Let's face it -- we've all done things we'd rather our parents didn't find out about. Well these brave souls share some secrets they would NEVER tell their parents.
A Freak Accident
“I shot myself in the leg when I was 8 and fixed the hole with a wad of toilet paper and some duct tape. There’s still metal in there 20 years later” Source
Mommy’s Little Secret
“As an adult I was visiting my Mom. She was divorced from her 2nd husband and at the time she had a “roommate”. One day they were at work and I answered the phone in my Mom’s bedroom since it was the closest phone to me at the time. I needed to take a message and opened the top drawer of the nightstand on instinct to find a piece of paper. Big mistake. Right on top was a double sided dildo, a Hustler magazine on top of a stack of Hustlers, and a love letter to her roommate. Trust me when I say that I only read the first sentence or so and put it back in the drawer. Here we are almost 20 years later, lives with a different woman now, she’s never come out of the closet, I’ve never outed her and never will. It’s her decision. I love her no matter what and I think I’ll call her today because it’s been a couple weeks.” Source
A Hidden Gem
“My grandmother had a collection of fairly expensive rings and when she died she left one to every woman in the family. I was 13 and told not to wear mine out of the house because it was a bit loose on me. I did and lost it within a month of her death. Every now and then my mom asks about it and I’m just like “yeah it’s in a box in one of my drawers, I don’t wear it because I don’t want to lose it” Source
The Fast And The Oh So Furious
“Stole my dads car when I had no licence and then had to race him home so that I didn’t get caught with it. Made it in time. I will never tell him this. Ever” Source
The Best Lookalike
“Less than a year after my brother bought his house (with considerable help from our parents), he and a friend were looking at a gun in his living room. Being young and careless, his buddy pulled the trigger, blowing a nice, big hole in the refrigerator our parents bought for bro. It was a nice fridge, too. After promptly shitting himself, he and the friend hauled ass to a local second-hand appliance store, and bought a reasonably similar-looking fridge, which stands in his kitchen to this day” Source
Talk About Rough…
“I didn’t slip in the shower. My girlfriend fell through the wall when I was banging her” Source
A Gaming Secret
“I used to play my game boy advanced every night for about 2 years, never told my parents and certainly don’t plan on it” Source
A Fit Of Rage
“When I was like 10-12 I threw a soccer trophy at my door during a tantrum. It put a hole in my side, but not all the way through.
I stuck a bumper sticker for my favorite college team over it.
I’m 28 and it’s still there” Source
That Little Thief
“I stole my moms earrings to give to my girlfriend in 3rd grade. She never found out…” Source
A Hero In Disguise
“Burnt a portion of our fence down when I was 14 by putting out a cigarette on it. Told my parents it just spontaneously caught fire and I heroically helped our neighbour put out the fire before our house burned down” Source
The Recess Thief
“When I was in primary school I was playing tag and thought it would be a good idea to go through the out-of-bounds area. Unfortunately there was a small rabbit hole or something that I tripped on and then fell and cut my forehead on a rock just on my hairline. Unaware of how bad the injury was, I just continued playing and at some point I ran past a teacher on duty and she said I had to go to the nurse (there was apparently blood dripping down my face). Turns out I had to get three stitches. Naturally, Worksafe were all over this shit. They had to know how something so serious could have occurred, and asked me to take them to where it happened. I was really scared and couldn’t tell them I went out of bounds because I couldn’t get in trouble. So I told them that I didn’t really remember but would have a look anyway. Turns out that I found a bolt sticking out of a pole and blamed that. Worksafe audited the whole school and found several more, so we were not allowed outside at lunchtime until it was fixed. The only problem was that the people who came to fix it, couldn’t start for a week. So every day for a week we were stuck in classrooms at lunch and recess time, all because of me. Still haven’t told my parents” Source
Lost In The Middle Of Nowhere
“I got lost in the woods hiking. The police had to rescue me. It was a whole big scene. I texted them with the little battery life I had on my phone and told them I was staying at a friends, so that they wouldn’t worry. The police eventually found me, and I got home at 5AM. They thought I was at a friends, and I’ve never told them the story” Source
You Did It
“When I was 8 I used to like sleeping in my grandmas bed with her because she was over 90 and had the most comfortable bed in the universe. One night I peed the bed having one of those dreams where I pee during the dream (don’t fall into the trap kids). When we woke up, my grandma was under the assumption that she had peed the bed and not me. I just acted like I was super understanding because of her old age. I’m sorry Mama Nene” Source
Video Game Rager
“I put my foot through my bedroom door after I lost an online match on UFC 09. The guy kicked my ass and then pm’d me abuse so I went bezerk. I told my dad it was over a girl who faked pregnancy with me and that she was phoning me. Truth is I hadn’t spoken to her in months and didn’t want to admit it was over a video game” Source
A Secret Life
“That the month I was ‘living a month in Spain’; was actually spent in jail. I had friends to post fake Instagram pictures for me too” Source
Family Bonding?
“When my dad and I lived with his then fiance years ago, her oldest daughter and I used to fool around” Source
That’s One Bad Attendance Record
“I skipped college for like 4 months.
I was studying to become an english translator. The first month there was so f—— bad, I couldn’t stand the subjects, and as I hadn’t finished high school yet (exams left), I couldn’t keep going to college anyway.
So I spent the next months pretending I was going to class, while actually taking really long bus trips back and forth and reading books near the river.
Its the douchiest thing I’ve done and I can’t let my parents know” Source
A Secret Millionaire
“My dad recently asked me how I paid for my college when he knows I don’t have a job. I’m never going to tell him that I became a local drug lord for 24 months and moved hundreds of lbs of pot through frat houses and cashed out when I was free of student loans” Source
What An Elaborate Scheme
“When I was 13 and my little bro was 11, we stayed at the mall WAY past when we were supposed to come home, like a few hours. This was the time before cell phones.
On the way home we hatched a scheme. We devised a lie that involved us being detained by a mall security guard for running down a back hallway of the mall.
We even came up with a real person to base this security guard on, in case we were questioned separately. We pretty much described to our mom the pro wrestler Dean Malenko. It was perfect.
Little did we know, there was a guy in our area posing as a cop and abducting children. Mom called the cops. My brother and I separately had to give statements about what happened.
The thing is, the lie held up. The cops told Mom that there was a good chance this was the guy. IIRC there may have even been a little blurb in the news about a sighting of this guy at the mall we frequented.
We threw a wrench in an investigation, caused a minor local scare, scared the shit out of our Mom, and ruined our freedom to walk to the mall by ourselves for 6 months, all because we didn’t want to get into trouble for being 3 hours late getting home” Source
A Water Burst
“I broke my moms waterbed having sex, the same night she came home really drunk and when she woke up in the morning, she thought she did and didn’t remember” Source
That Escalated Quickly
“When I was a junior in college, I lived off campus with five other guys in a shady neighborhood. One Tuesday night while a few of us were high and watching tv, a couple thugs busted our door, broke in, and robbed us at gunpoint. They were looking for a drug dealer. It turns out they had the wrong house; the dude from whom everyone at school bought their weed, coke, and pills lived one house over. (None of us ratted him out because that would’ve brought more trouble)
These guys tore our place apart looking for our nonexistent stash, and when they couldn’t find anything, they grabbed some random worthless decorations, getting antsy to bounce. One of my roommates- big, burly, but usually reserved- grabbed one of the guys as they were leaving. He must’ve snapped. The thug turns around and lets two shots fly that both hit my friend: one in the leg, the other in the gut.
He lived but was in the hospital recuperating for a month. None of us were able to recover from what happened, so after the short, fruitless investigation was over, we withdrew from school and went home.
I stayed until the end of the semester. When I went home, I just told my parents that I wanted to transfer to a school closer to home. I never told them why I made that decision. I have two younger brothers. I didn’t want my parents to be afraid to send them away to school; I didn’t want my brothers to be afraid to leave home and explore” Source
The Hidden Sex Tape
“I found their ‘home movie’ when I was looking for something to enjoy alone…” Source
Sup Dude
“My dog ate a whole pot cookie left out once. My mom thought the neighbor tried to poison my dog by throwing something in a Ziploc bag over the fence since the poor pup was falling over and ‘fainting’. In reality the pup stole my Friday night from me” Source
Oh, No I’m Gunna Burn For This
“I went on Disney channel’s website without their permission. I’m gunna burn for that one” Source