Unplanned pregnancies can be a huge ordeal. The stories by these women show just how hard it is when deciding what is best for them and their child.
Ex-Boyfriend Didn’t Take ‘No’ For An Answer…
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“I was 17 when an ex-boyfriend showed up for my best friends birthday on a shiny new motorcycle. He offered me a ride on it and of course I said yes.
He told me he was taking me to his friend’s house to hang out. I wasn’t up to it much but said okay anyway.
Little did I know, it was an hour away.
It started to get late and I asked him to take me home. He refused. I thought he was joking, he wasn’t. We (unsuccessfully) slept in a park, a football stadium and around 4 am, he snuck me into his parents’ home.
Unfortunately, I did not have a phone to call anyone. I didn’t want to sleep with him. I wanted the night to be over. I wanted to go home. We weren’t together. He forced himself on me. I said no. I pushed him off. Absolutely nothing worked and I was too tired to fight back anymore. I let him have his way since I was on birth control. That morning, I went to get the morning after pill around 10 am.
Three months later, I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified. I wasn’t ready. I wanted to end the pregnancy. When I finally told my mom, she said she would disown me if I did. She convinced me not to do it. Plus, I didn’t have the funds.
My daughter is 5-years-old now and beautiful. On Friday, I’m taking her father back to court to get child support and the majority of custody.
Sometimes I still feel resentment for him taking my life away from me. Other times, I’m very grateful to have raised such a wonderful little girl.”
“I Never Want To Be Pregnant Again”
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“I found out I was pregnant when I was 19. I found out by a kit the responders used, after being assaulted by my boyfriend’s father. I probably should’ve known I was pregnant, but I thought the nausea was the result of drinking and my eating disorder. I cried while in stirrups and the nurse gave me this list of phone numbers to clinics without saying a word.
Ultimately, I could not afford to end the pregnancy on my own and my boyfriend, Will, said he would leave me if I even considered it. He was my everything and I imagined that picturesque American Dream of us being a family.
Honestly, I hated being pregnant. I hated losing control of my body, I hated the stretch marks, I hated the weight gain. I wasn’t ready and didn’t want that freaking thing inside me. Will was always out of it and it took a black eye for me to realize there was no family. Fortunately, he agreed to give our daughter up for adoption.
We went through this agency that gave us their ‘family scrapbooks.’ Most of them were weird but we did find this single woman who fostered shelter dogs, owned her own business, and owned a home by a lake. She looked like my sister and when I met her she was so kind.
I spent roughly 24 hours with Lydia before I said goodbye. Almost immediately after delivery, seeing her out of me, I said out loud that I couldn’t do this. I held her while she cried, I cried too, I could never give her what she needed.
Will and I signed the adoption papers in the hospital. The adoptive mother’s mother wanted a picture of us for documentation or whatever. We are both sitting on a hospital couch with forced smiles and tears running down our faces.
I broke up with Will months later. It was supposed to be an open adoption, but I stopped getting any updates after Lydia’s first birthday.
She turns 10 this year. Her mom has a Facebook that posts a new photo of Lydia every couple of years or so and she is so dang happy and pretty. I’ve considered reaching out to her mom on there, but there’s a risk she doesn’t want me involved and I’d just be blocked and never see Lydia again at all.
I never want to be pregnant again. I hate being around babies and young children. The whole experience was the worst year of my life and I don’t wish it upon anyone.”
Nobody Even Knew She Was Pregnant
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“I got pregnant when I was 16-years-old.
I grew up in an extremely conservative and religious household, so when I found out, I knew I couldn’t keep it. But at the same time, I felt like there was nowhere I could go and no one I could talk to. I felt so terrified and alone.
So I did some research and found out that, in my state, you need parental permission to end a pregnancy if you’re under 18. You can have the permission waived by a judge, but this felt very far from feasible, as I lived in a small town and my family was very close friends with the only judge in our county. On top of that, I wasn’t sure of the process this required and I couldn’t have possibly afforded a lawyer with my part-time, minimum wage job.
I kept the pregnancy a secret from everyone except the baby’s father, who desperately wanted me to keep it. I bandaged my stomach and put on a corset every day before school. I tried everything to try and make myself miscarry: I rammed my stomach into the corners of walls, I rubbed peppermint oil on my skin, I drank weird concoctions and teas I found online. Nothing worked.
As the pregnancy progressed, I became more and more frightened. I realized that I had already passed the point to end the pregnancy, legally, and I panicked. I found the RU486 (progesterone blocker that ends pregnancies) being sold online from a sketchy website based in India. I ordered it and had it shipped to my boyfriend’s house, out of fear of my parents finding it.
Once I got it in the mail, I took the pills and started feeling extremely sick. I ran into my mom’s room, sobbing, and told her that I needed to go to the ER. Once I got to the hospital, they gave me medicine to stop the contractions, but it didn’t help. I ended up giving birth to a baby much larger than I expected. He was completely blue and didn’t cry. He lived for 30 minutes before suffocating due to his undeveloped lungs. The nurse brought me the birth certificate and death certificate to sign at the same time.
It killed me to see my baby like that. It killed me to have to go back to school and pretend that everything was okay. No one even knew that I was pregnant, how was I supposed to tell them how devastated and traumatized I was? I bottled everything up, and it sent me spiraling into a very deep depression. I became addicted to prescription medication and was committed to a mental hospital twice for suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I would never wish that sort of pain on anyone.”
Her Son Changed Her For The Better!
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“I didn’t have the money to end the pregnancy – I was broke, sleeping on my friend’s couches, didn’t have a car or a job. The father (whom I’d been dating for 2 months) said he’d pay. He didn’t.
I was miserable and I had violent morning sickness until I was 5 months, like 7-10 times a day, which hindered my ability to find a job.
The father wanted the child so adoption wasn’t an option. He was an absolute mess, he would never have successfully raised a child on his own. I was still planning to leave the child with him. Then I had preeclampsia and a c-section. I didn’t bond with my son at all in the hospital but he ended up coming home with me to my grandmother’s house. Dad didn’t get paternity leave so he was no help. That first night at ‘home’ with my son, I hobbled to him in the middle of the night and fed him and realized this was mine. He was my responsibility, I brought him into the world and needed to be responsible for this little 5-pound baby because no one else would.
He’s 6 now and he’s low-functioning autistic. I still wouldn’t change anything. He’s my main source of happiness in life, as someone who has had clinical depression for over a decade. He’s a sweet, affectionate, bright child and my main motivation to better myself in life.”
An Absolutely Heartbreaking Pregnancy
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“I was 16 and I was in a mentally and physically abusive relationship with a much older man (he was well into his 20s). My home life was bad, so I’m sure that played into all this.
Anyway, I ended up pregnant and had no health insurance and no money. My boyfriend dumped me to be with his ex-girlfriend and would not take my calls nor give me money. I had no one to turn to. I delayed speaking up out of fear and by the time it came out, I was 6 months along.
My mom finds out and goes ballistic. She doesn’t care that I was being forced. To her, I was just a ‘dumb girl’ that ruined ‘everything’ (everything would be her putting me into an expensive private school we couldn’t afford). She woke me up at night to yell at me about the stupid decision I made. I was denied food and everything I did resulted in an insult. I was accused of doing things I did not do. She had me doing chores that she knew were considered dangerous for pregnant women, like heavy lifting and cleaning the kitty litter box.
She then contrives a plan to help me hide the pregnancy which included me wearing spanx-like garments under my clothes, ultra baggy clothing, and staying out of sight from family members that might figure it out.
I went to the local clinic for prenatal care and at least the doctors were nice. Then it came out that the child had some rare genetic disorder. The doctors wanted my mom to come in to talk about the results. She refused. They called and yelled at her, demanding she come in since I was a minor and she was responsible for me. She came but had a major attitude, which made the situation 200% worse. I ended up losing a lot of weight while pregnant because I was so stressed out from the verbal abuse and was being denied food. The news about the genetic disorder and trying to stay current with all my school work didn’t help either. It was to the point that the doctors were looking to admit me because they thought I was experiencing vomiting and nausea. I didn’t tell them I was being denied food or sleep.
Somewhere between the 7th and 8th month of pregnancy, I broke down and confided in a classmate I thought was my friend and a teacher. My friend told the whole school but no one really believed it because I was naturally a fat kid and fat kids don’t get male attention. The teacher made me tell the principle and I thought for sure I would be dismissed from the school. I cried and begged them not to put me out of the school. They said they would not dismiss me but if I started showing, I may need to consider other options until I have the child.
At this point, I had realized I didn’t want the baby and my home wasn’t safe for me, let alone for him – so that was when I called an adoption agency. That was tough because they want health information from you and the grandparents and my mom would not comply with filling out the forms. Every question was met with anger and insults.
I go into labor around Christmas. I was home, begging my mom to take me to the hospital because the labor pains are unbearable. She delays and uses the time to insult me some more. She finally dropped me off at the hospital and never came back. I delivered alone, no one visited me, and when I called my mom the next day to tell her I was ok, she said she didn’t care. I had to beg her to come pick me up. She purposely took 3 hours to show up and I was at the point where I was willing to walk the 3 miles home but security prevented me from leaving until someone came and got me
The baby stayed at a hospital in Westchester Medical because there were no adoptive families that wanted a special needs child. I would sometimes go and visit because I felt obligated to.
After months of no prospective adoptive families, I took my son home when he was 3 1/2 months because I felt obligated to try to right the situation. My mom was less than supportive, I couldn’t find a reliable childcare, and my mom refused to babysit or help me at night, so my grades went from A’s to C’s.
When he was 5 months old, I found him dead (cold and blue) in his crib. He died of SIDS sometime during the night. My mom would not let me call 911, because ‘neighbors might see.’ So I had to carry his stiff body to the car, wait for her to drive me to the ER, only for the attending physician to tell me the obvious-nothing could be done.
We had a small funeral and my mom cried and played the grieving grandma card like an academy award winning actress. Other family members showed up confused and bewildered because they had no idea I had a child until the funeral. My dad found out about all this well after the fact (my parents are not together, and I only saw him on weekends) and was really angry at the fact all this was hidden from him.
A few months after the funeral, I walked the 3 miles along a strip of highway with no clear sidewalks cleaning to make sure my son had a headstone. I used the money I received from social security to pay for the headstone (I had to apply since he was born disabled).
My son’s father knew about the baby, but he offered no support. And then when the child died, he told me I killed his son and called me a baby killer, murderer, etc. Years later, he claimed that I somehow benefited off his son’s death. I stopped all contact after that. Now like clockwork every year, he has all these RIP messages to ‘his son’ on Facebook and does this big production at the grave site. I am now 36 with no kids. No one now in my life knows this story.”
The Soon-To-Be Grandparents Were Not Happy!
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“I was brutally assaulted by my ex-boyfriend on my 18th birthday and got pregnant. I wanted to get rid of the kid, there was no doubt about it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to end the pregnancy, and at the time, I didn’t know there was funding available for my situation. I also didn’t have a car so I would need a ride and all that.
I asked everyone I knew if I could borrow the money, and nobody would help me out. One friend had the money and was going to lend it to me, but her boyfriend told her he would break up with her if she did (oh, high school).
Eventually, I told my parents and asked them for the money. They said no (and honestly they wouldn’t have been able to afford it even if they wanted) and were weirdly excited about a potential grandkid even though I was STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL; although, my mom did say she would go with me to get the procedure done.
Somehow, the ex-boyfriend’s parents found out and flipped. They demanded a meeting at their house with me and my parents, where they insisted I go stay with a distant relative, carry the baby to term, and give it away. During this meeting, when I said I wanted to end the pregnancy, my mom acted like that was the first time she’d heard that and said she would absolutely not accompany me to something ‘like that.’ That was incredibly painful for me.
Long story short, under extreme pressure from my parents and no resources of my own, I had the kid and kept him (he’s 10 now). He’s an awesome kid and I love him a lot, but I’ve never truly felt like a mother. He lives with his dad and stepmom and two little brothers about 5 hours away from me. My ex-boyfriend sued me for custody and won. His grandfather was a judge in our small town and his family was very well to do.
The kid is happy and in a stable environment now (when he lived with me there was no stability), so I guess it’s working out.
I see him on holidays and a couple times throughout the summer. Don’t get me wrong, I freaking love that kid and he’s awesome, I’ve just never felt like I was cut out to be a mother, and embracing mom life never came naturally to me.
I’ve felt a lot of shame and guilt about it over the years, but I’m at peace with it now. “
Her Parents Didn’t Support Her…
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“One of my childhood best friends got pregnant in college when she was 22.
She hadn’t been dating the guy that long, and when she found out that she was pregnant, she started trying to gather money to end the pregnancy. A month passed and she still didn’t have enough, so she finally went and asked her mom, who was/is really harsh and unsupportive.
Her mom loaned her the last bit of money she needed, and she was able to make an appointment with a clinic. When she got to the clinic, she found out she was farther along in her pregnancy than she’d thought. In fact, she had moved past the 20th week, and the clinic turned her away.
She decided to keep the baby and try to make it work with the father. By the time her daughter was born, she and the father had split up. She had to drop out of school and get two part-time jobs to afford an apartment. Her family, as expected, gave her no support at all.
But when her daughter was 3, she was able to start attending night classes at a community college. After a few years, she got her degree in elementary education and was able to get a full-time job teaching pre-K.
Her daughter is 8-years-old now, and she loves her. She’s really happy to be a mom, but she also realized that dating is a pain and she doesn’t want any more kids.
She made it all work for her eventually, but obviously, it derailed her life in a big way and required her to sacrifice a lot of things in order to support something she never really wanted to begin with.”
She Never Had The Motherly Instinct…
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“My college roomie and I, along with some friends, went out to a bar and got very wasted back in 2011.
Somehow my roommate and I ended up hooking up that night and that’s all it took to get me pregnant; I even took the morning after pill and that still didn’t work. I didn’t know what to do or who to go to about this.
Every clinic I’d go to would try to have me keep the baby; I was just a 21-year-old who barely took care of my self. I was in denial, I felt scared and disappointed in myself, I just never thought I would have to go through with ending a pregnancy, in my life, but I had to do what was best for me. Neither of us wanted the baby…we were not even romantically involved at all, it was honestly a one night stand.
We went half on the price to end the pregnancy ($450 in Florida) and I even had to ask my best friend’s mom to let me borrow a bit of money (ending a pregnancy, to her, is a HUGE SIN and she would have tried to make me keep the baby). Thankfully, I was working part-time so I was able to gather my portion.
At one point, I felt terrible, due to the fact that I felt zero emotions about being pregnant or for trying getting rid of it. I felt like I was a heartless monster for a moment. Luckily, I was able to get rid of the baby at 8 weeks. The relief I felt as soon as the procedure was done is something I can’t describe. Until this day, I wonder if I’ll ever feel the mother instinct in me. So far…zero.”
She Didn’t Think She’d Get Pregnant
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“I was a stupid, stupid 15-year-old and didn’t think that I would get pregnant.
It didn’t help that the guy I was with was an abusive, manipulative, horrible, human being. He didn’t want to use protection, so we didn’t.
He wanted to keep the baby and when I said I didn’t want to, he beat the life out of me for considering ‘ending something that was his.’
Luckily, his mother found out and told him she would kick him out and stop supporting him. So after hearing that, he did a 180 and wanted me to get rid of it – but by that time, it was too late.
So I gave birth to a healthy baby boy and gave him straight into the arms of a wonderful couple who love him more than words can say.
I told them I didn’t want any pictures or updates. I just wanted to make sure that he was loved and that I hoped he would be nothing like his parents.
My life now is pretty good. I don’t regret one second giving him away and most days, honestly don’t even think about him anymore. But sometimes it comes up out of nowhere and I do cry.
I thought about trying to see how he is doing, but he would be 13 now and that’s a hard enough time of life at it is.
I have decided that I’m not going to go looking for him but if he calls me, I’ll answer.”
Adoption Was The Best Option For Her!
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“It took a long time for me to finally get the appointment set up at the hospital to end my pregnancy. The day finally comes and I’m sitting in the room getting my vitals done and the nurse crossed the line.
I felt like total garbage already and kept crying because it wasn’t something I wanted to do, but I knew I wasn’t in the position to raise another child by myself. The nurse kept asking me about the unborn child, like, ‘Do I hope for a boy or girl?’ and ‘If I could name it, what would I pick?’
I ran out of the room in tears and cried in my car for about an hour before I finally pulled out of the parking lot. I called different adoption agencies and finally found one that I was comfortable with. I was able to pick out an amazing couple and they supported me through the rest of the pregnancy.
Since giving my child up for adoption, I’ve gotten married and had a child with my now husband. I have an amazing job, about to go back to school for my MBA, and my husband and I are going to buy our first house.
It is an open adoption and I do weekly skype calls with my daughter and her parents. She was at my wedding and is still a major part of my life. I have no regrets and going through with the adoption has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I wouldn’t change anything.”
Her Boyfriend Was Not Fit To Be A Father!
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“I was in an abusive relationship and I knew that my boyfriend, at the time, was too bad with money to have a baby with. I got pregnant with him and I said I wanted to get rid of the baby because I couldn’t handle being a mother this way in this situation at this age. I was living off of my boyfriend’s family, in a house that his dad bought for us to rent, but we never paid a cent and I was 18, he was 17.
Clearly, since we couldn’t pay for ourselves, we couldn’t have a baby. He wouldn’t let me. I said I wanted to end the pregnancy and he said no, guilted me by telling me I was gonna kill a child, and then kept the argument up until I was 20 weeks and it was too late.
I had the kid and as I thought, he took money from his family, spent it all on Magic the Gathering cards and fast food, and we scraped on by, barely able to feed our son. He then got more violent because the baby’s crying was ‘triggering’ (he is a sociopath). So then the baby and I were both hit (imagine seeing a dude hit a 6-month-old kid because it happened) so I left. I took the kid with the full support of his family and my family, got an apartment and now he is almost 2, the reason I continue to live and strive to succeed in life.
I’m 20 now, doing GED testing and I still live with my son in my apartment. No child support yet (he doesn’t have a job yet) and I’ve been able to feed my son but sometimes I have to make a loaf of bread last 2 weeks for myself. Still better than my ex.”
She Believed The World Is Too Cruel For Her Daughter
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“My state’s laws made it super hard to end a pregnancy, plus the nearest clinic was about an hour by bus (I had no car).
Worse yet, I found out that I was pregnant right before I was to study abroad for 6 weeks. So I was stuck in a country where ending a pregnancy is illegal. I was 8 weeks pregnant with full-blown morning sickness while simultaneously experiencing jet lag. Because I was scared of the procedure and in a different country, I was too paralyzed to act and by the time I got home, I just resigned myself to keeping the baby.
My parents said they’d support me no matter what I decided when I first told them I was pregnant. But after I made my decision, they started making some comments, like: ‘Oh we’re so relieved you didn’t throw a precious life away,’ which really ate at me.
I didn’t want to have a kid because I was (and still am) really depressed about the state of the world and I cried often throughout the pregnancy. I was attached to her, but I didn’t want her to grow up in such a horrible world. I’m in a scientific field where I’m exposed to some grim facts almost every day and I feel awful bringing her into the world.
Two years later and I still love her, but on the darker days, I find myself apologizing to her. I’m heavily considering a tubal, I can’t handle more than one kid with my PPD and existential/dread anxiety issues. Therapy has helped a little bit, but since last fall, it’s gotten a lot harder to not feel guilt over my ‘choice’ to keep her.”