Guys, listen up! These stories share the times that women have felt uncomfortable or unsafe by another man's actions or words. They do give some good tips and are just trying to help out those who maybe aren't the best with women...
Let Her Dance With Her Friends Alone!
“At a club, pushing into our dance.
I was out with my friend and we were dancing together, fully engaged with just each other and chatting as we danced.
A guy pushed into the gap between us and tried dancing with just me. I stopped dancing and stepped away. My friend reached out and pulled me back to her and began dancing with me again, pulling me in closer to close the circle to make it clear we weren’t looking for company. He did it again. My friend straight up pulled me away and we walked out of the room.
Later that night, the guy saw us and came over and started screaming and shouting insults at us and that we were acting rude for ignoring him. What the heck!”
She Was Literally A Third Of His Age…
“Once at a family party, this elderly man insisted on dancing with me almost the whole night. I didn’t mind this so much because I was there only with my Mum and didn’t know that many people. He then continued to try to read my body language and tell me how he knows that ‘there are things that I’m trying to hide’ and how I have a ‘secret temperament.’ Please don’t try to pretend to ‘read’ a girl’s behavior, especially if she’s about a third of your age. This is just creepy.”
There Are Other Ways To Get Someone’s Attention At Work…
“I’m a programmer and I work with noise canceling headphones. When I’m in the zone it’s hard to get my attention. Everyone usually just waves a hand in my peripheral or knocks on my desk. Or better, they send me an instant message, saying that they’re walking over and need to talk to me about something. In IT it seems like most people prefer that. We can be a grouchy, antisocial bunch.
But there’s a man at work who puts his hands on my shoulders to get my attention. He is genuinely unaware that it’s a weird thing to do, and isn’t otherwise creepy. I don’t know why he has to put both hands fully on my shoulders and can’t just tap my shoulder or something. Most men that I work with seem to go out of their way to not touch me or do anything remotely inappropriate.
I want to tell him to stop, but it’s one of those things where it’s been going on for a while and I feel like if I say something now it’ll be weird. We are sort of friends, it’s not a hostile situation at all.”
Interjecting In The Conversation Will Get You NOWHERE!
“Don’t just try to randomly insert yourself into a random conversation and then get angry if you’re ignored.
I was walking to my car with my boyfriend from the Library. We were in college, we just study binged a bit and were going home. I don’t know what we were talking about but we were in conversation when a guy on a bench with some of his buddies just vaguely said ‘Hey,’ I assumed in our direction.
I couldn’t even tell where it came from, or who it was for. Maybe someone behind us, I don’t know.
The next second, the guy stood up and flipped out on me, ‘Fine, whatever. You think you’re too good to talk to me for a moment? SCREW YOU!’
He was a creepy entitled jerk. It still gives me the creeps about what would have gone down if my boyfriend wasn’t with me. I’m not sure why people think they should act like this to pick up women, and why they think they’re entitled to women having an interest in them.”
You Know That People Can Still See Out Of Their Sunglasses?
“Assume that sunglasses hide the fact that you’re staring at me.
This happened to me but in reverse. I was leaving my house for work and had sunglasses on, head aimed forward, and this contractor up ahead of me was sitting in his truck in some person’s driveway, his eyes glued to my chest. And I’m wondering, does he know I see him? I walk for like 15 feet, and he’s still unshyly staring. Usually, a quick glance and eye contact stop these stares, so here I’m thinking he’s one ballsy uncle. Then I remember that I’ve got sunglasses on and my head turned like I’m looking forward, even though my eyes are looking right at him.
So I turn my head toward him… And the guy still doesn’t break the stare. Finally, I’m like two feet from his truck, and I stop and push the sunglasses to the bridge of my nose so he can see my pupils. The guys startle, nearly drops his iced coffee onto his lap and pretends he was fiddling with his radio.”
Don’t Ask People Invasive Questions On Facebook Message Like That…
“A few years ago at university, I joined the Sci-Fi and Fantasy Club – in hindsight, it was not the wisest decision on this front.
The person who signed me up, seemed like a really nice person and he was very welcoming and I thought we got along pretty well, and if things had gone a little differently I would have been very happy to date him because he did look after me a lot back then, and he did help me out of a bad situation with a drunk at a party once.
But one day he sent me a Facebook message saying ‘Hey, can I ask a weird question?’ I told him, ‘If you think it’s especially weird, maybe you shouldn’t but sure.’ It doesn’t look like much, but we had been like weekly run into each other acquaintances, not much heavy, deep conversation happens behind a game of lying cards. So he asks me if I’ve had sex, and if so how often, and with how many people. I replied telling him that was definitely one of the questions he shouldn’t have asked.
Context really is important, if we’d been out, I’d probably have jokingly pushed it to the side somehow, but this was a Wednesday early afternoon, and just out there.
He got mad, and I stopped replying. I didn’t go to the club for a few weeks and he kept posting vague book statuses about how awful it is when you have done nothing wrong, but get treated like a villain.
Eventually, he sent me a text apology, so I told him it was fine, I wasn’t upset anymore. He asked if we could be friends, and I said I’d try.
That week there was a movie screening event, so I went and was talking with some of my friends when he came into the group. And I was wrong about being okay, I was a bit nervous and shaky and couldn’t talk to him very confidently.
After the film as I was walking to my car, he cornered me and snarled that I was treating him unfairly, and wasn’t even trying to be his friend.
The vague booking began again. And I didn’t go back to the club again. Poor guy, I’m really mean.”
She Had To Cover Her Name On Her Nurse Badge
“I’m a nurse and I’d have to say I get hit on a lot when I’m at work. Guys will make comments about having such a ‘pretty nurse.’ Some will says things like ‘come sit on the bed with me.’ A guy said I should ‘practice baby making with him.’ I’ve even had someone look up my badge name on Facebook and ask me out there. (My profile is more hidden now and I put a sticker over my last name on my badge as well)
My coworkers say I’m too nice because I just kinda laugh and smile at them and walk away to dismiss it but it does get uncomfortable at times.
If sucks because I work on a tough unit with a lot of people with mental health issues so I WANT to be able to care for them and be my normal bubbly nice self but it does get weird when they make comments like that to me.”
She Wasn’t Looking For Love On The Night Bus After Work
“Being propositioned out of nowhere by way older guys.
I was in my mid-20s, getting the night bus home after work when a bunch of drunk/high guys got on the bus, shouting at all the women and generally harassing them as they went. An older guy (like the late 60s, rough looking, lots of scars) sat next to me, I thanked him for ‘rescuing’ me and we made bare minimum small talk. We got to my stop, then he asked if I wanted to go on a date with him. Of course, no wasn’t enough so I had to make something up about working the next day and he finally let me go on my way. He was easily three times my age and I’d shown the absolute minimum interest in him without being rude, how could he misinterpret that into thinking I was into him?”
Unless We Ask For Advice, Don’t Give Out Any Advice…
“When guys decide it’s a good idea to offer unsolicited advice. This is especially true if a girl is trying a new thing or just learning something. If she wants help, she’ll ask! Otherwise, just let her figure it out on her own.
I hate playing pool at bars because guys swarm to offer unsolicited advice and tell you what you’re doing wrong. I was at a weird vaping/craft beer bar with my boyfriend because our friend just got a job there bartending, and a bunch of people there were having a really great time playing pool.
No one seemed particularly good at pool, but everyone seemed to be having a lot of fun minding their own business, so I decided to give it a shot. Again, I’m not very good at pool, but I was having a lot of fun and let my guard down a bit. Guys from all corners of the bar walked over to try to give advice on how to hold my elbow, move my hand, and I quickly stopped having a good time. One guy would tell me to hold my hand flat on the table, the next guy would go, ‘No, no, no, you’re doing it all wrong, bend your fingers!’ Even when I expressed that I didn’t really care what the ‘correct technique’ was, and just wanted to do it my own little messed up way, some guys would insist they, ‘couldn’t just sit there and watch someone make such big rookie mistakes.’ For you folks sitting at home, that’s called negging.
Long story short, it’s super rude to ruin someone’s good time by trying to offer advice when they’re not asking for it. If it’s not hurting them, then just let them figure it out on their own.”
The Things They Do…
Bad Idea To Try To Trap A Woman Who Has A Boyfriend…
“I had a guy once, a friend who KNEW my boyfriend, trap me in my dorm lobby. Physically. For 8 hours straight. I’m 5’3 and 125 lbs, he was 6′ and 200-something lbs. The lobby was a semi-public place that I shared with my 6 roommates, so it’s not like he was in my bedroom. It was a kitchen/living room area. We’d been talking for a while (about God of all things), and when I said I was tired and it was time for me to go to bed, I started to get up and he jumped up and over the chair in order to block my door before I could get to it. And asked me for a kiss. Um…heck no.
And so he moved closer and pinned me in a corner, saying ‘Just one kiss; I know you’ve thought about me- I just want the one kiss and if you still don’t want me afterward, I’ll leave you alone.’ Oh heck no. And I’d see an opening and dodge away from him and he’d catch me again before I got very far(he was a college baseball player on full scholarship to our school), and repeat his demand. And this continued for 8 HOURS. I kept praying one of my roommates would come to investigate, but apparently everyone had gone to bed already. He only let me go when it was 10 minutes till his 8 am class. He was 24. I was 18.”
Women Losing Weight Doesn’t Solicit An Objectifying Comment From A Guy
“I gained so much weight on meds for years, and one good friend of mine in grad school seemed pretty cool to talk to. He got his Ph.D., moved to another state, and then came back a year later to visit. I had lost 50 pounds since changing meds, which he was very quick to notice and comment on during our brunch.
The final straw was when he gave me a hug and said if I looked as good as I do now, he would have flirted with me from the moment we met and taken me away from my boyfriend of 7 years.
Needless to say, after a day of sexism and blatant objectifying me, I told him how wrong that was, he didn’t understand, I blocked him from all communication.
I’m looking forward to getting married in October without misogynist scum like him.”
Apparently We Should Always Be Hesitant About Couch Surfing…
“Abrupt sexual propositions, especially in a completely inappropriate context.
I was couch surfing in Australia and a guy reached out and offered me his spare room. I got to town after dark and there wasn’t much in the way of public transit or Uber. He waited about an hour before he walked into my room and offered me a massage. I said no thank you, firmly and coldly, just so that there was no confusion. Another half hour later he showed up at my door again and asked if he could ‘have some fun’ with me.
I essentially chased him out of the room. Since I had absolutely no way out of that house until morning when other things opened, I slept with the door locked and my knife under my pillow. Left first thing in the morning and walked to the hostel in the pouring rain.
Like seriously, who the heck does stuff like that. I never want to hear another man lecture me on leading people on again in my life; evidently, actively saying ‘no’ multiple times isn’t even enough.”
Dude, She Literally Just Met You…Don’t Act So Possessive
“One time I went to a bar alone because I was new in the city and I really liked the artist playing. During the opener, I was sitting at a table having a drink. A guy asked if he could sit down, and he seemed nice enough. We chatted a little, he asked me to buy a drink but I declined because I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.
The artist I came to see goes on stage and I get up, move towards the dance floor and start dancing. He stayed at the table and watched. Then a few guys who were dancing near me smiled at me and gave me high fives. Nothing creepy.
But then this guy comes up to us and starts trying to grind on me and getting all macho with the guys beside me trying to scare them away from me. Super possessive and super creepy. I ‘went to the bathroom’ and left out the back door.”
Sometimes A Girl Has Got To Reject Your ‘Help’
“Ok, this isn’t necessarily a frequent occurrence but it does happen- don’t offer to help a solitary female if it means leading her away from a crowd or store front. You could have the very best intentions, but if the girl doesn’t know you then she doesn’t know that.
Example- I left an airport and went to wait in a taxi line. While walking there a man came up and asked if I needed a taxi (not creepy yet). I said yes, he grabbed my bag and started to lead me to his taxi. He was dressed like a car service driver would be, and I’m sure he was an entrepreneurial, hard working guy trying to start his own taxi service. Problem was, he then started to lead me away from ALL the people, to a car garage, I could see in the distance he was leading me to a purple Lincoln. That’s when I said ‘I’m very sorry but I’m going to go back and wait in line.’ I felt bad, but it was night, I was young, alone, and uncomfortable he led me away from any witness whatsoever. No one would have seen me get in that car. I was going back to wait in line for the taxi company that had a worker record exactly what car I got into, at what time, and who the driver was.
2nd example- I went into a convenience store at night and asked the man working if they had a specific beer. I had bought it there before but I didn’t see it out. He goes to check a refrigerated stock room. Comes back and tells me I can take a look because he didn’t know what it looked like. I go to the doorway, try to scan the room a little bit, tell him I don’t see it but thanks anyway. He told me (more than once) I could actually walk into the room and examine the back stock, but I did not want to do that. I hope he wasn’t offended but again, it was late at night, the store was empty, I was alone, no one knew I was there. Also, it was a quiet town, it easily could have been an hour or more before the another customer walked in. I was not walking into a refrigerated stock room with a man I didn’t know, especially when I could actually see fairly well from the doorway.
Basically- don’t be offended if a girl refuses your help. You may not realize it, but sometimes due to circumstances beyond your own control, your offer to help reminds a girl of the beginning of every murder story their mother’s ever warned her about.
Most girls FEEL HORRIBLE doing this, we don’t want to be rude. It’s (usually) not a judgment made on how well you are dressed, how you look, or how you act. A refusal of help is not a statement about what kind of man we think you are. There may just be red flags, and it’s always better to be safe than sorry.”
Unsolicited Affection By The Stranger At Her Workplace
“I’m not sure if the dude in question was unaware of his actions per se, but the story an old work friend told me was SO gross and creepy that it bears a mention.
I used to work in retail, and everyone I worked with in this store was incredibly friendly and approachable. This particular young lady I worked with was fantastically sweet and affectionate by nature, and you could feel the love and care she had radiating off her.
So one day, a creepy looking man, probably in his late-30’s, wanders into our store, starts making small talk with my friend, and soon says something to the effect of ‘Talking to you has been so great, could I have a hug?’
My pal’s a hugger. Doesn’t matter if it’s the 1st or 100th time you’ve met her, she wraps you up in the most wonderful, cushiony hug. She hugs WITH FEELING. So she happily obliges, thinking nothing of it.
This is where things go awry.
While hugging, this guy starts STROKING HER HAIR. Which is soon followed by A GENTLE KISS ON HER HEAD. A COMPLETE STRANGER WALKED UP TO HER AT WORK AND KISSED HER ON THE HEAD. Let that sink in. Feel it like a pair of clammy hands cradling the back of your head and gently tracing circles in your scalp. Because that’s what happened to her.
Naturally, she panics but is too shocked to react beyond pulling away abruptly and hiding in the back room. I didn’t see the interaction myself but heard it from her first hand after it had happened. I don’t believe for a second that this guy could have been so unaware of the impropriety of his actions, but in the unlikely event that anybody could think that unsolicited affection isn’t creepy, it really, truly is.”
Those Creepy Lyft/Uber Drivers That Comment On Appearances…
“Randomly commenting on my appearance in totally unrelated situations.
Yesterday I took a Lyft from a hotel I was staying at to an event for the conference I’m attending and the VERY FIRST THING the driver (who was clearly at least 10-15 years older than me) said when I opened the door to get in the car was, ‘You’re cuter than your profile picture.’
Like, dude, this is not a freaking Tinder date, I’m a customer who needs a ride. I’m all good with friendly conversations with Lyft/Uber drivers – I get that job can be super boring if none of the people who ride with you want to talk. But seriously, there is ZERO reason for you to be commenting on my physical appearance in that situation.”
Personal Space Is A Thing, Boys!
“I have a few points:
Firstly, you guys stand way to close a lot of the time. Keep in mind most women have the ‘is this random dude going to do something crazy and hurt me?’ in our brains if you are acting strangely. If you stand really close or block us in and we don’t know you, alarm bells will go off and trigger anger or fear (or both). Normal sized Men don’t usually fear for their physical safety on a daily basis. A lot of women do. So back up, literally.
I have an older customer that constantly makes the ‘you getting into trouble?’ ‘there’s the troublemaker’ or ‘what trouble you got into lately’ remarks.
Stuff like that makes me feel like guys want to ask me what my kink is or like you think I’m a secret party girl/porn star etc. It feels like you want to ask that but is too chicken, so you hint instead. Its slightly past creep and is in insulting territory tbh if I’ve not done anything to insinuate I’m that way.
I’ve tried multiple times to state matter of factly that my life is boring but he still tries. It has been about 15 years. He also talks to my boobs instead of making eye contact which has always boggled my mind because I’m very small chested and I’ve never experienced it outside of this person.
Which brings me to creep thing #3. Picking a flirt line and then sticking to it when it doesn’t work. Sometimes for years. If I haven’t flirted back with you for YEARS and your tactic isn’t working and you should stop.
My biggest creep peeves are when I’m super obviously out of your league OR you are a stranger and approach me when I’m out doing normal stuff alone.
Don’t do that. Ever. Nothing you do or say will make me like you at that point. I’m not looking to be hit on when I’m pumping gas.
I used to go to a meetup group and a lot of the guys had dating issues. They were seriously using ‘I’ll just approach the prettiest girl I see’ as their strategy when they were all unattractive, unemployed and very socially awkward. When I explained that their standards were too high and that’s why they couldn’t get a date they looked at me like I had two heads and basically said ‘naaah, that can’t be it.’
So yeah guys, be honest with yourselves.”