These people share the difficulty of finding themselves in a love triangle.
She Had To Choose
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“Two guys from my high school liked me at the same time. I felt like I was in ‘The Bachelorette.’ They were both sweet and treated me well. It was when one guy said ‘I love you’ to me when I know he wasn’t the one, which saddens me because I cared so much about him, but as a friend. I couldn’t reciprocate the feeling, and after that, things got awkward between us. It got even worse when I dated the other guy. After that, he and I drifted apart and completely stopped talking to each other.
But the guy I ended up choosing ended up being emotionally abusive. I ended up crying at least twice a week when I was with him. The worse thing he has done to me was accuse me of cheating because I tried to hide my browser history from him. He stole my phone to find evidence, and when he didn’t find anything he smashed my phone into a million pieces. I never cheated on him. He was just paranoid. Good thing it was back in the flip phone days and not a smartphone.
So after the final rose – I ended up with neither of the men.”
He Never Loved Her
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“I was dating a guy, and he confessed to one of his best friends he liked another girl. The girl had rejected him, and I was mad because I was his second choice. But I forgave him.
But he still liked her, and she would mess with his head. They would fight because she didn’t want me around. They become friends again and start hanging out together all the time, so I break up with him.
He later admitted to never loving me and said he was only in it for the physical aspects. Now he is still all over her, and she still plays him. And I’m here sad because I loved him.”
“She Stalked Me For Decades”
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“I worked offshore and knew I was going to be gone for a few months. My girlfriend said she wanted to wait for me since I was such a great guy.
I came back and she was pregnant for the same number of months that I had been gone. We’d always used protection, so I was skeptical but supportive. She had the kid, and it was a different race than either of us. She admitted that while I’d been gone, she’d had another boyfriend, then added that she was still seeing him. She acted like it was normal as if it would have been crazy for her to stay alone. There was a DNA test. The kid wasn’t mine, so I got out.
The other guy goes to prison a few months later; rumor mill says he hit her. She stalked me for decades — called my parents to find me, called my grandparents to find me. I would see her around town and she would start following me and begging me to give her another chance. I eventually moved over 700 miles away. She still calls. I have unlisted numbers to this day because of her, but she gets the number from family or friends.
Last I heard, she has three kids with three dads, never had a job, and two of the dads are in prison. I’m her ‘one that got away.’ In some ways, I do feel sad for her because she’s had a rough life. According to her, I was the only guy who treated her well. If she’d reciprocated, who knows? Our romance was in 1996. I got a message from her on Facebook last month. I didn’t reply.”
An Insane Coincidence
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“I had a living-together girlfriend for maybe six months, and we had been together maybe one year. She cheated pretty bad. I don’t know the depths of it, but at least with two guys. She was good about keeping me in the dark and would tell me how much she loves me every 30 seconds, which made me believe that she was loyal. She didn’t discuss other men, not even as ‘friends’ or anything, all silence. I’m not the jealous type, so I normally just trust and assume it’s all good until it isn’t. Nobody got caught, she just secretly planned to move in with one of the guys and moved out one day. It’s not great coming into an empty home; it took years to even learn of what transpired. She’d had a tough childhood and always told people the gruesome story of her mom dying from domestic abuse, specifically her mom’s eye dangling from the socket.
Fast forward a couple of years, and I’m living with a new girlfriend, and I share the eye dangling story and a light bulb goes off in her head. We piece together what happened: When I was living with the cheating girlfriend, we had some drama (she had broken up with me, got with a guy, then came back to me, in addition to other trust eroding issues), so I was basically not interested in fooling around with her due to lack of trust. The cheating girlfriend apparently was sleeping with the boyfriend of what would be my current girlfriend.
My future girlfriend’s boyfriend says, ‘oh hey, I know this girl, she’s had a tough life,’ tells the whole mom dying story, specifically including the dangling eye, which is how we figured it out. He goes on: ‘she needs a place to stay. Can she stay with us? She is worried her roommate is going to assault her.’ My future girlfriend calls him out and asks if he is cheating with her, since he has a history of cheating, and he admits it. So obviously she did not stay with them.
Honestly, I don’t mind that she cheated as much as I mind her calling me a roommate and potential assaulter when I thought I was in love with this girl who was claiming to be my girlfriend. I wanted to settle down with her.”
She Was Manipulated
“I was being manipulated by a guy who was seven years older than me. He was gaslighting me and stringing me along. His girlfriend/baby mama knew about me, but stayed with him and blamed me for everything. I eventually cut him off, and they got married.
She messaged me on Facebook about a year ago asking if we had fooled around while they were married. I hadn’t, and she apologized for putting everything on me and said it was unfair of her to do because I was so young (only 19 when it started,) and he was manipulating me and taking advantage of how naïve I was. She explained she kicked him out and was beginning divorce proceedings because I wasn’t the only one he cheated on her with, and he continued to cheat on her after they were married, including with their next door neighbor. We ended up talking and laughing over what a scumbag loser he is and laughing over the fact we fell for his crap.
I recently messaged her to ask how the divorce turned out. It’s over, she came out on top, and we’re friends now.”
He Was There The Whole Time
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“I was in college and really liked this guy in one of my classes. We instantly hit it off and became great friends. I really liked him — I was head over heels, and he knew it. He was still hung up on his ex-girlfriend, but we fooled around from time to time. A guy from my high school kept asking me out and I kept turning him down. He wasn’t my type, but we remained friends. All my friends were telling me to give the high school guy a chance, but I wanted the college guy.
One day, I got super sick and texted college guy asking if he could take me to the hospital. He never replied, but I know he read it. So I texted high school guy, and he was at my apartment within 10 minutes and even offered to pay my copay because I was flat broke at the time (I later paid him back). After that happened, college guy wouldn’t talk to me for a while, but, like an idiot, I kept going after him. I was super heartbroken. High school guy helped me through it.
Finally, I decided to give high school guy a chance. Now we’re married and about to celebrate our seven-year anniversary with our 3-year-old son.”
She Thought The Girlfriend Was Going To Confront Her… But No
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“I was working in a bike shop back at home when I came home for the summer. There was a rather dumb but attractive guy who worked there who was 32, and I was 20. We joked around a lot, had a few laughs, and I made a few flirtatious and suggestive jokes. We ended up hooking up in his car one day after work.
Fast forward two weeks later. This woman comes in with lunch for him, and I ask our boss who she is. It’s his girlfriend whom he neglected to mention. But she makes these all-knowing eyes at me, and I just ignore it. After work, he leaves for the gym, and she comes into the backroom as I’m doing overtime and invites me to fool around with both of them later that night, as a surprise for the guy. I took a rain check on that one due to other plans.
After that odd talk, I ended up flirting more with the girlfriend and texting suggestive things to her, and the guy completely lost interest in us both. So I was into the girlfriend, and he was into neither me nor her. Then she found out she was pregnant a few weeks later, and they skipped out of town and went back to their parents’ neck of the woods. Kind of a strange situation.”
“I Made A Massive Mistake”
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“I dated a girl for a few months and tried to keep it going long distance for seven months when I went away to school. I broke up with her after about three months of being long distance. I heard I really broke her heart and messed her up from friends back home.
Fast forward a few months, and we both end up in relationships with boys. I’m moving back home, but my boyfriend convinces me to do long distance with him.
I get back home, see her, and immediately realize I’ve made a massive mistake. My boyfriend is somewhat out of the picture at this point, but her boyfriend knew something was up and there was a very painful process of dealing with everyone’s feelings. Eventually, we both left our boyfriends for each other. We’ve been back together for 1.5 years now.”
She Still Calls Him
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“A few years back, I had hernia surgery and was on bed rest for a few days. One night, out of nowhere, an old fling hit me up telling me she was in the neighborhood. I was ecstatic when I heard her voice because she was one of the most beautiful, intelligent, and successful people I knew, and I always admired her.
She ended up coming over and taking care of me, and we hit it off way better than we ever had before. I didn’t know it at the time, but she had been dating another guy for a long time and was even living with him. When I found out, I told her that I was going to be seeing other people.
We still ended up seeing each other for a few months, and she eventually had to tell him that she cheated on him with me. He wanted her to stay, even after we spent a weekend at my cabin. She stayed with the other guy because he was a safe option, and she needed a place to stay. I couldn’t promise her anything because I felt like I couldn’t trust her, and she didn’t like the fact that I was dating other people.
In reality, we were in a relationship, and I saw other people as a way to not think about her living with her boyfriend. The whole thing was a terrible situation because we were madly in love with each other, but because of our trust issues, we ended up breaking it off. I ended up in a relationship with someone else, and we never really talked after that. She married that guy a few months after I married my wife. She still calls at night from time to time, but I never answer because I’m happily married, and I don’t need that kind of trouble in my life.”
“It Hit Me Hard”
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“I dated this girl a few years ago. We got along great; it was a good relationship overall with lots of shared interests and whatnot, but then I went to college, which was far away. Eventually, the distance took its toll. Things weren’t working out for either of us, and we came to an inevitable breakup. We did stay good friends and chatted from time to time, and I eventually dated someone else. That didn’t work either, and after a few months, we broke up as well. The first girl was very supportive of me through the whole thing.
Now, I should stop and add a little backstory just for context. While in high school I was heavily bullied and never had many friends, except for this one guy. He was kind of an outcast as well, in part because of his tastes in classical music and stuff like that, and also because he was far from attractive — his face being mostly acne with some facial features in between. Anyway, we eventually became the best of friends, doing lots of stuff together.
Back to the story: after the breakup, the first girl and I start hanging out more. She comes to greet me at the train station when I visit home, we spend some time together and even get to exchange a few kisses here and there. It’s starting to look like we’re coming back together, and I’m perfectly ok with that, even more so because there was some other personal stuff going on in my life and it felt good to have someone I liked beside me.
Now, one of the times I visited home, she didn’t wait for me at the train station like usual. I make nothing of it and just proceed with my life. However, she’s also dodgy when I text her. A few days later when I’m already back at college, I learn via chat that she and my best friend hooked up. It breaks my heart – first, because I really thought we were getting back together, and second because I would never do the same to a friend of mine, at the very least without consulting him about it first.
Anyway, this hits me hard, also because of that personal stuff going on. For the next few months, the three of us argue a lot. The guy says he loves her and can’t help it, the girl says that she also loves me and will get back with me someday (it sounds horrible now, but somehow sounded better at the time). I just try to cope with everything.
I hang out with them sometimes. It’s painful. I also hang out with her sometimes, and she says she likes me very much, and we kiss and act like we’re dating – she’s basically giving me false hopes while cheating on my best friend with me. He eventually learns of this and is torn between letting things happen and being mad at me. There’s even an episode where she comes to my home, we kiss, she lies in my bed in a very suggestive manner, and we end up fooling around. She seemed ok with it, but later changes her story to ‘I forced her.’ My best friend is mad at me, and only takes her side of the story.
Fast forwarding to the end of this mess. I have no one to spend New Year’s Eve with, and they invite me to this concert and fireworks show. By this time, I don’t hang out with her alone anymore. I end up going. So I’m there, watching the concert behind them, and he just has his arms around her, like a hug from behind. I’m nearly in tears. Then comes the countdown to the midnight fireworks and we’re running towards them for a better view. When the countdown is nearing zero, I slip on something and just land in a puddle full of mud. Perfect ending.
Not long after that, I came to my senses and decided that enough was enough. The whole thing was taking a heavy toll on me psychologically, and I just cut ties with the two of them. This was about eight or nine years ago, and we haven’t spoken since. Last I heard, she’s married to some other guy now.”
“It’s Still Going On”
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“My sophomore year of high school, I met a girl, Julia, and I immediately developed a giant crush on her, which lasted for most of high school. My best friend Alex knew of this but then started hitting on Julia at my birthday party late junior year after I had introduced them. Alex and Julia then began quietly dating that summer, neither of them decided to tell me about it. I found out only after both of them came to me seeking support when they broke up. So not only was I very hurt, but also tasked with consoling two of my closest friends.
They are no longer on speaking terms. Alex now spends most of his time complaining about how Julia broke his heart and telling me about how he’ll never move on. Julia and I have grown much closer as I help her process the breakup and get on with it. I no longer like Julia, and am as of just recently in a relationship with someone else. I am still very close to Julia, and Alex and I recently began living together. They frequently try to involve me in their fights. I don’t know how this ends. It’s still going on.”
The Olive Garden Tango
“This was a few years ago, and I’m currently still with one of them. My ex-boyfriend was manipulative and emotionally abusive, not to mention pushed me in directions I did not want to go. His influence caused me to begin working at Olive Garden during my sophomore year at college, which led to the entrance of my current significant other.
My ex-boyfriend was cheating with multiple girls via text over a period of months. Each time I confronted him would result in a tearful plea of, ‘I will change, I love you so much and I can’t bear hurting you’ after it occurred. After half a year of this, I had virtually numbed myself to his pleas but was too afraid of what I had lost to give up the relationship. Instead, I acted as his transportation, since his parents were unreliable and he was trying to finish his high school diploma.
So at Olive Garden, I never expected to find anyone else because of the restaurant environment, and I was not actually looking for anyone else. My ex also began working there after quitting a nearby restaurant. He was absolutely terrible at his job as a host, often infuriating the managers with his stupidity and lack of common sense. Eventually, I noticed another guy who I called a ‘better and mature version’ of the ex, but I was not planning on leaving at that time. My current significant other was sarcastic, aloof from everyone else, and mysterious, which of course attracted me. But I still had some attachment to the ex because I was fiercely loyal to a fault.
I regret how I handled the falling out and transition because I did not cut off the ex like most people would’ve and how I know I should’ve. Slowly I developed an admiration for my SO and felt butterflies in my stomach whenever he was near. It was not a linear upward progression in our initial stages of relationship because even though he hated my ex he respected the boundaries of a relationship. This changed, however, when he began to realize I was interested in him and he felt as though he might rescue me from this abuser. I too looked to him as a rescuer.
The ex began to notice his attention in me, causing him to purposefully be a jerk by leaving dirty plates on my SO’s table, making inflammatory comments to him, and entering the area whenever he saw my significant other and I near each other. This became a sort of tango around the restaurant: I knew the ex became agitated by seeing me near my SO, so I would increasingly be around him and then disappear when the ex came in the area. I would still drive him places, but when he prompted me to confirm he and I were in a relationship I would deflect and never answer straightly.
On one lonely night, I was texting my significant other, and he invited me to his apartment to watch a movie,’ Inglorious Basterds.’ I gladly went and watched the movie with him, but nothing intimate happened because he was not the type to push, and I had been extremely damaged by the ex’s advances to the point where I would later tremble just laying in the same bed as my significant other as a result of my ex.
Our texting grew more frequent while I became more dismissive and numb towards the ex. I feared for my significant other’s safety because my ex was genuinely psychopathic and seemed to blame him for taking me away from him. I knew I had to end it. He was sobbing and wanted me to hold him, but I could not stand touching him as I knew it was over. I had to carefully word my sentences so that he would finally leave my car.
Then, one night I found out my ex was stalking my significant other. He followed him to his apartment, which scared me to death knowing he was immature and prone to reactivity. Shortly after, as I left my significant other’s apartment to go home and stopped at Wendy’s drive-thru, my ex pulled up in his truck next to me and rolled down the window, grinning. He then pulled out a military-style knife and informed me it was ‘just in case’ something happened. This was too close for comfort for me, so I texted his father to let him know what his son had done, which caused the ex to be infuriated with me. But I knew his father would not let that situation happen again.
Since then, I have received lovelorn letters about how much I was still thought of and that even when we are ‘old and gray’ he will still love me. He recently attempted to make a friendship pact with my significant other to have limited access to me, which he rationally declined. It’s been a month since my ex last sent a message over social media that he was moving on and wished me best. But I intrinsically know this claim to be false and expect the day when he makes contact again. I don’t think I will ever be rid of him, honestly, unless he falls as deeply in love with someone else to where the obsession falls on her.
My conclusion of being in a love triangle for a short time was that I was confused, hurt, lonely, and looking for someone to rescue me, but I regret that it happened in a way I could label it as a love triangle because it was unfair to both parties. I won’t deny it is exciting to have two people dance with each other for your affections, but it isn’t by any means healthy and at least one of the people will be hurt.”