Life works in mysterious ways, especially when it comes to relationships. For those feeling doubts about their significant other, it's often better to just be honest with how you feel in order to avoid a life full of regret...
He Knew It Was Doomed On Their Wedding Day…
“When I saw her walking down the aisle, I knew that I should not be marrying her.
I asked her to marry me because I felt guilty for sleeping with her. (We were raised in a very traditional Christian environment, where pre-marital sex is BAD).
I felt guilty for taking her virginity and ‘breaking’ her… so I married her.
We lasted 18 years… and then I discovered she had been cheating on me for the previous 5 or 6 years at least. I recently found out my youngest son is not my biological son. (My other two older kids are mine.) I still love him the same, though.
She is without a doubt, the most horrible person I have ever known. I don’t understand how anyone can treat someone like she treated me. Zero respect and her whole life and feelings for me were a total lie.
I divorced her, despite her wanting to reconcile. There’s not a chance I am giving a long-term cheater a second chance.
So… I can only say that if you feel in your heart that marriage is wrong.. then DON’T DO IT.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. You WILL hurt and it WILL be difficult to walk away from the relationship. But it will save you a whole lot more heartache in the future.”
She’s The Only Person He’s Ever Actually Liked
“Life is not too bad. My wife and I have two kids now.
I mean, if I’m being honest, I don’t really like anyone. But she’s probably the only person I could spend the rest of my life with and not want to kill. Funny too because we actually share very few interests. We like vastly different music, television, and movies. We have opposite personalities. She’s an extrovert, I’m an introvert, etc.
I probably could have been happy being a lifelong bachelor but I just know I would have turned into a giant weirdo. My idiosyncrasies would have surely evolved into full-blown eccentricities by this point without her in my life.”
It’s Okay To Give Up Your ‘Safe’ Yet Unhappy Life!
“I was this person for a long time – six years out of an eleven-year marriage (thirteen-year relationship). We had grown apart, and despite both of us trying to change things, we were no longer the right people for each other. I wanted out (more so than her, at first), but I didn’t have the courage to leave. We have a child, which complicated things, obviously. I would like to say I didn’t leave because of our daughter, but that wasn’t it – I was simply afraid to leave a cushy, but soul-deadening, life.
I finally left.
A few years later, I met an amazing woman who fills my life with fun, adventure, and joy. We are a much, much better fit. A few years after that, the new woman and I married; we’re now in the third year of our marriage, and I couldn’t be happier.
As for my ex-wife, she met and married a great guy that was a far better fit for her. We’re all friendly, and from time to time, my new wife and I are invited over for things like holidays.
If you’re in an unhappy situation, make sure that it’s the situation and not just you. But if it is the situation, go. You have exactly one life to live (as far as anyone can tell), and the absolute worst thing would be to regret giving up the life that you could have had for something that was safe but unhappy.”
Sounds Like She’s Definitely A Keeper!
“I was dating my now wife, and I was a freakin’ mess. Drinking a lot, depressed, schlepping my way through life.
I had a cycle (1) find a great woman (just to be clear, there are TONS of great women out there if you look at personality and brains before looks). (2) fall in love. (3) become emotionally unavailable, depressed, drink too much, and leave.
One night, I got arrested for being drunk and in the wrong place. My fault for being drunk. So, I spent the night in jail. I had hit bottom. My girlfriend spent the whole night looking for me, and I called her as soon as I was released.
She picked me up, gave me a hug and kiss, took me home, and put me to bed. Not a mean word, just kindness and compassion. Coming from a family where these words don’t exist, I was astounded that people could act like this to someone who acted so stupidly. I woke up, and she took me to get ice cream and told me that she would be there for me through the whole process (court date, fines etc).
She stood by for the whole thing.
I got sober, went on antidepressants, and asked her to marry me. I have never been so happy in my life.
We were married last week.”
Her Husband Should’ve Broken Up With Her Long Ago…
“My husband did this — but I didn’t find out until almost 20 years and two children later (when he told me we were getting a divorce and that he was deeply in love with a woman he met when I was pregnant with our oldest (who was, at that time, 16).
I love my kids and wouldn’t change that for the world, BUT if it were possible to do it again in some alternative timeline, I wish he’d have broken up with me.
It hurt more than I could have ever imagined to find out that my entire adult life was, in essence, based on a lie. It took a lot of work for me to be able to trust anyone again. My husband’s love for me was something I had always thought of as part of the foundation of the life I’d built.
To discover that foundation was false ripped my confidence to shreds. I started second guessing EVERY decision I made or had made in the past. I stopped trusting my own judgment about almost everything. I went from being a very intelligent, confident, independent person to…something far less.
We’re both happier now, but I’ll always wonder how things could have been better had he been willing to do the right thing back then instead of making a commitment he didn’t really want simply because he didn’t want to give up the fun stuff.”
“I Was Unreliable, And She Was Very Much The Opposite”
“I actually feel bad saying this happened to me.
In college, she really had her life together, and I was a drunken, 20-year-old animal. She studied all the time. I was a business major. We had a lot of fun, but I was unreliable, didn’t want any responsibility to anyone, and she was very much the opposite. I don’t feel bad about how I was, I was in college and that’s the point, but it caused friction between us which I hated.
So I was at a crossroads. I wanted to be with her, but it felt like it wasn’t working. An enabler she is not; it seemed like I constantly let her down. So I basically wasn’t the person she needed at the time, as much as I loved the heck out of her.
This is pathetic, but I tried to break up with her. Like, I gave what I thought was the ‘We’re done’ speech, but didn’t really have the guts to just come out and say ‘Screw this I don’t want to be with you anymore.’
We had a fight, I said wishy-washy passive aggressive nonsense, and we ultimately proceeded with the relationship. I don’t entirely remember, but it may have even come to her saying ‘so we are done?’ and I couldn’t bring myself to confirm.
We haven’t had the easiest relationship ever, but it’s one in which I feel like we’ve both grown a lot, though I concede it was mostly done by me. She is crazy mature, she has been the entire time I’ve known her. I CAN be, but I had to learn to be. She just seemed naturally like an impossibly good person. And she’s pretty attractive, so I have absolutely no idea what she’s seen in me all this time. We 100% still do not agree on everything, we are more complimentary to each other if that makes any sense.
So yeah, we’re really good, but we have our moments. Married seven years now. Beautiful house, a beautiful baby girl was welcomed recently. For all of our faults, and there are many, the only constant is we’re always there for each other. She is far and away my best friend.”
Borderline Personality Disorder Really Affected Their Relationship…
“I married a girl who implied she would end her life if she was without me. I hopped on a cavalcade of abuse and infidelity for 10 years, punctuated with her stints in an institution. I was so stressed out by her that I would literally get heart palpitations before she came home from any of these stays.
Luckily, I was bailed out when she fell in love with her best friend and took off. I filed for divorce which took another year because my spiteful ex wanted to punish me by delaying her signature. Borderline Personality Disorder is not fun.
There is a happy ending, however.
The divorce finally went through, and I decided to take a little in-town vacation. I got a nice hotel room and treated myself to an elaborate dinner. When I had finished my fantastic meal I gushed to the waiter that it was the best meal I’d ever eaten. She told me that the chef was available if I wanted to meet her. Being the Irish gabber that I am, I gladly accepted.
A few minutes later, the chef came to my table and we had what could only be described as a love at first sight moment. I’m not even sure what we said to each other, if anything, at first. I asked if she was free after her shift and we have been together ever since.”
“I Felt Like I Couldn’t Break Up With Her, Like That Kind Of Betrayal Would Ruin Her Life”
“Life turned out great for me, together for 22 years now, married for 18.
She was a verified goody two shoes, and I always had a thing for bad girls, so it wasn’t a great match from the start. But I was 17 and I had no other offers at the time, so I figured I’d keep going out with her until I found something better.
Long story short, I never did. So I kept going through the motions.
I liked her and we had fun, but I never loved her. She always said she wouldn’t have sex with me unless she knew we would get married someday, and after 2 years I was willing to make that trade. After that I felt like I couldn’t break up with her, like that kind of betrayal would ruin her life. She was deeply in love with me and I just saw her as a friend. I practiced break up speeches all the time, all the way up to the wedding, but when I went to say the words I couldn’t do it. She was too nice and sweet, I felt like it would break her.
So I just decided to just man up and keep my word. We were married at 21, and the next 5 years or so were rough for both of us. I had a lot of bitterness and regret, and I kept trying to turn her into that bad girl I always wanted. Must have a been a nightmare for her.
Then it just hit me one day. All my friends who dated or married bad girls were miserable, most of them got cheated on. My wife treated me like gold even though I treated her like garbage. All of the sudden I was overwhelmed with love for her. I realized I was married to the best friend I ever had. What I wanted in a woman flipped 180 degrees in a single moment, and she has been my idea of a perfect spouse ever since.”
Living Life Like A Prisoner
“As with most relationships, the first 3 months was amazing – super nice to each other, lots of very exciting sex, etc.
About 3 months in I started to realize that she had mental health issues. She had a temper, combined with diagnosed anxiety and depression. She took lots of meds for it. Her temper meant she broke up with me a lot. Each time I realized I was okay with it, but each time she came crawling back, usually within 24 hours and begged me to take her back.
Then I tried to break up with her. Threats of ending her own life followed.
I couldn’t take the pressure of what might happen, so I took her back. I’ll never forget one time, probably less than a year after we got together, she told me she was going to go end her life after I tried to break up with her, and she left her house and wouldn’t pick up her phone. I alerted her parents (she was 21 at the time) and they blamed me!
Eventually, I figured that I would just stick it out until she was at a more stable point in her life, and then leave. That, of course, never happened.
It wasn’t all bad. She was also super smart and motivated me to pull up my socks and do better in school. She had applied to law school when I met her, and she had always been a top student. The same anxiety that often made her less than fun to be with made her a great student. She got into one of the top law schools in the country, got good grades, and became a very successful lawyer. She also pushed me into a good career that I probably wouldn’t have if not for her.
Fast forward THIRTEEN YEARS and here we are today. We have two beautiful children. So I’m never getting away from her now. On the surface, you’d think we have a great life – we have a big house, two healthy kids, I drive a luxury car, have money in the bank, etc etc., but underneath it all, I’m lonely and broken.
I smoke every night after work to keep myself sane and usually feel empty inside regardless. I miss human contact as I rarely go out outside working hours, see my friends only a few times a year, and rarely get anything resembling a hug from anyone. I work my butt off all day, then again at home to do my share of the domestic responsibilities, and get yelled at whenever anything is just a bit off or I forget one task on a list of ten…
Long story short – if you’re in the early stages of a relationship that you feel stuck in, GET THE HECK OUT because it will NEVER get easier, and if you’re not careful you’ll be living life feeling like a prisoner just like me.”
Constantly Walking On Eggshells With This Woman
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“I jumped right out of a relationship and into one with her. We got along great to start. We moved in together based off of convenience and it stayed that way for a few years.
She had a timeline that was set in stone and gave me an ultimatum; marriage or the relationship was over. I chose marriage even though I didn’t want to and told her as much. She was super happy about it. Her being happy was enough for me at that point.
So we bought a house, settled in, no kids because I wasn’t ready. She started to gain weight, I grew distant physically, she created a home environment and life around her where everyone she knew had to walk on eggshells.
Over the next ten years, she became misanthropic, cynical, emotionally unstable and obese. She refused to listen to advice, take constructive criticism, feedback or help of any kind.
I finally realized that I, a happy laid-back person, was becoming like her.
I finally grew a pair and moved out. Met the love of my life a few months later and finally understand those couples that are annoyingly stupid happy all of the time.”
‘I’m Not Sure If I’m Weak-Willed, Or If This Is What It Means To ‘Love’ Someone’
“My SO and I dated for a long time before we got married. For the most part, we’ve always had a happy relationship, and the first few years were awesome. We never really fight, but to some extent, I think that might be because we’re both too passive-aggressive and non-confrontational. But–as I guess happens with many (most?) long-term relationships–eventually, the excitement disappeared. We can’t seem to find much to do together, and I sometimes feel like I have more of a roommate-with-benefits who I am also obligated to be sexually exclusive with, as opposed to a ‘soulmate.’ But then, I kind of feel like ‘soulmate’ is a stupid term.
On a few occasions, I’ve really struggled with finding myself sexually and emotionally attracted to other people. I never acted on these feelings, though truth be told, I’m not sure how much of that is due to my moral integrity versus how much of it is because I wasn’t sure the object of my interest would reciprocate. I also knew that however much I was dissatisfied with my relationship, none of the other people I was interested in would have been right for me for anything beyond a quick and probably regrettable fling. I’ve always been able to see this clearly in retrospect, once the haze of infatuation wore off.
Before we were married, on a couple occasions, I tried to end the relationship. I thought perhaps my SO would have the same feelings I did, since the relationship had already been going on for a long time and sometimes felt passionless. That turned out to not be the case, and the conversations (and tears) that ensued were probably the most emotionally painful things I’ve ever experienced. It’s not something I ever want to experience again… I’m not sure if that just means that I’m weak-willed, or if this is what it means to ‘love’ someone.
Anyhow, eventually marriage was, uh, on the table. I don’t want to give too many details about the circumstances. But at the time, things were going well, and it seemed like the right thing to do. I was nervous and uncertain, but isn’t that common before marriage? So, we got married. No kids, and no plans for kids.
I still struggle with feelings of loneliness and attraction to other people, from time to time. I’ve gone to therapy for it, but that proved pretty much useless. I don’t think the psychologist was and I ‘clicked.’ (Does that qualify as ironic?) I’ve also brought these issues up with my SO, which also resulted in some painful conversations, but not really any resolution. I don’t want to get divorced, but it still seems like our levels of relationship satisfaction are asymmetrical.
The truth is, when I think about it rationally, I think my SO and I are a good fit. We’re highly compatible in terms of life goals and outlook, religious beliefs, politics, social issues, etc. We still have sex pretty regularly, and it’s still good, although I definitely feel the desire for more variety and novelty. We go out together, take vacations, and sometimes have great conversations, although not as frequently as I’d like. Sometimes it’s hard to find activities to share together because we don’t share many hobbies, but that’s what (other) friends are for, right? One thing the psychologist told me, which I suppose is true, is that it’s okay if you don’t do everything together with your partner.
I’m not fully satisfied with my marriage, but I’m not deeply unhappy either. To the extent that I’m unhappy, I’m not sure if it’s really because of the relationship issues, or if it’s just general depression, which I think I’ve always been a bit predisposed to. I don’t know if our marriage will last forever, but at least for the time being, I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone who I’d really be better off with.”
His Constant Freak-Outs Make Their Situation Difficult To Bear
“My life is not great, not as bad as it could be I guess. We are married with no kids and we have no interest in kids. We both moved out of state with each other and kind of got wrapped up in a business together.
Basically, separating would have been a major chore but yeah, I obviously sometimes look back and think man, I should have run when he started doing this and that.
The guy freaks out over anything and his anxiety attacks range from him going catatonic like Skyler from Breaking Bad to bawling his eyes out like an infant. Obviously, he didn’t do that when we first met.
To give you perspective, we have no kids, no one has cancer or serious health concerns, we have never filed for bankruptcy, our life has moved along pretty good with our job and getting a house, etc. The guy is just a mess. And when he is around me, I’m rarely relaxed or happy because he makes any situation, from doing dishes, to eating dinner to grocery shopping, to doing taxes a freakin’ horror. I try to avoid any serious contact with him because of his exaggerated reactions to basic day to day life.
At the same time, I don’t really care about finding another man. The reason why I liked him so much back then was that we had a lot in common. And I mean a lot. It was hard to find a guy that liked the same activities and music as me and who had a good sense of humor. So it’s not like I’m dying to be in another relationship, the dating scene was a complete bore. But sometimes I do wish I could be alone.”
He Couldn’t Live With A Bridezilla And Her Terrible Family
“I very nearly made this mistake. I was in a relationship for four years, bought a house together and everything.
She and her parents were really, really pressuring me into proposing. She threatened to leave if I didn’t do it within a year and her parents constantly asking me when I was planning etc. We weren’t happy and hadn’t been for about 2-3 years but I just couldn’t find a way out of the mess I’d created for myself.
Anyway, I eventually bought a cheapish ring on a whim and decided to propose that weekend. Had an absolutely minimal thought to it and I was dreading asking and the idea of getting married to this girl. Unfortunately, I asked anyway and she said yes and then she turned into a complete Bridezilla…
She was bad before and this just made her worse. I immediately realized I made a mistake and tried my best to find a way out of it in the easiest way possible. Tried to break up with her about a week after proposing and she refused to let me, ringing her mom crying about halfway through and telling her everything. I felt really bad so I said we’d work on it, I freaked out what have you.
Fast forward two weeks and we ended up going on holiday with her parents and it was a living nightmare. Her mom is very stupid, incredibly racist and massively stuck in her ways and her dad was just absolutely spineless.
I realized that if I actually went through with the marriage that I would end up exactly like that and that broke me. I broke up with her there and then, 3 days into a two week holiday that was too expensive for me to leave so I had to wait it out.
That month I was engaged for was the worst of my entire life and every day since has been like an entirely new life. God knows how much worse it would have been if I’d have gone through with it, but I’m so glad that I finally grew some balls and ended it.”
Proposal Just Because She’s Pregnant?
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“My husband proposed on my birthday when I was pregnant.
I thought he was only doing it because I was pregnant. I wanted to tell him I didn’t want to marry him and why but I just couldn’t find the words.
So there I was laying in bed during the bouts of insomnia pregnancy brings and I thought about the day I told him. Essentially I gave him the get out now card. No responsibility financially or otherwise. He panicked when I gave him that option, he said ‘but I would lose you, I love you.’ It made me realize he wanted me and was not just doing the right thing.
We are happily married, have our ups and downs but I love him so much.”
The Huge Life Decision That Made Them Stronger
“My wife and I almost certainly would have broken up if she hadn’t become pregnant when we first started going out.
She had severe issues with depression and was very manic, both up and down. When we first started seeing each other I thought it was a fling but then she got pregnant and we decided that we would have an end the pregnancy.
Once that decision was made I resolved that I would help her psychologically for as long as I was needed. Things got really bad for a while but over time she was able to defeat some of her demons, all from prior to the ended pregnancy, neither of us have ever regretted that, and we were married a few years ago.
Life is now great. The depression rears its head every now and then but we both recognize the symptoms and act to head it off before it descends too far.
The stigma of mental health is the biggest issue as my wife still feels embarrassed and ashamed a lot and has very low self-esteem but we work every day to be a unit and face these things together.”