Young Addict Can’t Handle Fatherhood
Sabphoto/Shutterstock.com
“I was 19 when my son was born, I was an addict and in no position to be a father. My son is now 6 I’m almost 26. I’ve spent years relapsing on and off, being in and out of his life. I ended up moving to a different state to get sober. I’ve been sober for a year and half and fear keeps me here. It seems like he has a good life and I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to do as good a job as the people raising him. I’m in a lot of debt and I don’t make all that much money So I wouldn’t be able to provide for him like they do. I know that’s all nonsense but I’m terrified of actually being a father”
A Man Forced In An Unhappy Arranged Marriage Questions Wife’s Honesty About Their Kids
Rawpixel.com/Shutterstock.com
“I ditched my wife and two kids because I was forced into an arranged marriage that I hated from day one. Being Middle Eastern made it difficult for me to leave my wife before we had kids without my family turning their backs on me.
We had two kids, mostly because we were pressured by our families. I hated my wife; she hated me.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she slept with someone else to have those kids. Wouldn’t surprise me. I cheated on her regularly, including with her own cousin.
Her cousin told me (well before I had an affair with her) that my wife was cheating on me.
When our daughter was born, I became distant. My mom took care of the baby most often.
After ‘my’ son was born, I filed for divorce. The wife wouldn’t agree to it because my stupid Middle Eastern culture makes divorcees look like scum. Instead, she took the two kids and moved back to England.
I remarried and now have two more kids. I haven’t seen my first two kids in over 10 years. Last I heard, they’re doing well in high school. I don’t care. I don’t even know them.
I’ve also been told my ex-wife is still single because our silly Middle Eastern culture makes divorced women look like undesirable whores.
I’m aware I sound like a piece of dirt, but honestly, I’m a product of my environment. I’m tired of foreigners coming to America, having kids here and then expecting us to share the same mentality as them, even though we are Americans. All my friends are married to who they wanted to be married to. I was forced to marry some woman who I can’t even 100% say wasn’t cheating on me regularly.
My (proven) kids are 8 and 7. I’m with them all the time. I don’t ever plan to ditch them. My wife is the love of my life. She was a good friend from middle school who I lost contact with but eventually reacquainted with via Facebook. We’re happy. She’s also a first generation Middle Eastern-American, so we both have a lot in common.”
A Father Can’t Cope With His Mental Illness After A Car Crash And Is Afraid Of How It Will Affect His Kids
Themalni/Shutterstock.com
“When I was young I suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI). Now in my 30’s, I am suffering the aftershock of that event. I confuse easily, my memory is falling apart in little pieces. I have to ask people to repeat themselves often because their words make no sense to me the first and sometimes second time around. Like gibberish. Sleep disorders, depression (clinical severe), and I have close to no control over my emotions.
I wasn’t always like this. I was a husband and a father to four kids. For 12 years I was married. One morning after a fight with my then wife, I attempted suicide. I was in a psych ward for around 8 days, and when I was released I was picked up by an advocate and driven to the airport to fly back to our home state to seek help with my mental health. Two months after arriving, I received divorce papers in the mail.
So…
I’m not a part of my children’s lives because I’m becoming more and more unbalanced each passing year. I’m 33 years old. I am losing my memories, I have absolutely no control over my emotions. I understand why she did it. I don’t want my kids to find their daddy dead because he committed suicide.
I guess it’s not fair of me to want to be back in that life. All I ever wanted to be was a father and a husband. But because of my problems that wont go away, I was sent on a plane 3000 miles away from the only things I cared about. I know I’m a burden. I know that I’m getting worse. The thought never occurred to me that the mother of my children would throw me away. I wouldn’t have done it to her. Not like this. I’m so sorry, to anyone who has to live without a dad. I want to be a father to my children but that was taken from me when I was thrown from a car and suffered a TBI. I don’t get to have that life anymore because the woman I was with for 16 years decided I wasn’t worth the trouble.”
It’s Never Too Late To Admit Your Mistakes And Make Amends, A Man’s Daughter Is Grateful He Is In Her Life Now
volkovslava/Shutterstock.com
“I was 20 when my daughter was born. Living about 4 1/2 hours away from home, friends, family, and everything familiar. Never wanted to be a Dad thanks to a pretty crummy upbringing. When things took a turn for the worse in the relationship, I bailed. I knew I couldn’t survive up there on my own. Young, immature, crappy job, etc. So I left during a heated argument in the middle of the night.
I kinda just…escaped. I pushed her out of my mind and did things of my own accord. Paid child support when I could, birthday presents, maybe a phone call every once in a while. There was no father/daughter relationship. When you’re several states away and never see her, it’s a lot easier to pretend she didn’t exist. Having no connection, it wasn’t the hardest thing to do. I lived my own life with not much thought about her. This went on for a few years. I made a move to the west coast and during a trip back home in the east, I took a visit to see her.
I remember crashing on my ex’s couch and being awoken by a tiny person (she was 4 at this point). Me and her mother both agreed that I don’t bring up who I am or try to play dad. Just spend the day with her and enjoy ourselves. It was incredibly awkward for me at first. But, slowly, things fell into places. Watching her stumble in winter boots, listen to her relay stories, experiment with new food (lemon poppyseed muffin), dance while we wait for the bus. Thanks to an odd encounter with an employee at an American Eagle, she called me ‘dad.’ Surreal moment where I locked eyes with her, then her mom. It felt warm and beautiful and loving. We both ignored the comment but everything inside of me was raging with emotion. We spent the remainder of the day goofing around and assembling a bed. After we put her to said bed, me and her mom talked for a few hours. It was an easy realization for me after everything that happened that day: I needed to be there.
I’ll skip most of the details, but the visit happened in October 2010, I made plans to live there by 2012. I moved back home from Cali, worked several jobs, saved, planned everything meticulously so I wouldn’t be forced back. In December 2011, I made the move up north. Our relationship was essentially friendship for a few months. She didn’t have a father figure in her life and I wasn’t about to drop a ‘HEY SURPRISE, I’M THE DAD YOU’VE BEEN MISSING.’ In the beginning it was her coming over for a Friday night sleepover or random park trips. Figuring out everything and how to be a Dad. It was intense and the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Still learning, as I think every dad never stops figuring things out. I eventually told her who I was and it wasn’t this big emotional moment, I was just her dad and she was happy to finally have one around. She doesn’t realize I was missing for most of her childhood and it’s a conversation I’m not looking forward to having. I’ll be honest and upfront, hopefully by then she’ll understand how much I regret it. If not, then I’ll work on patching everything up. Won’t quit this time around. Our relationship is perfect now. I have partial custody, she stays with me half of the week, we have paint fights and bake cakes, play flashlight tag in cemeteries, etc. My life is amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I can’t hate on the ‘deadbeat dad’ thing because I was one. I totally understand the mentality of not giving a care about your kid since I was a guy who had that going for him. I want to say it was immaturity and fear of fatherhood that held me back, but who knows. I’m sure it’s different for everyone.”
Young Father And Depressed Mother Can’t Handle Life With Each Other
Antonio Guillem/Shutterstock.com
“I was a young 20 year old virgin college student, she was 18 years old and bipolar. Just two months into our relationship she attempted suicide by OD’ing on her Xanax. I rushed her to the ER where she ended up in the psych ward. I continued to visit her for another few months because she was my first girlfriend and I had codependency issues.
She ended up pregnant. I panicked and insisted on an abortion. Initially she agreed, but then changed her mind and got angry at me for suggesting it. I didn’t know what to do and bought her an engagement ring because I thought it was the right thing to do. My parents convinced me that it was dumb to marry a girl I’d only known for 4 months just because of a baby, especially one with mental issues, so I backed out.
She ended up really hating me after that and when summer came, we both went home thousands of miles away from each other. I was ashamed, so I didn’t tell anyone about the baby except my immediate family. It was easier to just pay the child support and pretend that nothing happened.
Eventually years passed by and with each year, it felt more and more awkward to try to make contact. I would occasionally cyber stalk the mother and I have found that she’s recovered from her mental illness and become a great mom who met a great guy that she ended up marrying.
It’s now 15 years later and my daughter is thriving judging by Facebook pictures. I wouldn’t mind if she wanted to reach out to me, but at this point, I would just be intruding on their happy lives to reach out to them.”
A Mother Steals Money From Her Baby’s Dad And He Gets Depressed And Leaves
the808/Shutterstock.com
“I had been dating this girl for about 3 years when she got pregnant and had our son. Our relationship had its ups and downs, but was alright for the most part. I was playing poker semi-professionally at the time (still had a PT job) and I didn’t have investments or savings – it was all in my ‘poker bankroll’.
I had about $60k in cash in our apartment, which I kept in paper bags in a safe. I kick myself every day that I didn’t just put it in a bank, but I was worried about taxes. Every time I’d get to $10k in a bag, I’d put an elastic around it and I’d start a new one.
I had a horrid run of cards over the course of a few months, and when the money finally ran out I had to open up one of my sealed bags. To my complete shock, there was only like $4500 in it. I opened the others and they were all missing 70-90% of their contents. I was left with just over $13k when I should’ve had $60k.
My girlfriend was the ONLY one who knew about the safe. I have no idea how she got the combination. She confessed that she was stealing from me for over a year, taking ‘a few hundred here, a few hundred there.’ She took trips with her friends to the mountains, Mexico, & Vegas all on my dime.
What got me was her attitude. After 2 minutes of apologizing, she was done. Then it was ‘it’s no big deal, you can always make more money’ and ‘we’re a common-law couple, we’re supposed to share everything.’ When I kept pressing and pressing to find out where $47,000 went, she finally snapped and showed me her true colors. Textbook sociopath.
When she went to work the next day, I took our 1 year old to her parents, packed up my clothes and left. The apartment was in her name, I didn’t care about the furnishings. I left her a note saying to never contact me again. I moved across the country that following week to pursue poker full time in Las Vegas – unfortunately that didn’t work out. I was playing with scared money, and any profits I made got wiped out by the high cost of living. After about half a year there, I took my remaining money to SE Asia, where my plan was to live a hedonist lifestyle ’til the money ran out / the bank wouldn’t lend me any more credit. Then I’d kill myself.
I’ve been here in SE Asia ever since. My life back home is such a distant memory it doesn’t even feel real any more. I’m 32 years old, I have like $4000 to my name, I make $500-800/mo from internet poker to pay my expenses. My life is a complete train wreck, and I’ll be surprised if I make it to see my 35th birthday.”
Military Father Isn’t Sure The Child Is His
Straight 8 Photography/Shutterstock.com
“I came back from a tour to find out my wife was pregnant. I was 99% sure it wasn’t mine because things were rocky for months before I deployed (dead bedroom). I straight up asked her about it. She started off being defensive and accusatory but eventually she told me that ok, she had been sleeping with a ‘friend’ of mine while I was gone with the intent of getting pregnant. I asked for a test and she laughed at me which was enough proof for me. I filed for divorce and she delayed. She also let her friends and family in on it but said I was leaving her because I didn’t want to raise my child. It got to my family as well and despite explaining the situation they said they would disown me if I left her. They even tried using the PTSD talk that was in the news about military in general against me, as if my background meant I was ‘touched’ and should just accept being trapped by someone I used to love. I was stressed but I am not an idiot.
Not long after I just grabbed what I could as fast as I could and left. If I ever go back I’ll face criminal charges because I am being held legally responsible for a life that can not possibly belong to me. There is still no test and at this point I would not be surprised if one had been produced and tampered to empower the lie. I am thinking it will catch up to me one day, but until then I am living relatively OK elsewhere. It is not right, what she did, and I refuse to kneel. I would sooner die or have my legs broken to force surrender than willingly support a woman who attempted to get me to raise a kid that was a result of her own nonsense. She may get me eventually, but by then it’ll be too late. She is not getting the payout she planned on, instead she is raising a kid alone (though I left her with a nice sob story obviously) and if/when the sword finally comes down it’ll just be so she can feel like she finally ‘got’ me. She pointlessly ruined both our lives with this crap (I would’ve given her a kid on return, I just didn’t want to impregnate her and then die and leave my unborn child fatherless) and I am never going to forgive her for that.”
A Very Bitter Man Lashes Out At The System And His Ex-Wife, Loses Custody Of Kids Forever
pathdoc/Shutterstock.com
“I have a reasonably high profile career and I had a contentious divorce. Neither of us were perfect and we weren’t suited for each other. Nonetheless, this is what I experienced. I was married for 4 years, divorced now for over 7 years. We had 2 sons born 2 years apart. I filed for divorce after spending over a year in marital counseling, etc. It wasn’t going to work, for many reasons and I knew it. I purchased another home to live in within 5 miles of the home I owned and let her continue to reside in with our sons.
Then, it started, within 60 days of my filing for formal separation and divorce: 1. False accusations of spousal abuse (my attorney warned it might happen and I had security cameras on the exterior of the property and added several to the interior common areas of the ‘family home’ that I owned and continued to own). I was arrested no fewer than 4 times, with charges dismissed each time due my being in completely different locations (including out of state on 1 occasion), having the property cameras film her hitting my car repeatedly with a hammer, smashing my windows and trying to assault me when I returned our sons after a long weekend, etc. Suffice to say I never touched her but she was able to have me arrested on her word alone with no supportive evidence whatsoever. 2. Her vandalizing my new home repeatedly and trying to break in also caught on security cameras. She also vandalized my attorney’s home and office. 3. Her rummaging through my trash, also caught on security cameras. 4. Her refusing to turn over our sons on the scheduled times, repeatedly. 5. Her stalking a new girlfriend I had 1 year after I was divorced, harassing her at work and physically coming to her office, breaking into her home and leaving notes. 6. Her assaulting a process server in broad daylight with can of pepper spray and holding a 9MM to his head as he was on his knees. (the news coverage of her arrest on this was both entertaining and scary) 7. Her calling my offices and trying to ruin my business relationships. 8. Her harassing my extended family (brothers and parents) with letters, calls, etc. 9. Her not complying with the custody arrangements, ever. 10. My legal counsel required a Psychological evaluation of both of us to gain some footing. She lied to the psychologist, and we proved it and the report was very favorable to me and the judged ruled accordingly. 11. She left the state with our sons to ‘visit’ friends in different states to avoid having to turn our sons over. 12. The judge gave me a child support order against her after he officially transferred custody over to me after 3 years of court battles. 13. She contested the Prenuptial Agreement, and lost. 14. She assaulted me and hired private detectives to harass me. She even claimed I left dead animals on the doorstep of the house she was living in (the house I OWNED). There were other occurrences, but you get the idea.
This went on for nearly 5 years and over $400,000.00 in legal fees and costs, just to me. Finally, the Family Law Court judge issued a Contempt of Court Order and Arrest Warrant with a $100,000.00 bail attached to it for transfer of custody. The problem was he never served it on the local police department. Thus, it wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on and custody would never be transferred. I thought long about what to do over the next 2 months or so. At the next court appearance (I showed with my counsel and she didn’t show, but her attorney did) I requested my legal counsel arrange a meeting, in chambers, with the presiding judge. They made it happen. I told the judge I was done and was never coming back to family law court, ever again. It was a waste of time and the court never enforced its orders and never followed through. I realized it was because she was a woman, and a mother, and I was, effectively, a 2nd class citizen in their eyes and disposable. My attorney and I left. He agreed that I made the right decision I never went back. It broke my heart and I knew I knew I’d never see my sons again. I couldn’t go through that pain again.
I will never see my sons again, and I don’t want to. They won’t be adults (18) for several years but their dear mother will have plenty of time to make me look like the devil. If, by chance, my sons do contact me, I will tell them I can’t deal with it and to look for the answers they seek from their dear mother. I have nothing for them and don’t know them and they don’t know me, anymore. I’m not going down this road again. It’s far too painful. It nearly ruined my life and livelihood. I was lucky to have money and resources and realize the courts really don’t care about the rights of fathers and men which is why I will never put myself in a position to be harmed again. More men should take care to protect themselves, require prenuptial agreements, have a viable exit strategy, etc. I’m not a big champion of ‘men’s rights’ as each man must make his own choices, as I did. But marriage is a dangerous proposition for a man I wish I knew then what I know now.”
An Unplanned Pregnancy, A Hasty Marriage And Then It All Falls Apart, Father Hopes For More
kurhan/Shutterstock.com
“I am a 26 year old male in the United States military. I have a daughter who turns 6 in August. I have seen her for a combined time of approximately 3 days and 5 hours. The 3 days are the first 3 days of her life. The 5 hours come from her 2nd birthday and a trip to McDonalds.
I met my ex-wife when i was 19 and just graduated basic training. She was my bunkmate’s sister and he showed me some pictures of his family. I saw his sister and almost immediately knew i was going to hook up with her. I asked him if I could hang out with him and his family during graduation and he gave permission. So I went, chatted up his sister. She laughed at my stupid jokes and we exchanged numbers. I was surprised she went for me considering I had no hair and I was in god awful Air Force blues.
Out of respect I asked him shortly after if I could keep talking to his sister. Which he replied ‘no.’ I did it anyway. Fast forward and she visits me, I tell her all sorts of lies to get her to fall in love with me. Lies like I am a black belt, I play a great guitar (I only know a few cords). Yes I was a stupid little jerk.
Months past. We find out she is pregnant. All the sudden I am plunged into something that scared the you-know-what out of me. We break the news to both our parents. My mom and dad are super pumped. Her mom is pissed and says we have to get married now. We do, but we were totally not ready for that.
She moves from the city to the middle of no where with me. Culture shocked, I am working 12 hour shifts 4 to 5 nights a week. She has no friends, I sleep all the time when I am not working. She is alone and pregnant, and I offer no help. I am so lazy from work that I never clean up after myself so she has to put up with it. About a week before my baby is born she asks me if she can move back to her hometown. Which I agree because I know she is miserable.
We get divorced, and because we both sucked with money we did it over the internet. Worst decision of my life. When it is final I end up with getting my child every father’s day from 6am to 6pm. My birthday from 6am to 6pm. And every other Christmas.
I lived 12 hours from her home town. I pay child support and never miss a payment. She get remarried. I hardly get to see my daughter because I am either deployed or can’t get leave on those specific days. I want to hire a lawyer but their family is so perfect and happy now and I know that if I butt in I will ruin everything for my ex-wife. She doesn’t deserve that after the nonsense I put her through.
The truly heart breaking thing for me is she is being raised to call her stepfather ‘dad’ and to her I am just some stranger that took her to McDonalds once that she calls ‘Mister’. I try to ask if I can see her on other days but they are very few and far between. The worst part is the stepfather is a great dad. Heck he is great person. I watch her life through Facebook, because I am too much of a coward to face my ex-wife and her family.
I can only hope she asks one day why her last name is different than the rest of her family. At least I have that going for me.”
A Man Struggles To Keep Relationship With His Kids Because Of His Manipulative Ex-Wife
Natalie Board/Shutterstock
“I got married right out of high school when my girlfriend got pregnant. We were married for 7 years and had two children before divorcing. She had an affair around year 2 and after much wrangling, I forgave her and we stayed together. We decided to have another child to solidify the marriage (what a brilliant strategy that was!) but things just continued to fall apart.
I do blame myself because I am not an easy guy to live with and she just liked to hook up with other guys. My best friend from high school called one day for me and I was not there. She began a phone affair with him unbeknownst to me. We separated a few months later. A few months after that she took the kids and left to ‘move back home.’ I quit my job and prepared to move there also (Midwest).
I received a letter right before moving. She told me that she did not move back home, but moved to the other coast to marry my ex-best friend and said that we needed to finalize the divorce ASAP.
I was ordered to pay $600 per month in child support (this was the late 80s) and I would take 4-5 trips per year to the east coast to pick up them up for visits.
They always had a good time and my son always remained loyal to me although my daughter (the youngest) started to refuse to come with us about half the time. I don’t claim to understand the female side of divorce, but she did many things to damage the relationship between us. From requiring that they call the new guy ‘Dad,’ to telling them she thought they would get killed on the trip, and saying that I never paid child support, etc.
In the summers, the first couple of weeks were spent de-programming them. My new wife would cry at nights because they thought their Dad (and her new husband) was some kind of a monster. By the time my son was a teen, I had stopped seeing them all together, but continued to pay the child support.
What I learned most from this experience is that, in almost all cases of divorce, a Dad can’t have a relationship with the children without help from the Mom. If she doesn’t support it, it won’t happen. She has all the power.
If I could go back and change anything in my life, it would be to fight harder to maintain that relationship with my kids. I missed their teen years and all that comes with it. And they missed the love of their father and couldn’t understand why he just stopped seeing them. Even though it has been many years, I still beat myself up for not being strong enough to fight my way through it.
My kids are adults now and I have a great relationship with them. A few years ago my son opened up about how hard it was to openly love me in her house because he feared he would be punished for it. It broke my heart when he told me that he had to call her husband ‘Dad’ and had to refer to me by name. My daughter has serious relationship issues and I blame myself for that too.”
A Man Was Gone Before The Baby Was Born, Hopes To Meet Her One Day
fizkes/Shutterstock.com
“I ran before the baby was born.
I moved away from my home town and quit my job to move to a small town with my girlfriend. We decided I’d move there and get settled in with a house and all. After 2 months she told me she wasn’t moving there because she didn’t want to leave her family (which didn’t even live close to her). We traveled to my home town together and I noticed she was texting an ex boyfriend. I read the texts and they basically talked about her leaving me and being with him. I confronted her about it and she said ‘He’s crazy, if I don’t agree with him, he’ll threaten suicide’.
During that trip, she told me she was pregnant, about a month along at that time. Only once in that months time, had we seen each other, so when I broke the news to my parents for help, they suggested a test. Before I could even ask for a test, she told me she was having an abortion, date set for October 8th 2013. At this point, I packed my stuff and moved back home. We ended the relationship that same day. Several months later, I received a letter from a lawyer stating that my child was being adopted by a family. She walked out of the clinic before the abortion and decided to let a couple that she’s known for years adopt our baby.
My daughter was born March 31st, 2014. Just recently, me and my ex started talking again. It’s a rocky road but I hope one day to meet my daughter. She lives near her friends that adopted our baby and sees her quite often.”
Teenage Parents Separate and A Father Doesn’t See His Son For Many Years, Eventually Meeting, But Never Reconciling
Budimir Jevtic/Shutterstock.com
“I was dating a girl when I was about 15. She was completely insane. Not like, I didn’t like her so I will call her insane. Like, would have me stay at her house and sneak out to call her ex-bf (also a complete psycho) and tell him that I was there so he could come to fight me type of insane.
She was also a nymphomaniac, which is why I dated her longer than I should have. Anyway, we finally break up and a couple of months later she has a mutual friend (male) tell me that she is pregnant. But, she is going to get an abortion. Now, I was too young to stop and think about whether or not I cared about the concept of abortion and I gave her the money for it. Then, she changed her mind. She had her friends tell me that she didn’t want anything to do with me and to stay away from her. I did.
By the time that she had the child, my friend (the one that told me that she was pregnant) and her were dating. She continued to tell everyone that she never wanted to see me and, at the time, I was OK with that. She named me on the birth certificate so I would need to pay child support. Which I did for 18 years. She married the guy that became her BF while pregnant.
When the child was old enough to talk, she would call me and have him say things like, ‘Hi daddy. Where are you, daddy?’ The crank phone calls continued for about a year. She never reached out to me to simply talk, and from everything I was seeing, she was still completely insane.
I knew that my ex-friend always really liked her. I also knew that he would never leave her. She was way out of his league and would have never dated him in any other situation. Not being rude, just honest. So, I thought about this every single day of my life. Was I doing the right thing, staying away. To this day, I still do not know. But, I figured that the boy would grow up with a father – not his biological one, but maybe he would never know.
I did meet him a couple of years ago – he was in his mid 20’s. We talked on the phone a few times, and eventually met. I was really happy that we were able to meet – and, that we were not meeting with him looking to kill me. Funny, he told me that his mother was still completely nuts. Nothing really changed. Unfortunately, the meeting took a bad turn as he wanted to meet me because he needed money.
I asked to keep in touch with him, but I think he decided I was of no use to him.”
A Mother Makes It Impossible For A Man To See His Child
WAYHOME studio/Shutterstock.com
“Kinda did, kinda didn’t. So here’s mine. Started dating this girl in high school. Come Senior year, a little before we graduated, she cheated on me. Naturally we ended, finished up school and didn’t have any plans on contacting her. Why bother, right? So, fast forward to August. She gets a hold of my new number, tells me she’s pregnant. Not sure who the father is. Her parents are forcing her to drag me into it. They’re calling me, she’s calling me. It was hectic. No matter how many times I told them, there’s a good possibility that the baby wasn’t mine. Months go by, some nights she’d text me saying stuff about wanting to go jump of a bridge, or run away by herself. Then she wouldn’t text back.
I started to date this wonderful girl. I was upfront with her about the situation I was in. My ex, stopped texting and calling. Things started to improve for me. January rolls around. Still remember the call. Just a hair past 3pm. Got a call from her mom. The baby was born that morning. Got up to the hospital, after looking at this little newborn, I realized there was a good chance of him being mine. I was a wreck. Didn’t know what to do. So now, the roles were reversed. I started checking up on the baby. Every week, I called see how he was doing. March comes around, got a summons to show up at the Attorney Generals office. So I go, paternity test time. Cotton swab in the mouth a few times, pictures of me, pictures of the baby. That was that, we’d have the result in, in a few weeks.
Finally after agonizing over it, results are in. You’re the father. I was mixed in emotions. I was happy to be a father, even for a guy barely 19. I can’t really describe the other emotion. I guess terrified now since it was no longer speculation.
Well, we’re back at the AGs office. Setting up child support/child custody. She was able to weasel in a modified visitation schedule. For 4 weeks, could only see him 2 hours every Thursday, then for the next 2 months, it would be every Thursday for 2, plus 12 hours every Saturday. Of course it was never that. Then it went to where I could have him 1 overnight every weekend. Then finally it went to a normal visitation, every weekend following the 1st, 3rd, and 5th Friday of the month.
Had a few issues during the early modified visits, one where she wouldn’t give me my son for the 2 hours. She insisted on being right there. Finally, got the police involved like the paper work said. Cops told us, that next time they get involved, they would issue ME a ticket. Didn’t argue of course, just wanted to see my son.
So fast forward a little bit, everything’s goodish, had a few more issues regarding her not handing him over. All documented with police reports. Left my overnight job at Wal-Mart to work at a prison. Well, now my weekends to get him, I have to work. They won’t switch my schedule. Can’t afford to leave this job, as it pays over 16 an hour. We verbally agree to switch to the weekends I’m off. So, all is good. And then she stops. Won’t let me pick him up on my off weekend. No leg to stand on. Can’t go to court, as I don’t have a lawyer. My schedule is stuck like that for a year.
After a year of that, I got a slight promotion. Went from working 12s, down to working Mon-Fri, same pay. Can’t get in touch with her. I’m scared to. Had a 2nd kid through all of this, with my current girlfriend of 4 1/2 years. I’m still scared to call my ex up. I know she doesn’t like me. And he’s at that age where she can tell him any lie about me.”