A wedding is a precious moment that is likely to be cherished forever. Being surrounded by family and close friends as you say “I do” emphasizes their importance in one’s life following a huge change. Not everyone gets invited to such events. Some for valid reasons, and for some, quite conflicting emotions come into play when that invitation never comes. These former guests reveal why they were declined from being a part of the wedding ceremony of someone close to them.
All content has been edited for clarity.
Kiss and Tell
“I was invited to a wedding by my coworker. On her hen night, we all eventually met up with the stag party.
It was a bit of a crazy night. I ended up meeting one of the stags and one thing led to another.
I made out with him in front of everyone.
It wasn’t anything serious. I was extremely positive I wasn’t going to ‘take him home’ with me or anyone for that matter.
Once it was time to go, I realized I missed the last bus back to my own town. The guy I kissed at the party said he would share a taxi with me because he was staying with the groom and bride for the night. I was slightly confused, but I was relieved and graciously accepted the ride back home.
During the taxi ride, the two of us casually talked. Suddenly, my cell phone started ringing. I pulled it out of my purse and answered it. To my surprise, the bride-to-be was screaming at me on the other end. That’s when she told me who I had swapped saliva with.
The guy I had kissed was actually the brother of the bridegroom.
The married brother of the bridegroom.
‘You should be ashamed of yourself!’ My coworker kept screeching into the phone. ‘Flirting with the best man!? Are you kidding me?’
I tried to explain I was not aware of who he was and that nothing other than some kissing had taken place, but there was no consoling her. I did my best to convince the bride that was happening and that we were not sleeping in together. I even tried to get the taxi driver involved and asked the bride to confirm with him he had two destinations, not one.
Once she spoke to him, she seemed to calm down. I got dropped off at my house and went straight to bed. The following day, I found a handwritten letter telling me I could not be trusted and that I was no longer invited to the wedding.
The bride or my coworker obviously remained professional at work, but no longer wanted anything to do with me. I was surprised and upset for about twenty-four hours. On the day of her wedding, my daughter and I had a great day out and I never once thought about the wedding.
Things at work became more difficult for me. When it was time for me to move, my coworker was supposed to give a speech about me. She made some excuse about her knee hurting her and went off to the local hospital. No one made a speech and I made a quick escape. I don’t miss her as a friend, but I do regret not having the chance to sit down and tell her the truth. I feel like I was painted in a very bad light.”
You Can’t Have Him!
“One of my buddies in the Navy was getting married.
One day, I was having lunch with him and his fiancee. He and I were joking around with each other as we always did.
The fiancee was smiling along. As soon as there was a pause in the conversation, she asked me if I was looking forward to coming to their wedding.
Still joking, I exclaimed ‘No! It’ll break my freaking heart going! I’m still hoping this jackass will run away with me.’
The next day, my friend called me. I could hear by the sound of his voice that something was up. When I asked, he took a deep breath and shared an update about the wedding.
As he worded it, his fiancee didn’t want me to come to the wedding anymore because she told him, ‘He’s going to try and steal you away.’
To my friend’s credit, he was really upset with her. It deeply troubled him that he had to make this choice. I couldn’t help but chuckle on the phone. I guess hearing my laughter put my friend in a better mood. He was also very much aware of how funny and just plain stupid it all was.
I thought it was hilarious and was somewhat relieved to have a good reason not to go. I hate crowds.
They didn’t last six months. I told him she wasn’t worth it.”
“I am a professional photographer. My niece lives in a different state. One day she texted me with the grand news of her engagement. Of course, I was ecstatic when hearing the announcement. My niece then went on to say they were having the wedding on extremely short notice. She asked if I, ‘her favorite aunt,’ could attend and it would mean to world to her.
‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world,’ I texted back.
The next message she sent was her suggesting I bring my camera.
I politely informed her I wasn’t planning on bringing my camera for anything because I couldn’t stay very long and would only be there for the wedding and would probably leave the next day. I wouldn’t have time to go out to photograph anything.
‘That’s not what I meant. I mean can you photograph my wedding for me??’
My eyebrows raised at the text message. I replied by informing her I would send her a quote for my wedding photography services at a ‘friends and family’ discounted rate.
Right after that, I did research and sent her the quote for the price of my plane ticket, and for the wedding photography. Keep in mind that she wanted photos of her and the groom getting ready, the ceremony, and the reception. This also did not include photos of that entire side of the family’s photos, the groom’s family, and individual photos. This would be eight hours of work just for the wedding day, not counting the approximately five-hundred hours of editing and eighty bucks for a customized USB. She was looking at upwards of fifteen hundred dollars for my services, but I told her I was giving her all of the edited photos for free.
Mind you, my normal base wedding package started at twenty-five hundred bucks and included no photos.
‘That seems like an awful lot for some pictures. I didn’t realize you were going to charge me.’
The time between my niece’s texts grew longer and longer. She even complained about how unfair it was that I wanted to charge her more than three hundred at most. When she asked what three hundred bucks could get her, I texted back:
‘Well, I could photography the ceremony with my cellphone!’
I was uninvited, lol.”
“A close friend and I used to get together on a weekly basis before she started dating a guy.
Every week after that, my friend had something to share about Brad. It was obvious how in love she was and from the way things sounded, he loved her too. As time went on, things with the two of them got more serious. The guy ended up proposing, and my friend said yes. When she talked about the wedding, my friend mentioned how she wanted me to come.
‘I can’t wait til you see the venue. You won’t believe how good the cake we selected will taste!’ I remember the exact conversation because I was genuinely excited for her.
Months later, while I was catching up with a mutual friend, she pulled out a fancy envelope that just so happen to be the wedding invitation I had yet to receive in the mail. My friend then asked if I would be taking my boyfriend as a guest to the wedding. I had an inkling in the back of my mind about what had happened, but that’s when my friend reassured me that I may not have gotten it yet.
A few more months passed, leaving only a few weeks remaining before the wedding. I had to endure awkward conversations with people who assumed they’d see me at the wedding. I wasn’t sure what to tell them at all. Everything just didn’t make sense. I wanted to reach out to my close friend but didn’t want to seem pushy so I waited even longer.
Eventually, my close friend called me. She casually apologized and said they had to limit the guest list and I didn’t make the cut. She tried to say it nicely, but there really isn’t a nice way to say something like that.
I was hurt once it finally hit me. We weren’t close friends, but merely warm acquaintances. If it had been me planning my wedding before hers, I would have asked her to be one of my bridesmaids. Not inviting her to my wedding would have been unthinkable.
A few days before the wedding, she called me again. In her cheeriest voice, she informed me some guests had canceled at the last minute and asked if my boyfriend and I wanted to attend.
It Should Have Been You!
“I am an ordained minister.
I had performed a couple of weddings before my oldest niece asked me to perform her wedding. I was elated when I found out she was getting hitched. As the wedding grew closer, she had a bunch of events lined up, including a bachelorette party that included a big party bus and a trip to the city to go clubbing.
While I would consider myself a social butterfly, I am not a big fan of clubbing. I also didn’t have much money. I was hoping I could skip the party bus and go buy my niece a drink at one of the smaller clubs before skipping out of there. Her maid of honor was handling all the details, so I let her know I was broke and would make arrangements to be there that didn’t include the party bus to avoid the fee required. I hated how cheap that made me look but I was doing the best I could.
Then came the big problem.
My stepson was graduating 8th grade so I whipped together a small afternoon party for him and his friends. The party was at our house from eleven in the morning, to there in the afternoon. My niece’s bachelorette party started at seven that same night.
I invited my niece to my stepson’s celebration because I always invited her to anything I hosted.
She lost her mind. My niece immediately assumed that meant I would not be attending her bachelorette party and therefore I should not be the officiant at her wedding.
Then she made it clear: I was no longer invited to her wedding.
I’m still confused as to how we got to that point.
As the wedding drew near, her fiance called and re-invited my family and me to the wedding. I decided to go to the reception to be courteous. Once there, my niece told me her officiant sucked and she wished it would have been me.
‘Oh well. Too late now!’ I thought.
That marriage did not last. It lasted about five years before my niece stepped out of the marriage, got pregnant by another man and then she tried to pass off the child as her husband’s baby. As soon as the baby was born, he served her divorce papers.”
Change of Heart
“In college, a good friend of mine called to tell me she and her boyfriend of five years were getting married in July. She had four sisters and didn’t want to get in a fight with them about who would be the Maid of Honor, so she asked me to play the role so her sisters could all be bridesmaids instead.
Delighted, I spent months planning to attend all the events leading up to the wedding and saved up plenty of money because I lived fifteen hundred miles away.
Once June came, I was talking to my mom one day when she shared that my sister of all people had a new role in the wedding. Now my sister became friends with my friend during college because they attended the same school. My mother informed me she is actually going to be officiating the wedding and only family was invited. This was news to me. I tried calling my friend but she wouldn’t answer.
That same day, I called my sister and asked her what the deal was. She told me my friend decided to just have a backyard wedding instead to cut down costs.
‘Ok, but I thought she asked me to be her Maid of Honor?’ I asked.
To which my sister replied, ‘I mean it is her wedding. She can do what she wants.’
True, I thought, but at least have the decency to tell the person you asked to let them know you changed your mind!
So not only had I been uninvited to the wedding and stripped of my Maid of Honor duties, but I had to find out from my mom that my own sister was going to officiate.
The bride nor the groom wouldn’t even answer my calls.
I ended up going home later that summer to visit some relatives. My so-called friend called me and asked if I wanted to come over.
I told her after the way she treated me, we weren’t friends and not to call me again.
This was almost twenty years ago. We’re friends on Facebook, but I haven’t said a word to her since that summer.”
“My brother was getting married to a very evil and manipulative woman. It was no secret that his bride-to-be disliked our family. It was hurtful to think he was going to go through with it but he was an adult and capable of making his own decisions.
The two of them were going to have the wedding in Alabama, close to the bride’s hometown. My entire family, including my brother and his bride, lived in the St. Louis metro area so it was going to be a decent trip for all of us.
The wedding invitation included a list of the places they were registered at. Everyone invited was required to buy from only those specific places. This was incredibly hard on us financially because nothing from any of the places they were registered had anything under one-hundred bucks on it. In fact, the cheapest items were two hundred fifty bucks and up.
Needless to say, this ruffled some feathers and the family started talking amongst each other. It didn’t take long before word got back to my brother’s evil bride-to-be about how many of us couldn’t afford a gift from the places listed.
About a month before the wedding, every single person on my side of the family, including me, received a photocopied slip of paper uninviting us to the wedding. Now I know one of our aunts and an uncle were planning on going and taking our Grandma. As was our Mom.
My little family was barely making ends meet. The bride’s temper tantrum proved to us just how greedy she was. When the letters of rejection came, the anger and hurt in the family could be felt for miles. Not only were we being uninvited, but it was by a typed and photocopied note. People who were unable to attend but planned on sending gifts no longer wanted anything to do with my brother or his bride. Our Mom and Grandma were heartbroken.
In the end, we all remained uninvited, but Mom flew down anyway and attended the wedding alone. We all had bail money ready in case she needed it though.
So that’s the story of me being uninvited to my own brother’s wedding. I no longer talk to him or his wife and have actually disowned him but that’s a different story for another time.”
The Gift of Relevance
“My husband and I were friends with a couple. I was close with the other female and we hung out regularly, but I didn’t consider her to be part of my tight inner circle.
So, one day she invited me and my husband and to her and her boyfriend’s wedding about five months in advance. My husband and I had twins so life got extremely busy. This meant the other woman and I weren’t hanging out as much, but still kept in touch via phone and text.
A couple of weeks before the wedding, I went online and found her registry. I got her a nice gift because I knew she would love it and I wanted to show my support. As I was ordering things, I made sure they were to be delivered to their home in advance instead of making them deal with the logistics of presents on their wedding day.
A few days later, I assumed when she received the gift, she called me. Instead of sounding genuinely happy to hear my voice, my friend said in an uncomfortable tone, ‘Hey, we actually decided y’all weren’t invited to the wedding. But since you got us a gift, I guess you can still come.’
I was speechless. In my head, I thought there was nothing going on between us. I had a family and she was planning her wedding. There was no explanation and absolutely no indication, we had fallen out.
It was out of nowhere.
If I hadn’t gotten her a gift in advance, we would have just shown up to a wedding we didn’t know we’d been uninvited to!
Obviously, we passed on her ‘gracious opportunity’ and the friendship didn’t survive. My friend didn’t even offer to return the gift, which considering she uninvited us, would have been the only decent thing to do.
In retrospect, I think it was a gift grab. She and her partner were kinda like that.”
“My ex and I purchased a house next door from ours. We ended up renting it to a young, unmarried couple who were just out of college. We became good friends with them. The four of us would often sit on the patio between our homes and have coffee and chat.
After they’d lived there several years, my ex moved out because we were separating prior to officially divorcing. It was an amicable divorce, but there were a couple of noisy arguments between us. There had been no loud arguments before the end, because I had no clue about his six-year affair and child until I forced him to move out.
The female tenant and I were still sharing coffee at the start of our day. When they announced their wedding, she was bubbling one day, verbally invited me, and referenced my attendance a few times. It was to be a large wedding, so the more guest the merrier.
As the wedding approached, my female tenant and I continued to have coffee frequently. I didn’t talk about my divorce much after the first several days. At first, I was reeling and needed to talk. But I quickly got tired of talking about my divorce, and it was more positive to discuss her wedding plans. She was a fun, smart young woman and we enjoyed our almost-daily coffee or beer conversation.
Then, one day, my female tenant told me she and her fiance would not be inviting either me or my ex to the wedding. I really didn’t mind because I would have been a bit of an outcast there because I didn’t know anyone.
What I didn’t expect, was the reason I was uninvited.
‘We don’t want your negative energy at our wedding,’ she said matter-of-factly.
In the context of the conversation, I knew she was referring to my divorce, not my ex. or me, personally. It stung because that reason felt very personal, as if I couldn’t behave myself at a wedding, or that my ex and I wouldn’t be able to be polite, even if seated separately.
Missing her wedding was not a problem for me. She really should have fibbed and said it was about the number of guests, and they had to accommodate her parents’ friends. Literally, anything else would have been more polite.
The moral of the story is don’t invite anyone to anything before you’re sure who you want there. If you do need to uninvite someone, please don’t make it personal, even if it is.”