Breaking up is never easy, especially when you and your significant other have made the major relationship status change from dating to engaged. Whether it was a case of cold feet, falling for someone else, or seeing their future spouse in a different, less-favorable light, these people share their stories of why their relationship fell apart before they could make it down the aisle:
It Took A Tragic Circumstance To Realize The Mistake He’d Made
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“I noticed a few signs she had anger issues before I popped the question, but I ignored them.
I waited six years for it to change and hopefully get better, all the while trying everything I could to help.
Then my dad died. Nothing hits you harder than knowing I didn’t just waste my time, but I wasted his time, too. He will never get to see his grandkids or be at my wedding because I didn’t man up and move on when I knew things weren’t going to work.
It’s my biggest regret in life, but something I won’t make again. I broke it off and am much happier now and looking for that special someone. Don’t expect someone to change no matter how much you love them. If you need something to change, give them a few months. If it doesn’t change, move on. Your future self will thank you.”
A Real Dagger To The Heart
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“I got engaged to my pregnant girlfriend. Four months before the wedding, she calls it off saying she doesn’t feel the love anymore. A week after that, I came home early from my second job to surprise her and see if we can work things out and found her in bed with the guy who would have been my best man.
Turns out they’ve been shacking up for six months, and she planned to leave me for him as soon as he broke things off with his wife (who was to be her maid of honor). I decided to speed up the process by telling his wife what I found, and instead of leaving her, the guy ditches my fiancee to try to salvage his marriage.
She Gave Him A Cruel Ultimatum, But His Answer Was Easy
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“My ex-fiancé and I kept disagreeing about stuff for the wedding. She came from a wealthy family, and I didn’t have the money to have the type of wedding she wanted. My family offered to help out on some things, and she agreed to give a little ground. I found out a week later that she and her mom had completely changed everything without telling me. Most of these changes I couldn’t afford.
When I confronted her about it, she asked me where I had heard that. I told her my sister had told me. She told me that I needed to choose between her and my family. It didn’t take me but a few seconds to tell her that she could get all her stuff out of the house as soon as possible.
She Chose The High Life Over Love
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“We went to the same college and started dating early freshman year, but it turns out she was a high school senior. So my second year she went away to a very prestigious all-girls school on the East Coast. Almost immediately, she starts in about marriage and me dropping out and living near her. I stall on this since she is 18 years old without much relationship experience (I was 20 and had had several year-long relationships at that point). But she sticks on it, so we get engaged right before finals when I went to visit. She is so happy.
During her finals, she goes and sees this wealthy powerful politician from Europe give a speech. He kind of hits on her and says his son is looking for an American wife. She says she is engaged but agrees to have lunch with the son (after checking with me) so she can play matchmaker for her friends. A few days later she suddenly goes from being super clingy and calling me several times a day to being hard to get a hold of.
On my birthday, she doesn’t call and I figure my worst fears are true. I truly believe she was 100 percent in love with me just a few weeks before. Part of me doesn’t blame her, and part of me thinks that she is a selfish snake.
They got married. He was on horseback with a sword and everything.
I had some fun in the meantime and met a much better woman seven years later (we have now been married for eight years). I think in the end, it was for the best for everyone, though it has reinforced my already paranoid fear of people leaving me.”
Chicken Wings Saved Her From A Horrible Marriage… Seriously
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“I called off my wedding three months before it happened. Why? I was a 17-year-old (I’d have been 18 at the time of the wedding) about to marry a 26-year-old man that had been dating me for three years. I was a victim about to marry her abuser.
The engagement ring, which I found out was fake, was to buy my consent/silence/whatever as he fooled around with everything that moved. He was an addict, a narcissist, and he liked little kids. I wasn’t a 14-year-old that looked like an 18-year-old. I was a 14-year-old that looked like a 12-year-old.
I loved him because I thought he was saving me from my horrid situation with my family. My mom and I moved in with her boyfriend, only to find out too late that he was an abuser. He’d take me away from it, even if it was just for a little while.
I was messed up. I ended up living in a boarding house when things finally broke in my abusive household because, of course, I was 17 and he didn’t want me to move in until I turned 18. I ended up pregnant before having a violent end to my pregnancy that resulted in my daughter’s stillbirth.
Despite this all, I loved him. But he started picking at my appearance. I was ‘gaining too much weight’ even though I was at a healthy weight for my age/height. I had gotten hips and was no longer flat chested, so we talked about dieting. I stopped eating. I drank water when I’d get hungry. Everything had to be low fat/no fat, low calorie/no calorie, and sugar-free. It worked. I went from ‘healthy’ to ‘underweight.’ What made me realize that I wanted out was a box of chicken wings.
I ended up moving back in with my mother after she was able to escape her ex. We lived near an indoor flea market/farmer’s market that had the most amazing food vendors. I love food and this diet was killing me. I was miserable. So, I decided to have a cheat day, and I went and ordered a box of hot wings from the chicken place in the farmer’s market. As I sat down with my favorite movie, eating my favorite food, I realized that dieting would always be my life. I also realized that him wanting me to be unhealthy wasn’t right. I was tired all the time, cold all the time, hungry all the time. I decided, while happily munching on that box of wings, I was done.
I called him and told him that I was done. It took me another three years to truly be done, but the very expensive wedding was done and over. He never got any deposits back. It took me almost a decade to realize that he wanted me to look like a 14-year-old forever. I was also always dismissive about the age difference, citing that I was mature for my age. I now realize it didn’t matter. I was a child.”
“Mole Hills Started To Become Mountains”
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“Was with my significant other for three years before we got engaged. While we were engaged we had our son (unplanned), and it pushed back plans for the wedding because of money troubles.
Her father then was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and she started to withdraw from me after finding out the news. I tried to be supportive and help her through it, but we started arguing about small things constantly. Molehills started to become mountains and we started to fall apart.
Not long after our four-year anniversary, she got the news her father had passed away. On Valentine’s day no less.
In our fifth year of being together, and after a fairly large argument, I left work and grabbed a nice bottle and flowers to try to signify a ‘new beginning’ for us, but when I got home she had taken my son and all his things and moved all of her belongings out of the house. She had left the engagement ring on the bed for me to find.
I never did get an explanation, only that she didn’t feel the love between us anymore. I never felt that way, but perhaps I missed something that she was trying to tell me. Who knows. Now I see my son a few days a week, have a friendly relationship with my ex and have moved on as best I can.
I still love her, a part of me always will, but I’m fairly certain we will never reconnect as much as I would love to try again. Sometimes you just have to accept what happened and push on.”
Major Red Flag Of A Bad Marriage
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“One of my friends got engaged and her fiancé became controlling about the wedding. They fell in love with a venue but the only date available was in four months. My friend wanted to think it over because she wanted to see if her family and the bridal party would even be available on that specific day.
He proceeded to go behind her back, pay the deposit to hold the date without telling her, and then demanded her parents pay for the rest of the bill. Thank God she finally ended it.”
He Got Defensive And That’s When She Knew Something Was Up
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“We were together for more than nine years. We were set to get married on our 10-year anniversary. He started hanging out at work a lot more than normal. He started to develop a friendship with a female coworker. I’ve had platonic male friends my entire life so no big deal. But one time my best friend and I were playfully teasing that this female friend was his girlfriend and he got real mad almost instantly. After that, I knew they were together but didn’t want to admit it.
I went on a weekend beach vacation with my best friend, and he went camping with her and a gay couple. I’m sure they slept together that weekend if they already hadn’t. About a month later, he went to a work event and purposefully made it difficult for me to attend, to the point of saying ‘I don’t really want you to go.’ She posted a status on Facebook and tagged him in it, and I went ballistic. Called him and demanded he come home. We talked, and he admitted that he’s in love with her and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Eight months before the wedding. Three years engaged. I moved out three weeks later. Took the dog and cat.
He tries to text me every so often, but I don’t respond.”
“I Dodged A Bullet”
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“First, he changed, big time. He became controlling, jealous, and seemed to really expect that we’d reenact his parents’ dysfunctional marriage. Repeated long talks about it didn’t change anything.
We were planning the wedding while I was realistically picturing myself being divorced within five years. That was stupid, and I ended it. We’ve both been married to other people for 25 years now, but he was bitter and mean the last time we ran into each other. I dodged a bullet.
I married three years later. He was someone my ex-fiancé had gone to school with. The one time I met my current husband with my former fiancé I disliked him. Nothing but a coincidence that I met him again 18 months after the breakup and we hit it off. My ex promptly started dating a nice girl who has my husband’s nickname. We get engaged. Within the month, he gets engaged. We set a date. Within a month, he sets a date, which is one week to the day before ours.
Yep, I dodged a nuclear warhead of crazy.”
She Had Always Had Her Suspicions, But This Time They Were Confirmed
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“We were friends for almost 15 years. we were even best friends growing up. We lived together as roommates, then finally one thing led to another. We had been together for about six months when I found out I was pregnant. He was supportive and I was so happy.
We have the baby and then he asks me to marry him a few months later on New Year’s Eve. Of course, I say yes.
We move along, planning the wedding about a year and a half out (it would have been this November). We have our arguments and I keep getting a weird feeling in my gut but learn to the ignore it.
I had always known he wasn’t entirely straight, but then again I hadn’t always been either so I trusted that he had made a commitment to me and that should have been that.
He was chatting and exchanging pictures with who knows how many guys all over the area. He claimed he hadn’t met with or slept with any of them.
I was heartbroken but tried to stay for our child. I finally realized how stupid that was in May, and moved back in with my parents.
It’s awkward because I don’t necessarily feel like it’s my place to ‘out’ him to our friends. My family knows the basic details, and that’s all they’ll ever get. But I know he walks around saying it was a mutual thing, and every time that gets back to me, it’s like all the air is being knocked out of me over and over. If your two choices are being absolutely miserable and being alone but possibly happy, what do you ‘choose?'”
It Was Time To Fly Out Of That Relationship
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“He was a pilot in the air force and doing a bunch of training. He proposed before he left for officer training. Since we weren’t married, I couldn’t go with him, and he wanted to wait to live together until marriage. We set the first wedding date for Christmas weekend of that year, and he asked to postpone it. We set the next date for Thanksgiving weekend of the following year while he would be in pilot school for a year and a half. He asked to postpone that one too, not because of training, but because he ‘wasn’t ready to get married yet.’ We set the third wedding date for after his training ended. Three months before the wedding (my dress bought, my bridesmaids dresses bought, stuff booked, save the dates sent, etc), he asks to push it back again.
He wanted to stay engaged, but he was going to be moving to the next base in a few months and would be deploying regularly. In order to stay together without being married, would have to drop everything, call out of work, and drive six hours whenever he would be stateside for a few days. It would have been impossible. We had been together for five years at this point, and I figured if he still ‘wasn’t ready’ to marry me by then, he never would be, so I gave him the ring back. I had hoped it would scare him, and that he would not want to lose me, but he didn’t care. When we broke up, I was visiting him halfway across the country and had two days left until my flight home. It sucked. He didn’t tell anyone what happened. He didn’t cancel the DJ or anything like that; he made me do everything. I have never had anyone want to buy my old dress, so I’m stuck with that too.
Two years later he, a 30-year-old man, was engaged to a 17-year-old he met through his church at his next base. Bullet dodged.
All these years later, I realize he never loved me. He loved the attention, love, and support I gave him. He needed a constant ego strike, and I gave it to him. The man I wound up marrying is 100 percent more of a real man.”
Controlling, Manipulative And Abuse Are Not Ideal Characteristics In A Spouse
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“She was controlling, manipulative, and abusive. She was like this before we got engaged, but since it was my first relationship, I didn’t know any better. She got worse after the engagement. I wasn’t allowed to have any friends or access the internet. I couldn’t watch TV, go to movies, or read any books without her permission first. She had to know where I was every moment of the day.
As far as she was concerned, my sole reason for existence was to do whatever she wanted. One day, I got fed up with something she wanted me to do and told her no. She said that she couldn’t marry me if I wasn’t willing to do what she asked. She broke off the engagement a few days later. A few months later, she called me to try to get back together with me. She didn’t think that the breakup would be permanent. She just thought that I would be so unhappy without her that I would go crawling back to her. We had broken up a couple of times before our engagement and this was apparently her strategy those times as well.
By this time, I recognized this as the manipulative tactic is was, so I refused to get back together with her. Looking back on it, I would have been miserable with her, so it was the best decision I could have made.”
If He’s Going On A ‘Man Getaway’, It’s Time To Rethink Your Relationship
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“He cheated on me the entire time we were engaged, but being young and dumb, I looked the other way. Finally, one weekend he wanted to stay with his friends for a ‘man get away,’ and on one of those nights, he texted me and broke it off. Came back to our apartment four days later, and I don’t remember all the details, but he moved some of his things out that day. Found out, one of the girls he was cheating on me with had just gotten an apartment at the complex I lived at. He moved in with her and their apartment kitchen window faced my kitchen window, it was great.
Eventually, his best friend laid it all out and told me how long this had been going on, and with how many girls; really heartbreaking honestly. His best friend and I became good friends after this, and one night he admitted that he had feelings for me the moment we met and knew my ex would leave me at some point because I was the third girl he had done this to. So, long story short, my ex married the girl he cheated on me with, and eventually, she left him, for a woman. His best friend, we’ve been together for seven years, and we’re getting married next spring, and I couldn’t have picked a better person to spend eternity with.”
A Vicious Fight Revealed A Shocking Secret And Her True Colors
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“I found out during a fight that she had an abortion while we were together. It was one of those petty arguments that people in their 20s get into. I wanted to take her out to dinner and dancing one night, and she wanted to stay home on the couch. She kept trying to rip me down, but every time she did, I clowned her back. She got so frustrated it came to the point where she came out with ‘Well screw you, I killed your kid.’ It totally caught me off guard, and when I asked what she was talking about, she said that she had an abortion and didn’t tell me. So I stopped fighting with her and just started packing some stuff up.
So, at this point, she’s really mad that I don’t want to fight anymore. And when I told her that she won and there was nothing I could say, the crying starts and ‘she’s sorry.’ I told her I wasn’t even mad about the abortion. People go through things. If the time wasn’t right, it wasn’t right. If she would have told me I would have driven her there and paid for it. I just wasn’t going to spend my life with someone that would pull something like that out. Just to win a fight over me wanting to take her out on a date.”
After Everything, He Was Still Blinded By Love
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“My buddy got engaged to the girl he had been living with. She stopped taking her birth control and told him she wanted to be pregnant for their wedding. Caused a bunch of fights over him not ‘loving’ her because he didn’t want to get her pregnant before the wedding. He eventually recognized the crazy, and called it off the Sunday before the wedding – and kept dating her for six more months until she signed a new apartment lease and signed his name to that lease without him agreeing to it. ‘But we talked about it’ she said.
That was the last straw for him, and he got out of there. He is still dealing with some bad debt/credit after learning post-breakup that she got a credit card in his name without telling him and was using that to pay her half of the bills since he had called off the wedding but before they actually broke up. He thought he had found someone he could provide for and make happy but he was doing it at the expense of his own happiness and sanity.
Some people from broken families just don’t see the red flags. Divorced parents and physically abusive older siblings really messed him up on what a healthy relationship should look like. He just couldn’t see that he was worth better. He is a fantastic guy and an insanely hard worker who wants to more than do his share always.”