Sometimes breakups can be quite confusing and often lead to regret...these relationships on the other hand, well, they definitely deserved to be left behind.
A Dumb Excuse
“I think it’s probably the record for fastest realisation that a break up was the right call. We were in bed together; I was dozing and he was on his computer, and I felt him answer his phone. ‘Yeah, I can talk,’ he said, and then continued to have a very lovey, very gushy conversation about how he loved the person on the other end of the line. I woke up pretty sharpish then, but I stayed listening.
When he finished the call, I sat up and we had The Talk.
‘I can explain,’ he said.
‘Oh yeah? Go ahead.’
‘I thought you were asleep.’
I could possibly have dealt with the cheating, although it would have been a slim chance — but there’s no way I could have spent the rest of my life with someone dumb enough to pull an excuse like that” Source
Now That’s A Tell Tale Sign
“She came to visit and she was annoying me so much that I left. I went to the DMV to update my license. It struck me that I chose the DMV over her and decided to never date her again” Source
A Whole Bunch Of Psycho
“When I caught him cheating and called off the wedding: “I thought if we moved to the other side of the country (from Vancouver to Halifax, Canada), you’d be too far from your family and friends to have the courage to leave me if you ever found out.” – that is a whole bunch of psycho right there” Source
Waiting For Love
“She told me that she expected us to get back together in ten years and that if I really loved her I would prove it by staying single and not sleeping with anyone” Source
Definitely Dodged A Bullet
“I have a few, all from the same guy!! Mind you, HE broke up with me.
1- “I should have put holes in the condoms, you would have stayed with me if you were pregnant”
2- “But my mum loves you and thinks we’re perfect together, why won’t you come back to me”
3- “Yah, I slept with her, but I love you” Source
A Fear For The Ages
“The last guy I dated had quite a few… quirks. Not only was his family racist – they used to yell “time to go coon-hunting” when black people would walk through their neighborhood – but he just always said really strange things. But nothing really tops this. He had this weird thing where I wasn’t ever allowed to touch his belly-button. One day I asked why, and he said, “I don’t know, it’s just really taboo for me”. “But why?” “Well, honestly, it’s just that …” and then he got really quiet and serious and said, ” Nobody knows where it goes “.
I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing at him” Source
“After a fight, ran to the car, 5 minutes later comes back in the house and asks “aren’t you going to chase after me” Source
This Is A Joke Right?
“I need you to keep making the mortgage payments, and … um … would you mind moving out so my boyfriend can move in ? m’kay” Source
“Not something he said but something he did. I dated this one guy in college and after a while I realized that I just wasn’t into him anymore so I broke up with him. One night about a month later I woke up him sitting on my bed stroking my hair. I proceed to scream and he just kept repeating my name over and over. Turns out he had memorized the code to our door (it was a keypad) and let himself in” Source
But What About Me?
“Three months after the split she still hadn’t realized her income didn’t cover her debt, let alone her spending money. We met to tidy up some divorce details and she finally opened all the emails I had been sending her detailing her student loans, car payment, credit card, mortgage, etc. When she realized she was broke (her payments alone were more than her salary) She asked “But what about me?” with tears in her eyes. I just reminded her that “this was all your idea” and kept eating” Source
An Eye Opening Experience
“We both had dogs, I have a chow-chow, and he had a Pomeranian. Chows are “supposedly” one of the dumbest dogs, and Pomeranians are in the top 10 of the smartest. Any who, we are on a walk talking about the statistics we saw on each others dogs and what not. He then said “How funny! You’re like your dog, the chow, and I am like my dog, the Pomeranian.” He was always an arrogant a–hole who believed he was always right, and thought he was a pure genius. Kind of opened my eyes to what he really thought about me” Source
See Ya Crazy
“I thought I was unhappy because you weren’t treating me right. Then we broke up, and I realized how nice you were about putting up with my craziness. I think you are a horrible person for letting me do that. No one else would” Source
You Just Can’t Make This Up
“Some s–t you just simply cannot make up.
I’m going to tell you a little story of the last girl I seriously dated before I met my wife.
When I met this chick I was living in a small apartment with 2 other people and I was getting back on my feet financially. We had nothing in common, but we were both lonely, and the idea of companionship weighed more than our differences.
We hung out a few times before becoming a couple. It was very casual. She would come over and watch movies. We rarely went out due to lack of money, so we passed a lot of time by having sex. I honestly did not think the relationship was going anywhere, but I was just glad to have some company at that point in my life.
I was living far from home at that point so I had no close relatives, but she wanted me to meet her family. The closer it got to this event the more she became neurotic about it. She told me her family was very religious and conservative. She said when I met them I would need to cover up my tattoos (I have full sleeves and several others) I have been around people like that before and I didn’t want the hassle so I agreed.
What she didn’t tell me is that her father just happened to be a prominent conservative radio talk show host in the Midwest. He was well known in the area (Think Rush Limbaugh type radio personality).
Now, what you need to know about me is I am a card carrying antitheist. When I met her family I was polite and kept my mouth shut. Even through the lecture and interrogation on my relationship with Jesus Christ. I just played nice and eventually was deemed “acceptable”
From that day on it was like a light switch was flipped. Suddenly she needed me to accept Christ and give up my heathen ways. She even gave me the hypocritical no sex before marriage speech even though we had been doing it all along. When I confronted her on the topic she said that she changed her mind about it and that we needed to repent to save our souls.
I wasn’t having any of it. I made it clear that if she wanted to be religious that was fine and I would support that choice, but I wasn’t going to convert myself. This was unacceptable. She became very agitated with me over my refusal to convert and started throwing screaming tantrums over it.
I always tried to calmly defuse the situation, but my lack of willingness to scream at her or get s–tty just made her more angry. Eventually she broke up with me. She said that it wasn’t fair to her to be with me if I wasn’t going to change who I was for her.
I didn’t realize until she broke it off how happy I was she did. For the next 6 months she would call me and leave messages saying things like, ” I miss you, and I wish we could be together, but we can’t because you are a sinner.”
Finally, I had to change my number, because she wouldn’t stop calling after I had asked her for the 100th time to stop.
The last time I saw her was about a year later. I passed her in a store with her new girlfriend. She decided to go full lesbian and had gotten a large tattoo of a female version of Jesus, naked, and crucified on her forearm.
For as much as she tried to convert me it was kind of shocking to see her like that. I’m glad she left me when she did” Source
Lies, All Lies
“It has nothing to do with ‘so-and-so”. She married him, and their anniversary is 2 WEEKS before we broke up. Screw her” Source
Nice Try Girlfriend
“Young couples invest in art” … ex-gf of 4 months trying to get me to pony up on an over $10,000 piece” Source
“I hope I get pregnant so you have to marry me” Source
A League Of Their Own
“This isn’t my story, but my ex boyfriend’s story…My ex boyfriend was having “the talk” with his high school girlfriend. At one point the girlfriend turns tearfully to him and asks, “Do you not want to be together because you think I’m out of your league?”
Hilarious stuff. Glad he dodged a bullet. In fact, when my ex and I were breaking up, I asked him the same question as a joke. For a second he thought I was serious before realizing who I was alluding to” Source
Happily Ever After
“You make me so happy that I quit taking my bipolar medication”. Things went downhill quickly after that because she went from a fun crazy girl to a totally bats–t crazy girl”Source
A Booming Business
“I was going to finally leave my terrible job and just stay home and sell Herbalife” Source
A Failed Dream
“I’m not sure if it was after she told me she was going to circus school, or after she said she was going to Florida to join a circus troupe or after she returned a month later and let me know she had been fired from the circus” Source
It’s All Your Fault!
“After breaking up she told me that it was my fault that all she had in her future was being a lonely old lady with lots of cats” Source
The Biggest Warning Sign
“He was f—ing nuts. But one of the bigger red flags was when he said
“If you ever cheat on me or leave me for another guy I’m going to tie you up and make you watch me beat the guy to death with a lead pipe, then beat you to death with it” Source
No He Did Not…
“Once, I got so lonely while you weren’t here, I smeared dog food on my underwear and had the dog lick it off, but it’s okay because I was thinking of you.”
Yeah, that revelation was something I not only didn’t want to know, but the last sign I needed to know I didn’t want that relationship” Source