Everyone has had an experience where they thought, "I'll never tell anyone that." These people anonymously shared their deepest, darkest secrets that they would never tell anyone they knew. Content has been edited for clarity.
I Figured Out My Cousin Is An Ice Ice Baby
.jpg){kind=link}
“Vanilla Ice is the father of one of my cousins. He was on tour in the area and had a thing with my aunt after a gig. One of my female cousins looks nothing like the rest of her sisters and looks just like Vanilla Ice. This is never discussed within our family until my mom told me that it was true when she was hammered at a family party years ago.”
I Could Have Been Craigslist Killed
“When I was 17, I got tired of hearing all the rumors of my friends losing their v card before me. Getting so frustrated, I found someone on Craigslist who was cool with my age and the fact that I wanted to lose my v card. We made plans, I snuck out of my house and the guy picked me up and took me to his hotel. We didn’t actually do the act, just some kissing and rubbing bodies, but he was very respectful and we had a pretty good time.
It wasn’t until later that I realized how dangerous, stupid, and irresponsible this was and I DO NOT recommend anyone ever do this. I’ve never told anyone this and never will. If someone asks I just say I lost my v card in college.”
A Smelly School Bus Ride
“I peed my pants on the bus during a field trip in the fifth grade. I drank too much rootbeer before we left and I was too nervous to ask the driver to pull over. Luckily, I was wearing snow pants, because it was winter and we were going to spend most of the day outside. The bus ride was agony because everyone complained they could smell a ‘fart’, but couldn’t identify the source. Needless to say I’ve watched my rootbeer intake before setting out on long road trips since then.”
Beating The System
antoniodiaz/Shutterstock
“I’m a total fraud.
Didn’t have proper education, didn’t go to college. After years of working in customer service and two failed start up businesses, I faked my resume, glorified everything I did, and was hired as a manager.
Have a lot to learn but I do what I can to survive getting discovered and losing everything. So far, everything is going pretty well. Two things I’ve learned is that “confidence” can make a big difference, and that there is a gaping hole in the system of companies doing background investigation.”
My Life Partner
“I’ve had an imaginary friend as far as I can remember. I’m almost 31 years old. As I’ve developed, so has he. I know he isn’t real but he has been there through some difficult times in my life. Throughout my life, I have developed a very complex story. I imagine when I’m old and about to croak. My last words will be ‘It’s been a great life old friend. Thank you for being there through all of it.'”
My Parents Literally Drive Me Crazy
YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV/Shutterstock
“I have a chronic condition that’s really affected by stress. It gets worse when I’m home. I figured out a while back that the reason is that, although I love my parents, being around them is extremely stressful.
I’m never telling them.”
Successful Professional On Verge Of Losing Credibility
“My whole professional life is built on a lie and it’s about ready to come down.
When I was 22 I was in a bad way — halfway through my bachelor’s degree, but with a building addiction to opiates and some mental health issues.
Summer of that year I was in a bad car accident — in addition to broken bones throughout my body, my head went through the window and my face received severe lacerations that required hundreds of stitches to close and left me looking very rough. As tough as that was to deal with, I also now know that I sustained a traumatic brain injury that left me very confused, angry, and overwhelmed by life in general.
I wanted to keep up appearances, so after taking three months off to recover I tried to go back to school. Within the first week I knew I couldn’t handle it. Too many questions about what happened, too much anxiety, and I had lost pretty much all my coping skills. When I got overwhelmed (which happened often), I would feel sick and scared and literally forget where I was and what I was doing. It was frightening and embarrassing, especially for someone like me who had always had high expectations placed on my shoulders by those around me.
I had lost pretty much all my friends at this point, and in my mental state, I thought that those who remained would abandon me if they knew how much I was struggling.
So, I told everyone that it was going great. Every day I would I leave the house for six hours and drive. Sometimes I would stop in a parking lot, sometimes I would just keep driving all day. I would find cheap used textbooks at college bookstores so that I could bring them home and “study.” I created elaborate lies about my classes and my professors in order to have stories to tell when people asked how it was going.
I kept telling myself that I was just doing this until my brain worked again, and that next quarter I would go back for real when I could actually handle it. Problem is, things just kept getting worse, and as time went on I became less able to get back on track.
This went on for 2.5 years, until I was supposed to be graduating. So, I lied about that too. I forged transcripts and came up with stories of why I didn’t want to work in the field of my degree and hoped to move past it. I got a labor job and slowly found things working themselves out as my brain chemistry improved and steady work kept me from completely destroying myself.
Eventually I had to move. For the first time in over a decade, I was finally free of my opiate addiction and starting to feel part of the world again, but I was still carrying the lie of my college degree. I volunteered in some places related to that field and they really liked me.
They liked me so much, in fact that they hired me on an emergency basis (no transcripts required) and I’ve worked there ever since. Now, three years into my sobriety and seemingly a lifetime removed from the pain of those years, they want to promote me to a career-level job that I would absolutely love.
I’m so good at what I do and it brings me so much joy, but this promotion would come with scrutiny and background checks that I know I can’t stand up to.
When I was so depressed, I honestly didn’t think I’d even live this long, so while I knew that my lies could create this situation, I never prepared for it. Worse than losing this job would be having everyone around me find out what happened, so I am at a point now where I have to quit what I love because they like me too much.
I plan to go back to school for real and I think I’ll do well, but the shame and regret of this situation is something I don’t think I’ll ever shake.”
You Hear The Strangest Things At Barber Shops
“The school of the university I’m in nearly shutdown last year due to dire financial straits. They were bailed out at the last minute and took out deep loans from the bank. Each school within the university is independent from the others financially, so it couldn’t pull from the university’s money. Only the highest levels of authority in the school know about this. The faculty & students were kept in the dark. It’s flabbergasting considering the number of students and the cost of tuition. However, people tell everything to their barbers. Mine just happens to cut the hair of a close friend of the dean.”
It Isn’t Worth The Hassle
“I’m a self-made multi-millionaire and nobody in my family has any idea (I’m talking parents, siblings, relatives etc). They know I’m doing well because I’ve got a few nice things and get to travel and am not really all that strung out. I usually live within my means and am pretty secretive about my splurging. A few of my friends and business contacts know. It’s awesome, there aren’t high expectations for me.
I love to help out money-wise, but it’s never over-the-top help. Just enough to get people to where they need to be without a free ride. I started with fairly little and worked hard for what I’ve earned and I appreciate it more as a result – I think it’s key to being responsible with money.
One of the reasons I don’t tell my family is because in our community (other ethnic backgrounds) there are a small handful of other wealthy people and whenever they only donate an amount of money to some cause related to our background, instead of a lot more, they get condescending remarks and just an all-around bunch of negative comments. I’ve seen my family members do it, and I want no part in it being shown in a negative light. I donate anonymously to get around it. Just as gratifying 🙂
Not being able to tell does suck sometimes, because I love my family. And if push comes to shove someday, I’ll probably spill the beans during some emergency. So far, no emergencies.”
A Friend’s Dangerous Secret Pays Off
“It was a real life ‘Spring Breakers’ scenario. A guy I was friends with got involved in illegal substance dealing towards the end of high school. The last dodgy criminal thing I’m aware of him doing was a robbery, he got a bunch of guys together to rob this dealer out in the countryside. I hear they raided this guys house with weapons, tied the dude up and took all of his money and product. They went to Schoolies, It’s Australia’s lame right of passage where you generally go to a surfer’s paradise for a week after high school is over and you get to be an obnoxious 18-year-old who is legally allowed to drink and smoke for the first time. So the heist they planned paid for their trip. They also sold the illegal substances they stole and made a hefty profit. I caught up with the guy recently, he’s a landscape architect now.”
Still Holding Feelings For Their First Love
wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock
“My longtime girlfriend and I broke up two and a half ago and I still miss her a lot. I have a new amazing girlfriend but the first one is the one who I lost my v card to and we were both each other’s first everything. Sadly, I still know her password to Instagram and check in on her every once in a while to see if she’s still doing okay. She blocked me on everything when we broke up just because it’s how she decided to handle things and not because I did weird creepy stuff to warrant that response. I’m on track to get engaged in a year to my current girlfriend but part of me has a heavy heart knowing it won’t be the other one. I genuinely wish I could flip a switch and not care at all.”
One Fake Injury Leads To Years Of Success
“In 2009 I was working a dead end job, living paycheck to paycheck, and my then girlfriend (now wife) and I were constantly struggling with the stress of financial difficulty and I could never get a job in an industry I wanted to work in.
Fast forward to Easter 2009, I was sitting in the passenger seat of our little car, while my wife was driving. We got T-boned on the passenger side, that crumpled the entire side of the car and banged me up pretty good.
I managed to get out of the car and check on my wife who was fine, I started to feel a minor throbbing in my leg, but quickly composed myself and ran over to check on the other driver, he was fine (it was a big truck) but he was mad that he hit us and immediately admitted blame (it was pretty clear since he ran a red).
So we sort out the towing exchange information and I go home. That night I get a frantic call from my brother, he always calls asking for help, I don’t even remember what it was for, but I was like “Look man, we were just in a bad car accident, and my leg is really feeling messed up, I can’t help you.” My brother was totally stunned and told me that I need to go to the doctor. I was mostly exaggerating, my leg was just bruised up and I didn’t want to go out and lend a hand.
Next day my leg is a bit stiff and I started to feel a bit lazy, so I called into work saying I’m having trouble standing up after the accident. They say no worries, work from home and take it easy. So I do, I spend the day playing World of Warcraft and eating old Chinese food.
My girlfriend came home and I was really just feeling lazy and I make this big scene of not being able to walk easily to help out. She immediately takes me to the doctor, and despite protesting they send me off for x-rays. Which while they are waiting, the nurse suggests that I start looking into a lawyer since this was an MVC.
I don’t know what I was thinking, but I just went along with it and started faking this injury, the x-rays came back negative for any breaks but there was a possibility of a dislocation that righted itself, so I just said, yeah I think there was a sharp pain during the impact. Anyways, I went on short-term disability, my girlfriend was forced to carry the weight, I went on long-term disability and started going through physical therapy, which I faked my way through.
Now, fast forward 12 months, I’m done faking I’ve “recovered” from my injury I’m at a party with some friends who introduce me to this guy who heard my story and my “struggles” and he was so impressed by my perseverance that he offered me a salary job, nothing crazy something like 45k a year but when you’ve been working retail, it’s huge. Then came a settlement, that was worth over 90k which my girlfriend and I used to buy our first house.
Fast forward 4 years, I’m extremely successful making over 100k (with commissions), been promoted multiple times and got married and literally owe it all to being a lazy guy who faked a sick day following a car accident so he could play video games all day. My entire life is based around a single lie, but even to this day sometimes I get out things say my leg is acting up.”
This Family Has Very Deep-Rooted Issues
“I hate the fact that my dad has felt obligated to add my sister (who isn’t his biological daughter) onto his will. I resent her for being the type of person she is. She’s lazy, babied by my mom out of guilt, and has nothing going on in her life because she’s immature and always finds a way to put the blame on someone else. She doesn’t take care of herself physically and health-wise. She’s 30 years old and has been in-and-out of school since she was 18. She lied to social security to get on disability and spends her $400 on stupid stuff. She hasn’t had a part-time job in I-don’t-know-how-long. She stays locked in her room watching tv or on her phone. She doesn’t appreciate what my dad has done for her despite her not being biologically his. He’s given her everything she has needed, plus more. She failed her college classes several years ago and my dad had to sell his precious guitars to pay financial aid back. That still hurts me till this day. My grandma always tells me “I don’t think your sister is ever going to make a living for herself.” I feel like my sister is just waiting for my mom or dad to die so she could collect the life insurance. I already told my mom, “When the day comes that you and dad leave this planet, i’m not going to be watching over my sister. She’s on her own.” My mom doesn’t protest. She understands. I fantasize about me living far away and not know anything about my sister. I’m 22 and I’ve had to be the older sister many times. She doesn’t deserve any of my dad’s money. He’s done plenty for her and he shouldn’t feel obligated to help her since she refuses to help herself. My mom knows that me and my sister aren’t close. I know it breaks her heart but she understands. I just have no respect for my sister. I see her more like a housemate than family. I fear the day that she gets married and/or has children. I feel for THEM, not her.”
A Costly Coworker
“My coworker has such a bad gambling problem that she routinely runs out of gas on the highway on the way to and from work because she spent it all casino’s. Three times in the last four weeks she has “accidentally” used the corporate credit card to buy gas for her car and is telling payroll she can’t pay it back for at least two months. I am pretty sure she has lost her apartment as well and is living out of her car.”
Pizza Bandit Tells All
“Once I was picking out pizza for a plate(pay per slice) so I picked the plate with sides the curved up a lot, found a large and a medium slice and hid the smaller slice under the other. Only paid for one slice that day. I went from broke to broke and ashamed.”
Man’s Affair Leads To Interesting Progress With Wife
“My now wife had an emotional affair on my wife with a woman I met on a business trip about 2 years ago and the woman lives in our town now.
I’ve been with my wife nearly 20 years, and while we used to have a great relationship, over the last 7 years she had suffered a diagnosed but untreated mental disorder. She was a shell of her former self and it breaks my heart, but she also vacillates between yelling at me for the smallest things I’ve done ‘wrong’ (which could be as simple as I didn’t bleach the kitchen floor because she thought it was dirty) to screaming at me for not wanting to be closer to her. On one hand she was quite sick but, on the other hand, I felt abused. To be clear she had been diagnosed years previously, just refused treatment, and like an idiot I put up a fight but eventually just ‘took it
Two years ago I got sent on a two month business trip for a new position I had taken with the corporate HQ for my company. It was an awesome new job, and being away from my wife was just amazing because I wasn’t getting yelled at all the time. One of the women at the office was just amazing, and we hit it off right away (different department from me but we interacted a lot). Over the 6 weeks I was there after I met her we hung out 2-3 times a week, often times alone, towards the end it got far more serious. One particular outing, it got far too real in which I realized it was heading down a point beyond being just friends. Before this we would laugh and joke, but that night she was hanging on to me, and the topic of conversation was very straight to the point that she wanted more. I will admit I was extremely tempted, especially this nice, beautiful woman hanging on my arm, but I offered her a ride home and then after that let her know I couldn’t see her outside of work alone anymore.
The other thing is my wife was very jealous at the time, so while she knew I had buddies at HQ, she didn’t know the best one was a woman. It would’ve been a marriage killer if she had known how far it went as even though nothing happened, but the woman wanted it and that would’ve been enough since I had never told my wife (yeah, I messed up). When I got home I gave my wife an ultimatum: she gets treatment or I’m gone. This woman was the kick I needed because I shouldn’t be getting my thrills from someone else other than my wife.
My wife went to treatment and is doing phenomenal now like we were first married, and we’re happy.
To top it off last year the woman moved to our city to take a job at the regional office. I see her around the office now and then but we don’t really talk. If my wife ever knew the truth it might just tear open old wounds, and at times I’m afraid this woman might just do that, and I want to tell my wife what happened, but I’m just not sure how she would handle it, so I feel like I’m on a ticking time bomb.”