Did you ever do something as a kid, that maybe wasn't the best action to take or words to say? Well, some parents are surprisingly happy about their kid's sass and cleverness and these stories do that little secret, justice.
The Blunt Kid Voiced Her Opinion For All To Hear
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“I took my daughter to her first movie in the theater — Frozen. She was 4 at the time, and she did really well mostly staying quiet and watching the movie, so I was super proud of her.
The only time she really talked at all was to ask me about things she didn’t understand, and quietly at that. So it was a shock when the major twist came and Hans revealed his plan to murder Elsa, and my daughter finally took the opportunity to speak loudly enough for the surrounding few rows of the theater to hear: ‘He’s a JERK!'”
He’ll Excuse You For Yourself
“When my son was around 3, he had a bad habit of saying ‘Excuse Yooou,’ to people in stores when he was trying to get by. I had to explain to so many people he meant excuse me, but he always drew out the ‘you,’ so I know he knew what he meant.”
He’s Just Trying To Help His Dad Out
“My brother’s Dad is an alcoholic. He was grounded from absolutely everything at his Dad’s house and one night my Mom took him to dinner to talk about what’s been going on. She got a call from his Dad. His Dad asked her to ask him where his laptop was. He said under the bed.
When he went in to look for it, he found out that my brother had taken all the alcohol he had in the house and poured it on his bed. When my mom asked why he did it, he said: ‘Well if he can drink it all day then he might as well sleep in it too.’ My mom didn’t know whether to be angry or proud.
How To Correctly Make A Noise Complaint
“When I was about four, my mom was getting hardwood floors put in.
Apparently, the carpenter was making too much noise because I walked out of my room, put my hands on my hips and asked, ‘What is going on with all this noise?’ He stopped mid hammer swing.
My mom turned and stared at me. ‘What did you say?’ she asked.
I sighed as though this conversation was beneath me. Then I said a word I shouldn’t have known at that age and said, ‘I said, ‘What is going on with all this noise?’
She explained to me that there are things we don’t say and she sent me back to my room.
Years later, she told me that she was actually impressed that I had used the word correctly.”
Thank Goodness For The Drunken Child
“My friend’s family was invited to dinner at their friends’ house who also had a daughter around the same age. They had a lovely evening and a few glasses of wine.
On their way home police stop and search. Where we are from, the police always ask if you have had something to drink and the law is very strict about drinking and driving. It’s really easy to lose your license with a glass of wine.
The officer had picked them for a random breath test…which the dad (who was driving) failed. He tried to defend himself: ‘I didn’t drink, Sir. There must be something wrong with the machine. Try it on my daughter if you don’t believe me.’
My friend told me that his dad has no idea why the hell he made that suggestion. The 5-year-old daughter was sleeping in the backseat, they gently woke her and she actually took a breath test. And BOOM, the result was positive. The officer was now convinced that his machine wasn’t working properly, apologized to the family and let them drive off.
Mum and Dad were completely puzzled, but they just thought they had had a lot of luck that night.
Back at home, the friends with whom they had spent the evening, called and told them: ‘Guess what, I just found a half emptied bottle of egg liqueur in my daughter’s room. Seems like the girls had a little party of their own.’ So, the kid actually was drunk while taking the breath test.”
Please Don’t Speak Like That To a Four-Year-Old
“I was sending my daughter to bed and she was being difficult, as four-year-olds do. So I was using an angry but not quite yelling tone.
She proceeded to inform me that she found my tone unacceptable and she would rather I not speak to her that way. I had to explain to her that she is four and if she feels I am hurting her feelings she should tell me but in a respectful way, but really I was kind of being a fuss cause I just wanted some quiet time and I was impressed she called me out on it.”
Not The Best Way To Get More Snacks
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“My son, who was in first grade at the time, was able to convince the school that he was diabetic and needed a morning snack and afternoon snack.
I got a call from his teacher asking me to come in for a conference.
When I arrived there was the nurse, teacher, principal and a social worker.
They started off by saying they didn’t call the welfare because I couldn’t afford the snacks, but because I was putting his life in danger by not informing them and arranging with the nurse to have his sugar tested….when I told them he was not diabetic they were dumbfounded and at that point, called the doctor.
When the nurse got off the phone she told them to go get my son and she asked him why he lied and he said, ‘Anna Jesus is diabetic and that’s why she gets snacks twice a day…so I thought I would give it a try.’
Then he said, ‘It’s not my fault you trusted a first-grader…’ I could not force myself to punish him because he was right. They shouldn’t have taken his word. They should have called me immediately.
After I explained it all to my husband we just started busting out laughing…And I thought damn this kid is in case.
I then called the school and demanded an apology, which they promptly gave me and I asked what his punishment was going to be and they said they would let me know soon as they could stop laughing…
He never did get that punishment…”
Oldest Kid Always Knows How To Put The Youngest Ones In Their Place
“Middle kid (8): ‘MUUUUUM! DAAAAD! (Youngest) TIPPED HIS WATER ON MY LUNCH!’
Youngest (5): ‘IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!’
Middle Kid: ‘WAS NOT!’
Youngest: ‘IT WAS SO! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I DIDN’T MEAN IT!’
Eldest (10, chipping in for the first time): ‘How could it possibly have been an accident? You tipped your drink over her lunch while saying I now declare this sandwich officially…wet.‘
It was SO HARD to yell at him without laughing. I had to give up and let my wife do it.”
Throwing SO MUCH Shade Towards Her Mother
“One night my wife and I were having a discussion with our 10-year-old daughter, about the importance of homework, education and her future.
The subject came up because she was busted lying about her grades.
I asked, ‘Don’t you want to grow up and be successful like me?’
Her response was, ‘Mom doesn’t do anything and she’s got it pretty good.'”
Awesome Child Stands Up For Herself And To Bully’s Mom
“My daughter started wearing glasses at the age of 2. She has a very bad astigmatism, which requires a very thick lens. Kids being kids, tease her about it but a few of the girls in her class get pretty mean.
Last year my daughter was using the bathroom at school when one of the girls that bully her popped her head under the toilet and my daughter kicked her in the face and busted the other girl’s nose. The school tried to actually suspend my daughter. Called me at work and I had to take the rest of the day off to get her home. She was balling when I got there and of course, the other parents were there and livid. They wanted to actually suspend her for a week until she was asked why she did it and she said: It’s not polite to watch people pee.’ The principal knew then that she would never be able to contest it but still tried to give her disciplinary action and was sent home early and was told to apologize to the other kid.
They brought the other kid in with her parents and before the principal could even say anything my daughter looked at the other kid’s mother intensely and said ‘You don’t know how to be a good mommy and you made a bad kid’ and stormed out.
I gave the parents a ‘She’s right, ya know,’ and proceeded to follow her out the door.
I had to pretend to be mad, because you don’t hit people, but many ice creams were had that day.”
The Fearless Leader Of Recess
“Stick wars. Third-grade stick wars. The school had a strict policy against pretending to use guns and pretending to play soldier.
My son was passionate about the military. The school was undergoing landscape renovations and had lots of giant dirt piles just off the playground.
My son decides to initiate war games anyway. They find sticks that vaguely resemble guns. Various kids are various ranks. This kid was a corporal. That kid was a major…so on. They’d go on patrols.
The first graders wanted to play but they were deemed too little. The fifth grades start picking on them. Sneaking up behind and smacking them with sticks. Making fun of them. And so on.
My son gets tired of it. So. Being the colonel, he recruits first graders and puts them through boot camp. They all become privates. They stage an assault on the fifth graders.
My son leads a patrol directly into fifth grader, territory.
The fifth graders step up. My son yells, ‘ATAAAAAAACCK!!!’ and suddenly the fifth graders are flanked on their left and right by tons of kids hiding behind the dirt piles. The fifth graders start getting pelted with dirt clods while little kids run up smacking them with sticks.
I had to have a big meeting. He explained all the details to me in front of the principal. So hard not to laugh.”
He Found The YouTube Loophole
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“I blocked YouTube on the Ipad. I was a little worried my kid might see some stuff on YouTube not intended for a 5-year-old.
My 5-year-old found a workaround by starting up Angry Birds, clicking on the Angry Birds Cartoons, then browsing to his favorite YouTuber using the Voice Search function.
I have to say, that’s brighter than most adults I’ve seen. He dealt with bypassing Password protection and his own inability to write using the speech function. That’s amazing!”
She Seems Like A Loyal Best Friend That’ll Protect You No Matter What
“In sixth grade, my daughter was friends with a boy who had a lot of feminine characteristics.
My daughter initially got to know him, because the rule in their school was that they had to remain at the table they sat at on the first day. This boy had no friends and had been sitting at the end of their table. Gradually, the girls got to know him and he was taken into their group. While many were accepting of him wearing pink clothes and nail polish, some were not.
One day, I got a call from the disciplinary superintendent at the school. He said to me, ‘I want to preface what I’m going to say by telling you that I am obligated to call about any situation where physical violence is involved (my heart sank), but that I am by no means encouraging you to punish your daughter.’
He went on to tell me that one of the boys known for bullying this particular young man had pushed him down a small flight of stairs at the school.
My daughter was so angry that she ran up to the bully and kicked him as hard as she could in the shin. She did have to apologize to the boy she kicked.
We did talk about never lashing out physically, no matter how angry we were. But I was so proud of her for defending her friend.”
He’ll Say What Everyone Else Is Thinking
“My cousin had a swearing problem when he was about 5 and 6 around that age. Like he would pick up these words from his brother and sister who were like 16 and 18.
So one day, it was me, my stepbrother, and my cousin. We’re going to the mall, and some idiot cuts us off, and my stepbrother comments saying, ‘Somebody should call that guy a…’ well, a lot of horrible things.
Low and behold a few seconds later we hear the window roll down and my cousin screams at the top of his lungs the horror he just said and points directly at the guy.
Never had I laughed harder in my life than at that point.”
Settle Things ‘The Old-Fashioned Way’
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“Today, my seven-year-old son was upset about losing two games in a row of Go Fish. I have been working on his sportsmanship for a while now, and I was disappointed in his attitude. Trying to coax him back to the table and continue the lesson, I said, ‘Best three out of five?’ Without missing a beat the tears stopped, and with an intensity usually reserved for a fight weigh in, he spun ’round, gave me a steely-eyed glare and said, ‘No Dad. We’re going to settle this the old fashioned way.’
So he rolled up a sleeve, popped his elbow on the table and presented an arm ready for an epic arm wrestling. I nearly lost it, and I didn’t want to indulge this, but I did. With his little sister’s help, they were ‘victorious’ and teased me mercilessly for the next hour.
I had to excuse myself for a good giggle after.”
Petty Kid Was Not Apologizing For That Minuscule Accident
“Yesterday we were at a playground and my daughter (4) jumped down and accidentally trod on a girls toe.
I asked her to apologize to which she was super resistant about doing.
The other girl’s Mum said, ‘Don’t worry about it, I’m sure she doesn’t really understand that she hurt my little girl.’ My daughter’s response: ‘No, no. I do understand. I just don’t want to say sorry.'”
Clever Kid Is Ahead Of The Brushing Teeth Game
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“I live with my dad and my 9-year-old daughter. I sometimes go to the gym at night and tell my daughter to brush her teeth while I’m gone.
When I get back she shows me a video on our tablet of her brushing her teeth as proof.
A few days ago I realized that her hairstyle was slightly different in the video, and I figured out that she had simply prerecorded herself brushing her teeth in several different outfits.
While I was fairly impressed at this, I kept a straight face and explained to her that when I was a kid, grandpa would beat me savagely with a set of jumper cables whenever I didn’t brush my teeth.
Since then she’s been brushing several times a day on her own.”
She Can Literally Fight Two Kids Herself
“My dad’s favorite story to tell about me is my very first day of kindergarten. On the bus ride to school, I sat in front of some 10-year-old boys. They bullied my brother often and thought they’d tease me as well. They kept tugging on my pigtails, and I politely asked them to stop. They did it again, so I told an adult, the bus driver. She yelled at them, but they didn’t listen.
After exhausting all my other options, I took off my Lisa Frank bookbag, climbed over the seat, and proceeded to punch, kick, and bite both of them until the bus driver stopped the bus and pulled me off of them.
My dad still brags about how proud he was of me for standing up to bullies, and how embarrassed the dad’s of the 2 boys looked that a 5-year-old girl gave their sons bloody noses.”
Not The Same Type Of Handcuffs, Kid
“Son was at daycare at age 3, and they have a special visit from the local police.
The police tell them all about their job and show them how handcuffs work to catch the bad guys.
My son: ‘My Mum has some of those! But they’re fluffy! She has them in her bedroom drawer. She must catch lots of bad guys!’
According to the daycare teacher who told me about this later, the cops had a hard time not laughing.”
The Stupid Fight That Turned Into A Teamwork Effort
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“When my brother and I were teenagers, we got into an argument one day when we were home alone.
I was running up to my room to get away from him but by the time I got to my door and started to shut it, he had braced himself against the hallway wall and stuck his foot in my doorway so the door could not be shut all the way.
I pushed and pushed until we heard a horrifying crack of a cheap hollow door. The crack was about a foot long. We looked at the clock and realized we had about an hour before my mother got home.
They had recently taken a door out of the mud room, so we went to the basement (after writing and signing complete confessions of the incident in case we got caught so one of us couldn’t flip it on the other), got that door, thanked sweet baby Jesus the hinges were on the right side, and would have gotten away with it if she hadn’t come home early. (Cue us looking super guilty holding while forcing a hinge screw in place).
We did eventually finish. When she recounted the story to my father that night, he was like, ‘So wait, they stopped fighting and used teamwork to reinstall the door? I’m not grounding them! That’s awesome!'”