Come on, who hasn't busted out laughing while reading through Cosmopolitan magazine? It's not because Cosmo has a comedian working as a guest writer, but because sometimes they give the most horrendous, hilarious and potentially dangerous pieces of advice. All of their tips should come with the disclaimer, "Warning: Do not try this at home." Try to get through their worst 15 without laughing out loud.
Ummm…why?!
"Press a fork (firmly, but don’t break the skin or anything) into different parts of his body — his butt cheeks, his pecs, his thighs."
Is it really that hidden?
“Slip your hand into his back pocket and lightly stroke his [butt]… since it’s totally private and hidden from everyone else, it conveys that you’re feeling especially attracted to him.”
Oh god, please don’t use your toothbrush!
"Use your electric toothbrush or your iPhone when your vibrator is out of batteries."
Changing lives, one donut at a time.
"I ate a donut off my boyfriend's penis and it was the BEST."
Watch out ladies, snapflirting is the new way to hook your guy.
"Save the selfies for your girls. If you really want to get a guy's attention, Snapchat him a pic that's more unexpected. Take a photo of your fingers, draw on faces, and write 'Wanna hang?' It's funny and different, so he'll want to get back to you – stat!"
‘Cause everyone in there 20s is going to orgies nowadays.
"10 Tips For Surviving Your First Sex Party."
Why else would your guy be happy?
"If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why."
I think the adjective your are looking for is painful, Cosmo, not wicked.
"Casually scatter marbles all over the bed sheets, for a wicked cool sensation."
Is it really though?
"Not eco-friendly? It could be a sign that he'll trash your relationship too."
This is definitely something every girl has to worry about.
"This Is What It's Like To Fall In Love With Your Brother: Defying laws and societal taboos, one couple shares their undeniable connection."
You can afford a fancy dinner party, but not breath mints?! What??
"If you're hosting a dinner party and don't have a lot of cash, make alternative after-dinner mints. Simply freeze a tube of toothpaste, then cut it open and slice the contents into wafer-thin pieces to produce your very own treats. They look cool and will leave your guests with fresh breath."
‘Cause every girl wants to read about a vagina eating itself. Is that even possible?!
"My Vagina Ate Itself. How would you deal if your genitals completely turned against you? Cassie, 38, from Sydney, tells her story…"
If you’re a fan of sticky sheets, try this!
"Feed each other ice cream in the dark. Not being able to see means more spilling, which means more licking up the mess."
That sounds like a terrible idea.
"Wear a soaking wet t-shirt to bed."
Watch out for the ghost of hookups past, ladies!
"15 Signs You Are Being Haunted By A Sex Ghost."