House guests are exhausting. It's always amazing when they leave, even when you really like them. Image when they are total nightmares, like they are in these stories. It really gets bad, quick.
A Disgusting Mess Ends A Friendship
“My wife’s friends had stayed over after a party because they lived pretty far away. I was in the kitchen making coffee in the morning and the friend’s wife came up the basement stairs into the kitchen wearing nothing but her underwear. She didn’t say anything to me she just shuffled past and went back into the spare bedroom. I was curious what she was doing down there so I went and checked. It turns out in her drunken state she couldn’t find either one of the bathrooms upstairs on the main level so she went into the basement and pooped beneath the stairs all over the floor. When her husband came out of the bedroom I told him that he had a mess to clean up and directed him to the basement so he could find his wife’s surprise. That’s when he decided to use our clean bath towels to smear her poop all over my basement floor, then he just tossed the towels into the laundry tub; I never spoke to either one of them again.”
Making A Profit Over A Shady Freeloading “Roommate”
“My roommate’s friend needed a place to crash while he found an apartment. We had a spare room but he didn’t want to rent it. After 3 weeks it became obvious he was trying to stay with us for free when he brought over all of his clothes and stuff. So we charged him rent for next month if he planned to stay longer. Stole our Xbox and disappeared, but he left all his stuff which was worth a lot more. We didn’t bother calling the cops and just told him to bring back the Xbox or he can’t get his stuff. He never responded and we just made a $1k profit selling his crap.”
A Filthy Friend Smells Terrible
“An ex-friend. I smelled something horrible when I was cleaning the guest bathroom after she left. It was like a mix of fish and rotten eggs. It was so strong it made me gag.
And then I found the source: it was her used underwear.
She had lice too, I believe. I noticed it when she was picking nits from her hair and squishing them between her fingernails. I would hear them pop. It was disgusting. I had to throw out the pillow she used.”
A So-Called Friend Goes A Little Crazy
“On our first anniversary, my girlfriend and I decided to go out of town for the weekend. We needed someone to look after our cat, and the only guy available was my friend Andrew. In hindsight it was a total mistake asking him to do it, because he was a complete slob, but he was our only option and we figured he’d have enough decency not to mess up our place. We were wrong.
The first thing we noticed when we got home was that almost all of our dishes were dirty and stacked in a big pile in the sink. In the fridge we discovered a half eaten apple pie from Pizza Hut covered in chicken bones. Investigating further, I found that he had broken some of my stuff, supposedly by accident. But the real surprise was when we went into the basement to do laundry. He had built a big fort out of cardboard boxes, with some rotting pizza left inside. I later discovered that he had been using my video camera, and recorded himself ‘living’ in the box fort, eaten chicken wings, and wearing my clothes while a friend of his danced around totally naked in the background.”
A Mother Just Gets Nasty and Overstays Her Welcome
“My mom was my worst guest ever. We moved her because she lost her job and was staying with random people. She never offered to help with anything, left my house a pig sty at all times, when she would get her unemployment she’d buy herself the most random stuff, stayed up all hours of the night and got incredibly awful in the morning if my young children would wake her up, and would purposely get in awful fights with my husband because she hated him and didn’t want me married to him. I asked her if she would watch my children so I could go back to work to help support her and she freaked out that I wasn’t planning on paying her to babysit. After two years, (I really, really tried to ignore it and continue helping), we had to kick her out.”
Obnoxious Bro Drives a Friend Nuts
This guy I was friends with in college invited himself to my parent’s place in the summer when I went to go housesit (about 2 hours away). Very bragadocious, loud and annoying but I didn’t think it would be that bad. A short list of things he was able to do in 3 days:
1) Talk about how much he hustles and how much money he has and how great of a time we’re going to have. Proceeds to bring 1/4 of a 26 oz bottle of Patron and a gram of bud, then leeches off everyone else for the remainder of the three days, refusing to chip in because ‘he already pitched.’
2) Accused my brother of stealing his hat. My brother’s head was nowhere near his size, nor would he wear a flat bill camo Jays cap. He went on about it for 2 days.
3) Hit on every girl I had over. Aggressively. To the point they all asked me to keep him away. He then invited over a 40-year-old woman and banged her behind a group of trees in my backyard.
4) Lit a blunt he didn’t roll or contribute to in the hallway of my parent’s house the morning of them coming back. We had it ready for after cleaning and he just walked into the house, sparked it and looked shocked when we screamed at him to put it out.
5) Refused to help clean before my parents got back. He hid in the bathroom or backyard for the entire 2 hours we all spent cleaning.
6) When my parents did come home, he became this super fake polite person. My parents saw through his nonsense and knew right away this guy was a douche. He came with us to my hockey game that night and my parents said all he did was brag about how much the girls in the arena (all watching their boyfriends play) wanted him and he’s doing those guys a favor by not hitting on them because ‘those girls would be mine.’ When we were finally heading back, we blew a tire on the highway. Rather than help, he stood there and watched two of us do it. No offers of help. Nothing. When we finally got the car back on the road, he complained that it took so long and wanted to stop for food.
I’m a very patient man. At this point, I just wanted to get him out of the car and go home. We dropped him off at his house and he was delusional enough to think we all had a good time. He said ‘Thanks for an awesome time! When are we doing this again?’ I said ‘Never’ and we drove away. I’ve ignored him ever since.”
One Creepy Cadet
“When I was 17, my older brother brought two of his college friends from school to stay for a weekend in the town he was raised. They went to the Citadel in Charleston, so they are ‘cadet-ish.’ Anyway, my mom caught one of them smelling my 12-year-old sister’s stockings and underwear.
My mom kind of freaked and was in semi-shock and came in and told my brother in front of me and the other friend. What was even more awkward is the guy tried to play it off like he thought it was MY room, and he was looking for my drugs! He said he was sniffing because he could smell drugs somewhere, and wanted to smoke. My mom wanted so hard to believe this that she actually accused me of having drugs in my room.”
A Pet Sitter Does A Tremendously Poor Job, Threatens Health Of Animals
“My girlfriend and I went away for a week and a half and a friend of ours volunteered to housesit and take care of our pets (two cats and two lizards). We made sure they knew what to do and wrote a care sheet for each animal, and what they needed to do to keep the animals healthy while we were away. Feed the cats, clean their litter, chop up veggies for the lizards and feed them bugs, and give the lizard a quick bath if she poops because she’ll definitely run around in it.
So after we ran our friend through our daily routine to care for our pets, we said our goodbyes and went away. When we came back, our apartment looked nice, but there was a HEAVY cat piss/cat poop smell all over the apartment, and when I checked on my lizard, she had pooped all over her underside. Not. Cool. Bearded dragons have salmonella in their feces, and this meant she ran a risk of getting very sick if she ran over her food. We ended up having to take her to the vet for a $300 vet bill for tail rot and to check for food poisoning. The cat litter was literally solid. When confronted, he said he had just forgotten to clean it once before he left, but it looked exactly like a week and a half worth of two cats bathroom breaks. Our one cat was so fed up with the amount of stuff in the litter that we saw him peeing on the floor, which has never once happened before or since this incident.
It was clear to us that he did next to nothing to care for our pets like he promised he would. He just volunteered to stay in our apartment because it was an hour closer to his new job, and completely used us. We used to be great friends, but I haven’t seen them more than once in the two years since this incident. Hard to trust someone after they pull a stunt like that.”
The Bed Wetting Secret
“Without a doubt, hands-down, the friend whose family came up to my lake house for a week.
Her 10-year-old had a bed wetting problem. Understandably, no one wants to talk about that.
EXCEPT WHEN IT’S TIME TO CHANGE THE SHEETS when the guests are gone!
OMG, I had to throw out a brand new mattress.”
Never Trust A Woman Named Misty
“A woman named Misty. My roommate met her at a party and invited her back. She stayed the night, yeah whatever.
But then didn’t leave the next day. She just hung out. Even asked if we were going to buy more soda.
She stayed the night again. On the couch. Two days later we drove her to a family member just to get rid of her.”
A Bartender Is Impossible To Handle
“My best mate was hooking up with the new barmaid at our local pub and she got horrendously wrecked on booze and drugs at a post-pub party at my parent’s house. For some reason, she decided to grab a kitchen knife and slit her wrist.
In the ensuing struggle to wrestle the knife from her hand as she went to slash her other wrist, she managed to place her arm against the wall leaving a nice blood smudge right there in the kitchen. We then kicked her out and she gave me and my girlfriend at the time a load of trouble on Facebook for being unreasonable.
Believe it or not, my mate ended up dating her for about 2 years and she continued to be an absolute trainwreck. When he finally got rid of her from his life it was a really joyous moment for me and the rest of our friendship cycle.
The last I heard of her she unexpectedly inherited a few million pounds from her father who she hadn’t seen since she was about 2-years-old and she’s now living a few hundred miles away breeding horses.
So as for worst house guest, it’s either her or the dude who urinated in my kettle and then boiled it.”
A ‘Friend’ Slaps An Autistic Brother
“This was a few years back when I was around 15 or so. My younger brother is autistic, only mildly so we don’t deal with him all that much differently than any other kid, but he can get a bit much with the questions, feels like you’re getting interrogated at times he has so much to ask, but it’s easy to cut him a little slack with it, no big deal. At the time he was around 6 and I had a friend over for a little while, just playing some games on my Xbox. My younger brother politely knocks on my door so I tell him to come in, and he proceeds to start questioning us on what we’re playing, about the game, etc etc, normal questions, just lots of them. Eventually my friend has had enough and tells him he needs to shut up, younger brother responds by saying he’s only asking and asks me another question. Before anyone has a chance to do anything my friend decides to shout at him to shut up and proceeds to slap my younger brother around the head. After questioning what he just did he had absolutely no remorse so I told him to get out, nice and simple. Younger brother was fine, he’s a trooper. And finally not that it makes any difference but yes he was aware that my younger brother was autistic, wouldn’t have excused his actions if he didn’t though.”
A Sister’s Boyfriend Is A Real Deadbeat
“My sister’s boyfriend. I have never actually hated anyone until I was forced to live with this guy for two weeks. He was an ungrateful prick and extremely disrespectful to my parents and sister. I’ll refer to him as M. M was staying at my parent’s house because my sister inadvertently got him kicked out of his aunt’s house. She felt bad so she asked my parents to let him stay for some time until they could find other living arrangements. He brought over all his stuff and made himself right at home quickly. He set up his Xbox in the living room and played destiny all day because he didn’t have a job. He’s 27. He would constantly complain about the internet being laggy and would tell anyone who was listening that our internet is bad. He would constantly (at least 3- 4 times) take an entire loaf of pepperoni bread, fill it with cheese, bake it, eat some and then throw it away. He literally screamed at my mother that she was disrespecting him when she called his music ‘screamo’ and had a hissy fit. He and my sister shared a room right next to mine, and at night I could hear him singing to her. Not so bad except he proclaimed that he was incredibly talented and never missed a chance to mention it. The best part about his stay though was when he told me that aliens we’re on earth, helped build the pyramids, and altered our DNA so that we evolved faster. He would also constantly tell my sister what to do and was very controlling.
My sister now lives with him in an apartment. He recently crashed her car and fled the scene. I hate him.”
Sometimes, You Have To Look In The Mirror
“I was 18, had the most drunken night of my life and slept on my best mates floor. In the morning I got up and needed to be sick right away. Barged into the bathroom and threw up my entire body weight in the toilet. Not so bad…
Turn around to see his mum in the bath with candles having a nice morning relax. I was horrified. She was more horrified. My mate was on the floor in tears laughing.
Had a great relationship with them both so was allowed back after profuse apologies, quit drinking though.”
Family Is Always The Toughest
“My sister was supposed to stay just the weekend (to help after my hysterectomy). I had to kick her out after 3 months because it became painfully obvious she relapsed (drugs). The last straw was when she became upset with me and knowing that I’m allergic to perfume, she went through the entire house, spraying her perfume. I had to stay away from my own house for 24 hours (my poor husband and children!)”
Family Really Is The Worst
“Mother’s husband’s daughter. Showed up on two hours notice with her boyfriend and said boyfriend’s German Shepherd.
Because her dad is such a narcissistic jerk, I had to purchase my own separate groceries rather than just toss money into a collective fund for the whole household.
Now because her father never punished her, she also grew up to be a narcissistic jerk, and as a result, I had to explicitly mark the food I purchased.
Which didn’t matter, because she’d eat and drink my stuff anyway.
So would mom’s husband, despite him having thrown a fit over food that resulted in me purchasing my own food in the first place.
So yeah, this wonderful human being threw a complete fit one night because I figured that he was a decent human being and had made a plate of food for my mother since she was working. When she got home I asked if I could have it, since she was starting a vegan thing she said I could. Nope. His seconds. He threw a temper tantrum over two pork chops and a baked potato.
So that particular weekend Daughter+Daughter’s BF+Mom’s Hubby+Mom’s Hubby’s BFF were all eating my leftover spaghetti, despite it being my quite clearly labeled, that I had bought, paid for, and cooked myself. They’re literally stealing food from a disabled dude on food stamps.
After the daughter left, while his buddy was still there I told him he needed to pay me back for the food they’d eaten and the pop his daughter and her BF had drank.
‘OMG! MY DAUGHTER IS NOT A POP STEALER! SHE MUST NOT HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE YOURS!’
Which is what he’d said the last time, but in order to get at my sodas, they would literally have had to remove two strips of masking tape that said ‘ED’S SODA, DO NOT DRINK!’
So I told him that if his daughter wasn’t a pop stealer she was either blind, illiterate, or mentally retarded.
‘OH MY GOD, THEY’RE LIKE FIFTY CENTS!’
And they’d drunken eight of them. That’s four bucks. Or, you know, about the same value of foodstuffs that you’d pitched a fit over and forced me to purchase and maintain my own separate stock of food.
And despite dropping by fewer times than I can count on my fingers while I was living there, she insisted on having them maintain a bedroom there in which no one else was allowed to sleep.
Daughter there twice a year? ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE A BEDROOM! My siblings and niece there every other weekend? SCREW THEM, THEY CAN SLEEP ON THE COUCH!”
A Mother Way Oversteps Her Bounds
“My mum. She helped pay the deposit for me, then treated it like she owned the place whenever she needed somewhere to stay, to the point that my best friend at the time threatened to move out over the way she was treated. Whenever I raised the issue, she would remind me that without her I wouldn’t have a place to live, etc. I sold the place at auction eventually, gave her back her deposit, and cut her out of my life. Not purely over this you understand, but it was a big part of it.”
Sketchy Drunk Blames Someone Else
“My dad’s old friend… His name was Tom. Tom was in town and needed somewhere to stay so he shows up at my house uninvited. My dad being a good friend decided to let him stay with us for the next couple of days until he figured his stuff out. On the first night, he ran out of alcohol and decided to raid the cupboards to see what he can find. He found rubbing alcohol and decided to drink that. He puked everywhere. He then ordered a bunch of porn on the pay-per-view. He blamed me for all of this. My dad’s not an idiot and didn’t believe this for a second. Tom is now in a halfway home.”
A Mother And Son Team Try To Steal From A Family
“This dude was a family friend who my mum let in my room to play Xbox. I wasn’t home at the time so I didn’t see it, but I had forgotten my phone one day, so as soon I get home I frantically look for it, as I normally would. My phone was nowhere in sight, so I was like screw it, I’ll look for it later and chill with this dude playing Xbox. The dude seems really nervous, so I start catching onto this guy. I go through one of my drawers which had about hundred dollars in it, and guess what, it’s gone.
I decide to mess with this dude, so I said my phone has a tracker app on it and that I was going to report it stolen to the police, which was complete nonsense, buy hey, he bought my story and was getting nervous. He goes over to his mum and speaks in his native language, so I can’t understand. He did use ‘phone’ and ‘police’ in English, and at that point, I knew he took both of them. I told my dad and he went crazy on this dude, just full on shouting at him until he started crying, which was hilarious. He returned my stuff afterward and just waited outside. His mother was crying profusely and kept apologizing and saying stuff like, ‘I never knew he had this side to him’ and, ‘There must be a reason why he stole your stuff,’ but I knew she was in on it too. I had no sympathy for either of those sly jerks.”