Remember those times the kids loved something so much that little white lie were necessary to keep that same feeling going on forever? These are stories about how parents harmlessly went along with their kids to have those same stories only turn out to have undesirable consequences years later.
(Content Edited for Clarity.)
Maple Dream Syrup
“When I was young my parents brought home this very fancy maple syrup from Toronto, and I fell in love with it. We used it a few times, and then they told me it had run out so we were using a normal version of Aunt Jemimah’s or something. Apparently, I threw a temper tantrum.
Today we made waffles while I’m visiting home for a week and my mom mentioned how she would just put Aunt Jemimahs back into the fancy maple syrup bottle and how I’d always say something like ‘See mom? I can taste the difference.’
For 10 years my parents have been laughing at me.”
What You Don’t Know
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“When I was a teenager, my grandma who was suffering from stage 4 throat cancer decided that she wanted to air out her secrets before she died. She filled me in that my childhood cat Charlie didn’t die from old age like they had told me, but her and my parents had him put down while I was at school one day. I was distraught. Looking back though I can understand why they did it. Oh, and she also told me that my dad was married to someone else before my mom and I have a much older half-brother…it’s been a deep dark family secret forever. My parents still don’t know I know. Maybe I should have been more upset about that than the cat.”
Back To The Bed 2: Bed Time
“My mom used to turn the clocks forward when I had sleepovers at her house… She’d run in to change the clock from 7:00 pm to 9:30 pm while we were distracted (this was before we all had cell phones) and we’d be amazed at how fast time had gone. We would stay up ‘really late’ and then fall asleep, confident in our ‘coolness.’ She actually got to go to sleep at a decent hour without making us all shut up six times in the middle of the night.
Now that I am older and value my sleep, I think she is seriously a genius.”
So Close And Yet So Far
“Kids think they are slick. My sister and I were no different.
For years we could never figure out how mom could see us going for stuff in the kitchen we knew we couldn’t have. She was a court reporter, so most of her time was spent at home editing jobs in her loft office. We would make absolutely no noise in going for the cookie jar. We would lift the lid in absolute silence, dispense baked deliciousness and drop the heavy porcelain lid without making a sound. We’d army crawl across the floor and open the pantry just a crack while going for pop tarts. We were both Sam Fisher incarnate.
We were caught 100% of the time she was home. We could never figure it out. It was driving us insane. She explained it years later and I felt like a moron.
Her elevated loft office had a see-through railing that overlooked the family room. Directly across from the loft office was one of the largest mirrors I have ever seen. Pretty sure you can see where this is going. This mirror looked directly into the kitchen. Her line of sight on us could not be any better. Our line of sight on her was non-existent.
She would let us almost get away with it every time. ‘PUT THAT BACK!’ in her voice is forever engraved into my soul.”
The Mystical World Of Disney
“When I was in kindergarten, all of my friends would go to Disney World and talk about all of the rides they went on. I was really jealous because I had never been (my parents didn’t want to pay for a plane ride from Massachusetts to Florida). Every day I would cry and cry just begging to go. One day in the middle of the week they just gave in and said we would go. I was psyched. We went on the horse that goes back and forth and got necklaces. We also saw a lot of couches and chairs and other furniture. The next day in class I told all of my friends that I went to Disney World yesterday. They were amazed that I only went in one day. Turns out we actually went to Jordan’s Furniture and my parents told me it was Disney World.”
Mom’s Special Mushrooms
“I don’t like mushrooms..the texture of them creeps me out and I’m not huge on the taste. When my mom used to make lasagna I’d notice mushrooms in it and immediately refuse to continue eating it. Even though I couldn’t necessarily taste them. Anyways, she tells me that it’s OK cause they’re lasagna mushrooms. For years anytime I would eat something and see mushrooms she’d always assure me they were lasagna mushrooms.
Fast forward to like 5 years, I’m at a restaurant and was ordering something with mushrooms in it. Sure enough, I said ‘Can you make sure those are lasagna mushrooms.’ My parents died of laughing and had to explain in front of the waiter the evil lie they fed me for years.”
Because No Lights are Better Than Some Lights
“My mom a few times, when my brothers and I were young, would ‘turn’ all the lights off in the house. She would tell us to go get our sleeping bags and bring them in the living room while she put a couple of tents together. She then would get candles and put them in a small pile and call it a fire. This little maneuver was called ‘camping inside.’ We weren’t allowed to watch tv or play any video games because we were camping. She read us goosebumps stories and we played flashlight tag. It was always fun.
Cut to when I was first starting out in the world. I was having financial trouble and was consoling in my mom for comfort. She tells me that she’s been down that road and you will always pull through.
I ask her to explain. She says that when we were younger, sometimes she couldn’t afford to pay the power bill and that when it was apparent that it would be shut off, then she knew it was time to go ‘indoor camping.’ She did that so that none of us would ever worry or think that we wouldn’t be okay.
Made me smile. I love my mom.”
When Using My Name
“I was trying to get a job at several places when I was 16. I was pretty tech savvy at the time, and genuinely thought I could get a job working a help desk for a power company, a bank, and a few other places.
I started to check the mail every day to see if I had gotten a letter since I wasn’t sure they’d send me a letter, e-mail, or call. I got a few letters from the places I had applied to, and I excitedly opened them.
They were bills of significant debt, all defaulted on. She said she’d pay them back and close it. I believed her, so dropped it. I didn’t know how credit worked back then, and I didn’t know what extremes my mother would go to.
A few years later, I try to get credit on my own and get flat denied by everyone. I got letters from collectors representing the companies that my mom had opened accounts with under my name. They said the bills were never paid on. I claimed identity theft and managed to get the responsibility shifted off of myself and onto my mom, after filing a police report and talking to several companies over the phones across the span of several months. All of them said that she opened the account in my name by claiming she was my wife.
After it was resolved, I still talked to my mom for a few years. When I turned 25 (last year) I had a bit of a meltdown following a conversation we had on my birthday and severed the connection entirely.
I never took any legal action against her. I had some fairly solid evidence of what she did, and I DID file a police report to help urge the companies to take me seriously, but I never went through with any legal action once I was in the clear and the responsibility was dumped on her.
I don’t know how she managed to pay it off, and I’m not really sure I care to know. I just hope it wasn’t my other siblings she used to pay it off.”
Hamster Replacement Therapy
“When I was a kid, I had a pet hamster that I loved as he would walk up the length of my arm and sleep on my shoulder. Fast forward to age 16. My dad and I were talking about my childhood and he let slip, ‘Oh you mean hamster 1 or hamster 2?’
‘What!?’
Turns out my dad accidentally left my hamsters cage in the sun and my hamster died. Then to make it better, they had the cage on their bed as they were deciding what to do, and I came in, pet the dead hamster and said. ‘Bye, I will see you later after school.’ My dad went to get a new hamster that day and when I got back from school he said I was ecstatic that my hamster got bigger. My mom confirmed this.”
When The Kid Knows Best
“It’s the other way around for me. When I was in high school, my mom worked a lot of nights (nurse) so it was just me and my dad at home with the dog all the time. In an attempt to be healthier, I started using Splenda when I cooked, but especially when I made Kool-Aid. My dad HATED it and refused to drink Kool-Aid with Splenda, so I started putting Splenda in the paper bags that sugar normally comes in. He would watch me make Kool-Aid and then tell me how much better it tasted with the real stuff in it.
Used the same method with coffee. He has high blood pressure and refused to drink half-caff coffee because it tasted so bad. Just started putting half-caff in the regular caffeinated coffee tin and he loved it from then on out.”
The Things You Don’t Tell Your Kids
“When I was like 3 or 4, I got a toy telephone car thing that lit up and said things when you pressed the numbers for my birthday. I played with it all day and I didn’t even question the fact that my mom didn’t let me take it out of the box. Three days later, I couldn’t find it anywhere and when I asked my mom she told me that they had to return it to the store because it was infested with ants. Being a kid I didn’t think much of it and I just went back to watching sesame street or whatever.
A few years ago, I told my mom I still remembered that story and she told me what really happened. My family had just come over to the States from Nepal and we barely had any money. My dad was getting a degree at university, working a job, and paying our bills and his tuition at the same time. Anyway, it turns out that my parents couldn’t actually afford any presents for my birthday, but they wanted me to at least have something to play with, even for a little while. They bought me that toy so I would be happy and then had to return it a few days later. Apparently, my mom left the room and cried for a solid hour after I asked her what happened to it when I was a kid. I had to hold back my own tears when they told me about it.”
The Heart Warming Truth About Grand-Parenting
“When I was a kid we would take long family road trips to Ohio to visit my grandparents. I absolutely loved these trips – my grandparents had all sorts of cool stuff in the house, two big apple trees in the front yard, and they lived next to a train track.
My grandpa also loved Golden Grahams. Every time my brothers and I would visit, he would open his cupboard to reveals four or five boxes of Golden Grahams, explaining how much he loved them and that he got some extra boxes just because we were visiting. I always thought it was so cool that my grandpa – who was, you know, old – had the same favorite cereal as me. I would always feast on cereal every time we went to visit.
Of course, years after he died, I was relating this story to someone and the obvious dawned on me. Later I asked my mother if grandpa even liked Golden Grahams, and she got this big smile on her face, looked a little sad, and said ‘No… but he knew you did.’ Broke my heart. Still the story I tell when I remember him.”
The Not So Limited Version
“When I was a kid, my favorite cereal was Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries. If given the opportunity, I would eat nothing else. So for years, my mother had me believing that they were only available during Christmas.
So about six years ago, I’m in the store with my ex and I see them. I explained how much I loved them as a child and we should get some. Then I realized it was July. I got really excited and even regressed a little I think. It was then gently explained to me that I’d been duped. I’m eating Crunch Berries right now though so all’s well that ends well I suppose.”
My Little Zebra
“I recently found out at age 20 that the zebra my aunt purchased for her farm when I was a kid did not, in fact, die from not being able to handle the environment of upstate New York. Rather, it was trampled to death by her llamas. Don’t mess with llamas.
The original story was that it was chronically ill from the wet and cold weather and eventually succumbed to this illness. Also, I have no idea how she acquired the zebra. She had an ostrich too and that thing was also crazy mean.”
The Great Magical Pumpkin
“When we were younger, every time we carved pumpkins there would be money inside… EVERY TIME. It would be a crisp, new, dry, folded up bill in the $5-$20 range (I’m guessing based on the current pumpkin economy of the time). They were grown by my Grandpa so I assumed, and was told, they were magical. When I was about 12 or so the news broke and it was all a sham. Apparently, for YEARS, they would briefly distract me as I removed the lid of the pumpkin, and the money was placed inside by my parents/grandparents. It worked on my cousins, it worked on my brother and sister, it worked on everyone. When I found out, I didn’t want to believe it. How could they do it so well? Now I know how to set my kids up for the ‘long con.'”
Fluffball: A BMW Story
“When I was about 10, my family adopted the sweetest, most affectionate white fluffball of a kitten. She never scratched, and always wanted more attention. She was more or less the archetypal loyal lap-cat.
We hadn’t had the kitten very long when my sister and I received the devastating news that our kitten had died that morning. My mother sat us down and gently told us that Snowflake had died as a result of having an undersized lung. I didn’t know a lot about genetics or even pulmonary health at this point, so my sister cried and I accepted the cruel cards of fate.
Years later my family is out at dinner with friends, and the good stuff is flowing. In the middle of an enthused and humorous conversation, my father boisterously proclaims, ‘it’s like the time I ran over the cat!’
Snowflake died from an undersized lung, all right — it was crushed under the wheel of a BMW.”
Happy Parental Accidents
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“On my 21st birthday, my parents took myself and my housemates out for an early dinner (so as not to interfere with the festivities planned later on) and my dad flipped my world upside down.
When I was 10 and my brother was 7, we took a family trip to the Liberty Science Center, which, for those of you not in the NJ area, is essentially a neat multi-story playhouse full of science-related activities designed for kids. They have an IMAX theater attached that plays interesting documentaries, for a while they had a ‘touch tunnel’ where you would crawl through an extended area in complete darkness, and several demonstrations on different floors with everything from insects to aquatic life to the classic shattering-a-banana-frozen-with-liquid-nitrogen routine. To my parents’ credit, they had me interested in science from a very young age, so this was a real treat for my brother and I, however, since we were still 10 and 7, we couldn’t stand to be stuck in a car for more than an hour without bickering with each other. After fighting almost the entire way there, my dad lays down the law. ‘If I hear one more word out of either of you, I’m turning the car around.’ A deafening silence reigned over the rest of the car ride until we are literally pulling in to the parking lot when one of us (I cannot remember who) said something snarky, and my dad, true to his word, turned that car around, and we drove all the way home.
Fast forward to my 21st birthday, that story happened to get brought up, as I tend to use it as an example of how, while my dad was really cool, he was not one to mess with. My dad then revealed a life-changing secret that only he and my mother had known. They never intended to actually drive all the way home after the long ride. They just wanted us to get the message. However, my dad misinterpreted some of the traffic signs and ended up back on the Garden State Parkway, which has few and far between opportunities to turn around, so he just took us home. The entire thing was an accident, but they played it off as intentional for the sake of their parental authority. They did take us back the following weekend because you bet your tuckus we were the most behaved children on the planet for the next few days.”
Stewart Little 4: The Negligible Owner
“Prepare your minds, this is a story about a 12-year-old child that desperately wanted a pet mouse. I begged and begged and then finally my father took me shopping for the perfect mouse. I named him Basil and he was a cute little animal. But poor little Basil needed lots and lots of play time which I couldn’t give. So I bought him a female friend. He became a little horn dog overnight. And would like to chew on her ears. So I thought to myself, maybe another mouse will help. So in goes another female the following weekend. Now I have two female mice getting repeatedly mounted by this (obese and lazy, except when he got his little mouse hard on) Alpha Mouse. I was confused and angry at him. He didn’t listen to me nor did he stop. So I managed to get my father to buy me a big fish tank. Maybe two meters in length, one meter high. And I separated the tank with two-inch thick cardboard. Too late, they were pregnant. Anyway, a couple weeks later I had too many baby mice and Mr. Basil chewed his way through the cardboard and was a horrible father to the baby mice. I didn’t want them to get pregnant as well…
I got home from school one Friday afternoon and I noticed my Catholic family of mice was all gone! Except for Basil, he even had the whole fish tank to himself. My mother gave me around $30 and said that she sold them all to the pet shop for $1 each. I was stoked. First of all, I had $30 and second, they were all going to go to lovely homes.
Fast forward twelve years: It was Christmas and we were laughing at the time I had delivered 28 odd baby mice, and my lovely mother dropped the bomb that she had put them all in the freezer to die.”
Bad Hair For Life
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“Every time we went to the hairdresser they’d mess it up. At the time I really preferred long hair, and they’d always cut it way too short and in styles I didn’t like. Eventually, I decided that all professional hairdressers were huge mess-ups who didn’t listen, and I was going to take matters into my own hands. I’ve been cutting my own hair since I was 15, I’m 23 now and actually pretty good at it.
So, just a few months ago, I was over at their place for dinner, and my mom casually mentions that she’d always told the hairdressers to ignore what I said and cut it a certain way.
I was floored! I’d lost faith in an entire industry of people! I had messy hair for years and years, between their crappy cuts and mine before I knew what I was doing! That stuff probably changed the course of my life in some way!”
My Secret Life As Grilled Cheese
“For years and years, my Dad (single parent) would make grilled cheese for me by toasting bread and putting cheese on it. It was cool.
Years later, I discovered at one point while my Grandma was visiting, she attempted to make me grilled cheese the normal way (pan, butter, delicious-ness) but my Dad stopped her saying ‘No, then he’ll know that exists.’
Also – I was invited to Neverland Ranch as a child, but my Dad didn’t let me go, nor did he even tell me I was invited.
Lastly, I was in Cub Scouts but only participated in local meetings, wondering why we never did campouts or anything. Just thought it was something our troop didn’t do. Recently found out, there were campouts, my Dad just thought they were all lame so he didn’t let me go. Or tell me they existed.
My childhood was unique.
My Dad was (and is still) very focused on work and me. Most of what he did was the quickest route possible to get me fed or whatever and then get back to work.
Still, he has lots of stories about all the tricks he used to do and they make me laugh a lot now.
In the mid-’90s we were quite poor, sharing a one bedroom apartment (he slept in the living room) and it was Christmas. So instead of buying a BIG gift for me, he spent like 20 bucks on a bunch of little gifts. He said I was so amazed by the quantity that I didn’t even notice how cheap all the toys were.”
Some Kind Of Parrot
“When I was a kid we had a pet bird- Bart the Bird, and he could talk. For years I recalled with great fondness talking to Bart and Bart answering back. Well, not too long ago I asked my dad what type of bird Bart was. Surely he was some form of parrot and I just never put it together because I was so young. My dad then broke the news that Bart never talked. That he would stand not far off in the other room or a few steps behind me and talk for the bird. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the carpet be pulled so quickly from under my feet. You don’t know how many people I’ve told about Bart the talking bird.”