Some of us are lucky enough to have great roommates in college, others are not. Here are their stories.
Awkward Encounter
“I woke up once to my roommate having a wet dream. He woke up shortly after. We briefly made eye contact, he quickly got dressed, went to class, and we never spoke of it again.” Source
Lover Of Candles
“Walked in on him — room full of lit candles — masturbating furiously on bed covered in rose pedals. Apparently, some girl was supposed to come over and she did not show. The image still haunts my dreams.” Source
Not Cool
“I had two roommates that kept eating all of my food. Within the first week (classes haven’t even started) I went to make myself a peanut butter sandwich, my first peanut butter sandwich in this dorm. It was fking gone. They left the tub in my cupboard. Anyways I flipped the fk out because who the hll eats a whole tub of peanut butter by themselves, without introducing themselves? These girls would literally scarf down all my food, and b*ch if they thought anyone was touching their food. So I started buying really fattening food, doughnuts, etc. I was trying to teach them self-restraint, but these b__ches would go through these boxes within two days. So I kept buying doughnuts. And then one day they started complaining about how they couldn’t fit their jeans. Success. I also put laxatives in my peanut butter.” Source
Champion Of The Room
“I got along pretty well with my freshman roommate, but we were both really competitive and had a long standing rivalry of who was the ‘champion of the room’. Fast forward to the end of the year, I decided I needed to prove that I was the champion once and for all, so I went online and bought a trophy declaring myself champion of the room. I told my roommate that I was definitively the champion and he would soon find out why. He didn’t believe me at first, but I could tell he was getting nervous. The day the trophy came, I quietly picked it up from the mail room and left it on his desk while he was at class. He didn’t talk to me for about 3 days. A week or so later, he got pissed at me for something I can’t remember and decided he had to get back at me. Since he was a buffoon, he did what he knew best, and took a sh*t in my trophy. I made him wash it out with his bare hands. I still have the trophy today, and I am still the champion.” Source
Nice Guy
“I got absolutely hammered and pissed all over my roommates desk the night before the end of the year. I woke up to him hanging up his money to dry out. Sorry, dude. Years later he ended up, quite randomly, as my boss and ended up giving me a significant promotion. I guess he doesn’t hold grudges.” Source
Do You Steal?
“My roommate Freshman year was a bch. From the moment we first met, I knew I was doomed. On move in day, as she berated her Doctor father, she accused the help of stealing her jewelry.’You don’t steal, do you?’ was her greeting to me. After our families left she quickly responded to her psychiatrists email and asked me when I planned on dropping out so that she could use my bed as a couch. She was rude and was always loudly talking on the phone with her boyfriend. I woke up one night and they were having phone sex. Her side of the room was disgusting and she told everyone on my floor that I was crazy and jealous of her because I was poor. My first few weeks of college were tough enough and having to deal with her was wearing me down.I coped the only way I knew how, I wrote in a (what I thought to be anonymous) online journal.I wrote about the phone sex, the entitlement she had and how miserable it all was making me. She found the journal, used an out of school email address to threaten me bodily harm. I brought it to the resident director and she asked to see what I had written as well. At the end of the day I was told that I had a problem with depression and anger and needed to get mandatory counseling (and sign a ‘safety contract’ saying that I would not hurt myself or others) but I was allowed to move into a single room. The bch ended up going crazy(she holed herself in her room and never went to classes), dropping out, and having a kid. I graduated so I guess I win.” Source
Pudding Stealer
“My roommate freshman year got completely hammered, came back to the room around 1 in the morning, and accused me of stealing the pudding in her fridge that she had ate an hour before she went out. She waited until I fell asleep and then stabbed me in the arm with one of those clicky pencils…I had to go to the hospital to get it cleaned/stitched. She got kicked out.” Source
Don’t Look In The Duffle Bag
“Not my roommate, but a guy we shared a hall with. Moving in, I did the standard get-to-know-yous around the hall. Everyone seemed cool, except for this one guy. Very anti-social, greasy everything, and smelled AWFUL. Since he was in a wheelchair, he had his own bathroom so we didn’t see much of him. After the first couple of weeks living in the dorm everything is hunkey dory; that’s when the odor started. It quite literally smelled like sh_t. After some sniff searching, we came to the conclusion that it was coming from smelly wheelchair guy’s (SWG) room. We complained to the RA about the smell, and they installed an air freshener in the hallway. Naturally, it masked the odor from sh_t to sh*t and flowers. It got so bad that girls would refuse to come to our room because of the smell. That was the last straw and we demanded he be moved. Thankfully, after winter break SWG was gone and we finally found out about the source of the smell. It turns out the guy wore adult diapers. So he’s got bowel issues, not really that big of deal I guess. Whereas a normal person would dispose of a soiled diaper, this kid put them in a duffle bag underneath the bed and kept it there. He accumulated quite a collection. Multiple duffle bags. Once he moved out, they tore up the carpet, stripped and repainted the walls, and fumigated the room.” Source
The Sink
“I was the horrible roommate. In our dorm, we each had our own rooms but each pair of rooms shared a ‘sink room’, with a sink, mirror, and 2 sets of shelves. My ‘sink mate’ was a junior when I was a freshman, and already knew the ropes. Our (very old) building had a problem with the plumbing backing up and the pipes pushing greasy, nasty black water out into our sinks. This happened several times throughout the year. The first time it happened was only a couple of days into school, before I had gotten to know my sink mate. I went into the sink room and found the sink coated with black grime and assumed my sink mate had poured something nasty in the sink and not washed it out afterwards. I put a post-it on the mirror that said ‘Could you please clean the sink?’ The next time I looked, it had been cleaned. A couple of weeks later, it happened again and I again put a note on the mirror. Next time I looked, the sink was clean again and there was a note for me on the mirror that said, ‘I don’t mind cleaning the sink, but just so you know, I’m not making the mess. It’s the pipes backing up’ with a little smiley face. I felt like the biggest turd. After that I got to know her and we had a great friendship that year. It mostly consisted of her teaching me A LOT of things I had been sheltered from in my very Christian upbringing and putting up with a lot of annoying questions and letting me hang out in her room with her friends since I didn’t have any.” Source
Come On Mom
“It was move out day and my roommate was working on a paper last minute. I was packing my stuff. His parents walked in and were absolutely pissed that he wasn’t packed yet. They immediately started scolding him while I was still in the room, but thankfully I had a final to go to and figured I’d dodge the storm. I said my goodbyes, assuming they’d be gone by the time I got back from my two hour final and went on my way. As it happens, my final only took twenty minutes so I got back much sooner than they’d have expected. I opened the door, saw my roommate bent over his bed with his bare a** showing just as his mom wound up for a spank, and closed it as quick as I could. I went over to a friend’s dorm and helped her pack for a while until I felt safe enough to return. I never brought it up to him after that.” Source
A Vile Cocktail Of Viruses
“Not my freshman roommate but my wife’s (just girlfriend at the time, but she’s leveled up a few times since then). The girl had no social life of her own outside of one friend who would corner you and wouldn’t. shut. up. Having no social lives or dating lives of their own they took it upon themselves to start stalking me online. Suddenly I was getting tons of hits on sites I’d put together from their dorm network (they didn’t realize I could track that) and they were showing up and signing guestbooks on old Geocities sites I’d done in high school and other crap like that. One time I forgot my laptop in their room. Roommate decided it would be hilarious to turn it on, go through my stuff, then download a bunch of gay porn and set some of it as the background on my machine. Did I mention that this was all in the 10 minutes it took me to get to my car, realize I didn’t have my computer, and walk back up to their room? She ended up downloading a vile cocktail of viruses along with all that gay porn and I had to nuke the hard drive from orbit. Most roommates have the courtesy to knock on the door if it’s late at night on a weekend and they know their roomie is in there with their SO, but not these two. They would unlock the door as quickly as possible, burst in, and turn on the lights with sh_t eating grins on their faces like they were hoping to find us boinking. We never were because we knew they were going to pull that sh_t. The roommate would sit on my wife’s bed eating food and watching tv but not on her own bed. Her roommate would go through my wife’s stuff when she didn’t think she’d be around. One day my wife comes home to find that her hairbrush had been picked clean. Roommate’s friend had decided to clean it for her ‘to be nice’. We never found out what happened to the hair, but I pray to the FSM that it just went into the trash and not into a hairdoll. Now that I read back over all of this I realize just how f**king creepy those two were.” Source
That’s Intense
“I noticed my roommate was a little off at the beginning of the year. He would always tell me things like, ‘I have 3 ak-47’s back at my house. If I fail a test i’m going to bring them here’. and then just laugh it off and say he is kidding. as well as, ‘if I were to kill you i would do it with a knife because no one would ever be able to find out about it’. just really freaky sht that i would just laugh off. but then one night he decided to take down a cocktail of pills while crying and saying f*k this place. i ran out of the room and immediately went to the RA, but when we got back he was gone. he ran to a different friends dorm room, and eventually went to the hospital. when he was at the hospital the police searched the room and found 3 months worth of medication for bi-polar disorder, 3 dozen knives stashed around the room, and his diary that stated, ‘if my roommate wasnt such a nice kid, he would be coming down with me tonight’. Then when he got out of the hospital he started texting me things like, ‘hello roommate, how are things at (insert home address here). I haven’t heard from you in a long time. I think I’m going to have to come pay you and your parents a visit at (insert home address here)’ I was in a f__ked up place for about 3 months after this happened.” Source
Eduardo The Roommate
“Walked into the room for the first time freshman year, and saw him standing in the middle of the room screaming at his dad. He was yelling about not wanting to go, and how he blamed his mom for writing his college essay and filling out the application. He kept calling my roommate (I shall name him Eduardo) an ‘ungrateful piece of sh_t’ and threatening to beat the sh_t out of him if he tried to leave. It was right after he finished speaking that they realized I was in the room. They both pretended nothing had happened, shook my hand, and introduced themselves. Luckily my parents had not walked in with me so they didn’t have to see that and be worried. Eventually my parents met his as they helped me set up the room, and talked about how proud of us they were. Eduardo’s dad kept saying things like ‘It’s either college or the street, cause I’m not paying to support a failure’. My parents of course thought he was joking. Every day this kid told me how much he hated school. He would never go to class, drink in the room all day with the door open (we were a dry campus), scream at everyone, party all night, and generally just be a di_k. He used to watch VH1 every night until 4 AM, with the volume cranked up so loud you couldn’t hear. When I asked him to turn it down because I couldn’t hear, he said he would if I wrestled him. Turns out he was serious. He wanted to WRESTLE me, because of me asking him to turn down that Bret Michaels Rock of Love show. I declined and went to bed. The next day he called his mom to come get him, and she agreed and said she was getting in the car. She never came. He LOST HIS SH_T. He broke everything he owned. Punched a hole through his tv, slammed his guitar hero controllers on the ground repeatedly, threw his xbox out the window, cracked his cell phone in half, ripped his bed sheets. He basically totaled his side of the room. I left the room during all this, assuming he was just blowing off steam, and not knowing he was breaking his sh_t. I walked back into a f*_king warzone, with him standing in the middle of the room crying, drinking laundry detergent, yelling about how he wanted to die, and how he took a whole bottle of advil after he broke his stuff. I ran to get the RA, and he ran and took the broken glass/plastic shards from his computer monitor and started cutting his wrists. The RA and I reentered the room to this kid throwing up detergent and bleeding. Cops called, they feed him charcoal to prevent him from dying due to detergent/pills. (Apparently they do this instead of ipecac syrup) He left that night. Woke me up to say goodbye. Last thing he said to me? ‘Goodbye Jayquack, sorry about ruining your birthday’ I swear to god this story is 100% true and so is the part where he tried to bring in a gun to kill me later but thats a different story.” Source