Meeting your significant other's parents is always nerve-wracking, but it doesn't have to be this awful.
Queen Of Bad Impressions Is An Understatement
I’m queen of bad first impressions…I think the worst of it was senior year of high school. I was out drinking with friends and a guy I had been hooking up with. We ended up climbing onto of a school tin roof and continued to get plastered. The guy I was seeing thought it’d be a good idea to try to run across the roof, ended up slipping and sliding down. He fell two stories straight on his face.. we seriously thought he died. There was blood everywhere, and none of his jackass friends wanted to take him to the hospital, so I did. Fast forward a shitload of stitches, and hours later I realized my parents would be PISSED if I came home that late. He insisted his mom would be fine with me over, and that we’ll just have to go through his window so the front door alarm wouldn’t wake anyone up. So I stayed the night, and slept in nothing but a bra and underwear. Fast forward 8am I wake up to ‘What the f_ck is this?!? You must be so-and-so? Why the hell are you staying over?!?’… ‘mom, I’m sorry.. it won’t…’ … ‘holy sh_t, what the hell happened to your face?!? Get out of my house!!’….Worstexperenceofmylife. (Source)
If Only The Dad Knew…
“About 15 years ago when I was in college, I had a summer job in a town about 2 hours away from campus. I got an apartment in my work town with a friend who barely stayed there at all. One Friday night I was having some beers and cruising the AOL chat rooms for some action. Hit it off with a lady not far from me so she came over for some sexy times. We hooked up a few more times that summer but then I moved back to school. Fast forward about a year and I meet a freshman girl who didn’t like her dorm roommate so she stayed with me in my apartment. It was never serious but we diddled quite often. One football game I’m tailgating with friends and the girl stops by with her parents and sure as sh_t her mom is the AOL lady. I started laughing and the mom looked like she was about to puke. I played it off politely and they left. I never told her that I’d f_cked her mom. The girl didn’t come back 2nd semester and I found out several years later that it was because her parents got a divorce due to her dad getting busted cheating.” (Source)
That’s Gonna Be A Hard One To Explain Away
“Current boyfriend has extremely Christian and somewhat square parents. They’re very sweet, albeit sheltered. So we have a running joke that he uses me for nothing more than a cum bucket. So he texts and tells me he is at his parent’s house. Unbeknownst to me, he hands his iPhone to his mom to look up a brownie recipe at the exact moment that I text him ‘tell your parents your cum bucket says hello :),’ which of course popped up. She purportedly shrieked and he now has a cracked screen.” (Source)
Possibly The Worst ‘Meeting The Parents’ Story Ever
“Dated a girl for just a bit, no plans at all to meet her parents at this point. We had just finished having sex for the first time when she got a call from her mom; apparently they had a little much to drink and needed a sober ride home. She asked if I minded and I didn’t so we headed to the bar to get them. They were kind enough to be outside waiting for us when we got there. They were both leaning back on a railing above some concrete steps leading to an outside basement entrance. She waves at them and they wave back. Her dad lost his balance and went backwards over the railing. Her mom looked over and just started wailing. Made her stay in the car and call 911 while I went to see what happened. He landed just right on the corner of one of the stairs and split his skull wide open, dead before I ever said a word to him. That relationship didn’t last very long.” (Source)
At Least She Was Looking Out For Your Health
“My ex boyfriend wanted me to meet his parents, and he told me they wanted to meet me too. We decided to drive up to their place in the bay area (we lived in Orange County at the time) for Thanksgiving. I’m white, and he (and thus his parents) are Chinese. I normally wouldn’t mention this, but apparently my whiteness made them not approve of me, and therefore not actually want to meet me. I didn’t know they didn’t want to meet me, otherwise I wouldn’t have driven six hours and showed up at their house. When we knocked on their door, his mother answered, looked at me and said (in Cantonese) ‘I told you not to bring the white girl here.’ More was said in Cantonese (I understood none of it). To save money, his parents did not have the boiler on, nor did they have heat in the house. Not having a boiler meant not having hot water, and therefore not having showers. To remedy this, they had a membership at 24 hour fitness, where they went every night to have a shower. They insisted that we go to 24 hour fitness for a shower, literally 15 minutes after showing up at their house. 24 hour fitness has communal showering. I’m absolutely terrified of communal showering. I had to get naked with my boyfriend’s mother, 15 minutes after meeting her. At that point, she had never spoken a word to me in English. The first actual communication she showed me was to thrust a hairdryer in my hands. Anyway, the next few days were excruciatingly uncomfortable. Next to nothing was said in English at all, and I felt like everybody hated me. I spent several days just being as quiet, submissive, and polite as possible. I was sent to his mother’s garden to pull weeds in the sun for a few hours, and after that she apparently began liking me. Later in the week she decided I needed a checkup at the doctor (for what reason, I don’t know). Turns out she scheduled me for a vaginal exam, conducted by a man. A man who I don’t know. A man who spoke in really broken English.” (Source)
What If They Needed Condoms After Eating Hardee’s?
“His mom asked us if we were ‘dipping winkies’ (please bear in mind I’m a female) and said if he ever needed condoms for us to tell her we’re ‘hungry for Hardee’s’ and she’d know what we meant and wouldn’t have to explain further, and that she would either give us money for condoms or go out and buy us them herself. I was fourteen at the time. Found out years later that she became pregnant and had an abortion at thirteen, and didn’t want us to have to make that decision. She really was just trying to be helpful, but it was a little much the very first time meeting her.”
That’s Quite The First Impression
“My girlfriend had me over for dinner at her parent house for the first time. Steak dinner with all of the fixins’. I take my first bite, swallow, and immediately start choking. I’m so scared that I’m going to make a bad impression that I took a drink of water to try to wash it down. Didn’t work. After about fifteen seconds without a single breath my face turns red, and I start freaking out and point at my throat. My girlfriends mom does the Heimlich maneuver and I throw up all over the floor. Her two miniature schnauzers start licking up the aftermath, and my girlfriend’s dad puts his napkin down and leaves the room.” (Source)
The “Month Or So” Part Makes Total Sense
“I dated a Korean guy for a month or so in high school. I went to his house after school one day, and encountered his dad on the sidewalk before we made it there. He looks at me, looks at his son, and begins pointing at me and yelling at him in Korean. I had to awkwardly stand there for about five minutes of them going back and forth, before we parted ways and I just went home. Turns out he didn’t want him dating a non-Korean.” (Source)
I Have To See That Episode
“My worst meet the parents situation was several years ago. I walk into his house and notice framed photos on the wall. All of them were stills from when they were on the show ‘Wife Swap.’ That in and of itself is no big deal until I saw the episode. The father approached me and I stuck out my hand to shake his hand and he just looks me up and down, turns to his son and says, ‘Is she a subscriber to “The Way?”‘ Later on we are all having dinner and his sister is telling the parents how she heard I was a whore, so they attempted to evangelize me.” (Source)
Needless To Say, He Got The Last Laugh
“I was dating this girl for about 3 months and got her pregnant. We decided it was best if we just got married, I was 27 she was 20. I drove to my parent’s house to tell them at the same time she went to her parent’s house to tell them. I offered to go with her, but she said ‘You don’t know my Dad,’ which was true because while she had met my parents I had never met her parents.So I’m sitting at my parent’s house listening to them tell me how I was throwing my life away and the phone rings. It was my girlfriend. She said I needed to go over to her parent’s house because they wanted to meet me. I showed up at their house and was escorted to the living room where I was asked to sit in a chair in the middle of the room. Her family sat in a semi circle around me and proceeded to grill me for 2 hours. ‘What were you thinking?’ ‘You’re 7 years older than her, you some kind of pervert?’ ‘How do you plan on supporting our daughter and grandchild?’ On and on and on. That was 20 years ago. I’m posting this from my in-law’s house sitting next to my 19 year old daughter. I’m still very much in love with my wife and her family still hates me and sees me as the dirty old man that took their daughter away from them.” (Source)
You Sure They Didn’t Find Out?
“It was the first time I had ever gone to a girlfriend’s house to hang out and meet her parents. It was the summer before my 8th grade year. Needless to say, HORMONES! so I was an awkward, squeaky barely teenage boy. Her parents were really excited to meet me because I was the first boy her daughter had ever introduced them to, so they planned a family cookout so I could meet ALL the family. I got there around 5pm, and, because it was in the country in Ohio, all the adults were already drunk. To avoid as many drunk family members as possible, my girlfriend and I decided to swim in her pool for most of the night. At around 9pm, most of her family had left; only her parents remained. They were inside (still drinking) and me and my girlfriend decided we would have some ‘naughty time’ in the pool, which in 8th grade meant me taking off my trunks and her taking off her bottoms. We hid them under the towels on the deck so it wouldn’t be too obvious that I was naked. After about ten minutes of fun skinny dipping, her parents decided to come out to check on us. However, in their drunken stupor, they decided instead to get in the pool with us. My trunks and my girlfriend’s bottoms weren’t easily accessible while remaining entirely in the pool, so I had to swim around naked while my girlfriend’s parents were in the pool. I never knew how good of a swimmer I was until that day, because they never found out! However, I didn’t date her for much longer after that.” (Source)
Why Did You Resort To A Borat Impression?
I met an ex’s parents for the first time while they were cleaning out their loft. The dad was in the attic handing stuff down the ladder to the mum, and I helped out to get some brownie points by organizing what the mum was handing me in little piles (I had recently hurt my back and couldn’t do much). Anyways, the dad hands this toaster down and the mum drops it and is bending over fumbling with the wire picking it up. I was standing behind her, facing her, attempting to crack my spine by pushing my fists against my lower back and rhythmically thrusting my hips back and forth. The brother comes out of his room, shakes his head at me, then my girlfriend does the same. It wasn’t until I saw the look of utter fury from her dad that I realized I was basically air-f*cking his wife. I shook it off by jokingly trying to high five the brother with my best Borat impression. Nobody was impressed. It was awkward from then on out. For four goddamn years. (Source)
That Must Have Been One Awkward Dinner
“I was invited to a (former) boyfriend’s house for dinner to meet his parents. When I got there, his father wasn’t yet home from work so we decided to go for a walk. Boyfriend’s mother told us to be back to the house by 5, so we were playfully racing each other back so we could make it in time. I got to the door a few paces ahead of him, opened the door, and found myself face-to-face with his dad, who was standing butt naked in front of the door. I turned and hid around the corner, the father kind of yelped and ran down the hall, and we were both mortified. Turns out he came home and was getting ready to shower when the phone rang, so he answered it naked since he hadn’t expected us back yet. I saw his dad naked before I even saw him naked.” (Source)
Was He Her First Or Second Option?
“She only had her mother, her father passed away when she was young. I go to her house to wait for her to get home and meet her mom, and her mom had a bottle of dewars on the table. Her mom was pleasant (not drunk at the time) and she offers me a drink. I normally don’t drink the hard stuff, but I decided to be polite and take it. Her mother gets a phone call, and apparently my new GF is going to be about 2 hours late. The mother sits down next to me on the couch and tells me. Then the unthinkable happens, her mom (not very attractive by the way) puts her hand on my upper thigh. She says we have 2 hours if I’m interested and smiles. Now at the time I was only 18, but I had enough common sense to GTFO real quick. Meet up with my GF later on that night and don’t even bring up what happened (what good could it do right?). 2 days later my GF shows up at my house and is wide eyed, her breath is labored (she ran to my house). She tells me that one of her best friends just told her that he slept with her mom. I ask when it happened, and she said 2 nights ago.” (Source)
Rookie Mistake
“I was 16. Fooling around with my girlfriend at her house when her parents were gone. I was rounding third, as it were, when we heard her parents pull into the driveway. We stopped, she zipped up her pants, and we ran out to the living room, jumping onto the couch and turning on the TV. Her parents walk in, groceries in hand, and I am introduced to my GF’s dad, whom I had never met. Thinking quickly, I offer my right hand to him. We shake. Then he grabs my hand and holds onto it. He has a weird look on his face, and in sudden shock, I realize why: My index and middle finger were still wet from things. I quickly wrested my hand from his grip, made up some excuse about how I had to go home and walked out. We didn’t stay together long after that.” (Source)
If It Wasn’t Bad Enough…
“My ex’s mom surprised him with a visit while we were mid-sex. My clothes somehow ended up all over the apartment so I had to come out and greet her wearing nothing but his shirt and pretending it was a dress. She knew. Did I mention she was one of my bosses?” (Source)
Embarrassing Is An Understatement
“I was taking a shower at my girlfriends house when she wasn’t there. I heard the cats knocking sh*t over in the next room, so I run into the kitchen naked screaming ‘CUT IT OUT!’ Turns out it was her 85-year-old grandma stopping by to pick up some mason jars. I was just standing their dripping naked, having just yelled at an old woman. I died.” (Source)