There's no shortage of weird Tinder dates!
Why Would You Kill A Helpless Toad?!
“I’m a fat ugly bastard, but I matched with a girl who wasn’t too shabby looking, texted for a few days until we were both off. I picked her up, she was very cute, went to dinner at a Japanese steak house and had a good time, drank some sake. She suggested we go back to my place (woo!) We stop by her apartment to get her car and she wants to get clothes. She follows me to my house and we make out in my driveway for a few and start to move towards the house, I’m excited, gunna get laid and all yessir, been a while. So we are on my front porch and she goes ‘Eew, what’s that?’ and points to this baseball-sized toad that hangs out on my porch, this is his 2nd year there. Anyways I explain he is cool and I knock beetles off my porch light for it to eat and stuff. She walks over to him, looks at me, like intense eye contact and proceeded to slowly stomp on my toad. Now at this point I was experiencing several emotions, shock, anger, rage. I shouted at her ‘wtf, why’d you do that!?’ to which she replied ‘I wanted to make you mad so you’d f_ck me hard.’ I was speechless while I processed what I had just witnessed. I told her to get the f_ck of my property, she flips out, we yell back and forth, I sprayed her with the hose and she finally leaves only to show up 20 min later topless on my deck in the back yard. She had walked from down the road and pulled like 6 pickets down from my fence to get in the back yard. Cops came. She cried her way out of trouble with them and left.” (Source)
It Was Pretty Epic Until The Visit To The Clinic
“Went to see Fifty Shades of Grey, got a blowy in the parking lot, got caught by a security guard on a segway. Ended up with chlamydia. I no longer Tinder.” (Source)
On That Desperation Grind
“He made me watch his homemade rap videos and tried to like his own FB page on my phone.” (Source)
Sounds Like A Winner!
“She was lying about her age. And wanted a baby, immediately.” (Source)
How The F*ck Does This Even Happen
“My profile pic is a toilet. The first time I met a girl we actually talked about toilets for an hour.” (Source)
That’s A Stealthy Hooker
“So I was in Shanghai for work, and decided to see what was happening on Tinder. Matched with a girl and chatted briefly. She asked if I wanted to meet at her hotel for a drink. Alarm bells should have been ringing. So I shower up, pop a breath mint, and smash out a lucky panda cigarette whilst flagging down a cab. I get to her hotel and to my astonishment, she is the woman in the profile, waiting for me at the hotel bar. Have a few cocktails and things are going well, she’s friendly, seems really into me, then she asks if I want to go up to her room for ‘some more drinks.’ Dear diary: JACKPOT! So we make our way upstairs and she doesn’t waste any time and jumps straight in. When all was said and done I thought ‘right, time to do the shanghai shuffle!’ So I’m putting my clothes on and about to leave and she says “What about my money baby?” My heart sinks quicker than a mob snitch swimming in concrete boots. I ask her what she means, ‘Not for free sex, 3,000 RMB!’ she replies which is just shy of $500. F_ck me, I’d just rooted a hooker! So a heated argument begins and I’m planning my escape lest there be a pimp waiting outside. She starts screaming at me and hotel security arrive on the scene and hustle me down to the lobby. She follows in tow demanding her money, screaming, yelling, making a scene. Everyone’s looking. I’ve really hit rock bottom here. Then I see someone get out of a cab outside the hotel entrance. I gap it and leap into the cab, telling the driver to ‘DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE’ in the worst Chinese possible. I probably said something offensive. But the power of the all mighty yuan saves the day and he speeds off, taking me back to my hotel where I can hit a bottle of scotch and reflect on what the actual f_ck just happened.” (Source)
Well That Didn’t Turn Out To Well For Her, Did It?
“I met a girl for a date who turned out to be much better looking than her photos which is always a nice surprise. The date went well, just dinner and a walk, and we said our goodbyes. The next day she invited me out to a friend’s birthday party downtown as her +1. I wanted to go but I had to work the next day and wanted to be able to drink a little since it was a bunch of people I didn’t know. She said ‘That’s alright, you can park at my house and sleep over.'(Cha-ching!) So, of course, I said yes. Fast forward to the middle of the party, I’m enjoying myself chatting it up with her friends and having a good time and next thing I know she absolutely loses it and storms out of the bar leaving me there. Drunk. With her friends. I still have no idea why. One of them told me ‘she wants you to go after her!’ and I said ‘f*ck that, it’s our second date,’ to which not a single person blamed me for. I stayed at the party and switched to water while I continued talking with her friends. That was over a year ago, and I still regularly hang out with them. They have since stopped talking to her.” (Source)
Yikes
“Not me, but my friend went on a really great Tinder date a few months ago. She said they really seemed to hit it off — they got some margaritas, had a fun but very deep conversation about life and other philosophical things and then made out a little bit. She didn’t hear from him the rest of the weekend, which felt odd because she had such a great feeling about him. She usually has a great radar with these things. She ended up stalking him on Facebook to see what he was up to. He killed himself.” (Source)
I Hope She Became An Ex-Girlfriend Shortly After
“Friend from class matched with my then-girlfriend. He informed me of the match and proceeded to set up a coffee date. Instead of him showing up to the date, I did. I had the pleasure of watching my girlfriend freak the f*ck out.” (Source)
I Guess That’s A Win?
“He showed up with his iPhone on a lanyard. Around his neck. But he introduced me to reddit, so I guess it went ok.” (Source)
A Real Charmer Indeed
“Met one charmer after talking for a few weeks. After agreeing to meet at a nearby coffee shop, I show up right on time. Ten minutes later I get a text from him to come outside. Seems sketchy but there’s people about, so why not? I stand directly in front and he appears out of nowhere in a hoodie. We walk a bit before he asks me to walk down a darkly-lit street. I say I’m uncomfortable and he immediately starts walking away. I assume he’s joking and call him only to hear him screaming at me on the other end. He sends me a text a couple of days later insulting my hair and telling me to ‘suck my big d_ck you negress b_tch.” (Source)
And The Most Eligible Bachelor Award Goes To…
“I have had several awkward tinder dates. The worst was this guy who was 23 and had pretty much grown up on the computer. Usually don’t mind guys having a gaming hobby. Any hobby is great as it shows you have a passion for something. I offered to meet him at the uni we both attended to grab a coffee, but he insisted on going to the local shopping complex despite the fact that he didn’t drive. No idea how he got there. He ended up being around 30 mins late. OK I can deal with that. When we finally meet he’s so nervous he’s shaking like a Chihuahua and barely able to speak. I get it, first dates can be nerve-wracking. We sit down to sushi and there is absolute dead silence. I start asking him questions to start the conversation but all I get is 2 word replies… right. This is getting a bit more frustrating. I even ask him questions about what games he likes but all I get is condescending answers. I’m starting to feel more like an interrogator than a date. Suddenly he perks up and goes ‘I have to go. There’s a LAN party on.’ OK mate, you’re not feeling comfortable on this date that’s fine. Even though you suggested it and you were so confident online. So we part ways. The kicker comes about 4:30am the next morning. I’m working an overnight shift at Maccas and this group of guys come in. Chihuahua boy is in the group, being a whole lot more confident They walk in talking about ‘b_tches’ and how ‘f_cking fake gamer bitches’ ruined their LAN party. He goes to order. and doesn’t realize it’s me. They leave a huge mess behind. I’m talking purposely smearing ice cream on the table and chairs because it’s the employees job to clean up.The next afternoon i get a message from him asking if I’d like to meet up with him again. I politely said no. He called me a fat b*tch. Never saw him again.” (Source)
All A Matter Of Perspective
“Perfectly nice date, 20 minutes in to it, she says, ‘I’ll be honest. I know what I need in a man, and you don’t have it.’At 25, I would have been crushed. Wondering what ‘it’ was would’ve kept me up for days. Being 35, I thanked her for being blunt and was happy to have an unexpectedly free evening.” (Source)
Ultra Awkward
“Met up for a coffee after having quite a nice chat over tinder for a few days. He sits down and says ‘hey nice to meet you,’ then continues to pull out his laptop and sit there in complete silence for the next hour. I had nothing with me but my phone, since I thought coffee date means conversation. Should’ve left sooner.” (Source)
And Then The Crazy Came Out…
“We went on three dates. The next time she asked to see me, I told her I was visiting family and wouldn’t be available until the following weekend. In that moment, she freaked out and sent me a 7 page long text about how I destroyed what could have been a perfect relationship and that she wanted to marry me still if I would just put her first. She then left me a voicemail of her singing “U Got It Bad” by Usher while crying and saying she loved me over and over. Two days later she sent me pictures of her burning a bucket list she had made for us. Glad I got out of that one unscathed.” (Source)
Because Most Furniture Companies Are Open At 3am
Went on the date, five minutes into the conversation he flips it to 9/11 conspiracy theories and doesn’t drop it even after I explicitly state that the conversation is inappropriate. Told him later by text that I didn’t think we were that compatible. Cue 2 months of 3am phone calls where he pretends to be a furniture/renovation company that had problems delivering my order…(Source)
Hyper-Competitive Scrabble Isn’t Exactly A Turn-On
“There was this one girl I met up with for drinks: 23, nice skin, great hair, fit, just out of a sorority girl. We inhaled a handful of cocktails in about 30 min. I was just trying to keep up and chit chat, but she was like let’s get out of here, which I’m always ok with. We get back to my place and I got my game face on and half my clothes off. Then she sees my Scrabble. Now, I’m very good, friends/family would say excellent. There was a period of 2-3 years where I was playing several games per day at least. She reallllllly wants to play a quick game and starts shit talking. So I smoke her. Absolutely, positively, f*cking torch the hell out of her. Like 550-225 or something in that range. I’m making plays instantly, words you’ve never heard of, bingos all over, playing brutal d… it’s a murder. She gets pissed and storms out. Never got to bang her, but I know deep down she’s still mad about that game and it makes me a lot happier than an orgasm a few years ago would.” (Source)