Many people believe that the loss of a close friend is more painful than the loss of a romantic partner. When we form friendships, we hope to strengthen our bonds as the years roll on, but sometimes a dramatic event breaks these bonds, and we are forced to let go of the idea of sharing a lifetime of memories with the people we care about the most.
All content has been edited for clarity.
“She Passed Away”
“I once had a close friend; we were like sisters.
The trials and tribulations we faced together strengthened our bond. Through thick and thin, I knew we would always have each others’ backs. After a devastating breakup, I moved in with her, not realizing what would come of it. I suffered from a severe drinking problem at the time. I wanted to change, so I made arrangements to go to rehab.
Shortly before I was set to leave, my close friend and I went out to dinner at a restaurant. She hardly uttered a word the entire night. It was right there at the dinner table, I felt a shift in our relationship. She and I had never been that quiet around each other. We usually joked around and swapped tales, so the sudden silence was unsettling, especially since it would have been the last time I saw her before I went away.
For the entire nine months I underwent rehab, I didn’t receive a single phone call, text, email, letter, nothing. When I finally called her, she shared with me that she was engaged and that the wedding was in a few months. It completely blew my mind. She hadn’t been seeing anyone prior to my departure, but it was what she said next that would shatter my world into a million pieces.
She and her husband decided that I would not be invited to their big day. It was her husband that refused to have me there because I was still going through rehab. I felt betrayed and disgusted, but I gave myself time to grieve and convinced myself to let it go.
I only saw my ex-friend one last time. I got out of rehab and went to her place to retrieve my belongings. She proceeds to tells me that she and her new husband were moving out of the country and she wanted all of my stuff gone. She had completely changed into this cold-hearted shell of a human that used to be my best friend. I forced myself to say goodbye and left for good. I cried so much that day because I just knew it would be the last time I ever saw her and that’s how she wanted to treat me. Just like that, all of the good times, the bad times, the love, our bond, was gone forever. It was over.
One year later, after I got on with my life and she to my understanding had moved to a foreign country with her husband, I found out from a mutual friend that she passed away. It was the same heartbreak all over again. I was so devastated. I’d forgiven her, and I just wanted her to live a prosperous and happy life. I recalled the last time I ever saw her, and her cold stare as I collected my belongings from a house I was no longer welcomed. I knew that day I would never see her again, I just didn’t realize it would mean forever. I didn’t realize it meant the end of her being on earth.
Her marriage ruined our entire friendship.”
“She Was Not The Girl I Thought She Was”
“I went to the same school as this girl I was once friends with. I was one year ahead of her, but we became good friends during an internship. She told me that she appreciated me and trusted me. I felt the same way about her and naturally believed her claims, even though a colleague warned me to stay away from her. She honestly seemed like such a nice girl.
Eventually, we lost touch after graduation. She and I started careers in different locations. However, I came to work one day and discovered that we would be getting a new hire. It was her, of course. I was ecstatic to see her again, and even more excited to work with a close friend. Later she called me to inquire about the work environment, so I told her everything she needed to know. I told her about the cliques, the office drama, secrets, literally everything that a fly on the wall would know.
One day, she mistakenly sent me a text asking about the paperwork that needed to be filled out by a pregnant employee. I replied ‘Hey it’s me, are you pregnant?’ She then responds with ‘Oh hey, no I’m not pregnant. I’m asking for someone else.’ I shrugged it off, but a short time later, one of my other co-workers pulled me to the side and told me she had something to tell me about ‘the new girl.’ What she said next made me question everything about my so called friend. Apparently the new girl was pregnant. The naive person that I was shocked to hear it, but only thought of it as a coincidence.
I vividly remember running up to her on her first day, hugging her, kissing her, and being genuinely excited to be reunited. Little did I know, I had hugged a snake in the grass.
I began to notice red flags as time passed. I once asked her how she met her husband as this is something that most people ask after someone they care about has gotten hitched. I was enthusiastic about her life, and encouraged her to tell me everything. But she was always short with me. She blatantly tells me, ‘we were introduced through family friends.’ Her energy was like an elephant in the room. I felt that my efforts in the friendship were unwanted. I couldn’t quite understand why she didn’t want to tell me where or how they met seeing that it was a completely normal question. This awkwardness continued for quite some time between us. Anytime I asked her about her life, she would change the subject or just give me a quick nod of her head instead of wanting to carry out a full conversation. I promise I’m not a nosey person. I just thought that we were closer than she had been letting on.
She was also a terrible co-worker. She repeatedly blamed her health issues for being unable to perform certain tasks or not show up to work altogether. Everyone caught onto her poor efforts at work. She was always sick at the most inconvenient time. She always manipulated others with a ‘good girl’ act that encouraged people to sympathize with her. In reality she talked behind people’s back and took advantage of their kindness towards her.
During training, she pretended to be this clueless person and called herself stupid for validation but in reality she was a straight A student. She disappointed me with everything she did. She was not the girl I thought she was. Three other co-workers of mine grew weary of her antics and completely cut ties with her. Then she went as far as tricking me into giving away my place in line for a vacation. When I confronted her, she pretended to be apologetic claiming that she didn’t know it was my turn to request time off, but there was no way she couldn’t have. When she actually did something good for once, she demanded attention for it and would spew out lies like ‘I always think about our team. I truly care about all of you. I want us to be like family.’ She was just a vindictive person with a terrible attitude.
I quickly decided to nip our friendship in the bud and now only consider her a coworker. Nothing more. I can tell that she is aware of my change in nature towards her, but she never has never approached me about it. She knows what she did.
I admired her, and I trusted her, but in the end, she was just too toxic.”
“She Was Jealous Of My Other Friends”
“One day my best friend and I were having a trivia competition and my other friend’s house was right around the corner so we invited her along. Being that this other friend and I went to the same school, we formed a group together. We ended up going to her house for lunch, but that’s when my best friend at the time started yelling at me. My ex-best friend and I did not go to the same school. In fact, the school that she went to was a school I used to go to. She questioned me wanting to go to this other friend’s house. We were quite good friends but she was always blowing up like this. Her outburst exhibited her controlling and jealous behavior towards me and the other friends I had. My mother and other friends told me that she was a toxic person to be around, but I didn’t want to believe it. I found myself constantly accommodating to her, even if she caused me emotional distress.
She was so melodramatic, and cried about almost everything. But it was that day, with her yelling and throwing a conniption fit, that I stopped listening to her and ended our friendship. I went to my friend’s house anyway.
We don’t talk anymore.”
“She Skipped My Wedding”
” ‘I hate your husband.’
These four words would be the final nail in the coffin of our 15-year-long friendship.
Backtracking, I had known my best friend since high school. We bonded over our mutual love of trashy television and how our parents didn’t “get” us. Deep stuff, right?
After graduating, we went to different universities but remained close friends. We went out clubbing, became study partners, and after the typical petty relationships and break ups, we joined hands, raised them to the sky, and declared that all men sucked!
However, a day came when she met whom she thought was ‘the one.’ He was handsome, treated her like a queen, and they genuinely seemed like a match made in heaven. I was overjoyed that she found someone that treated her the way she deserved. She was my best friend after all.
A year later, I met my prince charming. This is when the shift in our friendship began. Instead of being happy for me, she began comparing her relationship with mine. She began pointing out that her relationship was better and constantly picked my boyfriend apart. Whenever we all hung out, my best friend was outlandishly rude to him for no reason.
After some time, my best friend went through a nasty breakup with her partner, but my boyfriend proposed to me. I was hesitant about sharing the big news with her because I knew that she had been having difficulty bouncing back after the ordeal. I just didn’t want to make things worse, but I also didn’t want her to find out from a random social media post instead of straight from the source, so I told her about our plans of tying the knot. I remember her response making my stomach churn.
‘Well where does this leave me? You better not go off and have kids and leave me all alone!’ Her tone was like a half-joking, half-serious jab at me. To add fuel to the fire, she skipped my wedding even though I picked her as my maid of honor. Her actions stung, but at that time, I looked past it because she was still struggling to overcome the loss of her most recent relationship.
That was all two years ago. In the time that has passed, she never asked about my husband and spewed out negative remarks whenever I brought up the subject of us starting a family. I still found myself constantly forgiving her actions and making excuses for it, but two months ago she did something that I declared would be the final straw. She told me that she hated my husband and that she wished that I never got married. Patiently, I asked her to explain why she felt that way to which she replied, ‘our relationship was more fun when you were single.’ I felt my heart crumble at her words, but it quickly turned to anger as I decided it would be the last time I ever spoke to her.
The end of our friendship was one of the most painful experiences I’d ever gone through. I truly thought we would be friends forever.”
“She Had Changed So Much”
“I once had a friendship that lasted from kindergarten up until our twenties. Whenever she met someone interesting at the club, she would abandon me and go with them. It seemed like every time I had some success with a potential partner, we had to cut our losses and run if she didn’t have the same luck.
Our friendship ended because of her need to control my every move. However, in our 50s we ended up reconnecting at a community center. It was obvious that she had changed, but at the time I didn’t realize just how drastically. My former best friend had evolved into a compulsive hoarder. Her clothes were often dingy and she hardly showered or combed her hair. I know this sounds extremely gross, but this isn’t why I ended our friendship, again.
I picked up a new skill that involved making clothes dryer balls out of wool yarn. I found them extremely useful and enjoyed making them, so when my former best friend asked me to make her a set, I was delighted to.
However, a short while later we were talking on the phone and in her rambling she complained about the dryer balls being too loud and that she hated them. She made a bunch of snide comments about them as if she had completely forgotten that I made them for her as she requested. Her words cut me deep that day. It confirmed that we were no longer compatible as friends.
I wished her well, ended the friendship, and never looked back!”
“I Hired Him”
“A close friend of mine underwent a long period of unemployment after a major miscalculation he acted on caused him to take a plunge in his career. Interview after interview led him nowhere after a reference check was conducted. He was practically unemployable and miserable, to say the least.
I was in the process of opening a retail franchise. Deep down I knew he was far from a great fit, but I hired him as the manager anyway out of pity. I was hoping that he could get the store up and running before he found his next big gig. I felt a bit of pressure to hire him as I did not want to seem apathetic to his situation thus impacting our friendship.
All it took was 6 months for my precious business to sink big time. Inventory wasn’t managed, staff wasn’t supervised, and purchasing products was a nightmare. I tried my best to stay out of his way in order to give him plenty of space and trust to run my company, but too many errors kept popping up. My company was hemorrhaging money.
I truly believe he was trying, but he just simply wasn’t a good fit. The position was challenging to begin with and I hated to admit it, but my friend lacked the skills to properly manage my business.
Instead of firing him, I attempted to place him in marketing instead. I knew he would have been great at it, but he refused to only work for 34 hours a week. He gave me his two-week notice not too long after my proposition.
Fast-forward to today, we barely talk. I have yet to find a friend that I can really click with. I miss us doing things together but he won’t engage in any social conversation.
Part of me wishes that I focused on helping him find a new career, instead of hiring him to run my business. I lost my one true friend by wanting to help. So with that, I have one bit of advice to share with everyone:
Don’t ever hire your friend or family unless you can handle the heartache of that relationship coming to a bitter end.”
“She Was Jealous of Me”
“Back in high school, I had a best friend who was the only person I could truly open up to. She always provided such reassuring guidance. We were extremely close, but as time would pass, I would come to the realization of how she really felt about me.
I never understood why she pretended to be my friend, but her jealousy showed in more ways than one. She would be unhappy that my grade were better than hers and at one point she lied to our teacher and guidance counselor about me. We had been best friends for two years, but eventually she could no longer hold back her jealousy and grew tired of pretending to be my best friend. She even told others about her feelings of animosity towards me and spread farfetched rumors to get at me.
When I ended our friendship, she told me that she didn’t care. I never regretted this decision as it was one of the best ones I have ever made.”
“He Stopped Reaching Out To Me”
“A year ago, my friend and I drove across the country together, but now we hardly speak to each other at all.
Around the time that my friend had begun to feel complacent in his life, I became more motivated than ever to improve myself. He was living at home again with his parents, dating a girl that would never leave him, and started working for the school he attended as a kid.
I was sleeping in strangers’ basements and doing anything I had to in order to pursue my dream of becoming a professional martial artist. I often found myself working odd jobs every other weekend to pay for travel and the events I competed in.
It was extremely painful when we stopped talking. We had been friends from the time I was 14 up until the age of 22. It made me question if he ever really knew me. I got tired of being ghosted, so I decided to see if he would reach out to me if I stopped putting in the effort.
He didn’t.
This then led me to the realization that our friendship was nothing more of a convenience for the both of us. I was the one, after all these years, forcing a connection that simply wasn’t there.
I was disappointed that I couldn’t talk to my so called friend about any real issues that transpired in my life. I couldn’t confide in him about my ex that left me emotionally damaged, or the lack of financial stability as my unpredictable career took off. He never made an effort to understand my passion in martial arts. I found myself in the most difficult chapter of my life, yet I couldn’t depend on him for support. Our friendship was steadily drifting away.
I don’t really care if he finds this post online, to be honest. He has never demonstrated any interest in my writing career either, or me as a person. It was time to end our friendship once I realized, without question, that we had become completely different people.
Just because you’ve known someone for a long time, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to stay friends with them.”
“He Diminished My Worth”
“Let me start from the very beginning. There was this guy who was a year behind me in school. We never really developed a relationship until we both graduated. In 2009, we met up for dinner and ended up becoming good friends. I wouldn’t quite say we were best friends, but we hung out often.
A few years went by and I began to suffer from crippling mental health issues. This good friend of mine was supportive, but he constantly brought up my poor choices in the past. He would bring up a remark I made years ago to humiliate me in front of my other friends. This form of ‘joking’ never sat well with me, and he would do this on a regular basis.
This only worsened my mental state, as I already had self-esteem that was so low it may as well have been a doormat for others to step on. I felt worthless all the time, and his actions only made me feel worse. His ‘support’ was contentious.
One of my best friends pointed out his behavior and told me that he didn’t find it fair that he blew up on me when I played a joke on him. In 2018, I made some much better friends, and being the kind person that I am, I introduced this close friend of mine to them. Another best friend of mine whom I had only known for a few weeks instantly saw through this ‘friend’ and pointed out his envy towards me. Another female friend I had even called him out on his actions in front of everyone.
Finally, in 2019, I cut off all communication with this him. I received texts from him asking me to go out with him for drinks, but I didn’t reply to a single one. Well, occasionally I replied with short one or two-worded texts, but it quickly evolved into me giving him the cold shoulder.
Even after ghosting him, he still sends me texts from time to time. I have been focusing on myself and getting my life on track. I have people who care about me and won’t make me feel like garbage. If that ‘friend’ of mine ever reads this, I wish you well, but we shall never meet again!”
“She Violated My Trust”
“She was my first best friend.
We had always been extremely close, but there was something about her that my husband never liked. He even went so far as to completely disassociate from her, but never once tried to tell me that I had to stop communicating with her.
A week later, my husband was brutally murdered in our home. In his final moments, he called me instead of 911. It was me who called the paramedics as I rushed home.
It cost about 27,000 dollars to clean the house and took two and a half days. I was at my parents’ house when my ex-best friend asked if I needed anything from my house. She kept asking me this, but my dad assured her that nobody needed to enter my home because he would be the one to get anything I needed.
My dad grabbed everything for me but my undergarments, so my ex-best friend willingly offered to retrieve them. No one objected to this idea. It wouldn’t be until we went to the first court session for the murderer that I discovered what really happened when she went back to my house.
Apparently, my ex best friend went to her home before she went to mine. She asked her husband and another person to come with her. I wasn’t too concerned about this, especially on account of the violence that had taken place. It was actually my neighbor that committed the murder. What did bother me, was that she brought along her camera and took pictures of the gruesome crime scene of my husband’s murder.
I confronted her about it, to which she replied that she needed to document everything for me. My father told her that the police should have already done that. Then her excuse was that my father allowed strangers into my home, ‘strangers’ being the crime scene cleaning crew, and she wanted to take photos of my property in the event they stole something. This would have been a legitimate excuse, except my dad was outside the entire time that they were cleaning and saw everything that was thrown away.
She completely violated my trust and privacy. It took an extremely long time for me to forgive her, but I will never call her a ‘friend’ of mine again.”