kitchen and he is taking his time. After an unusual amount of time, I go to the bathroom but the door is open.
My bedroom is pretty close to the bathroom and I have a feeling he is in there, so I check. And there he was, lying on my bed. I didn’t know how to react, so I tell him to leave. He pulls me onto the bed and it doesn’t take him long to get me wrestled down, so he’s on top. He then proceeds to try to kiss me! I shouted at him to get the heck out of my apartment and only THEN does he take me seriously, like it was all some sort of joke! He left laughing nervously and can you believe the nerve on that guy, he texted me two days later!!”
No More Drinks
“I took a girl to a club about two hours away to see a band that we both really like. She got way too inebriated and after the show, she really wanted to meet them.
The club was in a residential area with homes all around. She climbed a fence to run through someone’s yard to get to the back of the club. One of the houses was having some work done and there was some scaffolding, so she climbed the scaffolding to the roof of the house, all the while I’m trying to call her back, being as quiet as I can (it’s around 2 AM on a Wednesday night).
She starts to come back when one of the people who live in the house comes out and starts yelling at me, telling me not to leave because she broke his fence he’s going to call the cops. She’s back by that point and starts yelling at me to tell that dude to eff off and get going.
We run back to my car, which is in a multilevel parking garage, but we run to a level higher than the one I parked in. When I tell her that we’re parked one level below, she runs and climbs over the side of the garage and starts to jump down. We’re 2 stories high and when I run over to see what she’s doing, she’s already dangling and there’s nowhere for her to put her feet to climb up or down. I grab her hand and she slips and falls to the ground.
I run down to see if she’s ok. She didn’t break anything and she’s not bleeding, but she’s having a hard time standing. I pull the car around to get her, and as soon as we round the corner the police come from all sides and block me in.
I pass the sobriety test and tell the cops that she’s inebriated and I’m just trying to get her home. They let me go and we drive 2 hours home. I help her get to her apartment and just kinda wait there for a while to see if she’s gonna be ok.
Around 6 am, she decides that she wants to go to the ER. I take her there, turns out she just massively bruised her butt. She spent the next month on crutches and we never got any citations for damaging the fence or having the cops come.”
I Thought We Were In This Together
“Went on a date with a guy who seemed and looked pretty nice. He suggested we go to this showing of Rushmore that was part of some week-long Wes Anderson celebration. Now I’m impressed. Not only does he love Wes Anderson films – he’s managed to find a Wes Anderson festival in my city – stuff like this isn’t that common. I’m excited and think I’m onto a winner. And then the date started.
Ever met one of those really negative people who just enjoys making fun of everything they don’t personally enjoy? Yeah he was one of those. After winning the seat raffle, he tosses the prize to me as if it was a bag of worthless stuff (it was in fact a poster and free Wes Anderson dvd) because he ‘can’t stand this director’. Well I hate to break it to you buddy, but uh, this whole thing is dedicated to that director.
Then, added to his general nonsense, he begins to badmouth people he worked with. I get it, we all work with a few nutjobs, but telling me that someone I’ve never met needs to ‘die in a diabetic coma’ and that you were happy another woman left because you ‘hated the fat hag’ isn’t really the way to go.
Aaaaaaand then he began to be transphobic. How about we stop calling trans people ‘it’ because you think it’s funny? Also, what makes you think I don’t have trans friends?
Then the movie started. That’s right folks, he managed to pack this much nope into the time between walking in and the lights going off. Honestly, if I’d seen Rushmore before, I’d have walked out. But I hadn’t and I really wanted to watch it.
The date ended pretty shortly after the movie did. I went home and reevaluated my life and how I talked about other people so I’d never ever come across as being as negative and awful as he did.”
“Cooking Is A Woman’s Job”
“I met this guy on Tinder, conversations happened, flirting ensued, etc so we exchanged phone numbers. He texted me one day and asked if I would like to join him for a picnic down at my city’s waterfront. I gladly accepted because I had never been on an actual picnic. I show up to the designated spot and notice that he has nothing with him.
No blanket, no basket, no food, not even so much as a slushie. As I approach him he gets a confused look on his face and says to me, ‘Uuuuhhhhhh I thought you were going to bring food.’ I say, ‘No. You asked me here, so I assumed you would have a picnic prepared since you asked me to a picnic.’ He looks at me puzzled and very matter-of-fact says, ‘Well cooking is a woman’s job, so I just assumed.’
At this point, I am more than annoyed. But the reality of the situation was I had shaved my legs for this encounter and was not about to give up easily. So I brush it off and suggest that we take a walk about 2 blocks and go to the local brewery for some pub grub and drinks. He agrees. As we are walking the TWO BLOCKS, he tells me that I should walk in front of him so he can ‘see what he’ll be working with later’. I do not comply. At this point, I’m dang near done with this dude.
I want a drink, I want some food and I just want him to shut his mouth while I enjoy said drink and food. We get to the brewery and ate some appetizers and he did a complete 180.
He was funny and charming and talkative etc. All of the things that led me to want to have the picnic with him in the first place. As we are getting the checks, I ask for them to be separate. He looks at me, yet again with great confusion, and says that he assumed that I would be paying for us to go to the brewery, since I asked him there in the first place. I said no, and politely told him that he had asked me to a picnic that he did not provide so I felt that separate checks on an alternative date was more than reasonable. He says he doesn’t have his wallet. After blankly staring at him for what feels like an eternity, I leave a twenty on the table, which was enough to cover MY bill and the tip for both of us (because the waitress can’t help it if he doesn’t have his wallet), walk out and leave him there. I shaved my legs for nothing.”
This Is Your Grandma’s Bed???
“This guy added me on Facebook. We seemed to hit it off via messenger. He wants to ‘hang out’ and ‘get to know me.’ I thought it was a great idea! Social media bringing people together and what not!
He picked me up at my house. He lived a town over from me. We ended up going to his parents’ house. He was in his 20s, mind you. Then he started crying about his late-grandma, as I guess they were clearing out some of her things. I felt bad and tried to comfort this (almost) stranger. I really barely knew him aside from the week we were messaging each other.
As we were talking to his mom and step dad, I realized that he was spoiled and didn’t contribute with bills or anything, as his mom insulted him the entire time about how lazy he was, and how he never did what he was told. We ended upstairs shortly after, he wanted to take a nap, I laid there and refused to fall asleep. His mom comes upstairs and freaks out on him, ‘GET THE EFF OUT OF YOUR GRANDMA’S BED! You do this every time you bring a girl home!’ I had no idea that was his late-grandmas room/bed… I should have went home after that.
We went to the park, and he told me, in detail, about all the girls he had slept with and where. Ugh, I just wanted it to be over.
He then insisted that we go to my high school’s fair. I only went because I knew a ton of my friends would be there and I wouldn’t be alone with him any longer. When we arrived, I introduced him to my friends. Guys, I’m not even joking, five minutes into the conversation, he told my friends that he’s going to ‘take me home and do me hard.’ I assured him that’s not going to happen. He kept pushing the fact that he wanted me to sleep over so he could get laid.
I told him my stomach hurt (it started to, to be honest, because I had this disgusting feeling) and I needed to go home. He took me home, tried to make out with me on the hood of his car, I gave him a peck on the lips and I never talked to him again after that!”
Sorry, I’m Not Interested In Preaching
“My rule was first time meeting someone was usually at a coffee shop or something similar. Some intimate setting to get to know the person better.
Met a girl on Tinder. She seemed very nice and somehow we had a good bit in common other than she was religious while I am not. She never brought it up in conversation so I didn’t think much of it.
Decided to meet her at a Starbucks halfway between our homes. She was nice, but seemed nervous. Thought it was the first date nerves or something. Probably about 15 minutes into talking, another dude who was sitting a few tables near us comes to sit down right next to her. He pulls out a pamphlet with the words like Jesus and Are you lost? written across the top. I’m super confused at this point. I tell the guy, ‘No thanks,’ and that we didn’t have time to hear about it. SHE then begins to tell me that this was her friend and that they wanted to talk to me about where I was in life and how Jesus can help. I think she mentioned something about how today’s youth is being corrupted by online dating and how we’re straying from God’s light. Realized then that I was in a religious intervention. I was pretty freaked out. I think all I said was something to the effect of ‘This is messed up,’ then stood up and left. She texted me later to tell me that she was there for me when I was ready to hear God’s word.”
So You’re A Ninja
“Date went pretty well initially; he seemed a bit shy and weird but didn’t get handsy. Restaurant, movie, walk on the beach.
On the way back to our base, he started making ‘second date’ noises and I was up for going out again until he started going on about how he was an actual ninja and how he’d been recruited and trained by a wandering sensei who found him in the boy’s restroom in high school. Apparently, he now had 12 invisible demon ninja masters who were with him at all times and helped him battle evil or something.
Then he said he could break my arm without touching me and I asked him if he was planning on trying it. No, because I was ‘like a delicate flower that he wanted to protect and care for.’
I politely but firmly let him know there would be no second date, but he decided to stalk me for a few weeks with roses and bad poetry. Then he escalated to death threats, at which point I told him if he didn’t back the heck off, I’d report him and get him kicked out of our school.
He left me alone after that. He left the school anyway a couple months later for unrelated reasons; I can’t say any of us missed his presence. He got stationed on a sub and I later learned that he was still going on a year later about the ‘blonde bloke’ who led him on and then spurned him and broke his heart forever. He got kicked out of the Navy later for forging signatures on his training documents.
Seriously weird guy.”
No More Blind Dates
“A close friend of mine wanted to set me up on a blind date with a guy, Peter, who her boyfriend worked with. You know, with the same selling line of, ‘he’s so perfect for you and you’ll be a cute couple’ and truthfully, I was actually excited for my date and got all dolled up despite it being only lunch. I should had known it was gonna suck.
I arrived on time. He arrived half an hour late and didn’t even apologized for it. About 10 minutes into our ‘get to know one another’ interaction, I found out why Peter was single. He believed a woman’s only goal in life should be getting pregnant and raising 8.5 kids. Of course, not just any woman is capable of raising his children; she had to be of ‘good breeding and not be a floozy.’ Women, according to Peter, were destroying this country with their opinions and careers and it was a shame that good, morally upstanding ladies were hard to find.
I was so flabbergasted that I spent a large portion of my time looking for hidden cameras. This was not actually happening was it? I truly believed I was in one of those poorly executed experiments and my friend was gonna pop out yelling surprise. I even pinched myself. Nope, it was real.
Our waitress interrupted him when he started to go on a rant about the evils of promiscuity, thank god. I think I even might had sent her some ‘Is he crazy?’ vibes with my eyes because she gave me a small grimace before leaving our table.
Peter continued on with his tirade, barely letting me get a word in, changing his topics more than we change our underwear in a week. His views sickened me but I was finally done with him when he told me that Asians were only superior to black people by a small margin but both would always be submissive to white people (I’m asian). When he paused to take in a deep breath, I got up, quickly told him, ‘I’m going to the bathroom’ before dashing off. By the bathroom entrance, I paused to see him loudly talking to a couple near our table, both looking very uncomfortable, without paying any attention to me. I’m not sorry to say that I sacrificed that couple and made a dash for the door. The waitress even gave me a small wave goodbye.
After this, I refused to be set on anymore blind dates.”
Am I Being Catfished?
“A couple of years back, I met a guy online. He seemed normal enough. We arranged to meet at a nice bar in town. I get there, he’s not there, so I order a drink while I wait and text him to let him know where I’m sitting. 20 minutes later, he replies that he’ll be about 5 more minutes. I get us both a drink. After 15 minutes, I decide I’m drinking his drink, (I paid for it and he’s still not here) and then going. He turns up just as I was about to finish the last drink. He went to the bar and got something for himself without checking if I needed one or saying hi. This is almost an hour after we were supposed to meet.
When I saw him, I realized his profile had been a big old lie. I’m just over 6′ so I go for tall guys. His profile said he was 6′ 2. I’d estimate he was closer to 5′ 5. In his pictures, he was white, he was actually Arabic. This wouldn’t have been an issue, but I thought it was bizarre to edit his own photos that way. I thought I’ve wasted an hour waiting for him, so I might as well chat with him now he’s here. Foolish girl. Online he said his name was Christian, it was not even close. I work in finance, he said he did too, he got even the most basic things wrong when we were making a bit of smalltalk about work, so I’m guessing that wasn’t true either.
He farted while we sat at a booth. I got up and walked straight to the bar within a second as it stank. He didn’t acknowledge it. (The bar was probably 3/4 empty so no one was near us). I settled up at the bar and he insisted on driving me home as it was about a 30 minute walk for me. I got him to drop me by the shops near me so he didn’t get my address. He asked me if he could come in for a ‘nightcap’ – it was about 9 pm. He tried to arrange our next date.
I politely told him it was not going to happen and walked off while he looked absolutely shocked I said no.”
I’m Calling My Mom
“I accepted a date from this upperclassman that was in the same club I was in. We were sort of friends — he was friends with my friends, and he hugged me just as much as he hugged them. He was weird (and a little creepy) but he seemed nice, so I told him okay.
We decide to go to the mall for our date, and I bring my mom along just for introductions. She has stuff to do in the mall, so it’ll end up just being us, but she wants to meet the guy I’ll be hanging out with. Cool, whatever, not like I care. Well, we get there and he has this giant bunny for me. I mean, this plushy pink bunny that reached up to my knees at least. I was more than a little mortified — for one, I hadn’t expected a gift (or expected to have to carry it around all day!), and since I hadn’t expected one, I hadn’t gotten him anything. He didn’t mind and took it in stride, mostly because he wanted to surprise me.
So cool. Date’s off to a weird start, but it’s okay. I can deal with carrying around a pink stuffed animal because I’m on a date, which is great. No guys have ever asked me out, so I’m entirely fine with having to tote around a giant pink bunny.
But wait. The date gets worse. We head into this indie-ish shop (don’t really know how else to describe it) and he kisses me. And I’m not talking about a little peck on the lips, I’m talking full on tongue-action for our very first kiss. And he didn’t ask, either — he just went for it. And there I am, barely 14 years old and getting smooched on by a junior (around 17, I guess). Oh, and then he decides to comment on my kissing skills, because even though this is one of my first kisses, I’m apparently pretty good at it. Okay, a compliment. I try to shy away from him and I think maybe he gets the hint.
He doesn’t. We go into a bookstore (B&N, specifically) and he says his friends are there and he wants me to meet them. I can totally do that, especially since meeting his friends means that he’ll stop trying to eat my face.
Nope. No such luck. Instead, he macks on me while his friends are there, literally scooping me into his arms to do so. He gets to comment on how light I am, his friends get to giggle at how cute we are. I’m mortified, disgusted, etc.
So I do what every teenage girl does when they want to get out of bad date — I send an S.O.S. text to my mom begging her to think up a lie and rescue me. She comes through, entering B&N and meeting up with us and giving me an exit, letting me say that I need to go home for whatever reason. The guy accepts this and we bid each other goodbye. I can’t remember if he kissed me again or not, but for my sake I hope not.
Mom and I go to Burger King and I burst out crying. Terrible date, I’m mortified, I never want to see the guy again. Mom tells me to let him down nicely.
Instead, a few days later I send him a text saying I’m a lesbian (I’m not). Didn’t really ever hear from him again, which I guess is good.”