Whether it's not quite controlling your bowels or tripping in front of your crush, we've all been mortified in public before. These people share their most embarrassing moments.
When Sleeping At The Girlfriend’s House Goes Wrong
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“Was sleeping over at a girlfriend’s house. In the middle of the night, I needed to take a leak, so I got up and went about my business and went back to bed.
In the morning I wake up next to a slender Burmese man. I was extremely confused and I look out the doorway and see her standing there signaling me out. So yeah, slept with my girlfriend’s dad.”
A Smartphone Mishap
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“I got my wife an early birthday gift, a smartphone, first ever for her. She’d been using some old indestructible Nokia forever, I wanted to bring her into the 21 century. Data, social networking, GPS, etc.
Her actual birthday rolls around and even though I got her the phone, I had nothing for the actual day. After my morning out-of-bed ritual of shower and teeth brushing, I decide to sexy myself up. Oil all over me, tie and some shirt cuffs (I was going for Chippendales dancer). I call her back and she is rolling in this, just loves it. She takes a picture with her new phone.
The plot thickens: we go fishing, catch a few and head home. We filet and cook the fish. It truly looks like a gourmet meal. My wife takes a picture of the fish with the phone. It’s late now, the day is over and my wife is off to bed. I decide to stay up and play some video games on the PC.
Before she went to bed she was uploading pictures to Facebook — fishing, the meal, etc. The first image she uploads is the shot of me from that morning and thinking it was the prepared fish filets, she titles it ‘Dinner Yum!!!’
When she realized what she has done, she couldn’t figure out how to delete this accidental post on the new phone. She screaming, running through the whole house to the computer room where I am. She kicks me off forcefully and then I see it. There are already two comments. We quickly delete the post.
But that wasn’t successful. The post was deleted, but not the mobile upload photo to albums. Needless to say, 13-some odd hours later I found more comments of praise and family disgust and realized what has actually happened.”
She Yelled “Oh God, Holy Moly No!”
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“I was working at a camp for the summer. I was a camp runner, meaning that I was the guy that drove into town for whatever reason. At night I’d sleep in a room with about 10 other guys, and the bathrooms were big and always busy, so I was completely abstinent nearly the entire summer.
So one day I got a call that I had to pick up a camper girl who had been bitten by a spider and take her to urgent care. It was policy that if I was driving a camper of the opposite gender somewhere, there had to be another adult (18+) of the opposite gender riding with us.
The other adult that came with us was this cute girl that I had had a few conversations with prior. I was somewhat sleep-deprived at the time, and she knew this, so as she had her camp driving clearance and knew the way to the urgent care, she offered to drive and I accepted. The camp was in the middle of nowhere, so the ride to the urgent care was pretty long. In that time I fell asleep.
I woke up with my member hard as a rock and poking out of the leg of my shorts. Before I was able to get my bearings, I felt a surge of pressure and proceeded to…finish…onto the glove compartment door. Immediately I heard both a shriek and a girl yell, ‘Oh God! Holy moly no!’ I turned and looked at both girls. Both of them had obviously seen what happened and both of their faces were beet red.
The car was absolutely silent for the next 10 minutes apart from the sounds of me attempting to wipe up with an old McDonald’s bag. Finally, we reached the urgent care, and I dropped them off. After talking with the girl that drove the next day, I had apparently been hard for like 10 minutes. Both of them were fully aware of it, but both were too embarrassed to wake me up. That was the worst.”
His Situation Escalated VERY Quickly
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“I was 15 and I was at Sam’s Club with my parents. I was in the video game section playing some demo on a PS2. I felt like I needed to fart, so I pushed a little. It felt like I had let a silent one out, because I didn’t hear it, and it smelled terrible about 2 seconds afterward as per usual. About 30 seconds later, the smell is still lingering and I was just proud that I had caused that much damage to the air.
My sister [7] comes up to me and asks where I got the chocolate milk and how I spilled it on my leg. I look down and there’s liquid feces on my right leg (was wearing blue Nike shorts and boxers). I’m terrified. I have poo on my leg. I casually walk to the bathroom.
Here comes the embarrassing part: I’m in the stall, cleaning up my leg, trying to figure out what to do with my boxers, which are covered in poo water. I can’t keep them – the car will smell on the ride home. I can’t leave them in the stall – there were people waiting. I had to flush them. Well – apparently boxers don’t flush well. Toilet backed up, flooding the entire stall and spreading to the rest of the bathroom. I’m freaking out, but I’m clean. A janitor has entered the restroom, and I exit the offending stall. He asks what happened, and I can’t speak. I should have because the boxers were still in the toilet – clearly visible. I just casually walk out.
MEANWHILE… my parents were ready to leave and couldn’t find me. They aren’t super hover parents, but they got worried because I wasn’t in the video game section or the candy section. This ordeal was going on 10ish minutes long. Apparently, my sister told them that I walked towards the bathroom with an older man, so my parents are assuming the worst, and get the security and management involved.
Back to the bathroom. I’m trying to walk out, the janitor finds the boxers and is all huffy-puffy. The manager is walking down the hallway towards the bathroom to try and handle the ‘missing child with old man’ situation. I’m trying to leave the bathroom to handle the ‘holy crap, I just poo’d my pants and clogged the toilet with my boxers’ situation.
Manager stops me, asks me if I was in any type of ‘situation’ and I don’t know how to answer. I tell him ‘there was an incident in the restroom.’ He takes that as something happened to me with ‘the old man’ I was apparently stolen by. He radios the security to contact the police and to have them head towards the restrooms. I freak out – I didn’t think flushing my underwear warranted the police getting involved. My parents get to me – ask if I’m ‘OK.’ I’m too embarrassed to tell them what happened (still without knowing what their perception of the matter was). I said, ‘I’m fine.’ Security is rushing over, asking me if ‘he’s still in there.’ I have no idea what they are talking about. They ask me what happened. There is a gathering of rubber-neckers – trying to see what is going on. I’m really confused why this is a huge deal. I confess. I tell them that I mud-butted down my leg, and tried to flush my underwear down the toilet, clogging it in the process.
The looks I got… The worst part was that the police were there in like 5 minutes, and I had to tell them exactly what happened to me. After the ‘seriousness’ of the situation wore off and everyone realized I wasn’t assaulted by an old man, many laughs were had at my expense.
My father to this day still brings this up – family gatherings, at my wedding, holidays…”
He Thought He Could Keep It Quiet…
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“6th grade, in the middle of a math test, I was trying to let out a sneeze in the quietest way possible, and for some reason, I thought it would be optimal to let it out of my mouth rather than my nose.
I ended up SCREAMING my sneeze, and it did not sound like a sneeze– one of the reasons why it was so embarrassing. It sounded kind of like this: UUUNGH!!!! Everyone stared at me and the teacher asked, ‘Are you OK?’ I got really nervous and started shaking and a popular girl in front of me informed me of this. I went to the nurse’s office and called home in order to escape, but neither of my parents answered the phone. So I went back up to my classroom and sat down to more stares. Just one of many embarrassing moments I can think of – I am a very awkward person.”
“I Still Can’t Look The Guy In The Face”
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“My boyfriend’s landlord is my French teacher from high school. It’s not a bad situation – I was a good student, and it’s not like the landlord is over all the time.
One day, the boy and I are fooling around. It was the middle of the day and nobody else was home, so I felt no fear in loudly expressing my appreciation. Once we were done, there was a sharp knock on the door of his room. ‘Hey, rent’s due. Also, good job!’ the landlord called. Apparently, he had been standing out there waiting. While I appreciate his allowing us to finish, I still can’t look the guy in the face.”
A Prank Gone Wrong
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“A couple of seniors at my high school were pulling into the parking lot before school. It was a nice Friday morning and they had come up with this silly plan to do a drive-by mooning of some ‘popular girls’ (no doubt to impress them).
As they proceeded to pull closer to the girls, the driver honks his horn as the passenger drops his pants and sticks his butt all the way out the window. The passenger felt a nice fart welling up inside at this time, so he decided it would be extra funny to turn this into a drive-by gassing. He executed with precision timing.
Here is where it all goes wrong. The previous day was Senior Ditch Day and he spent much of the previous day consuming copious amounts of drinks, apparently passing out a number of times. So when he ‘let ‘er rip,’ it was not a bubble of gas he was releasing so-much-as a torrent of bile and fecal matter in the form of a geyser. From five feet away at eye level, he had unleashed 24pk o’ poop and hosed the girls. While the first escaped with little damage, the two other girls had taken direct hits. Vomit, screaming and crying was produced by many spectators.”
A Humiliating Cricket Injury
“When I was 16, my mates and I were playing cricket in the nets (fenced off pitches for training). I was standing at the top of the run-up, waiting for my turn to bowl.
My mate who was batting hit a ball so hard it would have gone for 6 (over the fence) without going higher than about a meter off the ground. The hard cricket ball was heading for me at an incredible speed and all I could think of to evade the ball was to do a weird kind of star jump. Unfortunately, this technique failed dismally and instead of missing the ball, I had perfectly positioned my genitals directly in front of the ball’s trajectory.
The ball cannoned into my love spuds at an incredible rate. The first sensation was an intense stinging feeling like a hornet had stung my knob. This quickly gave way to the most intense nausea I have ever experienced. I projectile vomited everywhere, all the while screaming. While this was going on, I remember my friend saying in a panicked voice, ‘WHAT HAVE I DONE, he’s never going to be able to have kids.’ At some point, one of my mates called an ambulance and it arrived fairly soon after.
To add to an already fairly humiliating situation, there was a very pretty 18-year-old girl who was riding around with the ambulance for work experience. I have a clear memory of her shriveling up her face as the EMT examined my swollen member. I was taken to the hospital and the humiliation continued as a female doctor poked and prodded me to try to get some idea of the damage.
She eventually concluded that everything was where it should be but fired one parting shot to further compound my embarrassment: in earshot of my parents, she instructed me to ‘check myself out’ as soon as possible and to inform my parents if there were any difficulties or ‘unusual discharge.’ I completed this task the following night and fortunately, it was all OK. Not a fun experience at all.”
She Tried To Be Discrete, But The Whole Class Knew
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“I was in sixth grade and I had been hit with the double whammy of an early puberty (at around 9-years-old) and no female guidance. So this was just the time where my cycle was steadying but still not really regular. I also had some severely heavy flows. It was a terrible combination.
One day, I was sitting in the front of the classroom, just doing my thing, when a friend of mine came up and whispered to me that I had bled through. That was not the correct phrasing for what had happened. The blood explosion from The Shining is probably more accurate. My entire butt was drenched in blood. It looked like my lady bits had murdered something and was vomiting up the remains. I have no idea how I didn’t notice it.
I had to raise my hand and ask the teacher to leave. I had to awkwardly tie my sweatshirt around my waist while I was still sitting down (a failed attempt to pretend like nothing was happening). I had to walk down to the nurse’s office, at the other end of the school, explain what had happened (even though it was readily clear) and get a non-blood-soaked pair of pants. And then I had to walk back, in a pair of pants that were not my own, and clean the puddle of blood off of my chair, all in front of a classroom of my sixth-grade peers, most of whom probably didn’t know what a period was.
The true mark of womanhood is henceforth declared to be bleeding conspicuously in public.”
She Put Her Foot In Her Mouth
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“I was at a music festival. We were on the way back to the campsite and I was running up to random people and making friends with them because I’m obnoxiously friendly when I party. Anyway, I notice this dude ahead of me on crutches, so I run/stumble up to him with the sole intention of making him my best friend.
I open the conversation with, ‘Dude is your leg OK? Can I sign your cast?’ He looks at me with a look of pure disdain and disgust. My idiot self decides to look down at the broken leg I assumed my new friend had. What do I see? Nothing. The dude had no leg. And I just asked if I could sign his non-existent cast for the leg he does not have. Instead of apologizing, I just run in the opposite direction and decide to start screaming ‘The Dark Mark has been seen!’ repeatedly.”
He Inadvertently Made A Janitor Quit His Job
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“When I was 13, a doctor wrote me an adult dose for a certain medicine based on my weight. I was a fat kid. Our body does not work that way and the medicine ended up constipating me… for a month. I did not poop for a whole month. I got sick. I had raccoon-like eyes, my stomach would jump or flutter by itself, I had cramps – it was bad. I was miserable.
I finally told my parents how long it had been since I had pooped and they freaked out and took me to the hospital. There, they gave three enemas back to back. After the third and final one, all that water softened all that poop up just enough I could expel it. I ran to the nearest bathroom, gown open in the back, and tried to make it to the toilet. I didn’t.
My butt was hovering at a 45-degree angle above the toilet when the geyser burst. I got poop everywhere. On the ceiling (somehow), on the floor, the toilet was covered, the walls, even the sink got hit with some spray. Poop was literally, yes literally, sprayed on all walls and ceiling. It was everywhere.
I felt like a new kid after that. Cleaned myself up the best I could and then had to figure out what to do. There was no way I could clean it all up, I needed a janitor. So I walked out and politely told a nurse the bathroom need a cleanup and badly. A janitor was only a few rooms down so I saw him go by to clean it. He got to the bathroom and the whole ER heard, ‘Oh heck no, I ain’t cleaning this up. I quit.’ And he did. I felt so bad, still do. I made some poor janitor quit his job over a poop-caked bathroom.”
He Was Just Trying To Follow Her Instructions…
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“In high school, a group of about 30 of us were going on a 3-week leadership training and outdoor sports/wilderness activities sort of camp. We had a ton of connecting flights to get there, and there was lots of sleeping on airport floors since it took us a good 48 hours to complete all the flights, so I was very tired.
We were trying to board a flight in France and most of the group had already gone through. Before we could get onto the plane, we had to go through an area where they would perform random security checks. I ended up being one of the ones selected, so I go up towards the youngish blond lady and confidently plop my bag on the table. We have a brief courteous exchange. After she goes through my bag, she asks me to spread my arms and legs so she can pat me down.
Once she is done with the front side, she asks me to turn around. The problem is, because of the very heavy accent, I think she is saying ‘Jump.’ Being 14-15, exhausted and not wanting to break any rules by accident, I proceed to do jumping jacks up and down in front of hundreds of people waiting to board their flights who seem very confused regarding my activities by a security table. The woman is so bewildered at what I am doing that she doesn’t react at all for a good 15 seconds so I just keep jumping.
Finally, she approaches me and asks what I am doing. I tell her that I am jumping because she told me to jump. She tells me that she asked me to turn, not jump. I am immediately embarrassed and just stay still until she quickly finishes the pat down. I grab my bag and run off to my plane – I don’t look back.
One of the kids in my group comes up to me and asks, in a quite confused manner, what that was about. I just wave it off without explaining. Thankfully, nearly all of my group was ahead of me so this occurrence didn’t affect the rest of our camp experience.”
He Noped Out Hard
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“In first grade, my entire school (k-12, pretty small school) had an assembly. It was some sort of educational thing where the actors sang and danced to try to get the students to learn ‘the fun way.’ Now, what makes this interesting was that I was watching some Spider-Man cartoons the night before. During the assembly, one of the actresses asks the audience, ‘Who sailed the ocean blue in 1492?’
I was half asleep at this point, but one of my friends poked me and told me to raise my hand, so I did because I was in 1st grade and I didn’t know any better. She calls on me. I didn’t even know the question at this point, so a friend whispered it to me. I had no idea. So, I blurted out the first name that popped into my head. ‘Norman Virgil Osbourne!’ Yes, I answered her question with the Green Goblin.
I said this quite emphatically and confidently, by the way. The whole auditorium became deathly silent at this point. No one laughed, no one murmured. I think it was because people were so confused and flabbergasted that there was really nothing anyone could say or do. The actress had this ‘what?’ look on her face for a good five seconds before she said, ‘No, that’s not…right, but why dontcha come up here and dance with us?!?’
I was very reluctant to, but if you have like 500 people waiting for your move, there’s not much you can do. As I’m walking towards the stage (again, deathly silent), my older sister, probably in junior high at this point, screams ‘YEAH WOOOOO GO LIL BRO YEAHHHH!’ It didn’t make things much better.
I get to the stage. The music starts and the actress starts square dancing with me, along with about 10 other cast members. After about 10 seconds, I had a ‘NOPE’ moment, and literally ran off the stage, through the side doors, and ran home. I’m in college now, and although I think absolutely NO ONE remembers it, I will forever.”
A Field Trip He’ll Always Remember
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“When I was in 4th grade my class took a field trip to Philadelphia to see firsthand some of the places we’d been hearing about while studying the American Revolution. Midway through a long day (including the whole class getting rained on and cramming into a corner drugstore for shelter), we reached Betsy Ross’s house.
The moment I crossed the threshold to enter, I tripped — and my corduroy pants inseam split: from one knee, all the way up to the crotch, and all the way down to the other. A triangular flap that used to be the front of my pants gracefully flopped to the floor, showing my kid-skivvies to the world (thank God my parents didn’t go in for cartoon characters, rocketships, or garish colors; they were just tighty whities) along with my legs down to both knees. I just started to cry.”
“I Realized How Many People Were There Watching”
“I was walking through the town center with a loose knit cardigan on. Lots of pigeons are always around there because there’s always people dropping food. Some kid runs towards me to scare a pigeon and make it fly away. It does but flies too close to me. I zigged, it zagged and it caught its foot in the shoulder of my cardigan.
We both panicked. I’m screaming and trying to get the cardigan off; the bird is trying desperately to disentangle itself. It’s flapping its wings into my face. It hurt. I was screaming, actually, more like shrieking. Finally, it got free and flew away. Then I realized how many people were there watching. I took off the cardigan, put it in a trash bin and walked away LIKE A BOSS – with bird poop in my hair.”
SAT Sickness
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“I used to be always sick during SAT tests in school. One test day, I’m sitting there with a runny nose and then I breath out and there is a tiny snot bubble. I have absolutely no more paper left and think that if I can breath out a little more, I can pop it.
I breathe, it grows. The same logic applies and I repeat the process until I’m mortified that the bubble has now grown to the size of a large orange. It finally pops and wets my test. I crumple up my scratch math paper until its soft and wipe my nose. I couldn’t focus on the test anymore. I’m pretty sure people saw.”
His Embarrassment Led To His Arrest
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“There’s the time I went out drinking, came home with my girlfriend and made chicken nuggets. I blacked out and came to sitting up, in my birthday suit, in the stairwell of my apartment building. After banging on our door for 10-15 mins, some friendly policemen arrived to escort me downtown. I was provided with an old blanket to hide my considerable shame, presumably by the neighbor who alerted the authorities, which was all I wore while being cuffed, booked and delivered to the tank. My girlfriend woke up around 10 am to 354,157 missed calls, and after eventually realizing it wasn’t a joke, she grabbed me some clothes and came to pick me up. I was charged for my public disruption, but they dropped the charge when they saw that I did, in fact, have a girlfriend and lived in that building.”