It's always awkward meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend's parents for the first time, and for parents to find out who their children are dating. Well, take note what these people did when they met their children's significant other, and the significant other's parents for the first time, and make sure you don't do ANY of these things.
(Content has been edited for clarity.)
She Didn’t Make The Best First Impression, But They Still Loved Her
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“The first weekend I went to stay with my boyfriend’s parents (I had never met them before), my boyfriend and I played Drinkopoly with some of his friends (like Monopoly, but you drink instead of using money). I went to bed a little earlier than everyone else, and boyfriend’s friends left saying ‘she drinks pretty well for a girl!’
He comes up to bed, I proceed to throw up everywhere. On him, on his sheets, on myself. He then put me in the shower and I apparently screamed random numbers at him and got angry when he didn’t understand.
His parents were cool about the whole thing; the next day as my boyfriend slept off the trauma, I washed puke off his sheets then went with his mom to play with the cats they were soon to adopt.
Oh, and then the next day his younger sister walked in on us fooling around.
I still don’t understand how his family liked me.”
Maybe He Shouldn’t Have Went In For That Handshake
“When I first met my ex’s dad, I thought in my young, naive 17-year-old brain that it would be a great idea to go in for a big handshake. Turns out he’d broken his wrist in a cycling accident the week before. I can still hear the crack it made. I also may or may not have let him drive himself to the hospital while I had a disappointing intimate teenage moment with his daughter.”
This Flat Tire Was The Only Thing That Fell Flat This Night
“I met my high school girlfriend’s parents when they returned early from a long walk to find us fooling around on their family room couch. I was calmly and sternly asked to leave the house.
Then I proceeded to back my dad’s car over a random tool lying in the middle of their driveway, popping a tire and causing a loud clunking noise with every tire rotation. I had already screwed up with her parents; I wasn’t going to ruin my dad’s car and have him kill me too, so I attempted a speedy tire change in the driveway, praying her parents were busy elsewhere.
I couldn’t find which tire had blown or what caused it. One of the front tires seemed flat, so I started changing it. As I did, her garage door opened. Her father is in his car attempting to leave for work, and I blocked his driveway.
He stayed in his running car the entire time I changed the tire. And as I finished, started the car, and began backing out of the driveway again, I heard ‘clunk’ and realized I had, in fact, changed the wrong tire.
So I pulled to the side of the driveway to let him leave and allow me to change the correct tire. Instead, he stayed in his running car, watching me the entire time. He wasn’t going to leave until the dummy who defiled his daughter on his family room couch and spent 20 minutes changing a wrong tire left his property.
A week later, my girlfriend handed me a check from her parents to cover the cost of the tire, as it was their fault for leaving the tool in the driveway. My dad had already bought new tires. So I spent the money on drinks.”
“Does She Do This A Lot?”
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“My girlfriend (now wife) met my parents for the first time at my dad’s surprise 60th birthday party. In her nervousness, she proceeded to get plastered and was repeatedly ‘shushed’ by my mother during speeches for laughing too loudly.
The next morning she was hating life as she came downstairs for breakfast. My older brother, who had the maturity of a 13-year-old, saw her in distress and proceeded to wave a platter of eggs and bacon under her nose. As she bolted for the bathroom, my mom (who has a long career in the addictions field) pulled me into the hallway and asked me, ‘Does she do this a lot?’
A less than auspicious entry into my family.”
What Kind Of Question Is That?
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“I started seeing a girl, who is now my ex-wife, and after about a month and a half of dating, we got pregnant with our daughter.
I met her and her parents at a restaurant for dinner to tell them that she was pregnant and what our plans would be going forward.
Her father looks at me, and the first thing he said was ‘Boy, why did you have intimate relations with my daughter?’ Mind you she was 21 at the time, and I was 24.
After a few seconds, I replied, ‘She took off her shirt and asked me if I was going to screw her or not. So I did.’ Then I got up and left.”
Things Got Too Close For Comfort For Both This Mom And Boyfriend
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“My most awkward meeting of a girlfriend’s parents was nine years ago when I was 18. I was sitting on her mom’s couch chatting with my girlfriend while we texted each other dirty things. We would pretend to talk about being seniors, looking forward to graduating, but we were discussing the dirty and raunchy kind of teenage intimacy that abstinence-only education warned you about.
As we texted more, I started to get a little excited, nothing I couldn’t control but dang it felt dangerous and naughty which got the adrenaline flowing. Her mom was in the kitchen the entire time cooking up a meal, leaving us to our secret naughty conversation. I told my then girlfriend to put her phone between her legs while it was on vibrate, she did and I called her repeatedly.
Let’s pause for a second and examine this situation. I’m sitting on the couch, she’s sitting next to me with a phone between her legs while I call it repeatedly. What 18-year-old guy wouldn’t be aroused? I misjudged one thing, how quickly her mom could prepare an entire meal. Panic time.
Her mom entered the living room to tell us dinner was done but it had to cool down a bit. She wanted to take this time to get to know me. I had met her once before, but only briefly. I’d only said hi to her at this point. She had perched on the arm of the love seat which was at a 90-degree angle to the couch we were sitting on. She sat there like a judging vulture disguised as a homemaker. Her voice and smile were gentle, but her eyes were fiery and alive like she plucked them from Hannibal Lecter’s head.
‘Are you excited to graduate?’
‘Yes, ma’am.’ When I’m nervous I get really polite.
‘Are you two hungry? I made enough to feed everyone and send you home with plenty of leftovers.’
‘Thank you, ma’am.’ I was about to burst through my pants; I was starting to hurt from all the trapped blood.
‘Call me Kathy, or mom if you want to.’
‘OK Kathy, I’ll remember that.’
‘Where are my manners? I almost forgot to mention that we hug in this family.’ Oh Christ, crap, please no. Not now at this exact moment. I haven’t had the chance to covertly tuck my junk into the waistband of my jeans!
‘Stand up and give me a hug, mister.’
There was no way I have escaped this situation without killing two people and hiding the bodies. I did it. I stood up and hugged this woman. As soon as it happened, I could feel my junk press into her. She knew and I knew that she knew because she backed away from it.
We parted from our hug and both tried to be polite, but the shame had set in. Dinner was awkward. I wolfed down my food without making eye contact with Kathy.”
He Didn’t Even Realize He’d Actually Met His Girlfriend’s Dad In This Awk Medical Situation
“When I was 16 years old, I met a girl who went to high school across town through a buddy who was dating her friend. Our parents were liberal, and we spent most of our weekends getting wasted in the pool house and swimming when we wanted to cool off. Needless to say, it took about three days before I lost my v card to this girl.
When you’re 16 and you find a girl, you never let that go. I was immediately her boyfriend. Despite the fact that I didn’t know that much about her, I knew everything that I needed to know: she had a hole and she let me put my manhood in it.
Week two of this torrid romance and something isn’t quite right in the land down under – it was burning when I peed. Like every time. I went to Catholic school, so I knew all about how Satan invades extra-marital relations and fills your lust pole with STDs. I knew I had one, the only question was which one. A lot of people would ask: ‘This chick just gave you rot, you dumped her right?’ Let me just refer you to the previous statement: I was 16 and she was letting me fool around with her. We only got more serious, like getting close to meet the parents serious.
But love didn’t cure whatever evil was festering down there, and I had to schedule a doctor’s appointment. In the exam room, I had to fess up to my doctor (who I had always secretly suspected of being gay) my terrible suspicions – that I had third-degree rot with a chance of AIDS. I had to pee in a cup, and he manually examined my junk. He asked me why I suspected I had caught an STD, and, in the spirit of doctor-patient confidentiality, I told him everything. Which came out to: ‘I met a random girl from across town and I’ve been humping her everywhere: pool, bushes, suburbans, rugs, carpets, dirt piles. I don’t know much about her, but if she’s willing to screw me up, she’s probably kind of an easy girl.’ It took a week, but the results came back- I had a benign UTI, most likely from bare-back riding in dirt piles. Clean it up was his advice. That was a giant relief, and a screw you to Sister Helen who had convinced me that God punishes all fornicators with a life-long curse of fire.
Everything seemed to be great, the burning problem cleared up and this girl and I kept seeing each other. After a few months, she invited me to her family dinner. Her mom was nice, and her dad was my doctor.”
His Tattoos Should’ve Given Away His Dark Intentions
“I was over at my boyfriend’s family’s house for Easter where we all got together for an Easter egg hunt, dinner, and party games. My boyfriend’s middle sister had recently started seeing a guy she met on eHarmony, who apparently lived in Toronto. She spent the afternoon telling us about him. That he owned a delivery business and a flower shop, was originally from somewhere in Africa but moved to England and then here, etc. My boyfriend’s brother joked that he was a smack dealer for his ‘delivery business,’ and we laughed as she tried to defend him.
So he finally drives up in an expensive car, wearing a t-shirt with arrows pointing to the shoulders and the caption ‘Place legs here’ written across the chest. Everyone started interrogating him, but he was avoidant of everything. I worked in a flower shop for seven years, and he couldn’t name any flowers. Granted his English wasn’t perfect and he was awkward, but the smack dealer possibility became more likely as time went on.
Afterwards, he went full-blown stalker. She broke up with him since he couldn’t explain anything, and he sent her 40 text messages trying to get her back. He wrote ‘poems’ about how much it hurt to miss her and said he’d drop by her work. She blocked his number, reported him on eHarmony, and everyone in the family has sworn a pact to immediately call police if we see him anywhere.
It was like standing next to a trainwreck as it happened.”
This Is Why You Knock
“When I brought my first girlfriend home, I was too embarrassed to say anything to my parents, so we went directly to my room and started fooling around. Here’s what transpired:
My mom opened the door to my bedroom and stopped mid-sentence ‘Hey I was thinking we could have turkey for…’
I awkwardly removed my hand from the front of my girlfriend’s unbuttoned jeans.
‘Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize you had company’
‘Yeah, this is Caitlin’
‘Hi Caitlin. Did you want to join us for supper?’
‘Suuuuuuuuuurrree’
Then we all had an awkward dinner together. Fun times.”
This Mom Made Sure To Have “The Talk” With Her Son
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“When I was 15 years old, I was engaged in a loud ‘parents aren’t home’ intimate moment. Suddenly the door opened and we did the typical jump under the covers pretend we’re watching a movie.
Mom: ‘Oh, um. Sorry?’ Closes door half way. ‘Are you using protection?’
Me: ‘Yes.’
Mom: ‘Ok. Well, good job.’
The next weekend, I had several buddies over playing video games which had to be interrupted by an awkward five-minute ‘why it’s important to wear protection’ talk. A talk which ended with ‘I’m happy to buy them for any of you if you’re ashamed. Having a baby in high school will most likely ruin your future.’
Ladies and Gentlemen, the mother of the year.”
He Probably Should’ve Made Sure His Parents’ Schedule Were ACTUALLY Busy
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“I was working at a pizza place in my teenage years and started talking to this girl. She came over one night when my parents were asleep. My mother is hard of hearing and my father is a rock when he’s asleep. She came over and we started fooling around, and we passed out. I was thinking that since the next day was a workday, she could leave after they left for work.
We woke up and were both naked. So being 17 and looking at a naked girl we started to fool around again. Then I go for the money shot and get some in her eye. She started crying and saying it hurts. We left my room to go to the bathroom so she could watch her face.
Now you have to pass the computer room to get to the bathroom and guess who’s sitting there. My mom. She took the day off to pick up my cousin from the airport and was on TMZ.com killing time. Her reaction was quite priceless and humiliating as she turned to say good morning and saw me and this girl she never met before butt naked. And that was the last time she came over to my house. Work was awkward after that.”
After This Terrible First Meeting, He Was Able To Let Karma Do Its Thing
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“This all started when I was 18 years old (I’m now 30). I had just graduated EMT training and was out with some friends celebrating when this beautiful girl that had been in the nursing program at our school started chatting me up. I had spoken to her a few times at school, but mostly, ‘Hi, how are you,’ type of interactions.
Well, we ended up going on a few dates. It was mostly just dinner and a movie and the usual stuff. She asked if I wanted to come with her to her family cook-out that weekend. Well, obviously I said sure why not, and went to meet her family.
At the time, I weighed over 300 pounds, so I was not a small guy. I had just lost close to 100 pounds before going to school with her, which she did not know at this point.
I fought a thyroid disorder in junior high and high school and worked my tail off to get my weight under control and find the right medication so I wasn’t just a fat lazy bum as some might call me. I knew from some of our conversations that this girl was into physical fitness and the like. I told her that I was going to the gym and trying to lose at least 100 pounds, and she seemed encouraging and offered to even go with me. Well, the weekend cookout comes along and I meet the parents. We get there and everyone’s outside cooking out and enjoying the pool.
I’ve never had a body image issue or problems with my chest, so I take off my shirt and join in after meeting the parents and having what I thought was a good first talk. I notice while I’m sitting talking to one of her relatives that she’s giving me these weird looks. Well, about an hour later, I ask someone where the bathroom is, and when walking into the house to find it I overhear this girl and her father talking in the kitchen.
I’m not usually a person to spy on someone but I couldn’t help myself. I figured the dad was telling her I wasn’t good for her or something, I was right on both accounts. What I heard was ‘I didn’t spend my life working hard and sending you to private school and buying you anything you desired so you could end up with some fat slob piece of crap like that out there. He has zero respect for himself; how can you expect him to respect you?’ Well, I was a little upset at this point, so I figured I’d back out and leave and call her later and see how she wanted to handle this.
Before I could turn around though I hear her reply ‘I only brought him home to tick you and mom off. I find him disgusting, but it’s worth it to let you know you can’t tell me what to do.’ Yeah, so at this point, I’m ticked off. Upon hearing this, I walk into the kitchen and let my feelings be known. I informed her dad that yes I’m fat, but also let him know how I was 430 pounds just a year and a half ago and still losing weight, and sorry I wasn’t born with perfect genes that made me fit and perfect’ in his eyes. I worked dang hard to overcome my challenges and will continue to work on them. After that, I turned to the daughter and said I was glad I could be her token fat guy for the day and if she’d pack me a few racks of ribs, I’d take my fat self home.
Fast forward about 12 years, and I had gone back to school and graduated with my paramedic certificates. I’m at this time about 230 pounds. I’m still a big dude, but it’s a lot of muscle and I just have a large frame. Well, I was in the ambulance and received a call from a patient in cardiac arrest, went en route, hit the lights and hauled tail to the call. Upon arriving at the scene, we are directed to the patient, and I honestly stopped dead in my tracks as I round the corner and realize the patient was the girl’s dad.
After about a two-second ‘Well ain’t that crazy’ pause, I began intubating him and my partner get our monitor set up while a fire crew member takes over compressions. We work him for about three or four minutes on scene and decide to move him to to the truck. Once loaded and en route to the ER, I continue working on him in the box.
After about another four minutes, I finally get a shockable rhythm and proceed to try and jumpstart his heart. Takes about four rounds, but finally get his heart in a normal sinus rhythm and get him to the ER. I turn him over to the docs and went back in service just thinking how much of a witch karma was that ‘mister fit’ had a heart attack when I was the fat slob piece of crap and how ironic it was that I’d I’d be the one responding to that call.
Well, about a week later, I get a call from the hospital that a patient I brought in wants to thank me. After learning it was this gentleman and he donates a large sum to the hospital and getting the PR speech from the suits at the hospital I’m thinking this is going to end badly. I made my way over to the hospital after shift and when I got to his room I realize when I walk in he has zero memory of me, not surprising since it was so long ago but I have also changed a lot physically.
He thanks me and I do the usual it’s just my job speech. Well, I was thinking cool, got past this with no drama and it’s over. Not so fast, he proceeds to tell me ‘It’s frustrating that even guys like us, in good physical shape, that take care of themselves can still have heart attacks while there are people out there that eat anything they want weigh god knows what and still walk around with luck.’ Yeah ticked off me came back, but I held it for awhile and a while and said yeah but that’s just the way life is and try and work my way out of there.
Just as I’m about to cut and run it hits me, what I can say without being a being a total jerk and upsetting the docs outside. As I’m walking out I tell him glad I could help him out and it’s not bad work for a guy who used to be a fat slob piece of crap. I turned around and walked out but I noticed that little light of recognition in his eye as I left. That was about six months ago, and I’ve received several messages from him since then wanting to meet and talk, but I’ve ignored them as I have no desire to hear what he has to say, at best, it’s an apology for how he acted back then, at worst, he’ll try and take me to task for being a jerk to him.”
This Father Wanted To Pat His Son And The Back And Say “Job Well Done” After What He Saw
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“I walked into the house and found my 15-year-old son getting intimate with his 14-year-old girlfriend. She was laid out on the oak dining room table while he was pounding away from a standing position.
When I first heard the noise I thought he was watching smut on the downstairs computer and thought it’d be funny (dad humor) to sneak up on him and yell ‘Well, what’ve we got here?’ Did not expect a live intimate show featuring my first-born. They didn’t see me for some indeterminate amount of time, and I froze in a sort of brain-lock moment.
The act itself didn’t shock me that much; it was the whole adult film scene element. The girl went to a religious school and they had to wear those schoolgirl outfits, and she hadn’t bothered to take off anything other than her panties, so my son was enacting a scene right out of an adult film, on the table. What put the whole thing over the top is that the girl reached fulfillment a few seconds after I walked in, and she saw me, shocked face, jaw hitting the floor, as she was coming down from heaven.”