The worst possible ways to get a girl to talk to you.
He Confused Real Life Women With Animated Ones…
1) “He told me that we were destined to be together because in several previous lifetimes we’d been teen lovers in an alternate universe where anime was real. He insisted on calling me by my ‘true name’ (the name of some dumb anime character he liked) and he would even ‘correct’ my school papers with the ‘true name.’ He had a notebook full of stories and drawings about our future life together, and he’d picked out names for our children and designed my wedding dress.
This was all after we’d talked to each other casually a few times in class…”
Please, Please, Think Before You Say That!!
2) Asked a bartender I work with that question a few years back. She had a kid and was single, and a guy asked her if he could ‘make love to her while rubbing Shea butter over her stretch marks’.
So probably that.” —
3) “A guy told me he was done going out with attractive women and now just wanted to date someone nice instead. Thanks buddy.”–
4) “Once when I was very visibly pregnant a man commented on how nice my butt looked, and asked for my number. I told him I was married. He said what a lucky guy my husband was, THEN he pointed to my stomach and said that could have been mine. It was the creepiest thing. Not to mention I was walking with my 4 and 6 yr old daughters at the time.”–
5) “I had a guy tell me he worked for the county CIA. Pretty sure that’s not a thing.”–
[6][5]) “I mean to be fair this guy had some weird fetishes as I later found out but: ‘I know we don’t know each other well so let’s play a little game! Imagine I’m a tiny man that lives in your shoe. Tell me what I’d do. Go!'”–
7) “He stole the crutches I needed due to a dislocated kneecap and told me ‘well you can’t run away from me now.'”–
8) “I had a guy tell me ‘you were a lot more interesting before you started talking’ and then continue to flirt with me. I don’t know if that was an attempt at negging or what.”–
9) “‘You’re worthless.’ He actually meant priceless, didn’t realize his mistake and I didn’t feel like telling him.”
Nothing Like Watching Someone Eat A Burger…I Guess…
Poznyakov/Shutterstock
10) “The guy who confronted me in a parking garage while I was walking to my car and eating a strip of bacon who started hitting on me and ARGUED when I declined a dinner invitation and went on a really long drawn out rant while I stood there awkwardly eating a strip of bacon until he concluded with:
‘Worst case scenario I buy you dinner and and we never talk again and that’s cool because I’d spend fifty bucks just to watch a hot girl eat a burger.'”
Honestly, Sometimes It’s Better Just To Say Nothing
Antonio Guillem/Shutterstock
11) “‘You know, I’m going to another bar later. You are not my only option.’
… I was never an option.”–
12) He wrote a love letter/poem to me that included the phrase ‘Let thy juices secrete.'”–
13) “‘I can eat a whole pencil. Except the metal part.’ Seventh grade was wild.”–
14) “We met on tinder. Our first date, he picks me up in his car and as he’s pulling out of the lot, makes a joke about attacking and murdering me.”–
15) “‘You don’t wear as much make-up as a woman should but I like natural beauty. LOL okay.”–
16) “‘Wow, you’re a lot smarter than you look!’ Uh, thanks?”–
17) “I’m your pooh bear, you be my honey pot (shudder) I was at work, it was a customer of about 65 years old, I was 20 at the time
18) “Had a young stud in my statistics class write his number on the top of a test along with the note ‘Call for a night worth an A :)’ By happy coincidence, the last two digits of his phone number were 14, so I just circled them in red and added a percent symbol.”
“I Killed Your Cat.” Dude, Why Would You Say That?
19) “‘I killed your cat.’ He really did. He and my younger brother were classmates, and if not friends, neighborhood playmates. I was at a party my senior year of high school when he recognized me, and started hitting on me. Problem was, I was a senior and he was in 8th grade. ‘It’s okay, though, I was held back twice so I’m really only two years younger than you!’ Then when he told me he recognized me from the old neighborhood, he came at me with the above zinger. He’d gotten a BB gun for Xmas when he was in 3rd grade and me in 5th. To test it out he tried it on my childhood cat, who disappeared that Xmas break and never came home. He told me in great detail how red and vibrant my cat’s blood was on the snow.
No, he did not get any, and yes, I did slap him across the face.
RIP Snowy. You were a great kitty who deserved a better ending.”
Why Was He So Intent On Asking Her About Kids?!
20) “Maybe not the worst, but certainly the weirdest. Some guy came up to me at work and started quizzing me. ‘What’s your name?’ ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ ‘Do you think I’m cute?’ The direct approach. I assume it has worked for him in the past. But then he asked if I had any kids. I said no. This seemed to derail his train of thought completely. He said he couldn’t believe it; he’d never met ‘a girl [my] age’ who didn’t have kids, and he kept following me around and repeating it. ‘Seriously? You don’t have any kids? You’re not messing with me?’
I escaped into the warehouse and didn’t come out until I was sure he’d gone.”
He Told Her About The Book He Was Reading…To Pick Up Women
21) “He told me he had read that book, The Game. The one that explains how to be a ‘pick-up artist.’ He told me IN THE SAME CONVERSATION in which he had been employing those strategies. I had been feeling guilty about not giving the guy a chance even though he creeped me out and I had no interest in him whatsoever.
When he told me that, it all made sense, and I noped right out of there.”
He Was Hitting On Her — For His Son!
pathdoc/Shutterstock
22) “The man who said he wasn’t the one trying to hit on me, he was trying to set me up with his son. I work in retail, he was a customer. This guy said ‘You’re quite a nice looking young woman, you know. I have a very handsome son who is due to come back from the army in two weeks. I’ll set up a meeting, shall I?’ I declined as politely as possible because 1. I’m with someone and 2. eh I don’t want to be set up with random dudes thanks. He suddenly turned quite nasty – why the hell wouldn’t I want to date his son? Didn’t I hear him properly? He’s a soldier! Did he mention how very handsome he is? What was wrong with me? Said no thank you again and then he then started belittling me for my job and said ‘It’s not like someone in _your _position could ever hope to do better. You should be _grateful_ for this chance!’
I dearly wanted to say ‘Well if the son is anything like the father, I most certainly don’t want to meet him’ but eh, couldn’t get written up for being rude to a customer.”
The Verbal Filter Is Weak With These Ones
Pablo del Rio Sotelo/Shutterstock
23) “‘[Your friend] is the kind of girl a man marries. You’re the kind of girl a man keeps in his bed while his wife is at work.’
He was my best friends boyfriend.”–
24) “There are all these beautiful girls around you but I stayed here to talk with you.”–
25) “I met a guy on Tinder and decided to go on a date. He started to tell me that he recently moved to a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood and ‘that must be the reason why he’s so into Latinas lately.’
(I am Mexican in case you are curious; he is not.)”–
26) “My boyfriend was killed in a car wreck by a drunk driver one year ago. He had to be cremated. I am in college, and at the time I was walking across campus when his mother texted me that the cremation had been done. I fell to the ground in tears. A guy came up to me, picked me up off the ground and hugged me. I just cried into his shoulder and told him what had just happened, saying something like ‘my boyfriend died..’. He said, ‘Well, do you want a new one?'”–
27) “‘You remind me of my momma, and I always wanted a sister.’ Because there is nothing I want more than to join your imaginary incestual family tree.”–
28) “I was almost crying at a party because my boyfriend and I had a fight and this other dumb dude pretended to be nice to me and listened to my problems and then after a while, he goes ‘stop being so miserable and just come home with me.'”–
29) “Yesterday, while running, a guy tried to trip me to get my attention. Thanks, dude.”–
30) “Whined to me about all the annoying things his current girlfriend does. And the weird part is, several guys have tried this.”
4th Times The Charm?
Lisa F. Young/Shutterstock
31) “I was maybe 19 or 20, working as a fast food cashier, a few doors down the road from a pool hall. Also relevant, I was engaged at the time. Guy comes in carrying a pool cue, I take his order, no other customers in line, and it was frowned upon to walk away from customers who were waiting, so I mention the stick, making small talk. He talks up his skills a little, asks when I get off and invites me to come watch him play. I decline, he’s pleasant about it. Life goes on. The following Friday he’s back. Drops some lines about how he makes a lot of money playing pool, invites me out for drinks, being sure to mention it’s on his dime. I decline again, a little more clearly explaining that I’m honestly not interested. Friday number three. Invite number three, talking up his pool skills. By this point I’m a little tired of this game, I say listen man, I’m sorry, but I’m engaged. Flash the ring at him. He smiles, acknowledges it. Seems to understand.
Friday number 4. ‘Hey, baby. You break up with your fiance yet, so we can get drinks?’ I walked away. Didn’t even take his order. Just went to the back, explained the situation, and sent the manager up to help him, because I was done.
No idea what my manager said to him, but from then on he called me Ma’am. He continued to be a regular customer for the whole three years that I worked there.”
If It’s More Funny Than Creepy, It May Just Work Out!
32) “‘You’re like a plow horse. I mean, you look strong. Like you’re strong like a plow horse is strong. I mean, you’re big and muscular. Not big like fat. No, I mean big muscles are a good thing…’
I told him to quit while he was ahead, and eventually married him. <3″–
33) “‘Your face really looks like a dinosaur.’ This was, in fact, meant to be a compliment. Because dinosaurs are cute.
We’re married now.”–
He Assumed She’d Become A Good Little Housewife
Roman King/Shutterstock
33) “I had a guy ask me on a date during church. Now, in my religion, they have a special group for the young adults of marriageable age. I began attending their meetings as soon as I turned 18 because I was tired of going to church with my family. So one day, a guy came up to me and asked me out. I said okay, but warned him (because most people there were looking for long-term relationships and marriage) that I was leaving town to go to college in a few months, so I wouldn’t be around long. He responded, ‘well, I’ll see what I can do to change your mind about that.’ I was instantly turned off. Perhaps I’m a little too sensitive, but I’ve always been a bit put off by the idea of being a housewife, mother, and nothing else (nothing against those who choose that life, I absolutely respect stay-at-home moms and dads. It’s just not for me). So I was probably more offended than I should have been that he’d think, before ever even going on a first date, that he could get me to give up the university education I’d worked so hard for during high school; not only that, but that he’d say so to my face.
He was older than I had thought as well, which bothered my mom (I still lived at home because I hadn’t graduated high school) and she eventually had to tell him herself to leave me alone.”
All She Was Doing Was Reading On The Bus!
34) “I was reading on the subway two weeks ago, when a man approached me. It was an empty car, and out of all the seats he could sit on, he chose the one next to me. ‘Why are you reading? Why do women need to read, if all they do is stay home, take care of the kids, and please their husband? If I were you, I would put the book down, because you have a great body, and I would love to see more. You are so pretty; where are you from? Hello? Do you understand English?’
Glared at him, and changed subway cars at the next station.”
How To Never Get A Girl’s Number 101
35) “I was friends with a guy had a crush on me. Once he texted me while I was studying. When I told him I’m busy studying to which he replied ‘you’re so pretty you don’t need to study. You can easily be rich just by looks.’
He was blocked soon afterwards.”–
36) “In a women’s studies class, the sole dude (who was a freaking mess) says ‘I thought lib arts girls were hot. I’d sleep with less than 2 of them! Like, the rest are ugly. What a waste of my time…’ I, of course, go ‘what the heck did you just say?’ And he says, ‘Why are you complaining, you’re one of the attractive ones.’ Then he, with as little tact as you might imagine, asked for my number. Nope.”–
37) “In front of my high school band, of about 80, I had a guy hit on my by walking onto the director’s podium and reciting a peon he wrote how I’m more beautiful than Victoria secret models he’s seen. Before this point I’ve expressed my desire for him to stop asking me out many times. Afterwords every female, (and many males) and band walked up to me and gave their condolences but all said:
‘I’m glad it wasn’t me.'”