Being a pregnant teenager is hard enough, but raising the child can sometimes be even more difficult...
Struggling To Afford Food…
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“I was 18 years old at the time.
My parents lived on the other side of the country. My ex and I lived together with roommates to make the rent. We were so poor that we each got one can of SpaghettiO’s a day. I had no prenatal care and went into preterm labor at six months. I spent the rest of the time on bed rest and got my prenatal care by going to the hospital once a month to make sure the baby was ok.
She was born on my due date, 6 pounds 2 ounces. She is now a healthy 28-year-old.
The biggest thing I remember is how hungry I was all the time.
Toward the end, we were making a pot of black-eyed peas and cornbread and we would eat that freaking same pot of black-eyed peas for the whole week. Sometimes we would splurge of fried salt pork and fried cabbage.
This was in the 1980’s. Food stamps were harder to get and Medicare was impossible. I would not recommend.”
Postpartum Depression Can Affect Your For A While!
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“Having a baby so young was just horrible…
I broke up with the dad because it was pretty clear he was unable to step up to the plate.
Emotionally, it was a very difficult time. I was in my freshman year of college and instead of having fun and living a normal life I was pregnant. No one at school related to me… I went from being 95 pounds and super attractive to 140 pounds and feeling like crap about myself.
Pregnancy was hard on my body, I just hurt and felt sick a lot. I was depressed. I was lucky to have a roommate who just wanted to sit in the dorm room and watch TV and we had the same taste in shows, so she kept me company pretty nicely but it all just sucked. I was terribly lonely and disappointed in myself and in my college experience.
Then the baby came along and instead of being able to give her up for adoption, I had to keep her because the dad wouldn’t sign off. So basically, I was thrust into being a mom when I really wasn’t ready in any sense.
My postpartum depression lasted for a long time. I felt like crap about my body and my self-esteem has never recovered even though I lost all the weight.
My kid is turning out pretty awesomely though, so that’s the good thing. It’s been seven years since I got pregnant and life is alright now.
The situation with the dad improved and she knows him and has a good relationship with him. He and I get along. I’m with a loving partner and am going back to school. Life has turned out differently and on a different timeline than I thought, but I’m happy now.
I would never want to go through it again or to see my daughter go through what I went through.
One long-term effect on my psyche is that I’m terrified to have kids again. I know it’ll be different if I have children with my man because he is so loving and supportive but there’s the worry of ‘what if it’s awful again? what if I’m just not meant to be happy with pregnancy/having a baby/toddler?’
I love my daughter and being a parent to her is much easier now that we’re both older but it was pretty bad for the first four years or so.”
Being A Mother Gave Her The Motivation To Succeed!
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“I was 17 years old when I got pregnant.
As selfish as this may sound, I planned my pregnancy. I had been battling with depression and wanted someone that I could love unconditionally and someone that would always love me. I asked my boyfriend to get me pregnant, and maybe six months after he obliged.
I lived with my dad and after he found my boyfriend under my bed, I had no choice but to break the news to him that day. I couldn’t tell him, so I got my boyfriend’s mom to do it for me (his mom had just found out a few hours earlier and questioned me in front of my boyfriend and her baby daddy if I was positive it was my boyfriend’s kid).
My dad felt devastated, to say the least, and took me to ‘explore’ my options. He wanted me to not have the baby, and I was obviously going to have it. I figured I’d have to switch schools because the high school I was attending was a private school and they had previously kicked out other pregnant mothers, so I was avoiding contacting them until I knew my next move. Somehow, the school counselor found out about my situation and she talked to the principal. The principal talked to the diocese. I had attended the school for three years and my senior year was about to start. My counselor and the principal wanted me to stay in that school so bad that they actually got permission from the bishop for me to stay.
If I had gone to public school, I would’ve been on maternity leave for three months (my due date was in March) and finish school in the summer or the year after, but my school made it so I could finish school from home after the baby came (still officially graduated a month late, but they were very supportive and aided me). I was on the honor roll each quarter, I passed my ACT and SAT tests, graduated with a distinguished high school diploma and got into the university I wanted. My life now is full of joy. I love my little six-month-old, to pieces. My baby makes me laugh and I love giving him kisses. He’s just learning how to crawl and I have to follow him around EVERYWHERE.
We live in a small apartment that I can barely afford (college town rent is no joke) and I struggle with money, which is the reason why I have two jobs. Being a full-time mommy, a full-time student, and a part-time employee is tiring, but I love my daughter and I’ll do anything in my power to give him the life he deserves. She gave me the motivation to continue my education and pursue a career.”
Trying To Give Her Child A Better Life
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“I was 16 when I fell pregnant, had my daughter at 17. I’m currently 26.
I had already left high school so I didn’t have to deal with all of that kind of stuff. When I found out I was pregnant, I was going not have my child, but my boyfriend talked me out of it.
After I had gone 12 weeks, he became violent towards me. He said I shouldn’t have the baby and then I found out he had been cheating on me. He ended up having a kid with the girl he was cheating on me with the next year. I also never saw him from when I was about five-months pregnant onwards. He is in neither of his daughters’ lives. When my dad found out, he didn’t speak to me until my daughter arrived. Not one word. He completely ignored me. If it wasn’t for my mum, I would have no idea where I would be.
To be honest, it has been the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life. I have a pretty messed up background… Bringing someone into the world at such a young age as a high school drop out with no qualifications, no partner, and barely any friends is really tough. BUT I have always worked and made a way for my child to have things I never got and to have a better life.
Recently, I became a qualified personal trainer (it’s always been my goal in life). And you know what? I have the most amazing, beautiful, smartest kid you can imagine. Our relationship is completely open and she knows I was young when I had her. I have never kept anything from her. I choose to speak to her in age-appropriate ways, we talk about everything and anything. She does great at school and she loves sports and animals and wants to be a vet when she’s older. I could not have asked for a better kid.
There are times I wish I knew what it would’ve been like to go to university, at 18, work and have money saved instead of always buying kids things but I wouldn’t change it for the world. She taught me to better myself, to grow up and show her that she can do anything she wants in life if she puts her mind to it. For her, it has been worth it.”
Unexpected Medical Issues For Her Son…
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“I was pregnant at 16, had my son a week after I turned 17.
Surprisingly, my friends, teachers, and staff at the school were incredibly supportive of me (same for my parents when they were done being pissed at me). I had a wonderful pregnancy, no symptoms and took very good care of myself. My emergency C-section was pretty dang terrifying.
I decided to stay at home with him and finish my senior year online.
Almost three months after his birth, I found out my son had a rare birth defect called Schizencephaly. He was born perfectly healthy, but his brain, for some reason, did not develop properly during my first trimester and he’s missing a very large portion of one side of his brain. Soon after, the seizures started and he was also diagnosed with Infantile Spasms.
We, fortunately, got them under control from medication by some miracle but the damage was already done. He had complete global development delay, hemiparalysis, hypotonia, and a list of other issues. We started early intervention therapy (PT/OT/speech) and I worked at home with him along with my school. The most difficult part of it all was the seizures and the absolute heartache that comes along with raising someone with special needs. You grieve for a very long time.
It’s been horrible. Surgeries, hospital visits and stays, therapies, specialist appointments, and so on. It took me longer than I wanted to, but I did graduate.
After six years of therapy (still going) my son is currently in school and is no longer considered developmentally delayed. He’s walking, running, riding his bike, and just doing amazingly. He is a heartthrob, so smart and the most attentive and caring boy I have ever met. I’ve been a single mom for three years now and run a small business from home. We still have a long way to go.
But I would do it all over again for him.”
Regret Of Having Twins So Young?
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“I got pregnant at 18 years old. I first thought I was pregnant when I was having intense stomach pains and went back to the doctor. While there, I took a pregnancy test and it was negative so I was like, ‘Yes! Thank goodness!’
But then I went to the hospital and did blood tests, and it turned out that I actually was pregnant. The doctors thought I was having an ectopic pregnancy. So I was freaking out and avoided telling my parents. I had to have exams and just felt violated and awful. My boyfriend didn’t come to visit because he was partying and was hanging out with his friends (he was 17 years old). It turned out that it wasn’t ectopic, I was four weeks pregnant with twins.
I’m now 20 years old. I took a year off before college to spend time with them as they were in a nursery from 6 months, so I could finish my A levels.
The first year was pretty awful. I put on a lot of weight, lost all my friends, the relationship with the father has never really been the same. My kids are great, they’re my reason to live and do so well in my education. Quite honestly, I hate being a mom so young. Their dad works long shifts so I’m pretty much a single mom of twin toddlers. I would not recommend getting pregnant so young. you start to resent each other for everything because everyone’s always tired.
However, when I’m not in a cloud of depression/anxiety, I love it. I’ll go to the gym, play with them, get a day off to clean/tidy/do nothing. But when I’m depressed, it’s terrible.
Another five years and this could all be different once I’ve finished university and actually got my life PROPERLY together.”
Temptations To Go Out With Friends?
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“I got pregnant on my 18th birthday, give or take a day. It was two months after I graduated from high school. The physical pregnancy was very smooth; minimal morning sickness and my baby bump was pretty cute.
My boyfriend, who I had only been dating for around a month, decided he wasn’t feeling the whole pregnancy thing and didn’t talk to me for the first five months. Also during this time, he slept with one of my ‘best friends’ for a few months.
Then he changed his mind and we worked things out and have been together for three years. But he kind of sucks and we have been working on separating for a couple months.
My daughter is very happy and smart, I love her to pieces. But as my friends all near the end of college and get big-girl jobs, I am still hostessing for $8.50 an hour, which sucks. I went to community college when she was a baby still and between being a new mom and working, I really did not do well and got my financial aid suspended.
My family is very supportive, and my mother and sister take turns with babysitting while I work. Hopefully, I can go back to school for the winter semester- fingers crossed!
I also may have partied a bit too much when I was 19, but nothing too crazy. Baby or not, we can’t all be awesome decision makers at that age. I didn’t get into trouble or anything like that… But at that age, after being pregnant with nothing to do for nine months, it can be tempting to go out with your friends and do normal 19-year-old things.
My philosophy is that people make mistakes in all areas of life. Parenting is no exception. I truly think I am a pretty good mom, with a happy, healthy, smart toddler. I have made mistakes, with going out too much and stuff at times, but I learned and continue to learn and do better.”
I Wish I Could Go Back And Do Many Things Differently
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“Having a baby as a teenager definitely changes everything. And by everything, I mean the rest of your life.
I was 17 when I fell pregnant and 18 when my son was born. I was having doubts about having the baby, but my mom sent me to a crisis pregnancy center (she didn’t know their mission) and they totally changed my mind.
Fortunately, I had graduated high school already (early). I canceled my university plans and started studying up on parenting. The pregnancy and birth were pretty easy and breastfeeding came naturally, which was lucky. My son was happy and healthy and usually a joy.
My mom supported us totally at first. The father faded away after the first year, which was for the best. I went to community college for awhile but started working nights after he was weaned. Then I moved in with a friend a who had a kid the same age. That worked out well because we were a two parent household and split the kid duties.
Looking back, I think I was crazy. I mean, I was such a child myself. I wasn’t always a very responsible mom, and I wish I could go back and do many things differently. My son wasn’t neglected or anything, but I could have done better.
I was the only one of my friends who had babies young that always kept custody of the child. Usually the grandparents or somebody stable eventually took over. That’s a pretty weak accomplishment though: ‘I never had my kid taken away!’ Um, good? I never went on welfare either, though I probably would have qualified. He is turning out pretty great, I think.
Sometimes he has anxiety/low self-esteem and I suspect he wouldn’t if I had been a better parent early on.
Now I’m a housewife with a new baby.
The difference between having a baby in your teens and having a baby in your late twenties is something I think about a lot these days. I welcomed my son with love and joy, but honestly, sometimes he felt like such a burden. It’s not like that now. It’s the difference between an obligation and…a privilege if that makes sense. Being married and stable took all the stress out if it.”
The Loneliness She Felt While Raising Her Daughter
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“I found out I was pregnant on my 18th birthday.
After eating Easter candy, I puked it all up and I just knew.
So I bought a test that day and confirmed that I was in fact pregnant. This was the end of March/beginning of April. I was getting married on May 1st and he joined the Navy and left for boot camp a couple weeks later.
I graduated and then drove from Washington State to Florida over the summer. I moved into a little apartment with no furniture and very little possessions. My mom flew out and stayed a couple weeks after my daughter was born, but other than that, I was on my own. I had no friends, my husband worked all the time and was no help when he was home. My daughter cried a lot and slept very little. It was a tough time.
Things are amazing now. I divorced my husband more than 10 years ago. I went on to graduate from college and got a Master’s degree.
I have a great job and recently bought a house. My daughter will turn 18 in a few months and she is absolutely amazing. She is taking AP calculus and AP physics this year and the rest of her classes are through Running Start. She is involved in cross country, FBLA, and tennis. She has never been in any sort of trouble, has great friends, and is pretty much the easiest teenager to be around.
I am remarried to a great person and overall things are good now. It is hard to look back and say I would do anything differently because all that struggle led me to the path I am on now, which is exactly where I am supposed to be. I do wish I could have done more for my kids when they were younger and I wish I had gotten my life sorted out faster so that I wasn’t still so bogged down by student loans.
Also, even though my kids turned out great, I know I would have been an even better parent if I had been older. I had my son 3 years after my daughter was born. I was already a much better parent by that point.”
Take All The Help You Can And Educate Yourself!
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“I got pregnant at 17.
The pregnancy itself was…problematic. I had pre-eclampsia and was induced three times without success and finally, they left me to go into labor on my own…11 days late! I was also told that the ultrasound showed the baby was a girl (you have ultrasounds three times per week with pre-eclampsia) until after the baby shower when a new technician told me the previous had been wrong. So my son wore some pink, white and green clothes in his babyhood!
I had finished high school a year early (which had always been my plan) so I graduated when I was four months pregnant.
However, I decided to change career paths to go into the sciences, so I spent the first four years of my son’s life in night school, a couple of nights a week.
We lived at home (my son’s father decided not to be a part of my son’s life), so my parents looked after my son, while I went to school.
During the day, I looked after other kids so that I could be with my boy until he was 2 years old. Then I worked at a general contracting firm. We had daycare subsidies so it worked well. At the same time, my father was dying of cancer and died when my son was 3 years old. My dad lived as long as he did to give my son as much of him as he could. It was…well, it just was. It’s hard to talk about, 16 years later.
When my son started kindergarten, I started university full-time. We lived on student loans. We moved out to our own apartment after my first year, and while it was difficult, we made it work together.
After I graduated, I started work in a professional environment just like any new graduate with a Bachelor of Arts (I went back to my original plan, but am so glad to have a science and math background).
Would I do it again? I don’t know.
We made it together – my son is now 19 and planning to join the Army. I am now well-established in my career in advocacy and we have everything we need AND two doggies! We are happy and healthy and my son is basically a superhero for all of the amazing things he does for our family, including taking care of his disabled uncle when he could be at a bar with his buddies and helping his great-grandmother and her friends with whatever they need from a strapping young lad.
But it was a hard life for a long time. We grew up together and I wouldn’t change my son for anything. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about whether I would do it again.
Make no mistake, though, I don’t recommend that life for other young ladies. Be responsible for your birth control and never use expired protection – ever. If you are on hormonal birth control, ask your doctor or pharmacist when you are prescribed medication if there is an interaction and whether you need a backup method. Then look it up for yourself to make sure. Yes, it’s a few extra minutes and some effort, but a baby is the rest of your life.
If you’re a pregnant teen, find out what resources are in your community – daycare subsidies, grants for school, anything that will help you stay. in. school. Education is the silver bullet for you and your child.
Also, don’t have a second baby or marry the father just because he is the father. Getting out of a marriage is much more difficult than not doing it in the first place – and life will be twice as hard with two kids. More children can wait until you’re in a real, adult relationship and are settled.”
Growing Up And Appreciating The Little Things
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“I became a mom at 16.
It was hard and I sacrificed a lot, but it was totally worth it. If I had to go back, I wouldn’t do a thing differently. It shaped me and made me who I am today. I was not able to finish high school, but I got my GED less than a year later.
I eventually went to school for a year and became a nurse. I’m 36 now and my daughter is 19.
She grew up knowing we didn’t have a lot of money for toys, but that also made her appreciate what we did have. It also made her hyper-vigilante against getting pregnant.
I was extremely lucky to have an amazing mom who was and still is my rock. Three times a week, my girl, mom, and I have a three-way phone call to stay in touch.
My throat swells up every time I think of her and how amazing she is. She was able to leave our tiny town and go away to college and is studying abroad next year.”