Ending a relationship (romantic or platonic) can be incredibly difficult and awkward. So, some people resort to just shutting off all contact with the person, and never speak to them again. While this might work for them, it's painful for the other person who has no idea what happened. Sometimes though, it's for the best.
People on Reddit who have ghosted someone share why they did it. Content has been edited for clarity.
“I Don’t Feel Bad About My Decision”
“I am currently ghosting a friend who I’ve known for over five years. We celebrated his birthday, I was the last one to go and he propositioned me. He was hammered, and it was very uncomfortable. Because he was hammered, I let it slide and hung out with him a few more times over the last year, and the conversation always led to suggestive, uncomfortable topics. I am quite good at swerving things I don’t want to talk about, but he was increasingly insistent. However, the straw that broke the camel’s back happened a few weeks ago.
We had not seen each other in a while, so we went for a catch up in a restaurant. He again had too much to drink and made several advances. I left earlier than I planned, and I haven’t spoken to him since – this was probably early September.
I’m upset that after five years this is how it’s ended, but I don’t feel bad about my decision. He’s messaged me a few times since with memes and funny videos, but I’ve muted him now. No means no, and I shouldn’t feel unsafe when hanging with a friend.”
An Unexpected Encounter
“I ghosted my ex-boyfriend. I was 15 and he was 20 when we were dating, and I was too young to understand the problem with that. He was extremely manipulative, and occasionally physically abusive. At least once a week he would break up with me, then we’d get back together. This led me to believe that if I broke up with him the standard way, it wouldn’t stick. So I was trying to think of a way to really make sure things ended.
One day I was out with a friend and my phone died. For hours, he wouldn’t contact me. No calls, no texts. It was the most at peace I’d been in months. So when I got home and charged my phone, I just blocked him. A month or so later, I ran into his best friend at a park. He asked me why I had ghosted my ex-boyfriend, and I had a full-on stuttering anxiety attack. But he just calmly waited for me to get my answer out, and was actually really nice.
He wasn’t aware of my age until I told him. So being confronted was scary, yeah, but ultimately felt good because I got to tell my side of the story.”
Just Buy An Alarm Clock?
“I had an acquaintance (she considered us friends) who disregarded my boundaries and was exceptionally needy. For example, the second time we talked she asks me to call her every day at 7 am ‘to wake her up’
Nope. I told her a friendship is based on two people relating to common interests, not the parent/child relationship she wanted. She leaped over so many boundaries I simply ‘ghosted’ her. If I saw, her I acted as if she were invisible. She made a scene twice, then stopped stalking me.
I don’t feel responsible to or for her at all. She had an opportunity to dial down the demands. I told her if she ‘needed’ someone to call her every day she can subscribe to a service and pay someone to call her, but she felt she was doing me a ‘favor’ because I had to take care of her. Sorry, I already have a life!”
“He Suddenly Shifts Gears Hard”
“An old ex-boyfriend from college got in touch with me through social media, which was lovely and a tiny bit concerning. I had a great time catching up, getting in touch with old friends from college via this exchange (seriously, this was the best part of that). His life turned out pretty much as I expected – numerous divorces, presumably some infidelity on his part, things of that nature.
Several months into our very polite chats, he suddenly shifts gears hard. He’s spouting Birther nonsense, trying to get me to leave my husband for him (literally haven’t seen this ex-boyfriend in over 20 years) and no way in heck is that going to happen. I blocked him on social media and didn’t think twice about it afterwards.
About six months later, our mutual college friends start harassing me about why I’d ghosted the ex-boyfriend while he was deployed in Afghanistan, how dare I ghost a veteran who needed our support, and how hurt my ex-boyfriend was that I’d cut off our friendship.
Oh boy.
Here’s the thing. I kept a screenshot of his nonsense to show my husband. And each time one of my college friends started in with that nonsense, I sent them the screencap. One of the guys was so mad, he told my ex-boyfriend that if he didn’t stop backstabbing, they’d send it to his current wife.
Haven’t heard anything since – going on eight years now. I don’t expect to.”
Giving Them A Taste Of Their Own Medicine
“I dated a guy for a year, thought things were going well, and then one day he just stopped talking to me. He blocked me through every possible form of communication. Five months later, I got a text in the middle of the night saying how sorry he was, he couldn’t believe he let me go, and was there ever a possibility we could get back together?
I, being the petty, terrible-grudge-holding person that I am, agreed–on my terms. I told him I wanted to take things slowly, so I didn’t see him in person again. But, for about three weeks, I lead him on through texts and phone calls. And then I did the exact same thing that he did to me. I blocked him through every possible means in which he might contact me, and never spoke to him again.
Part of me wants to feel bad about what I did, but honestly, I have no regrets at all. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but after over a year of giving my all to someone to just have my heart completely ripped out with no explanation, I figured three weeks of hope and getting a taste of his own medicine, was little penance for him to pay.”
Getting To The Issue
“I have an old high school friend who only calls when he needs help. We are now in our mid 30’s and after years of being asked to help with favors and not being invited to just hang out, I got fed up and just started ghosting him (it wasn’t a conscious decision, I just started letting more calls go to voicemail and not bothering to call back).
Turns out the reason he only called me when he needed help, was because I never accepted any invites just to hang out and have fun.
However, when he asked me to help him do something, even if he didn’t truly need help, I would always head over and then we would hang out the rest of the evening like old times.
So he adapted and instead of inviting me over for a drink, he would ask for a hand wiring in a ceiling fan, move a sofa, buy a refrigerator, jump a dead car. Then inevitably, we would end up having a drink and catching up after the work was done.
It took years before it dawned on me that he only called me for favors because it was the only way he could get me to come and bond like we used to.
Now we have a good relationship. While I may not hear from him for months or even years at a time, we both know we can randomly invite the other over to ‘help on a project’ and then catch up like we used to.”
That Could Have Been Avoided
“I ghosted a friend once because the relationship was getting too toxic and I wasn’t mature enough at the time to have an adult conversation. But we still went to the same university and had the same major.
It was like a game to me that semester of going to my classes in the most circuitous ways and doing everything I could to avoid her.
Then one day, I randomly ran into her next to the escalators going down a building. And we just looked at each other for a second. She started to say, ‘He,- and before she could even get the word out I just sprinted down the stairs.
Except they were escalators, and I forgot and tripped. I twisted my ankle to the point where I tore some tendons and ligaments, couldn’t walk on my foot at all, and needed to be half-carried to the doctor. And because it was after hours, literally no one was there except my ex-friend.
I was basically stuck with her for hours because she took me to the ER and stayed with me. Stuck with the person I had ghosted for almost two semesters and literally ran away from instead of having a two-minute conversation.”
“It Gets Tiresome And Exhausting”
“I ghosted a friend at the end of my junior year of high school after our relationship had quite a bit of strain. I don’t necessarily regret leaving her, but I do regret how It was handled.
The situation was that she treated me far more like a therapist than a friend. Every day, several times a day, she would bring up her worries, it was probably the main thing we talked about. She’d ask me one thing, I’d give her an answer and she’d ask it like two more times throughout the school day with me giving the same answer. She also leeched off of me for homework and would complain and get upset when she had a project due and it wasn’t finished despite her having a month to work on it. To top it off, she also started hanging out with some questionable people which I was uncomfortable being around.
As someone who has some pretty bad OCD and anxiety myself, I understand what it’s like to get obsessive toward anxious thoughts and seek reassurance. But it’s incredibly hard to manage my own as well as someone else’s, and I would never unload all of my problems onto my friend like that. It just gets tiresome and exhausting.
She ended up having to spend her senior year at one of those schools for people with poor grades.
So why do I regret how It was handled? Well despite everything, she wasn’t a bad person in my opinion. Sure, she did some problematic things but she was almost always fairly nice until she started getting upset about how much I was hanging out with my boyfriend near the end of junior year. I wish instead of ghosting I would’ve just talked about it and left on a good note. I don’t have her phone number now and she has no social media I’m aware of. I know her address but I’m sure as heck not going to someone’s house in person after ghosting them for two years.”
“Don’t Feel A Drop Of Guilt”
“I’m currently engaged with my partner of five years, and recently reconnected with an old ‘friend’ over social media. Immediately, the old friend in question started asking me very uncomfortable details about my relationship with my fiancé. I told her I wasn’t comfortable disclosing anything that personal.
One night she calls me in a panic; she’s attempted to take her life by overdosing on some medication. I can’t do anything as she lives a few states over, so I call her mom instead. Finally, after a good, while she gets back to me, has been in a mental ward for quite some time. Eventually, over the course of a couple of months, she starts subtlety dropping hints she tried to kill herself because I’m a bad friend for not dating her.
Anyhow, a few days prior to me ghosting her, she told me she had met a guy on some popular online game, and that they were going to get married on there and asked if I was okay with that. I told her immediately she doesn’t need to ask me that, I’m not emotionally or physically interested in her at all.
When I say she snapped, I mean she SNAPPED. She sent me threatening emails about going to kill herself, how I should just be with her instead, I owe her that for her being so ‘kind’ to me… (I never vented to her or asked her for anything.) So I abruptly screenshotted the messages, blocked her, and sent the messages to her mother. Her mom was compassionate and understanding about the whole thing. The worst part is, this woman is 29 years old and acts like a spoiled child.
She tried to contact me on and off for a while, I just blocked the fake accounts and didn’t read the messages. So yes, I ghosted someone, and I don’t feel a drop of guilt for it.”
This Man Was Very Excited For The Tacos
“I ghosted a guy once.
Met him on some online dating website. We had good banter and messaged a few times. He asked me on a date to Taco Cabana. I thought it was an odd date location, but he was really excited that they were having $1 tacos for National Taco Day. He ordered his food and paid straight away without asking me if I wanted anything. Cool, just unexpected.
So I just ordered a drink, because I figured the date was going to be short and wanted to go to an actual restaurant with friends after. The date was just okay. He was very passionate about a lot of things, just things that don’t interest me. When the date was over, I felt like I kind of wasted my time. There were no sparks and at that point in my life, I really didn’t have much free time. I said goodbye.
I didn’t text him afterward, and I received MANY text messages about how worried he was about me. Then a week passed without a response from me and I receive a novel of a message from him. He labeled me a ‘ghoster,’ and basically described how awful I was and that he never expected that from me basically. So yeah, I’m a ghoster. I feel pretty okay with it.”
“Felt Pretty Good About Ghosting Him”
“I went out with a guy once, on one date, who asked me out on campus. I paid for my own food, but he was SO WEIRD about it that I let him buy the movie tickets. He watched me watch the movie the whole time, and was generally just very weird. He got SUPER handsy saying goodbye when we got back to our cars.
I didn’t answer or return calls after that (this was in the dark ages before texting was super common). The number of calls got crazy. Finally, after multiple calls a day for a week, he called from a different number I didn’t recognize, and I answered it. He SCREAMED at me on the phone for not calling him back and telling him that I didn’t think we had much in common and then screamed about how much we had in common.
Felt pretty good about ghosting him.”
Best Friends Don’t Do That
“I’m ghosting a friend who thought of me as her ‘best’ friend. We met in college, were sort-of friends for years, and then she asked me to move into an apartment with her. I was living on campus at a Christian college and hated all the rules, so after a bit of thinking I accepted. We signed a 13-month lease, but she ended up leaving three months early.
It started when she asked me if I’d keep living with her once the lease was up, and I told her probably not, because I wanted to move out of the state as soon as I could. She pretty quickly found someone else who she’d live with after the 13 months, but then she told me this friend wanted to move in early. She left and told me she’d keep paying her half of the rent. I didn’t get another roommate because she’s kinda rich (definitely acts it) and I wanted to see what it’d be like to live alone.
A month or two into me living alone, she sends me a huge text basically asking me to either end the lease early or get a roommate. Turns out, she had quit her job before leaving and still somehow expected to pay for her portions of rent for TWO APARTMENTS. But the whole text blamed me for being messy, lazy, taking advantage of her family, and for ‘letting my boyfriend live there illegally which is just not okay’ (I literally let him stay with me for a week so I could do a trial run of living with my boyfriend. I made sure it was just a week).
I didn’t have anyone who could pay to live with me, so I decided to end the lease early and move back in with my parents until I move out of the state. I texted her to let her know, then never spoke to her again.
She’s been sending me the occasional text trying to patch things up, and I saw through social media that she and her boyfriend broke up. I know she feels lonely right now and it sucks that I’m continuously hurting her feelings by ignoring her. But for the first time, I’m only maintaining friendships with people I know I want in my life, and with her, I definitely do not.”
He Did Not Get The Hint
“One guy, in particular, was my weed dealer for a while. We had dated briefly before I realized he was a dealer and had slept with him on said dates. We didn’t really feel like being in a relationship with each other but decided casual hooking up was fine So whenever I’d go to pick up, usually we’d get baked fool around as well. It was fun. I enjoyed myself, and expectations were pretty low.
Eventually, I started dating someone else and it got serious enough that I didn’t want to stay casual with my dealer anymore. I told him honestly and he was like ‘Sure that’s cool.’
He wound up pressuring me into sleeping with him anyways very time I was there. It wasn’t even subtle. Even after my grandpa died and I was like, ‘Please don’t ask me about it I’m still grieving.’
And even after agreeing with it via text, he still freaking asked. I left. I never bought weed from him again.
He texted me ages later trying to be all tough and angry with me about ghosting me. I sent a picture of the text I sent and then explained that he was a totally horrible person about not asking me to sleep with him every time I saw him. He was super creepy about it. Good riddance.”
This Guy Really Crossed The Line
“Shortly after I moved to my new city, I was looking to make some new friends and hang out. This guy messaged me on a dating website, and we chat for a bit. He seemed nice. Wasn’t my type at all, but since I was only looking to make friends at that point, I didn’t care what he looked like, what he did, etc. We meet and he’s super touchy, and in public too. He also makes a few ‘jokes’ he thought were funny, but I absolutely did not. I had already decided I didn’t really want to be friends with him, so I get home and thought I’d just be polite, but wouldn’t respond to his messages very much.
The next day, he messaged me and I gave a few short responses and then got a call from my mom. We ended up talking on the phone for several hours, then I responded to his text. He started asking me why I was talking to my mom for so long and acting shocked, like, sorry I love my mom? He was acting super possessive and offended even though we met once. I ghosted him after that.
He ended up calling me out on it a few days later after I ignored his messages. At that point, I had enough, so I basically told him that he had behavior that indicated a potentially abusive personality and I felt like he was emotionally insensitive, immature, and entitled. He then made some comment about my appearance, and I told him that the only way he was a ‘jock’ as his profile described was maybe 15 years and 50 pounds ago. I didn’t give a single care that he ‘called me out’ for ghosting him because he was a major creep.”
“Ruined My Perception Of Friendship”
“I ghosted my old friend group after months of them not inviting me to anything, not even my best friend’s 18th birthday party. This was after 10 years of friendship, and me literally kissing their feet because I was so terribly afraid of being alone.
After I ghosted them, another friend of that friend group texted me why I would do this, telling me I was a horrible friend, selfish and a brat for ignoring her after so many hurtful actions on her part. I just couldn’t be bothered with their nonsense anymore. Over the next three years, I would get the occasional text from her where she continued to make me feel bad about me removing myself from the situation. I eventually texted her and told her every situation that made me feel unwanted, and I did apologize for ghosting her.
All I got back was insults. I am now unable to make new friends because they ruined my perception of friendship, made me question if I was even a good person for the longest time, and I can’t open up to people because of them. Fun, right?”
“Goal Accomplished”
“I ghosted the guy I’d been seeing most of this year.
Our relationship was extremely toxic. I couldn’t trust him. He was convinced I’d cheated on him, but I never did. He was so hot/cold with regard to me in general but always said he loved me but that I had too many issues from my past relationship.
I have BPD, have been going to therapy for a few months now, and came to realize that any relationship between us wasn’t sustainable or healthy for either of us. Every time he’s broken up with me, he’s also chased after me a couple of weeks later. I have attachment issues, was and being played by the person I cared for was way too much.
So I went over to his place to talk to see where he was feeling about us, and he said he was tired of dealing with my ‘depressive moments,’ and ‘we weren’t like that’ after I told him that I was still in love with him. He still wanted to hang out and be friends and sleep with me though. After that, I started turning down his invites to hang out and distanced myself from him over a period of a month.
The other day he called me on it, and when I told him about why I stepped away, he said that ‘Oh I still love you of course and you always assume how I feel, of course, I want to be with you! Please come over and give me a hug.’
I didn’t respond and he said he was going to block me.
The next time, he hit me up a couple of days later. He yelled at me because I missed his call requesting to come over for the afternoon while he was at work and hide his cats from the apartment STAFF while they did repairs. I couldn’t make it, and I thought that’d be the last time we spoke.
He tried reaching out to me again and wanted me to fully explain to him why I ghosted, but I just told him no and that I loved him and wanted him to have a good life, but to please forget about me. I think he got the message finally because he told me never to contact him again. So goal accomplished.”