The Story Of Frank The Gargoyle: "Karen" Accuses Neighbor Of Lacking Christmas Spirit, But The Neighbor Decides To Fight Back In The Best, Pettiest Way

If there is ever a good time to fight back, it's with porch decorations. When a nosy neighbor decides to insult another homeowner's resident porch gargoyle, things get nasty quick! There was no backing down and certainly no white flags in this story. Who knew someone could find so many wonderful things to put on a porch to fight a Karen.

Fight Fire With Fire

There are times when people go too far. Way too far. And sometimes you have to fight fire with fire! This is exactly what happened when a fun-loving resident and a hateful neighbor came to blows over a gargoyle statue. On this fateful day, “Karen,” apparently took issue with Frank the gargoyle statue. It was around the holidays, a truly wonderful yet disastrous time. Every jolly person wants to spread cheer, whilst the resentful person desires to spread bitterness. And boy oh boy do we have a resentful neighbor here.

It all started on December 13th, 2020 when, “Julie,” found a note detailing a certain neighbor’s feelings about her gargoyle statue, Frank, that sat on her front porch. The note stated that Frank was “not appropriate” and was not “keeping with the Christmas spirit.” Now “Frank is very heavy” and Julie was fond of the stone creature. Why should she have to remove him? This was an easy fix for Julie! She put a Holiday hat on Frank and that was that! Right?

Wrong.

“Celebration Of Death”

Since her porch was obviously sad and lackluster, Julie decided to spruce it up a bit! She added a little tree with some decorations. And then, of course, she added an elf-on-the-shelf. This was only the beginning of the battle between Julie and Karen. After adding a snowman to the brigade Julie noticed that Karen had not left a note, but Karen had thrown Julie’s note into her yard so Karen knew the battle was on. Julie decided to add a “Yippee KiYay” sign to her display as a nod to the “debate that Die Hard is a Christmas movie.” She also asked her cats to participate and although they unanimously decided against it, Julie was able to substitute their presence with a cat skeleton, with an added holiday sweater.

Karen was not happy with these slight additions to the porch festivities. She left a note to document her displeasure at the “celebration of death.” Karen had taken issue with Julie’s display and claimed it was “ beyond childish” and “ridiculous.” There was not a thing Karen was okay with it seemed because she took shots at Julie’s inflatable Fiona (the hippo from the Cincinnati Zoo) and thus started the feud of what Christmas was about. Karen “threatened to report her to the HOA again,” in a meager attempt to dissuade Julie from continuing her endeavor. Alas, Julie was just getting started and she put up a sign that cleverly said, “Hello Pot, Meet Kettle,” with a picture of a pot and a kettle. It was time for Karen to meet her match!

When, Not If

Julie decided the cat was lonely and added a handsome skele-puppy who was also just as comfy in another holiday sweater and had his collar and tags ready just in case Karen was feeling like making a report for “an unlicensed dog.” Julie was so thorough! I’m impressed and we aren’t even halfway through this immaculate tale. However, Karen “was in for a surprise” as the dog was movement activated so that when (not if) Karen crept up to the house, she would know who she was messing with.

If only Julie had caught her red-handed. Karen wandered her nosy self up to Julie’s porch and her smirk must have been quickly wiped from her face when skele-puppy warned of her presence. There was a brief handwritten note left by Karen on the Pot-Kettle sign (GO TO H-E-double hockey sticks) and a small wet spot in front of the dog. Do we dare hope that Karen “wet herself a little” at the scare? Julie did and I think I’m on her side.

I Wanna Hippopotamus For Christmas

The next morning Julie added a few Hippos to her porch display, all festive of course! When Karen spotted them she left her opinion in all caps: “HIPPOS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!” And yes, she included “a full 10 exclamation points.” Obviously Karen has no perception of Christmas or any songs because “who doesn’t want a hippopotamus for Christmas?” I’m with ya there Julie. Just to clarify her motive behind the holiday hippos, Julie made sure to put up a sign for Karen.

The Public Loves It!

Julie was not giving in to Karen’s HOA blackmail and decided Karen needed a place to put her battle cries “so she wouldn’t waste so much tape putting them on her front door.” Who better to accept passive (mostly) aggressive notes than the Phantom of the Opera? He would know exactly how to deal with them. And Julie added a small trash can in front of him for the expecting notes. And of course, what are Christmas decorations without a wreath?! And this one is “a portal to alternate Christmas” and as Julie put it, “you never know what might start popping out of it.” And what do you know, the first to come through the wreath portal was a little illness molecule! How fitting. Sadly, there weren’t any new notes from Karen after this addition; however, a package delivery driver appreciated the display as “the funniest thing he’s seen all year.” There was also a city water worker who complimented Julie for her pork decor. See Karen! The public loves it!

Turns out Karen did have something to say. Well, actually four things. Firstly, she called Julie “stupid and immature.” Secondly, she wanted Julie to know that “if she keeps it up, she’ll be sorry.” Next, Karen informed her that “she’s friends with the mayor.” And lastly, her name was in fact not Karen. OOPS! Well for the sake of privacy and because we don’t know her real name, Karen is staying Karen. And we have so much more story to tell!

Such Are Dark Times

This note was not enough to dissuade Julie from continuing her porch agenda. Now that “the plague of 2020 showed up,” there was an obvious course of action. A plague doctor was a necessary addition to the porch crew. And although “he appeared to be a little holiday confused” we should be forgiving as “it isn’t easy being a frontline healthcare worker these days.”

Of course, Karen followed suit and wrote a reply to inform Julie that “she was reported to the HOA and the mayor was being called.” It is interesting to note that the mayor did actually reside in the same neighborhood. There was actually a contest for holiday spirit. Hopefully Julie and Frank the gargoyle win! Wouldn’t that just set Karen off? Now it was time to really up the ante.

Dirty Work

“Santa isn’t Santa without his elves, and a plague doctor isn’t a plague doctor without his rats.” So what did Julie do? She added infantry! The plague doctor will need all the help he can get in times like these! They are also prepared for any holiday so that there is no lack of spirit at any time for Karen to get flustered about. I have a feeling Karen is not going to take kindly to this addition to the porch party.

“Karen Cooties”

And now it has hit the fan! Julie left for a bit and came back to find what looked like a “melee.” The porch was in disarray as Karen must have kicked or tossed some of Frank’s porch buddies. Apparently, the rat horde was not to her liking because she disapproved of Julie “choosing to put VERMIN on her porch.” And then Karen stated that Julie’s “parents must be so proud to have raised such a disrespectful and spiteful daughter.” Jokes on you Karen, your words are useless against the power of the porch. Julie noted that her parents, had they been alive to see it, would have loved her creativity and encouraged her since Karen was being a bully. Although nothing was harmed too badly, how awful of a person do you have to be to actually touch a neighbor’s private property and throw it around? I mean I know you’re upset Karen, but there are lines you just don’t cross. Well, she must have had some semblance of this since she didn’t disturb the hippos. Because “even in her little grinch heart Karen knows that Hippos are Christmas A.F.!”

Although I am sure Karen did her very best to try and get the HOA and the mayor on her side, they had yet to show up. And she seemed a little quiet after the violence she incited before. Maybe this is because Frank now had a gargoyle buddy called Fred for support. Gargoyles do get lonely ya know. Julie made sure all the “Karen cooties” were eradicated with a round of vaccinations for all of Frank’s friends. And to prove she would not be backing down, Julie added a few more rats to the bunch.

The “Manifesto”

Julie continued to add more decorations, much to Karen’s dismay, throughout the holidays. Julie added a festive T-rex holding a wrapped gift, a small flock of holiday flamingos, and of course, Krampus came to make an appearance. The neighborhood loved her feistiness and even sent packages with decor to add to Frank’s posse. A plethora of objects to fuel Karen’s wrath for eternity. As Karen had not responded for several days, Julie thought she had won! Not so fast, Karen was biding her time and was “busy writing her masterpiece!” This was a “five-page, typed, single-spaced manifesto of all things Karen.” Julie was amused at Karen’s attempt to convince her that her display should be done away with. Karen also put Julie’s character into question, telling her she is “rude and insensitive to other people’s feelings.” According to Karen “the whole neighborhood hates” Julie, which doesn’t add up since neighbors had started to drop off gifts and letters praising Julie’s efforts! Karen also stated that she is “emotionally traumatized” from passing Julie’s house and seeing her “satanic display.” Julie knew where Karen lived and Karen did not have to drive by her house at all. “She didn’t actually have to see it at all, she WANTS to see it.” And to end all of this defamation of character and playing victim, Karen wrote, “I hope you get Covid and die.” Jeez, that escalated quickly! We are definitely Team Julie and Frank on this one! Although she was slightly impressed with the degree of the “masterpiece of nastiness,” Julie chose not to “get out her red pen, grade the letter, and give it back” to Karen. Also, neither the mayor nor the HOA had contacted Julie yet. Karen’s threats were pitiful and she had no follow-through.

There was no stopping Julie and Karen seemed to finished with her passive-aggressiveness. Julie made sure to keep the momentum on her porch, and Frank the gargoyle always had company! She also made sure to support social distancing and mask regulations. Julie would never let a nosy Karen ruin the fun. There will always be Karens trying to spoil the good times, but always remember to stick it to them like Julie did and also “Hippos are Christmas A. F.!”