Not A Good Sign
WilmaVdZ/Shutterstock
“She decided she wanted a baby. We did discuss everything before marriage and agreed to wait, but apparently, the kid was now too important to her to honor the agreement. Plus the wedding wasn’t even paid off yet and we were in heaps of debt. Still, she insisted. I insisted and decided to not sleep with her for several weeks. Feeling very, very rejected and angry, she spent our honeymoon money on hotel rooms to cheat on me with her coworker. They have two kids now.
No matter how I look at the situation, even if we didn’t go nuts on the wedding and started a family right away I know that she would have been a terrible partner and we would have ended in divorce. The idea of someone being so angry about being denied pleasure for three weeks that they felt justified starting an affair is not a sign of a good person.”
From “I Do” To “Divorce”
Ollyy/Shutterstock
“My ex-husband and I had been best friends for seven years. According to everyone we were soulmates. Well, we were madly in love and finally started dating, then moved in together, and after a year or so said our I dos.
One month after we were married he went out drinking with some friends. He tried some coke…and that was it. He became a severe addict almost overnight. He drained our accounts, stole every penny, destroyed our house, violently threatened me, and finally disappeared. Then he overdosed and spent months in rehab only to continue his habit the minute he got out.
This sounds like a white trash love story right? He was actually from a wealthy, upper-class family, was endlessly kind and loyal to us, very well educated. It was a complete shock to all of us with this behavior. He is still a junkie to this day. It still breaks my heart to this day.”
A Different Kind Of Arrangement
FOTOKITA/Shutterstock
“Immediately after getting legally married, he became crazily possessive and physically abusive. He wouldn’t let me out of his sight, wouldn’t let me talk to anyone, work, leave the house, and said that as his wife I was basically his property. Then he started saying he wanted to have a kid ASAP. I got out as soon as the first opportunity presented itself.
I hadn’t really known him before we got together, but we were together for a little over a year before we got married. I saw the signs, and I recognized them then. But I ignored them anyway thinking I could handle it.
I managed to take advantage of an opportunity when he was gone for a week to get my crap together and when he came back, I had all his stuff packed and my parents to back me up basically, and I dropped him off at his parents’ house. I immediately moved in with some friends, and he tried harassing me over the phone for a while but I just ignored it. When I had all the paperwork for the divorce ready, he wouldn’t respond to any of my messages or emails, so I called his dad, with whom I’d heard he’d last been living. Turns out he was in prison (for assault and armed robbery), so it made the divorce harder but I haven’t seen him since I left him at his parents’ house and he’s still in prison. I now live in a different place.”
And Then The Sheriff Showed Up
Iryna Inshyna/Shutterstock
“The day after the wedding, a sheriff showed up on our doorstep with child support papers for a 3-month-old baby. It turns out he had been sleeping with his coworker. I was willing to look past the indiscretion but when he refused to take responsibility for his child, I couldn’t handle it anymore. The kid shouldn’t have to suffer because his dad is an idiot. The divorce was final 11 months after our wedding day.
In all honesty, we had been together so long (high school sweethearts) I was afraid of what life would be like without him. My thought at first was ‘maybe he just wanted to experience someone else.’ I felt like I would be able to forgive that, but to turn his back on his child was unforgivable to me.”
“Is It Worth It?”
fizkes/Shutterstock
“My ex-wife was previously engaged to a man with a terminal illness. They were together for many years, but he broke it off ‘for her own good.’ She was also violated by her father and there was a lot of baggage that came with that. We were good friends in high school and reconnected over 10 years later. She was open with me about everything, so I knew was I was getting into.
With a broken heart, and broken family, she found comfort in an old friend, and what I feel happened was she mistook safety and normalcy for love. She was way out of my league by many standards, so I tried to give her everything she needed to make her happy. But she was dealing with a lot of mixed emotions. Because of her abuse, she rarely enjoyed getting intimate and thought she was letting me down as a wife, even though I told her I knew this going in and never expected anything and never pressured her one bit.
When she needed space, I gave her space. But when she needed somebody to talk to at first it was me, but I didn’t have the history that she and her ex-fiancé had. She would call him in the middle of the night at his third-shift job. At first, I tried to be understanding of it, but it hurt. I knew she still loved him, but he was already beyond the life expectancy for his illness and he pushed her out of the relationship. We struggled, tried separating, it was a roller coaster.
Things were back on the way up while lying in bed one night she asked me ‘Is it worth it?’ meaning all of the ups and downs we had. I said ‘Of course it is, I love you. As long as we love each other enough, it’s worth it.’ She looked back at me with a look of guilt, and that’s when I realized she didn’t love me. She tried to love me, she wanted to, but in the end, she had to be honest with herself and me. She hoped I would fix her, and I couldn’t.
Not another word was said, I got up and slept on the couch. Left for the final time the next morning.
I could tell she wanted out, but she was making an effort because she didn’t want to hurt me. Me leaving was as much for her as it was for me. Looking back, I don’t consider it a mistake. We took a chance, it didn’t pan out, I’m a stronger person now because of it.”
It All Started With The Wedding
Voyagerix/Shutterstock
“He started drinking on our wedding day and never stopped. He had only drank once or twice socially before that. Then he got into heavy substances and was fired from at least three different jobs within six months because of his issues.
He became physically and emotionally abusive (I developed severe anxiety during my marriage that is still plaguing me after 11 years, and I have a huge scar on my finger from the time he nearly cut my finger off during an argument). He violated me against my will often, swung a board at my head, and flushed my birth control so I could begin popping out his demanded three children. The last straw was when I found out the girl living down the street from us was pregnant with his child. I had to pack up my things and leave him before he came home for lunch one day, since the last time I tried to leave he pulled me out of the car by my feet and I smacked my face on the concrete.
It’s absolutely terrifying. The police didn’t help either. He started stalking me at home and work, and the cops didn’t do anything. One even told me to ‘go talk to him because he obviously misses you.’ I had notes left on my car, my car was egged, and I didn’t feel safe again until I changed jobs and moved away.
I was very young when we got married, and we weren’t together very long before the marriage, but I never saw any of that coming. I have been to therapy off and on ever since I left him.”
Over Almost Before It Started
Photographee.eu/Shutterstock
“I dated him for over four years beforehand, and there were so many warning signs, but he got more controlling after we were engaged. He demanded his engagement ring back several times, he started telling me he didn’t like my best friend (who hated him), didn’t want (let) me to maintain any relationships with my guy friends, didn’t like me wearing low cut shirts or tightish pants, he decided to accept a PhD without telling me after I’d accepted my own position out of town, also he had a severe drinking problem. He’d party with his (single) friends upwards of five nights a week. He was so difficult to deal with when he’d come home hammered and stoned. He pinned me against the bed one night and told me to ‘Shut up.’
I told him I wanted to postpone the wedding and his response was ‘No!’ I felt I had no choice.
Once we were married, he’d tell me many times when he was wasted that he ‘didn’t know if [he] wanted to be married to me.’ The final straw was his birthday – he demanded we get intimate. At this point, I had previously told him I didn’t love him anymore. He didn’t care that I felt that way. I cried the entire time. I felt violated and used. I consented only because it would be more difficult to say ‘no.’ I left five days later.
He was a sociopath. The most charming handsome and charismatic guy you could ever meet. He was also brilliant. He fooled everyone. When I left him, my parents didn’t even believe me! I would love to be able to pinpoint the moment that the abuse and manipulation started but it was so gradual.
In the time we were separated before the divorce, he followed me, recorded phone calls, showed up at my parents house at 3 a.m. two hours from his house, showed up at my best friends apartment when he knew I was there, and slept with his students – that’s just what I remember – I know I’ve repressed some of it.
I was terrified of him. Since then I’ve dealt with severe anxiety issues and I have a hair trigger fight or flight response.
Best decision of my life was to leave him.”
All Of That Trouble And For What?
mimagephotography/Shutterstock
“I got a job in another country to start nine months later and at the time my ex and I were thinking of getting back together. We decided to enjoy our time together (we had regrets about our first go round and at least wanted to enjoy each other’s company before I left) and continue with a relationship.
During those months we traveled together and became a lot closer, including one long two-month trip. As the date for me to leave neared we panicked and found our only option was to get married.
We fought for months to make our way through multiple bureaucracies. On a break from work, I flew to meet her in a third country and we got married there. Then she got her visa and she was with me in our new country.
What happened? I wasn’t ready to be married and she wasn’t ready to be a partner in the grander sense of career and planning and whatnot. Mostly though I think it was just an impossible situation. From my perspective, I was exhausted from planning everything. She let me imbibe my worst tendencies towards laziness when I had imagined we would go do things together (it’s hard to be motivated to go out when it doesn’t seem like the other person really wants to). Whereas before the ‘what if’ question ate me up inside, after I realized these problems weren’t going away it was a pretty quick and easy decision for her to go home. I felt like we had tried our best and failed, and I was ok with that.
The whole thing fell apart in less than a week. I often question that, but always conclude the decision was correct. I think the problems that split us up existed long before under the surface so it wasn’t really out of nowhere. I do feel guilty because for her it may well have been completely out of nowhere.
I still sort of consider her my wife, we call each other ‘dear’ still, and if I ever got around to arranging the particulars I would have her inherit everything if I died. I don’t pine for her or love her romantically but she’s someone I cared for a lot.”
One Person Always Hurts More
wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock
“She started feeling ‘trapped’ as in, my expectation of monogamy was too much. So she discovered polyamory, decided she wanted to be polyamorous with her boss, and that it was worth opening the marriage no matter what. She was surprised when I divorced her.
I’m 96% sure she didn’t physically cheat on me. Emotionally, yes. I think she put off examining her feelings about monogamy, me, and not knowing how to handle attraction to other guys until after the wedding when it all came crashing down. To be fair, she felt bad for hurting me and didn’t want to lose me either, but I just couldn’t live that lifestyle no matter how much I loved her.
It wasn’t easy or fun, but I do try to understand that she, and to a lesser extent I, made a mistake. A terrible one with consequences and probably more for me than her, but any time a relationship ends, one person will be hurt more than the other.”
She Just Wants To Know What Happened
l i g h t p o e t/Shutterstock
“We were together for seven years, living together for five before he proposed – a total surprise to me, we hadn’t discussed it.
We got married a year later, and then after that, he started withdrawing and acting depressed, so I tried to get him to talk about what he was feeling. He said he couldn’t stand to be around me and hated me – then moved out two weeks later, divorced six weeks after that.
I still wonder what happened, we haven’t spoken since he called to confirm he didn’t want to do counseling and just wanted a divorce instead.”
You Don’t Bring The Dancer Home
“I married an exotic dancer while in the army. Super smart I know… I thought I could make an honest woman out of her or something. I even tried my best to take care of her and her two kids.
Within a month of my deployment to Iraq, she stopped answering my phone calls. Finally, she sent me an email saying that she didn’t want to see me when I came home for mid-tour leave. She was already living with another guy while happily taking my deployment money.
I divorced her after I got back, and started talking to a captain who was a physical therapist. I was a sergeant at the time so the whole thing was kind of forbidden. Seven years later, we are married with two amazing children. She supported me financially while I went to RN school and continues to support me while in nurse practitioner school.”
The Ghosts Of Sweden
Romrodphoto/Shutterstock
“My cousin met a guy on League from Sweden. He convinced her to buy him a plane ticket to come visit her in the US. For some reason, he ended up staying for a few weeks at her mom’s house.
They came home one day and told everyone they got married. He flew back home to get his things. She wired him $3,000 for shipping and another ticket back. He never spoke to her again. She ended up having to file for abandonment so she could get a divorce. People are dirtbags.”
Honey, I Didn’t Know You Were An “Actress”
wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock
“I had to show my friend a video I randomly came across of his wife in an adult film. They had just gotten married and he was deployed at the time. It was awful.
It turned out that she was taking their daughter with her to the shoots and having someone keep an eye on her while she filmed her scenes.
Needless to say, the divorce happened immediately and he got full custody.”
“It Takes Two To Try”
Motortion Films/Shutterstock
“I came home from work one day and she said that she needed space. I told her ok, and she went to stay with a friend.
She texted me a couple days later that said, ‘she didn’t love me anymore.’ I said that we could try to get help or go to counseling, but she responded with, ‘It takes two to try and I don’t want to.’
I got a lawyer the next day. I was blindsided by the whole thing.”
Hopefully He Comes To Terms With His Demons
Ollyy/Shutterstock
“We met and started dating right after boot camp. We at least dated for about three years before marriage. But all the while it turns out we were terrible for each other. Hindsight is 20/20.
There were tons of red flags. He went on deployment a week after our courthouse wedding. When he got back, things went downhill fast. I went back to my mom’s house and he cut off communication almost entirely. When I finally got him on the phone to talk, he said he just didn’t want to be married to me or anyone else right then. I began divorce proceedings.
He still wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend but by then I was picking up on this red flags and ready to sever it completely. Once it was finalized, I sent him his copy of the decree, and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. I do wonder if he’s happy at least. He was high maintenance and I’m not.
I know he had his demons from before the military, I hope he’s at least come to terms with them.”
“I Don’t Know If I Can Ever Fall In Love Again”
fizkes/Shutterstock
“He came home one night, started crying, and said he had a suitcase in the car and he wanted out. There was no warning and he offered no explanation, even though I begged him to.
I spent a month wondering what had gone wrong until I found out there was someone else. It’s the worst thing to trust someone so deeply and have it betrayed. I don’t know if I can ever fall in love again.”