Cheating and being cheated on flat out sucks; however, what leads one to cheat? The common assumption is relationship problems, but some of these explanations will surprise you.
I cheated on my ex after she became too clingy one summer. We’d just finished our Freshman year of college and moved back to our hometown for the 3 month break. She refused to get a summer job, and conveniently decided to ruin every single one of her friendships in our hometown. So, she was left with me and only me to entertain her and fill her time. A typical day for me that summer looked like this: Wake up to a text from GF “Hey babe good morning I miss you.” Then I’d go to work and text with GF all day. “Ugh Im so bored when are you off work?” She’d say. Get off work, go to GFs house, watch tv with GF til about 11pm. Go home, get text from GF “Hey lets Skype!” Skype with GF til about 1am, say goodnight. Repeat. Sometimes she’d even make me call her from my car when I’d leave her house. I couldn’t do it anymore. She literally wanted constant contact with me during every hour I wasn’t sleeping. Sleep was actually the only reprieve I had from her. She complained all the time about how bored she was, and about how all her friends were jerks and how terrible her summer was going. In my mind, I was thinking “well you did this to yourself, you ruined your summer get over it.” Around this time, my GF also started withholding intimacy from me. She said she wanted to slow things down, so all we did was make out. I constantly had blue balls and started watching adult videos. WAY more often to remedy the situation. It was a perfect storm. I couldn’t stand to be around her any more, but I loved her and didn’t know what to do. A new girl had started at the place I was working that summer. She and I hit it off and we connected on how dissatisfied we were with our current relationships. One thing led to another and we hooked up in the walk in freezer of the restaurant we worked at. I regret cheating on my ex, for sure. But the reason I did it, is because she was pushing me away slowly, while also removing any physical aspect of our relationship.
I should have just ended it and THEN hooked up with the girl from work, but you know… I was 20 and stupid. And my balls hurt. (Source)
Not Sweethearts Afterall
I started dating my high school sweetheart when we were both 16.
We moved in together when we were 19, because that’s what you do when you’ve been in a relationship that long.
We got engaged when we were 20 because that’s what you do when you’ve been together for four years.
We got married at 21 because that’s what you do once you’re engaged for a while.
I’d had doubts about our relationship for a long time before we got married, and afterwards, they just grew stronger. “Why am I with this guy who is so different than me in every way – cleanliness, attitude towards finances, politics, acceptance of other cultures, ways of showing affection?” But I told myself that he was probably the best fit for me, and hey, we already lived together, and our families liked each other, and whatever, too much effort to give up now.
Then I became best friends with my coworker. He complemented me in every way, and treated me so well. One night, I drunkenly texted him and admitted I had a crush on him, and he told me he had a crush on me too.
We tried to stay friends because neither one of us wanted to ruin my marriage, and I still believed I was in love with my husband. It didn’t work. We flirted for months (occasionally telling ourselves we had to stop, and achieving that for a day or two). We fell in love, and couldn’t stand to be apart from each other.
I told myself I was still in love with my husband, but I was also in love with my coworker. Eventually, my willpower broke down and I slept with him.
After that, it didn’t take long for my marriage to fall apart. My husband moved 200 miles away for a job, which, of course, made my affair much easier to carry on. My husband and I kept drifting further and further apart, until I finally told him I wanted a divorce after less than six months of marriage.
I’ve never admitted to my ex husband that I cheated on him, even though he assumes so. I’m actually married to the man I cheated with, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been before.
I’m don’t regret marrying my first husband, because it smashed a lot of my ideals on what a marriage entailed.
I don’t regret getting with my current husband, because I do feel we are very well matched and I love him much more than I ever loved my ex.
I do regret having cheated. I wish I had finished one relationship before starting another. I constantly think of the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater”, and it tears me apart because I know I’m capable of doing such an awful thing. But I simply remind myself that everyone messes up sometimes, and people are capable of changing. (Source)
No logic here. I was 17, there was a girl naked on a bed that said “come f*ck me,” So I did. Wasn’t right, but wasn’t thinking either. (Source)
An Emphasis On “Distance”
I was in a long distance relationship — he moved for his career, I was supposed to follow once I figured my sh*t out. So I hadn’t seen him in 6 months, he rarely wanted to Skype or talk on the phone, he didn’t want to come back to visit me (only me visiting him, he hated the state), I’d always text him first, etc. So I started distancing myself from the relationship, as I felt that’s what he was doing. My head went to a dark place and figured he was cheating on me or didn’t love me anymore. Lack of communication I guess. I also felt I was becoming a clingy GF and I never wanted to be that girl (even in a long distance). So I met this guy, we hit it off right away, there was so much mental and physical chemistry. We’d communicate a lot, he always wanted to hang out but I told him no, as I was in a relationship. But I think I hadn’t heard from my BF in week at one point, even after texts sent. So I hung out with the other guy and we ended up hooking up. Do I regret cheating? Yeah. I broke it off with the BF the next week out of guilt, I never told him. I should’ve ended it well before that point, considering I was falling out of love. I was young and naive. But we both agreed the long distance wasn’t working. Haven’t talked to him since, but I have a feeling he’s doing alright in life. (Source)
I was in a serious car accident. My GF at the time was really busy and couldn’t be there for me the way I wished. But my ex was. One thing led to another, and I ended up sleeping with my ex. Worst decision of my life (Source)
Pot Calling The Kettle Black
The reason was because she was constantly accusing me of cheating after I caught her cheating and speaking with her ex behind my back. She would steal my belongings and if I broke up with her she would use that against me to force me to talk to her and eventually get back together because you know, doing it. Just ended a month ago when she caught me on a date with another girl and hit me with her car. So it was kinda worth it. Though my custom made ironwood bear, watch and ps4 are gone now. (Source)
There wasn’t any logic. I was drinking and didn’t stop the advances of another girl. I had never been so happy than in my prior relationship. Never felt so loved and loved someone so much. I gave up everything in a split second…. (Source)
A Sad Situation
We had very poor communication and were both very insecure (wife and I) She assumed I was cheating when I wasn’t, facilitated a threesome to control the insecurity and then we flip flopped for years between open and not, all the while our physical life which had been daily when we were dating dropped to a dead bedroom. I talked, I begged, I volunteered to do counseling (she would never do mutual counseling) and I did without. I gave up passwords, and stopped seeing friends. I went to a couple bang-a-holics Anonymous meetings. And I did without. Month in and month out. and we would cycle over the years. Cheat, get caught, make amends, be happy, dead bedroom, cheat. And the problems were always my fault. My timing, my not understanding her meds, or her aches, or her bad days. I got selfish. I got desperate. I would flirt and sell myself to other desperate lonely people. Anything to just feel desired. It’s messed up. (Source)
Honestly, undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. My brain was f*cked up, whole bunch of emotions I didn’t understand and a lack of impulse control. What I did was still my fault, I’m not denying that. But after I was diagnosed I went through a lot of self-help therapy books, saw a counsellor… And the urge to cheat has never come up in the past 3 years with my current SO. Mental illness is horrible. It can influence you to do things that you never thought you would do. Those things are still your actions, and your responsibility. But it’s like your brain holding a weapon to your head and telling you to do something. And if you don’t have the right coping skills, you don’t know how to say no to your brain. (Source)
Thinking With The Wrong Head
No logic. Thinking with my d*ck. Feels good in the moment then regrets later. Why would I risk so much for such a stupid fleeting feeling? I love my SO. This is way back in my past and I’ve learned a lot and have since wised up. (Source)
Behind Closed Doors
I was with a woman who should have been “right” for me. But, she was cold, distant and a bit of a b*tch. She was smart, witty, well liked and highly thought-of by colleagues and friends; but, behind closed doors, she was the opposite. I tried to change her, I even tried changing myself. She had “accidentally” cheated on me earlier in our relationship, and when I met someone who was nice to me and made me feel good about myself… Well, I went for it. Cheated on my SO. But, to be fair, I dumped her immediately afterward. (Source)
Mean And Manipulative
I’ll tell you my logic and how I’m not ashamed. My ex SO was so mean and manipulative. Dated him for 2 years. I was making more money in the household and paid for EVERYTHING. Dates, activities, bills, groceries. He never took me out or got me a birthday gift, even a Christmas gift. Time spent with him was awful. I don’t know why I stuck around, “love”. He called me names, was emotionally abusive. It got to a point where I just started to sleep on the couch when he fell asleep to avoid him in any way because he would freak out if he knew I didn’t want to be near him. So towards the last few months of our relationship where I started to realize how great I am and how awful he was, someone else offered to take me out on a date. It was the best date I’ve ever been on. It was beautiful and the conversation flowed and he made me feel so good and I fell in love with that guy that night. I had full intentions of leaving my SO a bit before this but he didn’t know yet, so that was cheating. I ended up dumping my SO the next week and have been dating the other guy ever since. Been almost 2 years. (Source)
Done With All That Now
I shouldn’t have been in a relationship in the first place as I wanted to f*ck every decent looking girl I met. And if they were up for it, then we went at it. I’m done with all that now. (Source)
Full Of Lessons
We had been slowly falling out of love and turning into roommates that occasionally rubbed privates together. There was a lot of talk about spicing it up in the bedroom but by her own admission, she’s pretty vanilla and didn’t want to wrap her head around the idea of other positions besides missionary and her being on top. I had been training a very attractive and smart woman at work who noticed I was having a hard time one day and I spilled everything out to her at lunch. A few more weeks of shameless flirting between the both of us culminated in an incredible night in a hotel room that currently holds the top preferred customer spot in my spank bank. It felt awful imagining my girlfriend’s face but at that point the path ahead was crystal clear, we broke up the next day and I never told her what happened. The co-worker and I continued to date off and on for two years. We never could make a relationship work but fell back on the bedroom. that whole time was full of lessons I’m still learning. (Source)
Paul The Sh*te
I wasn’t clear what our relationship boundaries were. He was adamant that we weren’t dating, but we still exchanged “I love you’s” and essentially lived together. He was very new age, had talked about previous open relationships, and generally spoke in vague terms. We were briefly long distance at the start of our relationship (so not many people knew we were together) and a friend kissed me. I panicked, called my SO and told him, and he responded nonchalantly. If anything, he was irritated and confused that I called him about it. I left the conversation with the impression that he was seeing other people and rather expected I was as well.
So I slept with the friend. And then later found out that my SO considered me his “monogamous primary partner”, which makes me a cheater. I felt crappy about it for a long time, but in the end, I learned from the experience and Paul was crap anyway. (Source)
“Best Decision I Ever Made”
My SO had cheated on me multiple times, and one night I said “whatever” and went out with work mates. I met a guy that I worked with that treated me like a princess, was attentive and all around sweet. We hit it off. It wasn’t intentional, it just happened.
I remember thinking that it was a bad idea and then thought “you know what, I deserve happiness too. It’s not all about [my SO]”.
I left my SO the next day. Best decision I ever made. (Source)
A Bad Marriage
16 year marriage. Every night I would beg him for it, every night he would make some excuse not to. He would then watch dirty movies while I lay in our room trying to figure out why I wasn’t enough. Every 10-12 months he would give in and we would have it. Other than these times there was so physical touching. No hugs. No kisses, no hand holding etc. I was starving. After one confrontation, he told me to go find a boyfriend, but warned me no one else would want me. So, I did. It only happened once, but it taught me some really valuable lessons, and gave me the courage to leave this financially and physically abusive marriage.
It took two years, but I left. I am with a man now who touches me all the time, treats me well and makes me incredibly happy.
Should I have cheated? No. But one partner does not get to totally dictate the couples bedroom life. I was scared and hurt and broken. (Source)