Buying uncomfortable things at a grocery checkout is a common enough experience that most of us have gone through it. The sheepish look, the darting glances, the sweating nervously and hoping the cashier doesn't shame you for what is actually a very normal purchase. But sometimes the purchases are far from normal, and sometimes some shame may not be out of order. We've collected stories from (mostly) employees who just couldn't help themselves from speculating and/or judging someone's checkout bundle. Have you seen weirder?
Flying High
“I had an obviously high as a kite gentleman who came through my line once. Came heel-toeing it into my lane, trying very hard to appear sober.
He was terribly fascinated by the various flavors of chapstick we had, and he was having the worst case of indecision. He would pick one up, stare at it for a couple minutes, shake his head, then grab another and go, ‘Whoah, pumpkin pie!’ then stare at that one.
Then he’d turn and say, ‘Hey boss, how’re you doin’ man?’
I’d reply that I was fine, and he’d go back to being fascinated over something else in the lane. Then a couple moments later he asked me the same question.
I got done ringing up his items (fortunately no adult beverages or I would have had to deny its sale). He had 26 individual bags of Cheetos (he cleaned out the supply on several lanes), a whole apple pie, a whole cherry pie, our largest tub of macaroni salad (with a plastic fork from the deli sitting on top of it), a tube of toothpaste, and ten 5 hour energy shots. Lord I hoped he wasn’t going to take them all at once.
He eventually decided against the chapstick and was lost in thought for another long moment, staring intently at the candy. All of a sudden he grabbed a Whatchamacallit, giggled, and set it gingerly on the belt like it was an egg.
I rang it up, gave him the grand total, and he said, ‘Perfect! Yes!’ then practically danced over to pay and then grab his bags. As he left he turned and said over his shoulder, ‘You’re awesome, bro!’ and heel-toed it out of the store.
I love my job.”
I Promise it’s Not What You Think, Unless You’re Very Creative
“When Kmart went out of business they marked stuff down 50 percent. I bought a ton of Depends for my elderly relative. As luck would have it, they still had dozens of boxes of enemas. And my husband uses them to orally hydrate calves (as in baby cows). I can only imagine what other shoppers and the cashiers were thinking.”
Sounds Like a Party?
“Circa 1992, I had an approximately 50 year old lady come into the Kroger where I worked in Georgia. She proceeded to buy prophylactics, tampons, a Cosmopolitan, adult beverages, kitty litter, and those birthday cake candles that don’t blow out when you blow on them. I joked, ‘Big night, huh?’ She responded, ‘You have no frickin idea, honey.’
I blushed.”
I’ll Take Two Half-Carrots Please
“I’m not a cashier anymore, but when I was there were some interesting interactions. The one that comes to mind is a guy came in beyond tipsy and tried to buy a single carrot. He must’ve gotten hungry while waiting in line, because he took a massive bite out of it. Then he didn’t understand that we sold them by weight and we were trying to figure out how to charge him for it when half of it was in his stomach.”
Just the Right Amount
“I worked as a cashier at a restaurant and we had a regular. We called her sour cream lady because every time she came in, she would order eleven sides of sour cream with her food. Eleven.
Her face would always flush, but no matter what she always got her eleven sides of sour cream. I totally judged.
Not to shame her, but this woman had to be nearing close to 400 pounds. I was judging if she would even survive the first serving of sour cream.”
Definitely Not a Condiment… Unless You’re Into That Sort of Thing
“I was a cashier years ago, and as I was ringing through a cart full, I picked up a bottle of personal warming lubricant. The label was wrinkled on the bar code so I took some time to smooth it out so it would scan and the guy thought I was examining it or something, and said in a rawr wink wink kind of voice, ‘It’s for her.’ And pointed at the lady with him. Okayyy. Thanks for the clarification, thought you were gonna spread it on toast.”
Bruh
“I used to buy stuff from Walmart in weird combinations just for something to do. My favorite was a gallon of mayonnaise, a 36 pack of flavored prophylactic, the biggest zucchini I could find, lubricant, whipped cream, and yeast infection cream. The cashier looked at me like she was disgusted, but couldn’t hold in her curiosity. She asked me why I bought these particular items, and I told her I was going to talk to a man about buying a horse. It’s the only time I’ve heard someone say ‘bruh’ as their only response to something. I used every thing I bought except the mayo, which I gave to my mayo loving father for his birthday.”
Just Doing Some Home Video Recording
“This was a while ago (which will become obvious shortly), but when I was a young checker at a grocery store a dude comes through my line at around 5:30 PM on a Friday night. He’s wearing a cheap three piece suit and I get the vibe that he’s going on a date night with…someone.
The items on the belt- 4 bottles of red adult grape beverage, box of Trojans, bottle of KY jelly and a blank VHS tape.
I mean, maybe the blank VHS tape had absolutely nothing to do with the other items. But also maybe it was a tryst tape.
No, I didn’t judge him. If anything I was jealous. He was about to have a better Friday night than I was.”
I Don’t Think You Buy Those at a Store
“Dead serious. This was before I was a cashier, but I was behind a guy at the register of a sporting good store and he bought duct tape, rope, a knife, and a Smith and Wesson. As he was checking out, he asked the lady at the register, ‘Do you guys carry body bags?’ I kid you not. He asked for body bags. I was like 10 at the time and terrified. I later realized it was a sporting good store, and he probably wanted them for like deer or something but still….”
Remembering the Good Times Better Than the Bad
“Was a checker at Safeway for about 6 month circa 2003. I gave 0 cares what you buy. You could slap down prophylactics, some cucumbers, batteries and lubricant… and all I’m thinking is ‘Does this line ever end. How long until I can go home? Omg I can hear Brenda from Customer Service desk behind me whining about her dang divorce again…’ – ‘That’ll be $41.73 please.’ – Never remember you again.
I remember the good customers, the ones I chatted with or were fun. The town I lived in was well above the average income. There was no shortage of people with some serious money around. A few households had personal chefs. We were the only major grocery chain around, so they pretty much had to shop with us.
At least once a week, each of them would come in to get $700-$1,000 worth of groceries. Tons of fresh veg and fruit, name brand everything, select meat cuts, the imported stuff, you name it. I was a fast checker so often they would stand in my line, even if my line was longer. Struck up some conversations and got to know them, they were always so nice. They would tell me about their recipe and meal plans, I loved it even though it made me so hungry. All of them loved their careers and I envied that at the time. I now have a career I love.”
What a Whole(wheat)some Story
“Not a combination, but a regular at my store comes in every week to buy half a dozen gallon jars of mayo.
Yes, they make gallon jars of mayo. Yes, 6 of them. Yes, every week. No, I don’t know why, but maybe running a charity?
When I was a younger cashier we had a guy come in on Saturday nights and he always bought 12-15 loaves of bread; nothing else. About a year goes by before someone made a comment to him. Turns out he was a youth pastor and the teen group made sandwiches to hand out to homeless in the city on Saturday nights. They received donations on meat and canned goods for the bags, but they bought the bread fresh. When we found out, our manager hooked him up with the contact info for our bread companies. He eventually stopped coming in, and we found out from one of our bread vendors that they were now donating product to the group.”
Treat Yo Self
“At my first job, Taco Bell, I definitely judged the people ordering 3 Chili Cheese Burritos every day. That stuff was made from yesterday’s already questionable ground beef. I don’t know why, but there was a lot of people who’d get three every day.
On some level, you’ve got to love yourself more than that.
On the other hand, I had taco bell like a week and a half ago after surgery. I was super high and my stepfather told me he’d take me to get food wherever I wanted on the way home. I hadn’t eaten in 20 hours at that point, and my brain decided on the worst food for my body. Taco bell and Krispy Kreme. It was all so goshdarn delicious. We got like three dozen various kinds of doughnuts and they lasted about four days. The raspberry jelly ones with vampire face frosting were the best because they tasted great and were adorable.”
Priorities
“I judge people for how they act, but generally never judge anyone for their purchases. The exception might be a lady who had 3 credit cards decline before the 4th one went through on her $10 bottle of adult grape beverage. I just feel that an adult beverage might not have been my own priority in that sort of financial situation. Although, I dunno, if that was my financial situation, i would probably want to drink, too….”
Custard Man
“Not a cashier anymore, I very rarely judged what anyone bought, most of the time I liked seeing what other people bought because it inspired me to try new things. I had some memorable customers that I still remember like the very tipsy French family who bought 10 pregnancy tests.
Out of multiple years working at three different grocery stores, the only one I ever truly judged was a guy I called Custard Man. Custard Man was about 500 pounds, always sweaty, and smelled like he’d never showered in his life. He came in every single day and bought a variety of things, but his daily grocery shop always included at least five packets of instant custard. Every day.”
Anything is a Hair Product if You’re Brave Enough
“Semi-related – the first time I purchased personal lubricant at the grocery store I had to talk myself up a bit, like, ‘They won’t say anything, it’ll be just another purchase, people buy this kind of stuff all the time…’
Lo and behold the cashier holds up the lubricant and says, ‘Ooooh what is this!? I’ve never seen this before, what’s it for?!’
I couldn’t tell if she was joking or genuinely curious, and I just kind glared at her. Turns out she thought it was a hair product, but yeah it was like the nightmare scenario for 20 y/o me. At least she didn’t get on the intercom and ask for a price check while describing it in great detail.”
Tell Me Who That’s for Right Meow
“I used to work at Petsmart as a cashier, and the animals people would buy weren’t necessary weird, but extremely disappointing. Things like mixing fish that shouldn’t be put together, 18 goldfish in a 5 gallon tank, etc. Junk management said we couldn’t deny the sale at our specific store for fish because they didn’t care. But anyway, this lady came in, she was a regular, and I would always ask about her cats, she had three or four older rescues. She was sweet but very very odd. As months went by her cats sadly died, and she came in once and as I rang her up and asked about her last cat, she said he had died. I didn’t want to be nosy, but couldn’t help it, and asked if the wet cat food she was buying was for a friend or for a rescue. And she said the food was actually for her. She had picked all of it from our clearance rack, so it was cheaper than tuna from the grocery store, because it was almost expired. She explained that if you spread it on crackers with salt and pepper it was exactly the same as grocery store tuna. Probably not even the strangest experience i had working there. Pet owners are some of the worst kind of customers out there. It was the worst job experience of my life; I still have nightmares.”
Dairy I Ask?
“When I was a cashier, two giggling women plopped 6 huge tubs of ice-cream and an enormous pack of toilet paper on the conveyer belt. They were whisper giggling, ‘I wonder what she thinks, tee hee heee!’ I just deadpanned, ‘That you’re lactose intolerant?’ They just about dissolved in more laughing.”
More is Not Always Better
“Used to work in retail. I wasn’t a cashier but did backup cashiering sometimes. Honestly, I don’t even have time to judge customers on their purchases and there are way too many to keep track of them, so unless you’re buying something truly unusual I’m not gonna remember you at all.
Speaking of truly unusual, though, I once had a customer buy like $80 worth of gummy vitamins. That was all he wanted. I don’t know what his plans were but I was certainly curious.”
What a Grouch
“I worked at a pet store too. I actually loved that job and was sad to leave it. We had people that would come in and try to return ridiculous stuff. There is one I’ll never forget. This very red neck couple came in with a huge oscar (fish) they wanted to return. I knew for a fact we didn’t sell that particular fish because I was in charge of placing fish orders and placing them in our tanks. They also did not have a receipt. I told them I was unable to return the fish and of course they get super angry. I called for my manager, a large Irish guy with very red hair. This guy was the nicest person ever. He would go out of his way to make sure customers left happy. However when he very calmly explained why we could not accept the fish, the couple started screaming and talking back to him. We finally get them to leave, and they decide to dump the fish in the parking lot. This made my manager very angry, he loved all animals. He rushed out to grab it and the customs punched him in the face. They started fighting and I called the cops. In the end no one pressed charges and the fish was put in one of our tanks. The couple was banned from our store. Trash people will always act like trash.”
That’s Nuts
“Was a drugstore cashier and saw lots of strange combinations. I don’t remember the people, just the things they bought.
The worst was the guy buying lots of Preparation H and peanuts. He couldn’t wait to get to the register before chomping away on those things. I just hope he chewed really well.
Then there was this one guy bought the store out of lubricant and even got kicked out of the store for arguing with the manager over whether or not we had more in the back.”
When You Think You Have a Shot, but You do Not
“Not a cashier, but I have to think a local one does have an interesting memory of me.
Anecdote time. I was 16 and I’d lucked out; I was going to my crush’s house for a Saturday barbecue/grillout. She’d been pretty accepting of my advances, and you might say I was making some progress with her. So, on the way over I opted to stop at the store and buy some prophylactics. I figured I had less than a 1% chance with her, but my theory is simple; being prepared is never bad. It’d really suck to have to wait for lack of preparations, and I kinda figured if she did give into my seductive ways, I’d probably only get one shot. I was 100% inexperienced, never even been kissed or seen beneath a shirt, so I knew my performance would not dazzle her so greatly that I stood much chance of a second encounter.
I’m in the store and my cellphone rings. I answer and it’s her. My heart sank, I totally thought she was letting me know it’d been called off or her dad was uninviting me. Nay. Her mom had forgotten to buy a couple things and she wondered if I could pick them up on the way. I agreed readily. Raced from the pharmacy department to the food section of Walmart with all possible speed, a man on a mission. Got the stuff, went to check out. This way way before self-checkout.
It occurred to me when I laid the items on the conveyor that they were innocuous one by one, but crazy suspicious as a group.
- One box of prophylactics.
- One cantaloupe.
- One bottle of olive oil.
Turns out, at the grillout she hit it off with one of the guys on the football team and she barely acknowledged my existence at all. I’d have gotten closer to intimate relations if I’d just take my purchases home and improvise MacGyver style.
What was Wrong with the Vegetables?
“I never judged a customer based on what they purchased.
But we had a regular customer, she was in her 30’s, always came late night. She would always buy 1 bag of frozen vegetables and come back in the store about 10 minutes later to return them. This happened about once a week.
I noticed she looked at my hands and the conveyer belt and made a disgusted face (yes really), so I thought she must think they are dirty, so I always sprayed the conveyer belt clean and used new gloves when handling her vegetables, thinking it would be clean enough.
Nope, she returned the vegetables every. Single. Time.”
That’s Not for Sale but Okay
“Worked an overnight convenience store in college. Dude came in, beyond tipsy, realized the sandwich counter was closed, opted for a box of Banquet fried chicken. Rather than take it home and cook it in his oven, he put the whole box in the microwave, cardboard, plastic liner and all. Juiced the microwave up for what must have been 15 minutes, fell asleep on the counter. Wakes up to smoke coming out of the microwave. It was the worst odor I’ve ever encountered. I guess he realized he ruined the microwave. He comes over, gives me a crisp $100 bill from his wallet, goes back, unplugs the microwave and walks out the door with it. This was not my strangest encounter at the store, but it was one of the funniest.”