People Share What Their Hilariously Honest Dating Profile Would Say

Everybody lies a little bit on their dating profile you can't help it because you want to make yourself sound really cool. But in reality it's better to be completely honest since they're bound to find out eventually. Hopefully after reading this it will make you go edit your profile!

Aren’t We All?

“I spend multiple hours per day doing absolutely nothing productive, then I get a spur of inspiration and become extremely productive for an hour or so. During that time, I hypocritically judge others around me for not being productive” (Source).

Baby, I’m Sooo Average!

“Mine would probably say ‘If you see me naked you’ll be surprised with the averageness of my wiener compared to how big I am’. I make an okay amount of money and drive a Ford. I drink way too much beer and eat horribly. I’m the kinda guy you go for when you’re in your late 20s to early 30s and all your girlfriends are already married and you finally decide ‘eh he’s good enough.’ I will probably not live up to good enough though” (Source).

Lowering Expectations

“I’m a fantastic dresser, so you’re bound to be disappointed when I take off my clothes” (Source).

Not the Adventurous Type

“Are you ready for an adventure? You should probably look elsewhere” (Source).

A Tidal Wave of Faults

“You will ask yourself, ‘Is there anything wrong with this guy?’ during the first month, and the answer will be no. On the first day of the fifth week of our relationships, my emotional issues will come flooding out like a Haitian tsunami. Buckle up, lassy” (Source).

Just Don’t Cry in the Food

“Cute but troubled, has issues communicating and will try to make up for everything by cooking. Cries constantly” (Source).

You Had Me at “Communist Memes”

“I crave love and affection but don’t have the emotional stability to be romantically involved with anyone. I will act cold and detached because I fear coming across as overbearing or clingy and cannot find a middle ground. If you don’t reply to me within a day or two I will definitely think you lost interest in me even though I know I’m being irrational. All of this probably stems from several untreated mental health issues. Also, I like communist memes on Facebook and am into BDSM” (Source).

Long Walks Are Just Exhausting

“Likes short walks on the beach” (Source).

Are You a Sci-fi Character?

“Bipolar lesbian farmer. Most people would probably consider me white trash. I plan on killing myself in 2030. I will treat you right, though” (Source).

Well, That Accelerated Quickly

“I’ll give you gas money if you promise to run me over” (Source).

Nice to Meet You, D–k! Uh, Dave

“‘Hi, my names Dave, and I have a pierced d–k’. That is my entire tinder bio. It’s got me a few matches” (Source).

No Need to Makeup Excuses

“I’m like a 5/10, but sometimes I’ll put on makeup and become a 6, maybe 6.5/10. Also, your mother will LOVE me!” (Source).

Yeah, That’s Clearly the Reason

“I’m looking to date 7 to 10 years younger because I’m aging really well. You know, all the sleep from being single and childless” (Source).

Owner of a Lonely Heart

“The same thing 90% of people on dating sites would say if they were being completely honest: I’m doing this online dating thing because I’m kinda lonely, a little horny, but mostly ambivalent about dating. So chances are that unless you’re really hot or just generally out of my league, I’ll probably just flirt with you a little online then lose interest” (Source).

Where Do I Sign Up?

“I don’t know how to split my time between relationships and hobbies. So uh, I kinda just want someone who chills out at my place on the weekends to watch Netflix and wants to go out to eat with me” (Source).