These women share their monster-in-law experiences from when they were pregnant.
No, I Don’t Want Your Hand-Me-Down Pump
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Mother-in-law: ‘Don’t buy ANYTHING for the baby until the baby shower.’
Me: ‘Well, I don’t want to wait that long. I would rather get prepared bit by bit over the pregnancy. Plus, there are some things my husband and I want to buy ourselves.’
MIL: ‘Buy yourself? Like what?’
ME: ‘A milk pump is one thing. We want to pick our own.’
MIL: ‘I have an old pump downstairs you can have.’ Her youngest child is 23. WHY she still has a pump from that long ago is beyond me.
Me: ‘Oh, no thank you. We want to pick our own.’
MIL: ‘It’s just better if you don’t even pump. Just take the baby with you everywhere.’
Me: ‘Well, I’m not going to do that either. What If I want to go out or what if my husband wants to feed?’
MIL: rolls eyes
I also told her a story about how I had my first awkward belly patting experience. I literally said, ‘I had my first awkward, inappropriate belly patting experience the other day!’
Her response: ‘Oh that means I can do it now!’ Then she proceeds to put her hand on my belly, and then followed me with her hand on my stomach while I walked away.
She Wouldn’t Be Civil With His Father, Even If It Meant Never Meeting Her Grandchild
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“So my mom and dad divorced when I was 10 years old, and have been absolute nightmares when it comes to one another ever since. They made my childhood miserable with their infighting.
Fast forward a few years, and my wife is pregnant. I knew the crazy was going to appear, but I didn’t want to be accused of blindsiding anyone. So my wife and I agreed to speak with our parents. I went to my dad and said, ‘Look, if you do right by this kid, you and I are good. It’s a clean slate. Just don’t pull anything. Do the grandpa thing, and there’s no reason for us to rehash old issues.’ He agreed, and he’s been great ever since.
When I went to my mom with the same talk, she freaked out. She cussed me up and down and said, ‘Well, I won’t play second fiddle to anyone.’ I had to stop myself from using some choice words, and I told her plainly – there is no second fiddle or first fiddle. There is what the wife and I say, and that’s the law. She can play by those rules or she can’t play. Then I left. We don’t have a relationship now.
My wife wimped out and had no such discussion with her parents. We had a tumultuous few years, but they’ve mellowed quite a bit.”
She Dropped Off The Face Of The Earth… And Acted Like She Was The Victim
“My mother-in-law has been kind of tame on the baby front and was great my whole first pregnancy. The trouble came after my daughter was born.
For some background, I have MS and pregnancy really took a toll on my body. And I was living with my parents at the time because my husband was halfway through a six-month tour in Iraq. Delivery went fine. Both grandmas were my birthing coaches and my husband was allowed to listen to the whole horror show by phone. After the big show was over, my mother-in-law left, and that was the last I saw of her for weeks. No phone calls, texts, visits, nothing. She dropped off the face of the earth.
Until I get a rare phone call from my husband. He didn’t tear into me or was even remotely upset, but just mentioned that he called his mom just for a quick hello and she spent the entire call blubbering about how I’m hiding the baby from her and only allowing my parents near her.
Now, at this point I was over-tired, trying to fight off an MS relapse, and caring for a newborn. And now this woman is having a meltdown because I’m not packing up my crippled butt to bring my baby for a visit.
My husband was livid when I told him she hadn’t made attempt one to contact me at all, and then had the gall to run tattling to him like a whiny toddler. She’s always had an issue with me ‘hiding her grandbabies’ from her, but has quit being so vocal about it after the hundredth or so time of me explaining that it’s not my job to cultivate her relationship with my children.
“She Insisted She Could Sense My Impending Bad Parenting”
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“My mother-in-law called me just last night to tell me how she heard this psychologist speak about how WiFi and pesticides are causing autism and ADD in boys (not girls, apparently). She wants me to spend all my money on organic produce and somehow ‘stay away from WiFi’ now.
Theoretically, I’d already been eating all organic, but I just can’t afford that stuff. And this psycho person apparently had no realistic strategies for ‘avoiding WiFi,’ or at least not any that she comprehended. What’s annoying about it is that she wouldn’t care about the environment if it weren’t for the threat of having an autistic grandson. She also spouted off a bunch of incorrect and kind of offensive things about autism and really just made herself sound like a moron in a tinfoil hat.
She also insisted that the reason her four sons aren’t autistic is that she and my father-in-law aren’t from ‘big cities’ like the one her son and I live in. For the record, my father-in-law is from the same place I am, and my mother-in-law didn’t exactly grow up out on the farm. Not to mention that all of her kids were conceived and raised in Philadelphia. Before WiFi was a thing.
Then she asks about my older kids, and I mention that my 4-year-old daughter has been kind of tantrum-y lately. My mother-in-law proceeds to inform me that it’s really because she’s afraid I won’t pay attention to her after the baby is born. Her proof is that she once overheard one of her first-grade students making a comment to that effect. When I point out that my kid has been nothing but excited about the idea of having a new sibling, my mother-in-law continues to insist that she senses my impending bad parenting.”
The World’s Ugliest Bassinet
Me: ‘I’m pregnant.’
MIL: ‘Oh great so can we give you this grotty 30-year old bassinet we used for your husband and his brother?’
Me: ‘No freaking way.’
MIL: ‘Oh okay, well just let us know what you need.’
Me: ‘Nothing right now, thanks.’
Next week:
MIL: ‘So do you guys have a crib yet because we’d love to gift you this disgusting bassinet.’
Me: ‘Yep have the crib, nope throw that thing away.’
MIL: ‘But where is the baby going to sleep?’
Me: ‘……in the crib……’
Following week:
MIL: ‘Well what do you guys have already or still need? We’re happy to bring this (ugly) bassinet out when we see you next month.’
Me: ‘Forget you.’
The week after that:
MIL: ‘BUT WHERE IS THE BAAAABY GOING TO SLEEP, YOU JUST CANT PUT THEM STRAIGHT INTO THE CRIB THEY ARE WAY TOO SMALLLLLL AT FIRST!!!”
My husband: ‘FOR GOODNESS SAKE MOM WE ARE PUTTING THE BABY IN THE CRIB, WHERE BABIES GO! DO NOT BRING THAT THING OUT HERE!!!”
Me: “If she brings it out here I am burning it.’
The next week:
MIL: ‘So we’re packing the car; should we pack the bassinet?’
Her Mother-In-Law Endangered Her Baby
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“When I was close to popping with baby #1, my mother-in-law was mentioning about how she was taking her sister to have her vaccinations so she could see the baby. There was no way I would ever let this person be around my child. She’s a 50-year-old addict, lives with no running water and 50 cats, heavy drinker, smoker, and never worked a day in her life. Basically, just the biggest piece of trash I’ve ever met in my life. Up until that point, I had seen her at some of my husband’s family functions a handful of times and avoided her at all costs. My husband’s family is all a bunch of enablers and users, so to them, it’s nothing.
Anyway, after she says this I don’t even respond. My husband and I were both in agreement that his aunt would never be coming around us and the baby. Well, hours after I had the baby my in-laws visit us at the hospital and the woman has the nerve to bring up her sister. She says it’s okay because she had her vaccinations like we were talking about an animal or something. Again, I say nothing because I had just pushed out a human and I was tired.
We were in the hospital for a week because my son had some kind of illness, and it was all very scary and spiraled me into the postpartum depression I dealt with for months after. My mother-in-law brings up her sister, again. At this point, I had enough and told her no. She, of course, was furious about this but dropped it.
A couple months later, it was Mother’s Day. We had a BBQ at my house with my family and in-laws. We are sitting outside and my mother-in-law said that her mother was going to come.
All of a sudden, I see the addict sister’s car rolling down my driveway. I see red. My mother-in-law was holding the baby, so I get up and grab him. My mother-in-law is furious and says, ‘she hasn’t seen him yet!’ I run in the house as my poor family watches horrified. I don’t really know what happened right after I left, but I know that my mother-in-law, the sister and my grandmother-in-law all left.
Happy first Mother’s Day to me.”
It Was Vital That Her Children Were Girls
“I gave birth to triplets and the worse pain was not from the birth, but from my mother-in-law. When she heard I was going to give birth to three babies, and the doctor said they were going to be girls, my mother-in-law was so happy and went on a rant on how she so happy to have someone give birth to some girls because she had only given birth to two sons. (She said this front of her son… my husband).
A couple of days before I gave birth, she came over with three pink bears that said, ‘It’s a girl.’ She told me this was something for the girls. I gave birth a couple days later to two girls and a boy.
When I get out of the hospital, my mother-in-law sees my two little girls and ask where the third girl is. I tell the girl is a boy. She didn’t look pleased by that, and said, ‘Are you sure that’s your kid and they didn’t switch your daughter for a boy?’ I think if my husband didn’t take me out of there fast, I would have strangled her.”
Her Grandmother Was Horrible To Her Mom
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“I’m the grandchild in this scenario – but if there is one thing I’ve noticed growing up, it’s that there are no photographs of any baby showers from the times that my mother was pregnant with any of her children. There are also no photographs or videos of any births. This is by choice. My mother did not want a baby shower – she made that clear, even threatened to not show up if anyone hosted one on her behalf. She did not want anyone taking photographs of her during delivery, and she reinforced that decision by making sure that only my father was allowed in the delivery room.
But there are plenty of pictures of a ‘toddler shower’ that my paternal grandmother held FOR HERSELF, her friends, and some other family members when I was 2 years old. This ‘toddler shower’ was held while my mother and father traveled across the country to visit my gravely ill uncle. My grandmother did this in secret in the two days that they were gone, and gloated about it afterward.
Seems innocent in theory, to throw a party on behalf of your beloved grandson, doesn’t it?
The kicker is, I wasn’t supposed to be staying with my grandmother – I had a babysitter. A babysitter, I might add, who had no idea where I was throughout that entire ‘party,’ who thought I had been kidnapped and was practically seconds from phoning my mother when my grandmother showed up with me.
Then you take one good look at the photographs, and in practically every single one, I’m in tears.
She justified her decision to my mother by accusing her of stealing happy memories. Apparently, her being a grandparent meant she needed these unhappy-looking photographs. There is one in particular that I can remember vividly, where I’m surrounded by toys mid-scream, bunched up fists, furious tears. It’s one of my grandmother’s favorites and I think it’s still framed on her fireplace.”
She Didn’t Get A Say In Her Own Baby Shower
“When it came to the baby shower, I told husband from early on that I wanted to have one big shower with all the family and friends. That way, it would be easier for three families to split the bill and no one would be left out. After I had already been making plans and discussing locations with my mother, we went over to my mother-in-law’s for a visit. Somehow, the shower was brought up. My husband and I said we are planning on having one big shower where everyone can attend.
I specifically remember her saying, ‘Okay, sounds good.’ And ending the conversation. Not even a month passes and I finish making the guest list. We go out to dinner with her at Red Robin. Once again, the baby shower was brought up. I said I was possibly planning on having it in May or June, but I was not sure. She said, ‘Well, I’m planning my shower on Memorial Day week, so make sure you have off for it.’ As if I wasn’t even needed at the shower if I couldn’t get off. I took a big sigh and I am pretty sure I rolled my eyes, too, because my husband picked up on a cue to speak, and said, ‘Well, she wanted to have one big one with everyone.’ With the loudest shriek I have ever heard, the whole the restaurant began staring at us. ‘That’s not fair for my family who already has to drive eight hours from New York to come see me to have them drive again if the venue is in Pennsylvania.’
My husband does speak up and say, ‘Well, we didn’t even know you had plans with them on Memorial Day week. We didn’t even think they would be coming in the first place. How are we supposed to know this?’ I hate when he does this in front of his mom, but he asks me what my opinion is. I was beyond frustrated with my husband and his mom going back and forth at the table discussing what they thought was best about my baby shower. After asking my opinion and having to listen to them complain. I finally semi-raised my voice. ‘I don’t care! I don’t care anymore about the shower. I don’t even want one at this point. It’s too complicated and exhausting. I am done talking about it.’
My husband could tell I was about to implode, so he backed off. His mother, on the other hand, puts her last two cents in. ‘Fine. If that’s what you want, we can do the shower your way, but just know my family is not going to come and neither are all of our family friends from Delaware because it’s too hard for them to travel.’ She was basically insinuating that no one would come from my husband’s mom’s side of the family or get us gifts. I ended that conversation by just repeating myself. ‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore.’ Later on, she didn’t even consult me about it and began planning the shower with her daughter. So needless to say that ruined the entire plan of having one shower where everyone could come together and celebrate this new beginning with us. Instead, I learned that baby showers have nothing to do with the actual baby or the person it’s being thrown for. It’s all about everyone else.
I ended up having four baby showers, which were nice, and I’m thankful for all the things we got and the friends and family we got to see. But I was exhausted. I was also hurt because I had realized my voice and opinions were not heard in this situation. Instead, they were ignored so everyone else could have what they wanted. I also had to deal with the repercussions of having to hear my mom stress about being able to afford a shower for me now since the expense wouldn’t be divided evenly. All because one person couldn’t stand the thought of her family and friends having to drive an hour down the road, which I later learned was just a smoke screen. She really did it because 1) She wanted all the attention having it at her house, and 2) She wanted her friends to come. I ended up only knowing four people out of the 20 at the shower, and that is including my sister-in-law.”
It Was More Like A Shower For Her Mother-In-Law
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“So I had two baby showers. I didn’t want two, but it worked best logistically. My mom hosted one for my family and our local friends. My mother-in-law hosted one at their place in her hometown.
My mom’s shower was nice. Very simple and laid back. As well as co-ed, because I hate being the center of attention and I think its stupid that they are normally only women. My dad and husband were just as excited. My mother-in-law and father-in-law came to the shower. I told them not to since they were hosting their own. My father-in-law complained about being there because it was a ‘girl’s thing.’ My mother-in-law complained she didn’t bring us a gift. I basically ignored them.
Then it was time for them to plan their party. And here we go:
She kept picking days less than two weeks from my due date. I finally had to get nasty so they would pick an early date. I’m convinced my mother-in-law kept doing this in the hopes that I would go into labor while there and have to have my son at ‘her’ hospital.
She bought generic, off-the-shelf invites for the party. Okay, whatever. But she didn’t even bother with baby shower invites, so she had to scratch out a bunch of stuff printed on the invite to write in the necessary information.
She kept acting all weirded out that I wanted the shower co-ed.
It was decorated way more than I wanted, and only in a theme for a thing my husband likes. Waaaaaay over the top. I had asked for laid-back and low-key.
I had asked for no games. There were four games.
I knew less than half the people there. My mother-in-law had invited her relatives. And by this, I mean her second cousins (her only relations in the states) that I had met like once and who my husband barely knew. There were also my husband’s friends’ mothers there. It felt really weird. More like a shower for my mother-in-law to show off she was becoming a grandma again/before them.
Remember how my father-in-law grumbled about coming to the other shower? You can bet he was all proud and center stage at this one. He’s just so excited to be getting a grandson!
I also wanted the shower earlier so that I could see what I would still need for the baby and have time to buy it. Every time I tried to purchase something for my baby, my mother-in-law would say, ‘Don’t buy that! Someone might get it for you at the shower! You aren’t going to leave anything for people to buy!’ Yea. I got towels, blankets, and soap.
The family friend seemed put out while cleaning up the decorations. I guess I wasn’t boisterous enough in my thanking her for the decorations that I hadn’t wanted.
I had my husband do most of the thank you cards because I didn’t really know these people. My mother-in-law was just so proud her boy took it upon himself to do the cards! We are just so nontraditional. Co-ed baby showers. Men doing thank you cards. Wow.
I’ve told my husband we are not having a baby shower for our second kid. ‘Why not?’ he asked. ‘Mom and Dad will be hurt if they don’t get to throw a party!’
I told him it’s considered rude to have a second baby shower. Especially if the kids are less than five years apart, and that it’s doubly rude if its the same gender.
My husband is now trying to convince me to let his parents throw us a gender reveal party. I’m shutting that one down, too. We have a son. If the second kid is another boy I know I will be a little disappointed. I don’t want to find that out in front of tons of people and then have to act happy.
Most other things baby-related I was able to squash rather quickly. My mother-in-law is pushy, but she is also an enabler with no spine. So the second I get firm with her she usually backs off. The only times she doesn’t its because my father-in-law is ragging on her about it to talk to me about something he wants.”