It's always better to be on the safe side, but sadly some people aren't always lucky. Some men stepped up to the plate and handled the situation, while others tried to escape into oblivion.
Not Sure How She Survived All Of Those Life Obstacles
“I had a child from an impetuous ‘One Night Stand,’ with a stranger when I was 21. I kept the baby because I had wanted a child, although not necessarily under those circumstances; also, I had a diagnosis of compromised fertility so it wasn’t a sure bet I’d get pregnant again down the track. I also was opposed to termination for myself, although I still supported it.
I had recently broken an engagement and both my ex and I had flings afterward. But because I was visibly pregnant, I was the one whose fling was visible. So it was assumed I broke my ex’s heart. The truth is we were both at fault and he was a pretty terrible partner. Most of the time, we kept the break-up civil, and we both maintained a dignified silence about blame to outsiders, but people made up their own minds anyway.
Anyway, I had the baby, and my ex ended his life (not really because of me – he was facing a completely separate, and far bigger life crisis by then – although he did throw one barb my way in a note). So that intensified the blame and killed most of my remaining friendships – I couldn’t get anyone to be with me when I had the baby. So we started out with very few social supports. I was on my last subject of my degree and my institution was completely inflexible about it, so I had to do an equivalent subject at another institution instead. It sucked. Once my degree was done I basically severed all ties with everyone I knew before I had the baby and started from scratch.
But I finished my degree, we got by, I worked at home in the dot com boom. I managed to restart my career. Married a good man, a divorced parent at my son’s school, when my son was eleven. He adopted my son, and I helped raise his. I advanced to a senior management career and did two more degrees. My kids are young adults now, good ones with good futures, and we have a good life.”
Raising The Baby Herself?
“My friend was seeing this guy for a while off and on. It was mostly a booty call for both of them. But she ended up moving across the country for a job. She came home to visit the family around the holidays, hooked up with him one night and got pregnant.
He wanted nothing to do with the whole thing. He basically told her he was not into being a parent. Which was fine with her. She did consult with a lawyer about putting him on the birth certificate if she ever needed child support or health care for the kiddo. Basically, the down side of that is if she ever passes away this child has to go to a person that wanted nothing to do with her. She’s fortunate enough to have a career that can support her and the baby without needing a second income.
My friend opted to not have him on the birth certificate and just raise the baby herself. She’s got a great support group of friends and family that help out all the time. I don’t think it’s easy by any means, but I know she is happy with her decision.
The father has never seen the child, nor does he want to.”
They Spoke Three Times While She Was Pregnant?
“I got pregnant in college with a guy I had slept with only a few times. I told him and after deciding to keep the baby let him know that he could choose to be involved but if he was he would not be in and out of the child’s life. I also told him if he did not want to be involved I would not seek any type of child support or money because I didn’t want that to be his deciding factor.
We spoke maybe three times while I was pregnant and one of those times was meeting each other’s parents and our parents meeting each other which was pretty freaking awkward. I wouldn’t even let him in the room during delivery.
BUT he fell in love with our son the second he saw him.
We never tried to date and we’re better co-parents because of that. There’s no animosity or anger towards each other. No jealousy over new partners. And he’s an amazing dad. We’re able to co-parent as friends and he’s a better parent than a lot of people I know that had kids with boyfriends/girlfriends!”
She Wasn’t Sure Who The Biological Father Was…
“At 19 years old, I was pregnant for the first time and didn’t know who the father was because I spent several months of my life living like a vagrant and constantly on drugs. I woke up many times in strange places, with no idea how I got there. Usually, it was the after party, after the after party. I traveled between several cities and didn’t really know anyone that I was with.
I spent my first trimester in jail for theft, where they accused me of lying about even being pregnant because their pregnancy tests were a stream of false negatives. I had STD’s, got my shots, was released to my mothers care. I cleaned hotel rooms, drove an ice cream truck, had a permanent garage sale on my mother’s front lawn and an endless stream of failed interviews to try to get on my feet. My brothers and my mother helped me raise my baby, I had some government assistance for the doctor and birth.
When he was 3, I joined the military and left him with my mom. When he was 4, I met my soulmate and we moved in with him, then married about a month after my sons 5th birthday. My son is now 13, and his father is my husband. He asks questions, and I answer the best I can. I have always been honest with him and let him know that I am sorry I didn’t know his biological father well enough to have kept in contact with him. He is a well adjusted young man with a heart of gold. We had done a little DNA test for ancestry.com and he is definitely more ethnic than I am and he has loads of cousins matched to him through there. If he ever contacts any of them, I would be curious to see what he learns.”
He Took Leave To Be With Her!
“I have a friend of an old roommate who got pregnant from a ‘One Night Stand’. He was back up in Alaska doing commercial fishing when she realized she was pregnant. She got his number from some mutual friends (smallish town) and told him.
She is pro-life so she told him she was keeping it but he didn’t have to be involved but she wanted him to have the choice. They are married with 3 kids and are one of the happiest couples I know.
He immediately took leave from his job and came back to town. They moved into a house together and he got a job in town so he could be there for her.
Great kids too, and I don’t even like most kids.
It can work out.”
A Change Of Heart On His End!
“I was 21 and had been casually seeing a guy (who was soon to move overseas) for 4 months when I found out I was pregnant. He suggested termination, I slept on it, and then I told him that I was going to go ahead with it.
I very strongly felt that it was my decision and my responsibility and I had no intention of forcing him to be a parent, so I suggested that given his feelings he should continue with his plans and that I would simply put unknown on the birth certificate when the time came. I did not push him at all and made it clear I would seek no money or anything from him.
He slept on it. The next day he came to me and said: ‘Look, we can’t do that. One way or another, I want to be involved. So, maybe I go away and you parent and in 20 years that child will have had a single mom and a dad who loves him but doesn’t see him enough. OR, we can have a go at it. The worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work and we break up, and in 20 years that child will have had a single mom and a dad who loves him but doesn’t see him enough. We literally have nothing to lose!’
10 years on we are still together and now married.”
His Girlfriend Was Also Pregnant Too?
“My sister got prego from a one nighter, ( 2years ago) she was 26 or 27, baby daddy was 20. He apparently got her, his girlfriend, and another woman knocked up at the same time. GF broke up with him, my sis, wanted nothing to do with him, and third women stayed with him, they married and now have a second baby.
My sister is bitter that he doesn’t want anything to do with them, but she also doesn’t want to relinquish anything to him. No rights for him, he doesn’t pay child support and is European, not American. She is terrified he would some day steal him away. She acts like he is scum, and she won’t allow his family any contact with her boy.”
Couldn’t Find The Father Anywhere…
“My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby.
Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. People were really judgy and gave my mom and sister a hard time. When my sister was four my mom met my dad and he helped raise my sister from then on and they moved to a big city where the precise circumstances of my sister’s birth didn’t interest anyone. The bio-dad paid child-support but my sister only met him when she was 16 and didn’t like him. They never formed a relationship. When my dad officially adopted my sister 10 years ago (mom’s dying wish) we couldn’t even find the bio-dad.
Our mother never regretted it. My sister has some issues, which I think might partially stem from our grandma’s attempts at raising her (Gran’s a bit of a narcissist) and from the town being so judgy. But she certainly found a good dad. Our relationship can be a bit weird due to a 22-year age gap, but most of the time we get along fine.”
She Got Her New Husband To Adopt The Twins!
“I have twins from a casual relationship. I am very pro-choice and I chose to keep them. It was a high-risk pregnancy and he was around when it suited his schedule. I allowed him to be there when I was laboring, but when it was time to push and I could only have one person, I chose my mom. After they were born, again he saw them when it suited his schedule. He had an order for very minimal child support and never paid it (this was before automatic-withdrawal, or he worked under the table.)
I met my now-husband online, and we got married. I petitioned the court to be allowed to leave the state and still get child support. It was granted. I told my ex where we were moving, gave him my number, and didn’t hear from him or get child support ever. Eventually, I petitioned the court to terminate my ex’s rights so my husband could adopt them. My ex fought it, saying our children were too young to understand, but he wanted a relationship when they got older. The judge absolutely tore him a new one, saying you don’t get to CHOOSE when you’re a parent.
My twins are teenagers. They just met their birth dad over the summer. He now has a drug problem and no gainful employment. My twins were not impressed. My husband is a very involved dad and they love him.
I’m glad it worked out well for all of us, but I think the key was moving far away from the ex. Also, my ex’s mom, my twins grandma, was a lovely kind involved grandma until her death (which is where my twins met their birth dad, at her funeral). She never made it awkward and I’m grateful for all her help and support over the years.”
Dating App Leads To Marriage And A Baby?
“An acquaintance of mine (we’re not close enough to be friends) got pregnant from a ‘One Night Stand’. She met the guy on Tinder. They broke up before she found out she was pregnant but committed to sharing custody and raising the baby together.
The baby was born a couple of months ago, and suddenly the mom and dad are getting married. They have absolutely nothing in common but the baby. This will not end well, but we’re all just trying to be supportive.”
She Had No Symptoms Of Pregnancy For A While…
“I was 19 and casually dating this guy. Partying, hanging out etc. One drunken night at a party, we had unprotected sex and I got pregnant. I know the exact day because it was the one time no protection was used. However, I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was 4 months along. I had no symptoms. Missing periods was normal for me (eating disorder had disrupted it).
When I found out, I was originally going to have a family friend adopt it. They were never able to get pregnant and said they would take the baby. But, I changed my mind. I blame the hormones for my change of heart.
The dad moved back to my hometown with me (where my mom is and rent is much cheaper) and we have been co parenting for the last 10 years. Definitely had our ups and downs, but he has been a good dad to her and even though we aren’t together, we do well with parenting. No one has been ‘judgy’ and it’s been fairly easy. I didn’t have friends to tell about the pregnancy and just told my mom. She said she knew I would get pregnant because she did about the same age and so did her mom, lol.”
His Father Doesn’t Know He Exists
“My sister had a ‘One Night Stand’ in 1992. She was 18, going to the bar a lot, and hooked up with a guy 3X her age (aka, our dad’s age) who turned out to also be married.
My nephew was born in October of 1992. He’s now almost 24, he is hilarious, awesome, he’s traveling a lot and is living his life to the absolute fullest. He is aware of his dad’s first and last name and where he works. But since his dad is married, he will not confront him and meet him because it’ll ruin his life.
His dad doesn’t even know he exists. He’s certainly missing out on a spectacular young man!!”
A Healthy Co-Parenting Relationship
“I found out I was pregnant after we’d ended our casual thing and I decided to keep the baby. I told the father and gave him the choice of being involved or relinquishing all rights (including being named on the birth certificate, so I wouldn’t pursue child support). He chose to be involved and he was a great support while I was pregnant, really taking an active role as a birth partner and parent.
I was always really clear that I’d be open to exploring a relationship, but I didn’t want to force anything. I think it’s disingenuous and harmful to get married or stay together for the kids because that just means they’re going to live with miserable adults who can’t adequately demonstrate love. So while we explored things during the pregnancy and a little after, we realized that it just wasn’t going to work out and we were better off friends.
We did have a rough patch when we were dating partners who didn’t respect the role and boundaries of the other parent (his ex just wanted to play house and push me out of the picture; after they broke up, she met a guy and got pregnant within 3 months by a guy who already had 2 kids and was married before she gave birth, just to give you an idea of what she had in mind).
During that time, we ended up switching to parallel parenting, but after our breakups, it was like we came out of a fog and realized that being on the same page was going to be paramount for our son’s growth and happiness.
We’ve now developed a really strong co-parenting relationship and he’s honestly a very dear friend now. Our partners are respectful of where they stand in our and our child’s lives, and I’m pretty proud that we’ve managed to create a strong village for our boy.”
The Father Got His Life In Order!
“I became pregnant with my daughter with my boyfriend of a month. I was dating him casually, although we were exclusive. I thought he was just going to be a ‘fun’ relationship and not be anything serious. I took a pregnancy test not because I thought I was pregnant, but because I just happened to find one and had that natural thought of ‘Well, I don’t think I’m pregnant but you can never be too sure.’ To say it was a shock would be an understatement. I never wanted children and my first thought was having an abortion. I told my boyfriend and he was fine with the abortion idea but then I wavered a bit and decided not to. He was on board since he had always wanted children and apparently would have preferred I keep it.
Our relationship was bad after that. I was living with him and he moved out to the couch because all we would do is fight. I wanted him to grow up and stop being a ‘lazy do nothing’ and he wanted to go out and drink all the time. Basically, we were maturing at different paces.
I feel so bad for our old roommates looking back but at the time I just didn’t care because we were going through some stuff. It didn’t help that I had an extreme case of hyperemesis gravidarum so I was vomiting a bare minimum of 10 times a day and kept ending up in the hospital with dehydration. My mood didn’t improve with this.
We moved into our own place when I was about 7 months pregnant, I found out he had kissed some other girl and everything hit the fan. We finally worked things out, relationship-wise after our baby shower. One thing I have to say is that he didn’t not care about our daughter. He would read anything I sent him, we would read the weekly updates together regardless of how we were doing personally, he worked to buy things for her, he was great in regards to her.
I told my friends and family right after we found out. Three of our other friends were also pregnant so there was a little preggy tribe of us. They were all still going to the bar every night though and partying. Most didn’t stop drinking or doing other things while pregnant and that just wasn’t my scene so we lost touch. No one judged us for getting pregnant until we stopped hanging out at the bar and hosting parties.
People weren’t too judgy. I’m from New England and we live in Florida so I think I was more judging of myself than anyone was of me. It seems more the norm down here.
Overall it all worked out. I wouldn’t trade my daughter for the world. She’s a smart and beautiful little 2-year-old now.
My then boyfriend is now my husband. He got his stuff together and is almost done with his degree in Homeland Security at a fantastic university and has great job prospects lined up. I was able to be a stay at home mom with our daughter and take care of my pre-existing medical issues. It all worked out. I love my husband more than anyone and we are amazing at communication now, which we really struggled with during my pregnancy.”
She Didn’t Mind Being A Single Mother?
“I got pregnant in my mid-20s by a guy I would occasionally go get drinks/sleep with. I decided to keep the baby because even though I’m pro choice, I wanted kids and had a decent job and it didn’t bother me to be a single parent because my mom raised my brother and me mostly alone after booting my alcoholic dad out of the house.
A couple of close friends knew who the father was but I didn’t tell my family until later. Also, I had the positive pregnancy test around 5 weeks, went to my first ultrasound and discovered I was actually having twins at almost ten weeks and I was like ‘Ahhh!’ So baby turned to babies, but it’s been the best thing and most challenging thing I’ve done with my life. My boys are 6 and I can’t imagine not having them.
Their father has seen them probably less than a dozen times in their life. I tried. I would take them to visit when he was home. But he got more into drugs and partying and being a terrible person and he’s currently on year two of a five-year prison sentence for drug manufacturing. My kids are at the age where they notice they don’t have a dad. I told them he’s…traveling. I wrote him my first letter last week and put in some pictures they drew for him. Haven’t heard back yet.
I feel like my family is especially hard on me because I made this choice. I work and spend 98% of my time off with my kids, my mom will rarely keep them for anything besides when I have a doctor’s appointment. I live in a small area and haven’t really been able to find any reliable sitters aside from their after school care so I don’t date or do anything for myself. I get a haircut like once a year, usually at the Wal-Mart while I grocery shop, and I used to spend half a day in the salon getting foil highlights every few months haha.
But all in all, definitely worth it. Would do it all over again, even those first few months with two babies when I went back to work at 6 weeks and was insane from sleep deprivation. They are my mini best friends.”