Divorce brings out the worst in many people, and their worst secrets along with it.
The $214M Double Life
“East coast Husband had a listed income of $1.5 MM.
Cheated on wife 10 times.
Almost at the end of the divorce process it was learned that Husband had another family in Seattle, a different name and another $14 MM salary in tech.
His vested stock options under the 2nd identity were worth $214 MM.
How was he discovered living the double life?
Seattle wife posted a picture on Facebook and tagged him with his west coast name. East coast wife similarly posted a photograph of him- the facial recognition assigned him a possible name- his west coast name.
The two wives got in touch.
But wait, there’s more!
He has a wife and family in the Czech Republic and moved there to avoid family court- and is currently being pursued for extradition.”
She Left Him For Another Woman…Who Then Became Another Man
“He owned part of a small business, and he was good with his money so he sold his shares and moved to Florida, basically semi-retired but still doing an occasional gig to support his two kids and get a little spending money. A few months into ‘retirement’ his wife goes to him and tells him that she would like to experiment having sex with a women. He says that is fine probably assuming he would get a threesome. Instead his wife started having a full on affair with this other women. A few months into this their marriage has fallen apart and they get divorced. For some reason the wife got custody of the kids.
He is doing his thing, rebuilding his life, and got a job, and making his payments to his kids. Suddenly their quality of life is clearly starting to deteriorate, and they moved from a nicer house to a trailer park. Turns out the other women was using the money that was supposed to be going to the kids to get gender change surgery, as the story goes to buy herself some….diferent genitalia, but I’m sure it was more than that.
Luckily the guy got his custody back, and there are all sorts of shenanigans at parent teacher conferences and stuff like that. I suppose they are also contributing to the florida man stereotype.”
Her Settlement Included A 30 Year Old Unpaid Gas Bill
“Not a lawyer but I found out about a best kept secret deal. A married couple got their gas utility account turned on at their house back in 1972 but the gas company never finished the paperwork properly and they were never billed. They got free gas service forever because their account was properly ‘On’ but the billing was never set up. Later they divorce and the husband gets the house with the free gas service. The gas company finally caught the problem sometime around 2014. The company could legally back-bill the customer for only a limited time amounting to a few years of use but the guy told the company to send the bill to his ex-wife. There was a clause in the divorce settlement that said that if the gas company ever was notified or discovered the free gas deal, the ex-wife would have to pay any past bill payments.
The arrangement was made so that the wife could never alert the company to their error without having to pay herself. What was amazing was that two lawyers and a judge signed off on this while fully knowing that the guy was getting away with it.”
A Lying Lazy Doctor Gets His Comeuppance
“Part of my previous job was reviewing the details of divorce decrees for people trying to get money to start businesses. They are usually pretty generic, especially in no fault states. About ten years ago I get this one where it was an at fault state at the time of the divorce, and it laid out the whole backstory. The husband was a physician and the wife was a hair stylist. The husband lied about having a long term disease to the wife and her family. He used this lie to leave his job and stayed home for years while the wife took on multiple jobs and tried to support him on her income alone.
They found out he was lying and she filed for divorce. He was ordered by the judge to immediately seek employment as a doctor and pay the wife alimony based on his theoretical salary.”
Just A Few Things He Forgot To Mention
“I got a buddy who practices divorce law and he told me this doozy. So this guy comes into his office saying he needed representation and my buddy who was fresh from law school was willing to take on any paying case. At this point the guy states that he is the victim and his wife blindsided him with divorce paperwork less than a year into their marriage. I guess the dude’s wife had some serious cash and would be flexing some muscle.After a few weeks he gets a call from an arbitrator from the wife’s attorney who set up a meeting and thinking that they were interested in settling in the best interest of the husband. The dude and my buddy show up and I guess things went completely side ways; come to find out the dude had a bunch of nasty secrets he failed to mention which included;
1) A nasty online porn habit that cost him a couple of decent jobs
2) Two kids with another woman that he failed to mention to his wife about and was in the hole for back child support.
3) The biggest one that was the nail in the coffin; wife suspects that the husband was cheating so she checks his phone one night while he is sleeping. Guy was definitely talking to another woman…who happened to be the 15-year-old daughter of one of his ex co-workers. These exchanges included lots of nudes. The wife was smart enough to get the explicit texts but not the photos since it would have been distributing child porn.
At this point the husband goes pale white and begins to sweat and the lawyer asks for a minute to speak to him. My buddy asks if any of these are true and the dude is just stammering clearly figuring out that he is screwed. My buddy tells him it is in best interest to just settle and not pursue his wanted settlement. After this is said and done the guy ends up rolling over and admitting defeat. My buddy ended up hiring debt collectors because the dude refused to pay through normal means.”
Divorce Is Really Just About Taking Out The Trash
“Not a divorce lawyer but my friend told me about a secret that came up during her divorce, for years they had trouble with the trash pick up just skipping their house and a lot of times she would call and complain, then she filed for divorce and they were going through some type of mediation and it came out that he was just too lazy to take the trash cans to the curb and she would believe him when he said he had done it.
It’s so petty it hurts. Real life is like that sometimes.”
He Wasn’t Out Of The House Doing Sales…He Was In Jail!
“A friend from high school married a guy who did sales for a living. When they first got together he was only out of town for a few days every month, but it got worse and worse over time. After one stint where she didn’t see him for nearly two months (and only heard from him a handful of times) while he was working overseas she threatened divorce. The divorce didn’t end up happening; He quit his job on the spot, they went to counselling, things got happier. Years later her mother spots her son-in-law out with another woman and this time the divorce happens.
Lots of dirt came out; He’d been banging a teenager that worked at the local Dairy Queen on his lunch breaks, their joint investments were magically around a hundred grand light, and somehow he’d managed to make his boat and BMW disappear.
But the biggest bit of dirt was about the trip that had almost ended their marriage the first time. He wasn’t overseas, he was a few hundred miles away, in Indiana.
She Cut Up His Clothes?!
“A friend who is a lawyer told me a pretty crazy story about a wealthy couple splitting up. The woman hid millions of dollars overseas and cut up all her husband’s clothing with a pair of scissors.
These shennanigans caused her to get almost nothing.”
You’ve Goat To Be Kidding Me
“I do not practice in family law, but early in my career my then boss would take a divorce case from time to time to help out a friend or acquaintance. I would assist on occasion. For any type of litigation, the parties exchange written questions as part of discovery. I was reviewing the wife’s answers to her discovery requests, and assisting the husband with answering his questions. We get to the part where it asks about engaging in extramarital sexual relations. Husband tells me that he recently saw a prostitute, ‘But don’t worry, it was in Canada, so it’s okay.’ I just nodded and took notes.
In going over the wife’s answers, she listed ‘beastiality’ as a factor that lead to the breakdown of the relationship. I asked Husband about this (because I have to know what other issues may come to light), and tells me he got really drunk one night after they separated, called her up and told her he ‘screwed a goat,’ but he swore he didn’t actually do that.
I was really professional and kept a straight face during the meeting, but my boss and I laughed about that for ages.”
The Bartender Knows All
“Not a lawyer, but a bartender. And this ends in divorce. Married couple, let’s say their names are Joe and Susan, are regulars at my bar. Friday, Saturday and Sunday they come in with each other, they are very touchy feely and often are making out with each other while they drink some beers. Monday and Tuesday Susan comes in with an always changing cast of men, and is very touchy feely on them, making out, et cetera. Wednesday and Thursday Joe comes in with an ever changing cast of ladies, and is very touchy feely on them, making out, et cetera. I figure that they must be in an open relationship in their marriage, I don’t really care, and then proceed to let the next 7 years behind the bar wash over me. Then, Susan comes in and tells me that she is divorcing Joe, because he is a piece of crap, who cheated on her! I act surprised, and console her, and in doing such she explains that she is very virtuous and has never cheated on Joe, or anyone else.
A while later I see Joe at another bar, and he explains to me that Susan is divorcing him, but he is going to win the divorce (Is there a win in divorce, I dunno) because he had a private detective follow her, and she is a cheating freak! I act surprised, console Joe, and in doing such he explains that he is a virtuous person, and has never cheated on Susan, or anyone else.
I shortly afterwards stopped working at that bar, and grew a beard so less people would recognize me when I go out.”
Huh….This Uncle Maybe Isn’t The Smartest Guy Around
“Not a lawyer, but this happened to my wife’s uncle. About two years ago, my wife’s family finally stepped in and helped out her uncle. He’d been married to a crazy control freak of a woman. All kinds of stories, but by the time they helped him out, he was living on the porch of their house, sleeping on a couch there. Every morning she’d let him inside long enough to shower and get dressed so he could go to work. She’d drive him to work, drop him off, and pick him up in the evening. She lived inside the house with her three deadbeat kids from former guys. Not one of them worked except the uncle. Finally one day he spills the beans and lets my wife’s family know this is how he’s living. About two weeks later, my wife’s dad picks him up from work mid-day. They get him an apartment, a car, a bank account, some new clothes, etc. His crazy woman goes nuts when he’s not there at the end of the work day. She eventually figures out who helped him and lots of cussing ensues. But it isn’t until his direct deposit paycheck doesn’t show up in her checking account that she really goes ballistic. The next day she gets a divorce lawyer. It takes the uncle a couple days to get around to getting his own divorce lawyer and getting the two lawyers connected. About a week later he goes in to talk to his lawyer and he starts reviewing all of her demands. Finally the uncle asks why they’re doing all this again because they already got divorce. Sure enough, they got divorced almost ten years ago and he’s financially free and clear of her.
I would have loved to hear the conversation between those two lawyers, then with the crazy ex-wife.”
His Brother’s Only ‘Perry Mason’ Moment
“My brother is a divorce attorney. His most memorable case, he was representing a guy in a divorce custody battle who was accused of horrific child abuse. Very graphic, very detailed depositions from the young kids against daddy. Things look grim. Then my brother, a failed actor, notices the deposition transcript (done by social workers under oath) contains a question at the end from one of the kids ‘Did I hit my marks?’ He wonders how little kids know about acting jargon. Subpoenas wife’s personal checking acct during discovery, sure enough, acting lessons.
Deposes an extremely sketchy ‘acting coach’, and panicked coach produces DVDs of ‘practice interrogations’ with the kids, hours of coaching the kids on exactly what imaginary things to say about daddy.
He says it was his one and only ‘Perry Mason moment’ in 20+ years of practice, and Dad got sole custody of the kids.”
Oh For The Love Of Goats
“Large amounts of debt, affairs, substance abuse, and porn are all fairly common in terms of secrets that pop up in my cases. So much so, it’s almost expected. However, this one was my favorite… Client is an elderly gentleman, some type of retired professional. His son is a pastor. Everything about his situation seemed very normal in terms of income, property, etc. However, it turns out he had a pretty serious porn hobby and he was concerned his wife might find out and use it against him in the divorce. However, as I mentioned above, I assured him that was pretty run-of-the-mill these days and unlikely to affect anything. He then asks if I feel the same knowing the porn is not ‘mainstream.’ I asked what he means and he looks very nervous. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t referencing to something more sinister, so I pushed him on it.
The guy was into goats.”
His Dad Spent 160 Grand…Of College Money
“Not a lawyer but my parents; Divorced when I was born. Over the next 5 years dad proceeds to take mom to court to pay less and less in child support. He had us for about 30 hrs/wk, school days were almost entirely on her. When I was about 12 he starts bringing her back to court, according to her he was paying about $100/mo for the four of us. Finally she got sick of it, had her lawyer look into his finances. His (now deceased) parents gave him $200,000 for our college educations, he put it into stocks, and had ~$40,000 left. Judge heard this, case ended.
He got that money in roughly 1985, before we were born, and was forced to take out the remainder and put it in a savings account by the judge in… 2010? Thereabouts.”