15 Stories That Will Put A Smile On Your Face

These random stories will put a smile on your face!

Don’t Open Pandora’s Box

“When my kitten is hungry, she bites my leg. This is because the first time she did it I thought she was hungry and gave her food. I opened the Pandora’s box of ankle-biting.” Source

Freshman year

“During my freshman year of college I worked as a janitor from 5pm to midnight. Since I was a cheap a** I didn’t buy a parking pass so I parked all the way on the opposite side of campus and had to walk all the way to my dorm. One night as I made my way past the school of Music a man pulled out a knife and demanded my wallet. Now if there was anything I learned from being bullied through primary school was that if you can’t be stronger than your assailant, you could at least try to scare them into staying away from you. Instead of producing my wallet, I pulled out my own knife (a very small knife) and said in my raspiest voice I could make, ‘It’s been a while since I’ve had any fresh meat.’ The man thought about it for a second and when I took one step forward he turned an booked it. The only interesting thing that has ever happened in my life.” Source

This Sounds Hilarious

“My dog, Oscar, has under developed vocal chords… His bark like a squeaker toy and he puts so much force into it he farts and that is usually louder then his bark. It never gets old when you hear faint squeaks and then a nice loud fart. I lose it every time.” Source

Circle Of Life

“I saw an osprey catch a fish when I was kayaking down the shore with my niece a few years back. The osprey had it in his talons but facing in the same direction as its own head instead of perpendicular It was wriggling in the grip of the osprey like it was still swimming. They flew right over our heads about ten feet up. My niece was just around five then. She says very casually ‘It was just swimming along and now it’s flying. Flying to its death’.” Source

Poor Tortoise

“My sadistic older brother tortured a big tortoise on our family property when we were about 7 and 13 years old. I lived with the guilt of what he did for many years. I thought the poor animal died from the cuts and stabs that my brother gave to him. Until one day, some 15 years later, I happened to be near the hill where it happened and noticed a tortoise walking through the tall grass, it was him, I recognised the scars. I went to him and apologised for not being strong enough to stop my brother. I walked with and talked to him for about a half hour as he went about his business. That is one of my happiest memories.” Source

Scalp Sync

“In the shower this morning I noticed that my wife’s shampoo says it has ‘Scalp Sync’. I have no idea what that might mean, though I’m sure the answer is basically ‘lol nothing’. Anyway, I immediately thought it’d be a sweet name for an X-Men character. The question is, would they be able to take over anyone’s hair they wanted, OR would they be able to sync all of the hair of the people around them?” Source

Was It Jesus?

“About 10 years ago I woke up early to get a newspaper from the newspaper dispenser across the road. I lit up a cigarette as I crossed the road. As I approached the dispenser an old disheveled looking man asked if he could buy a cigarette from me, as he dug through his pockets for change. I told him he could have one, don’t worry about the money. I then handed him a cigarette and lit it for him. He smiled and said ‘My name’s Jesus. Jesus Christ. I came here in a completely cloaked space ship over a thousand years ago and I’ve been observing people. You’re one of the good ones. You’ll be going to heaven’. I know that there’s a 99.97% chance that he was mentally ill and probably homeless, but I sometimes wonder ‘what if that was Jesus?’. I’m agnostic, leaning more towards atheist, but hey, you never know right?” Source

Awesome News

“I’ve been sick and unable to work for 5.5 years. Last Friday I signed a contract for full-time employment with great pay doing what I love, all because I have made an amazing recovery in the past 6 months. I am so f**king happy right now.” Source

Interesting…

“On average, one horse equals the weight of 70 badgers.” Source

Nice Ring Tone

“I attended a business meeting with a bunch of IT guys. One of them had a ring tone that started off with the Win 95 startup sound and then transitioned into the modem ‘dial and shake’ sound any dial up modem user from the 90s would recognize. Guys like me (30+) grinned widely while the junior employees (early 20s) were puzzled and asked if his phone speaker was malfunctioning.” Source

Did It Work?

“When I was about 13, I was walking through town with a friend to catch the bus home from school. At the foot of a busy shopping street, just after crossing the road, a middle-aged man approaches me, says ‘You’re going to be rich one day’ and presses a coin into my hand. It is a 25 Eastern Caribbean cent coin. I’ve never seen Eastern Caribbean dollar coins before in my life. My friend got 50p.” Source

Doing His Dream

“I recently started learning to make video games. After a week of tutorials and general learning, I tried my hands at making one from scratch. When I posted it for people to try I got pretty positive feedback, and it made me deliriously happy! I feel like I’ve been progressing extremely quickly, and hearing people say they enjoyed my first attempt at a game has caused me to try even harder to make something worthwhile. I always liked playing games, and always had a lot of ideas for them, but tried learning coding several times and failed miserably. I decided to stick to it this time, and am super proud of myself. I’m 32, and wish I would’ve taken it seriously sooner, but eventually I will be producing indie games for the masses. That is my dream now.” Source

Good To Know

“The average size of litter for any mammal is half its number of nipples. This raises an issue for the Virginia opossum, which has 13 nipples.” Source