Whether or not we like it, we are all judged on our appearances. This is especially the case for women who are criticized daily for the way that the dress, how much they weight, and how much (or little) makeup they choose to wear. Read these accounts from women of the nastiest things someone has said or done to them because of their appearance:
The Mean Girls
“In high school, I was pretty unattractive while all of my friends were beautiful.
Anyways, I decided to skip school one day because we weren’t doing anything. My friend and I decided to walk to our friend’s house, which was roughly a 20-minute walk. We had to be on the side of the road for a little while. After a good 10 minutes of walking, one of my friend’s friends drives by and yells her name. They come back, ask where she’s going, and offer her a ride. She gets in the car, and as I approach it, her friend locks the door.
I thought it was a joke at first, so I laughed and pulled on the handle. Her friend rolls down the window and says ‘I’m trying to unlock the doors, but my car doesn’t like ugly people!’ and pulls off.
I never saw my friend’s reaction, but things were a lot different between us after that. I was too embarrassed to talk to her or anyone for the rest of the year.”
“I Haven’t Been To A Club Or Gone Dancing Since It Happened”
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“One of my college friends had her 21st birthday party at this rooftop club in Manhattan. She was kind and sweet, but so beautiful and she didn’t realize that people treated her well because she was beautiful and not because of her great personality. This club promoter promised her that she could get as many of her friends in as she wanted with free bottles for everyone and when we showed up, he looked at all of us, singled me out and went, ‘Not you. You’re going to have to either pay the cover or else I can’t let you in.’ When my friend asked why he goes, ‘Look, I didn’t think you had ugly friends.’
They all went in. I went home because the night was ruined at that point, and I wasn’t going to pay upwards of a hundred bucks to get into a club that didn’t want me there in the first place. I have not been to a club or gone dancing in the four years since it happened. My friend was generally a sweet person, just incredibly naive. She’s grown up since then and admitted it was a messed up situation, but I can’t really blame her in the moment for going inside. The rest of her friends were all psyched to go in, and I wouldn’t have let her derail her entire party just because I had my feelings hurt. I just wanted to go home alone after that, so it wasn’t like we would’ve gone on to have a great night if they’d stuck with me out of principle.”
She Was Kicked Out For What Reason?
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“When I was 16, I bought this pretty striped sundress. It was the middle of July, and of course, it was hot outside. My friend and I decide to go to the mall to escape the heat. Well, I wear this sundress to the mall, and I am followed by a female officer who stops me and says, ‘We’re going to have to ask you to leave the mall.’ My friend and I look at one another confused and ask why. She replied with, ‘There are people getting uncomfortable with the ‘movement’ of your sundress.’ The attention you’re attracting is undesirable for this mall. We ask that you leave.’ At this point, we are totally shocked. We say okay and keep walking around the mall talking about how ridiculous it was. Well, 10 minutes later, the same female police officer approaches me with four male officers.
The female officer repeats, ‘We asked you to leave the mall. Your sundress is inappropriately fitting on your body.’ I question her on why it’s my problem when two of the male officers chime in,
‘Shouldn’t you feel ashamed of the kind of attention you’re receiving right now?’
‘I would be embarrassed if I were you, not parading around.’
At that point, my friend and I left. I went home and cried for two hours about how ashamed I felt for having people look at me. I’m 18 now, realizing how ridiculous that entire scenario was.”
Her Appetite Is None Of Your Business
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“I was with a group of friends, and we wanted to go to Whataburger in the middle of the night. The only girls in the group were one of my best friend and myself. My best friend is pretty, but she is on the heavier side. I’m not a stick, but I am much slimmer than her.
I go to order, and it’s the GM taking our orders. I order a honey butter chicken biscuit, fries, and a drink. He says something like, ‘Oh, you should order more! You need a cheeseburger or something; you’re too skinny!’ with a smile like he was trying to hit on me but obviously didn’t realize that he was being rude. I just say, ‘No I just want my biscuit and my fries and my drink.’ Then my friend goes to order, and she orders a cheeseburger, fries, and a drink and this guy said something like, ‘Wow you have quite an appetite tonight!’
I wasn’t going to bring it up, but she asked us later if we noticed how differently he treated us. It sticks out in my mind though because I’m not usually the girl that gets special treatment, I’m usually the ‘ugly’ one.”
Sounds Like She Should’ve Been Sending That ‘F’ Their Way Instead
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“It happened to me on the first day of high school. There is this thing where the students from higher classes draw and write the letter ‘f’ on you (arms, legs, face, anywhere they can basically). It is just because you are a freshman, nothing special. So my best friend and I were walking around the city when a bunch of boys approached. She got quite a lot of ‘f’s. I got none.
When they walked away, I heard them talking, and one said something along the lines of: ‘Wasn’t the other one a first year too?’ The second one replied: ‘I wouldn’t get close to her even if she were.’ It hurt, but my friend heard them too, hugged me and told me I should not listen to them; that I’m beautiful too. It was nice hearing that. We still hang out, and how I lost quite a lot of weight due to exercising, and I probably don’t have to say that people treat me differently now.”
She Proved Him Wrong
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“There was a beautiful girl in a legal course of 30 students that had at least 600 applications. None of us would be considered idiots. Older male in the course says, ‘the only work she will ever get will be from pathetic, lonely men,’ the implication being that she won’t ever be a competent lawyer. I was dumbfounded.
Three years later, she has proven to be a good lawyer and is going strong.
The legal profession is weird for pretty women. It helps some, but it can be a major problem. Two of my female colleagues have had older male professionals stalk them from court to court. If they offer work, we are professionally and financially compelled to take it, so they can basically manufacture contact. Creepy.”
Since He’s Attractive, “It’s Not Creepy”
“My best friend in high school got a kid suspended because he was ‘stalking’ her. He was an actually pretty nice guy. He just had bad skin and was mildly overweight. She thought he was hideous and, because he expressed interest in her, became 100% certain he was a stalker, so she invented some story no one questioned and almost got him expelled.
Fast forward three years: the same friend is getting legitimately harassed by a co-worker and she just lets it fly because he’s incredibly attractive. He shows up where she is because he follows her on social media (one of those people who ‘checks in’ everywhere) and she thinks it’s romantic. Oh, he’s also married.”
“The Straw The Broke The Camel’s Back”
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“Right out of college, I went on my first job interview for an over the phone customer service representative. It was through a headhunter agency, so I don’t even know what the company sold. However, the lady who was interviewing me told that I was too ugly for the position.
It was a job for answering phones. I had been called ugly all the time until that point, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
Her Sparkling Personality Was Completely Neglected
“I was friends with a girl in high school who had a spectacular personality. She was funny, friendly, and just generally great to be around. The guys in our group called her ‘useless,’ as in, that was her nickname.
Why? Because she was fat. She was good-humored about it, but I always thought it was absolutely appalling.”
Looks Shouldn’t Get You The Job
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“I worked at an insurance office where they had a clerk who was the mid-40s and weighed 250 lbs. I’ll call her Lydia. The office manager was a 20-something, lovely but incompetent young woman. Lydia did all the actual work and kept the office running. This was glaringly apparent to everyone. When the office manager quit they advertised for another, Lydia applied for the job and should have gotten it because she had been doing it all along. But, no.
All these fat, middle-aged men hired another pretty young girl who had no idea what she was doing while Lydia kept doing all the real work. I asked her why she stayed, and she told me, ‘I’m a fat, middle-aged woman. This is the only job I’m ever going to get.’ It showed me how different the world treated you if you were a woman that men just didn’t want to fool around with. It enraged me because Lydia was basically doing everyone’s job for them.”
The Epitome Of A High School Jerk
“I was friends with this beautiful girl back in high school. She had such a clear, beautiful face with a smile to die for. Blue eyes, light brown hair, and a nice figure.
I was short, had nerdy glasses, crappy clothes, and a flat butt and flat chest. So I was ugly. I still feel like I am.
We were in the lunch line chatting away about something that happened in class. This guy that we happened to know and thought he was God’s gift to women came to talk to my friend. He started flirting and she flirted back. He started complimenting her on her beauty and looks. She was flattered and said thank you. All of a sudden, he turns to me and says, ‘What about you?’ I tell him I have no idea what he’s talking about. Then he starts asking me how is a guy ever going to find me attractive if I’m so ugly and to make it worse since I have no chest or butt. I got mad and kicked him in the shin and told him off.
My friend didn’t defend me and even though we grew distant from each other; she did apologize two years later and told me that when he asked her out a week later, she rejected him for being such a jerk. I’m still ugly, but I got my period a year after that incident, and grew a lot taller and got a bit of figure, even if I was and still am chunky. At least my spouse tells I’m beautiful.”
There Is More To Somebody Than Meets The Eye
“I moved to a new state when I was 15 after my parents divorced. I made new friends in my drama club right away, but no one talked to this really pretty girl, Kate. When I said hi to her, my new ‘best friend’ reprimanded me because apparently, Kate fooled around with other girl’s boyfriends. I went along with not talking to her since my friends weren’t bullying her and she seemed fine with the small group of guys she hung out with. Until a few months later when it was all over the paper that her stepfather had been arrested for assaulting her and her sister. Everyone at school started saying she was easy as she walked by. My ‘best friend’ said it was Kate’s fault for seducing her mom’s husband.
The girls in my school were so jealous of this girl because she was so pretty that they made it her fault she was assaulted. I eased myself out of that social circle after that. I was working at the mall two years later, and so was Kate. She came into the coffee shop where I worked, and we chatted for a bit. She seemed to be ok, going to college, working, boyfriend, and I guess she liked me because I was one of the only people who didn’t torment her in high school. Not tormenting her wasn’t enough; I wish I’d reached out to her.”
Um, Hello?!
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“It was my friend’s wedding, and I was in the bridal party. My friend’s new sister-in-law is, too. We are all wearing the same dress and have the same makeup on. The sister-in-law is pretty and not ‘skinny,’ but chubby pin-up proportions. I am heavier than she is but I still consider myself fairly good-looking with decent proportions.
It was time to eat, and it’s a ‘line up and get served’ style feast. The sister-in-law (right in front of me in line) gets chatted up by all the male caterers, they are obviously flirting with her. They spend several minutes talking to her and hold up the line.
I am served by the same people, give them a friendly smile and a ‘Hey, how are ya,’ general courtesies. They don’t even respond and look at me with almost bored expressions on their faces. My ‘thank you!’ is met with no response either.
I get that I’m not as good looking, but you can’t even manage a ‘you’re welcome?’ After you were openly flirting and holding someone in line? I’m not going to lie, it didn’t feel good, especially since I had hair/makeup/pretty dress, the whole shebang. Aside from that everything was a great time.”
“Beauty Standards And Social Norms Are Profoundly Different”
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“It’s actually weird because I find myself in a pretty unique situation. I’m confident enough to say I’m a pretty good looking, tallish, and lean/athletic college-aged Korean-American male. I was born in and grew up in the U.S., but have worked several internships and study abroad semesters in Korea.
In America, I get treated very differently. I’ve had professors ask me when I came to the states, or how I learned English. When I play basketball on the public courts, I’m always the last picked, even though I’m objectively not bad at all. White girls don’t give me the time of day unless I’m already deep in the friend zone. At the club, I always pay the cover. All my girlfriends have been either black or Asian.
I’m in Korea right now, and the difference in treatment is astonishing. My boss can’t wait to give me work, and I’ve always got something on my desk. I’m usually the first option on the ball court. Korean girls come up to me in the club, bouncers are friendlier, and even the expat girls will respond pretty positively if I go up to them (which is rarely).
Nowhere is this more evident than Tinder. In 1 year in the states, I got roughly 100 matches (pretty much all Asian-American.) In two months in Korea, I’ve gotten 70. It just goes to show that beauty standards and social norms are profoundly different in different cultures, even within the narrowly defined ‘developed world.'”
She Was Harassed For Doing Something Anyone Else Would
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“My mother has struggled with her weight for most of her life but is one of the kindest, most loving people you will ever meet in your life. One day, she went grocery shopping during a steady rain, and because it was raining, she sort of ‘pushed’ the cart into the mouth of the cart return instead of walking it all the way to the end. Some woman yelled at my mother, ‘Maybe if you actually put your cart back, you wouldn’t be so fat.’ My mother was already back in her car before she’d realized what the woman had said. Several months later, my mother was at the grocery store and saw the exact same woman haranguing another customer in the parking lot, saying people wouldn’t be so fat if they just did X, Y, or Z.
As a relatively petite person, I’ve never had anything like this said to me. But all of my heavier friends and family members can tell me at least one story in this vein. This sort of hatred toward heavyset people is often especially nasty, and it’s usually just considered par for the course. ‘Well, they deserve it for being disgusting!’ (What if they’re trying to lose weight? What if they’ve had a sudden weight gain due to pregnancy or a prolonged illness?) It’s heart-breaking. Interestingly, the sort of behavior I experience as a relatively petite person is often different from what they experience: cat-calling, inappropriate comments from customers, student evaluations describing my body, etc.”
“It’s Given Me Huge Trust Issues”
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“My best friend in high school was ridiculously attractive that it was almost superhuman. She was bombarded with attention wherever we went.
One of her rejected suitors once turned to me and asked me to go out with him. I knew it was a joke and that no matter my reply, I was going to be hurt about what he said, but it was my first time being asked out, so my heart was pumping out of my chest. I eventually said something, and his reply was as expected. ‘I was just asking you, so you didn’t feel bad that I gave your hot friend attention, don’t take it personally.’
It’s given me trust issues. I like to think I’m reasonably okay looking, but whenever I am approached, I’m convinced that it’s all a joke. I’m dead inside on first dates.”
Who Doesn’t Just Love A Flattering Catcall?
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“Sometimes I get catcalled by men on the street. Sometimes I get different comments. A few comments have stuck with me from some rude, vulgar teenagers wearing those neon glasses with the slates.
‘That’s a messed up face you have’ from college kids during rag week. ‘I wouldn’t,’ the opposite to the usual cat call here which is ‘I would,’ which I have received that when my skin has been clear.”
Not The Most Warm And Encouraging Words
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“My mom and sister are both skinny and beautiful. I’m overweight. My parents go to the same bar every weekend, and sometimes my sister and I will go too. On many occasions, the guys from the bar will bring my sister and my mom a drink or a shot or food but act like I don’t exist.
I often hear the lines, ‘You are pretty for a fat girl’ from my mom and my sister. It’s lovely!”