Cheating is never okay to do in a relationship. But these people decided to forgive and try to forget their partners' wrongdoings...(Content has been edited for clarity)
The Worst ‘Friends’ In The Entire World!
“He cheated again, multiples times. I found out the first time about a year into our relationship. Told him that if it ever happened again (or if he even had the urge to cheat again) to discuss it with me and we would work through it. I just don’t like being lied to – especially when I had to find out in a really ugly way through our social circle.
He agreed and things improved for a little bit.
Just before our two year anniversary, I ended up finding out through a mutual acquaintance that he had been consistently unfaithful with many people in our circle (I didn’t bother to ask how many), and that most people knew and turned a blind eye. In fact, women in our social network knew he was weak and could sleep with him if they wanted to and would do so, whether he had a girlfriend or not.
Needless to say, it ended and I dropped out of that entire scene of people altogether. Couldn’t stand being around so-called friends who would protect his behavior, or feel like the fool who was being pitied for having an unfaithful partner and being the only one who didn’t know.
Most people think it was the cheating, but fundamentally it was the lying. I would be hurt, yes, but I’d much rather let someone go and be free to do whatever they want than waste my time. I had lots of trust issues and self-esteem issues I had to work through as a result of that, but I have a wonderful, supportive, and loyal partner now who helped me work through the baggage and empower myself to grow from it.”
He Never Came Clean…
“I just got out of a 5.5-year relationship (married for 4.5). He cheated multiple times and I always caught him. He never came clean on his own.
I always forgave him because he wasn’t a bad guy outside of the cheating. He had a rough childhood and I’m a very compassionate person. We have two kids together and he’s a great father, but he just couldn’t stop lying and cheating.
I’ve become a shell of the person I once was without even realizing it. I don’t recognize myself. It’s been 8 weeks since the separation and I’m still struggling to navigate through my new life. Feels like I’m missing a limb but at the same time I feel so free. I hope he can get the help he needs.”
When She Started Staying Out Late Again, He Knew What Was Up
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“I should have run after the first time she cheated.
We dated for four years during college. In our last year, she started staying out late ‘to study at the library’. She was not one to study, so I went to the library one night and, of course, she wasn’t there. She also wasn’t answering her phone. When I confronted her, she admitted she was seeing some guy in her class and wanted to move in with him.
We broke up for six months and eventually we got back together after she got bored of the other guy. She swore she’d never do it to me again.
We dated for another year and then got married. A year into the marriage, she did the same crap. She started staying ‘late at work.’ She also started acting extremely rude and bratty. After she came home late one night I asked her if she was seeing someone and she confessed. She was seeing some guy at her job. We got a divorce.
Luckily, she got nothing in the divorce and we didn’t have a kid. I’m still sad I wasted so many of my best years with her. It also sucks having to say you’re divorced just because your significant other couldn’t keep her legs shut.
I wish I had listened to my instincts more. I let her rush me into getting married. I told her I thought we should wait another year since it was close to the cheating incident. She said she was ‘tired of just being my girlfriend.’ Looking back, I think she thought marriage would tame her.
It was quite embarrassing, too. We had a big wedding (her choice). Although, thankfully, her family paid for most of it. I suspect she lied to them about our divorce. She probably told them I cheated or I chose to divorce her so she could save face.”
A Coworker Affair Was Her First Clue
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“We married in ’96. The first affair happened in ’03 with his co-worker. He came clean on his own one morning after we’d slept together…and he’d been with her the night before. It destroyed me. Our two kids were both under 10 at the time, so I decided to try to work it out and move forward. I felt like a crazy person and I didn’t like suspicious me at all. Before I had known about it, I had wanted another child and he had adamantly refused. When he came clean, he suggested we have another child. I told him he was out of his mind.
Anyway…fast forward a couple of difficult years and things have smoothed out. He has a new co-worker, Larry, who he talks about a lot. When he gets home from work one day, he sat in his truck in the driveway on the phone. When he finally came in the house, he said he was talking to Larry about work issues. When he was in the shower, I got Larry’s work number from his phone and called the number the next day. The outgoing voicemail message was a woman who said, ‘Hey, you’ve reached Lori…’ I didn’t call him on it for a few days. I eventually spoke with Lori who said nothing was going on.
Again, I chose to stay. A short time later, I know I have become a hardened person but I’m dealing with it. I’m raising kids, working, life is just busy. One night I can’t sleep. His work phone goes off while I’m in the kitchen and it’s the woman he first cheated on me with. I see she left a voicemail so I listened to it. She loves and misses him blah blah blah. I’m shaking, I’m so angry and the phone goes to the next message….it’s Lori and she loves and misses him too. I think that’s when I turned off all feeling. Not just for him, but for anything except my kids. I woke him up and confronted him. He tells me he hasn’t talked to either one in a long time and can’t control who calls and leaves him messages.
Our marriage continues, but he knows I’m done with even the hint of another woman. 2008. Christmas night. 2 am. I woke up to my ringing phone. It was the husband of a friend of ours. He was our friend, too. Our kids play ball together. They have three kids close in age to ours and our two oldest are very close. Anyway, he asked me if my husband had talked to me. I wasn’t awake and I didn’t understand. Turns out, his wife and my husband were having an affair and it’d been going on for about eight months. That was the end for me. My divorce was final in 2011.
It took a long time to get any peace of mind back and the hardest part was dealing with why I had allowed myself to stay in that situation so long. Besides the infidelity, there were other issues of emotional and some physical abuse. I had not known what a narcissist was until long after I left.
Now I prefer to be single. I dated a few times, but at the first hint of a red flag from someone, I’m out. My ex and I speak at times about the kids but they are grown now, so the ex and I have very little contact.
I’m finally in a good place and intend to stay there. For anyone dealing with this kind of thing, my advice to listen to your gut. Don’t ignore things that really bother you. And don’t let the awfulness of divorce allow you to get down to their level. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t. Also, karma comes around very fast. A few months after we separated, the ex’s new girlfriend got popped for 14 felonies…I laughed till I hurt.”
She’s Damaged His Dating Life In So Many Ways
“I was in an eight-year relationship with my wife. We had been married for two years when she came back from a therapy session, shaking, and admitted to having a one-night stand with a coworker.
We spent a whole year in marriage counseling, but at some point, she decided she wasn’t going to try anymore. She kept staying out later and later with this guy, and at some point, they started sleeping with each other.
I didn’t know this for a while and figured we should just give each other space. So I moved into an apartment for a month, completely miserable. When I returned, she seemed to have a skip in her step about it all. I pretty much decided that we should take a break, which to her meant she got to sleep with this guy more often.
So, I ended up moving back in with my parents at the age of 26 ‘for a short while,’ still fully believing that we could somehow repair the relationship. A month after I had left, she called me and said she was pregnant with the guy’s kid. I was fuming, and as a sign of how far gone she was, she didn’t understand and thought I’d be happy for her.
I’m now divorced and haven’t spoken to her since last October. Oddly, our interactions right before the kid being born were fairly cordial. I even stopped by her house to drop off food while I was in town for the divorce proceedings. It’s very surreal to look back at now.
It’s also bizarre to think that this person who knew me very intimately and saw vulnerabilities in me that not even my parents knew about, is now just logged in my brain as an acquaintance at best. She was my girlfriend for four years, my wife for another four, and yet she is now the same status of people I think about as my freshman roommate.
As for current relationships, I find myself very defensive and resistant towards long-term relationships. Even if it’s going well, I think: ‘Okay, but at some point, this will all end. She will betray you, or grow tired of you, and you’ll have to go through this all again.’
I’m currently in a five-month-long relationship, and I am REALLY tired of people asking if I’m thinking about marrying her.”
He Completely Walked All Over Her!
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“He’s no longer my significant other, but I feel like I need to share this for others to hear.
He cheated on me with my best friend at the time. I ended the friendship rather than the relationship because I thought his honesty in coming forward to admit his wrongdoing was noble and deserved another chance.
He, unfortunately, took my forgiveness as, ‘Oh! I can get away with it and get off scot-free!’ After I forgave him, he CONTINUED to sleep with said ‘friend’ on the side, made out with my OTHER close friend, hit on several of my other friends, and then ultimately asked me over the phone for a ‘hall pass’ so he could sleep with his coworker.
I had been with him for about a quarter of my life at the time and was so invested (or comfortable) in the relationship that it was very, very difficult for me to break it off, despite his infidelities. I finally grew a pair and told him to screw off, and haven’t spoken to him since.
After breaking it off, I had several great relationships, both casual and serious. I learned a lot about myself and what I like/dislike and accept/don’t in a relationship. AND I learned that sleeping together is supposed to be enjoyable for BOTH parties. I am now engaged to a wonderful man who actually gives a care about me.
Moral of the story: It may not be true in all cases, but be aware that some people take forgiveness as getting off the hook for stuff, and will continue to abuse your kindness and understanding to run around on you. And please be aware of whether you are in a relationship because it is actually fulfilling, or because you’re just comfortable.”
The Apartment Lease Trapped Them With One Another…
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“Being trapped in a lease with someone makes you think differently. When you don’t have that hard evidence, but deep down you know whats going on. Physically, I didn’t have the money to break up with her, if that makes sense.
After the lease ended and we moved into separate places, I gave us a few more months, but we ended it in April. Probably a good thing, because she and her new boyfriend just celebrated their one year in October. Hmmmm.
I didn’t realize how much sharing this story actually helped me to get it off my chest. There is so much wrong with this whole thing, that I could probably write a book about how hard it was being trapped in a lease with someone you loved, and all of the ‘coincidences’ I had to deal with while questioning my sanity, wondering if I was just overreacting.”
He Said And Did Everything Right After He Got Caught
“I forgave because prior to his cheating, I had been going through a really rough time with my mental health and knew I had not been an easy partner to be with for several months. It was an excuse to stay for sure, but in a way, I understood how it happened because he started talking to her ABOUT me and it progressed from there. When I discovered it, he did everything I asked without hesitation and after a few months, things actually did get better. I didn’t fully trust him again for a couple of years. What finally regained trust was when I had an unexpected injury and surgery and he was 100% there for me through the whole painful process and picked up the slack without complaint when I couldn’t work for a couple of months because of it. Things were good again for a few years.
I left him in August after I discovered he was cheating for the second time. I’m much happier now.”
He Tried For So Long To Keep This From Her
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“A year into our 5+ year long relationship, I cheated on my current fiance.
I was at a pretty low place emotionally and in my weakness, I was very susceptible to the advances of a woman I met at work. I do not deny my role in this, I was a willing participant, and it led to me meeting up with her at her place to hook up. I knew what I was doing the whole time, and a few minutes in, as things were starting to get hot and heavy, I became so disgusted with myself that I just got up and left, leaving the other woman half-dressed on the bed in confusion.
To be perfectly honest, I handled this in, just about, the worst way possible. At the time, however, there didn’t seem like much of a choice, so I covered it up. I told myself I could forget it ever happened and outgrow my horrible decision. And for a little while, it worked. Guilt cropped up every now and then, but I focused on my current relationship harder than ever, and eventually, it grew into something I wanted to keep for the rest of my life.
Life had other plans, however. Four years down the line, an anonymous Facebook message (from whom, I still don’t know) revealed the whole incident to my now fiance. Obviously, the shock and feeling of betrayal were immense. I had had several years to come to terms with what I did, but for her, it might as well have happened yesterday.
This is something I regret with every fiber of my being – both the infidelity as well as the deception. Cheating is NEVER worth it. Though we are still together, my fiance will never look at me the same way again. I will never be her hero again. I love her dearly, and she loves me. We’re working on moving past this, and I’m trying my best to make things up to her. It’s been about 9 months since she found out, and she still has times where she feels hurt, or like she isn’t enough for me, even when that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Seriously, not even once. No physical or emotional gratification is worth hurting your best friend.”
“Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater”
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“We were crazy about one another early on – or so I thought until she cheated on me. I forgave her as, honestly, I didn’t see us not being together long term, even though my head was telling me not to. We broke up a couple of months later but remained good friends. She then started to become ‘close friends’ with the guy that she cheated on me with, and couldn’t understand why that was an issue.
In the end, I gave an ultimatum (well, two or three times) that it was either me or him and she chose me. We are still close friends now, but in a very confusing spot. Both my family and her family assume that we’re going to go on and get married, but I’m not so sure. I absolutely adore spending time with her, but I’m not sure I’d recommend it to anyone.
The saying, ‘once a cheater, always a cheater,’ sticks clear in my mind, no matter how sweet and innocent they appear to be.”
Things Seem To Be Improving For Them…
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“My significant other cheated on me about three months into our relationship. We had had two months together before he left to do some coursework abroad and we were temporarily long distance. He slept with one of his classmates several times while he was there, while blackout wasted. I found out a year later by Facebook snooping (he was still in contact with her and she gave me bad vibes).
We’ve been together for a little over three years now and sometimes I still worry. He lets me look at his phone if I want, tells me all the specific things I want to hear about his day or coworkers if I’m feeling jealous. He’s stopped drinking so much and faced up to the insecurities that compelled him to cheat in the first place. That’s the biggest part for me, that he was willing to look at his demons and make changes, and he’s still doing it. We’re now in counseling together because his demons plus my demons make for difficult communication sometimes, and he hates every minute of it, but he’s doing it (so am I) and things are getting better.
Look, it’s not easy, but it gets better every day. You both have to be in it for the long haul, too, because it takes YEARS. But if you can do it, it can make you stronger.”
Finding Out From A Random Message?
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“I got a message on Facebook from some guy I didn’t know saying he was sorry to tell me this, but he’d been at a party with my then girlfriend and had seen her get with two guys over the course of that night.
The screwed up thing was when I confronted her about it, she flat up lied, saying it wasn’t true. I had, by this point, spoken to other people at the party, so I knew every detail. After a while, she admitted it then started saying she was going to tell me at some point, but not right then as her birthday was in a few days? (Great logic there).
What really got to me was that I had been speaking to her throughout the night when she was at the party and she’d been the same as usual. To top it off, when she got home, she started to Snapchat me, without a shirt one, wanting to have a ‘talk’ on the phone…looks like those two guys weren’t enough.
Being the young, naive idiot I was, I forgave her and tried to move past it, only to have her dump me a week later after I got very wasted at a party and got too friendly with her friends. I was still upset with her, nothing happened with her friend. I just guess I was being too flirty? She wouldn’t specify anything and I was far too wasted to remember.
Really messed me up good for a couple of months and was right in the middle of my exams, which didn’t end well…oh and as a final screw you, I later found out that she was spreading rumors that’d I’d been the one who’d cheated on her.”
She Seemed Genuinely Sorry…
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“My girlfriend slept in a bed in her underwear with a co-worker after a night of drinking, while we were long distance. She called me at 5 am that morning in tears about it. She admitted she was attracted to him and wanted to sleep with him but couldn’t hurt me. He had a girlfriend at the time but tried really hard to sleep with my girlfriend. We had a pretty rough year prior to that and were both pretty unhappy, I understood her feelings and appreciated her honesty and she clearly was devastated by her actions so I tried to forgive her.
After her Christmas party a few months later, the exact same thing happened, mainly because the person she was meant to be staying with went home early, so the same guy offered his place, where they shared a bed again. He begged her to sleep together but she refused, he even tried putting her hand down his pants. Once again, she said she wanted to but couldn’t hurt me.
It took a lot, but I forgave her again. She was a shell of herself and I could see genuine guilt and a desire to change. I’m not perfect either and had been a horrible boyfriend that year in different ways. After that year, we were able to move in together and sure we’ve had our ups and downs but honestly, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Anytime we watch a movie that involves cheating, she clearly gets upset and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it about it from time to time.
I know it takes two to tango but seriously…screw you, Luke. You’re a slimy piece of trash who only had the balls to make a move when you were both wasted. I’m glad your girlfriend broke up with you, and I hope someone like yourself ruins your next relationship.”