They Got Off To A Classy Start
“You know how the groom gets the garter off the bride? Now imagine being in a room with family, friends, and coworkers and watching the bride give the groom a lap dance while he removes the garter with his teeth while that romantic ballad, ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me,’ blasts from the speakers.
During the dance, the groom was sitting on the chair, the bride was facing him, straddling him while still standing. While wiggling around, he lifted her dress and put his head under there. He definitely used his teeth. Once he lifted the dress, he put his hands back down on either side of his legs. It was actually kind of impressive that he did it with his teeth, but everyone saw was his head bobbing around under her dress.
From what I later heard – they didn’t plan for the dance to be so suggestive. They were both a little wasted and hadn’t practiced how it would look with his head under her dress. He also wasn’t supposed to use his teeth which took much longer than they expected.
That was probably not a good way for her to tell her parents that she put herself through college working at an exotic club. Or for him to tell his parents he met the bride at the club.”
This Is What Happens When You Double-Book
“I was there to film it. The wedding was taking place in the backyard of the father of the bride’s house. I show up and the father is in a wife beater and holding a drink and joking with everyone who arrives that he guess he should get ready. This was just the beginning.
Apparently, he also had an annual event at his house every year called Crapperfest. Since his daughter was getting married why not just combine the two and save some money? Crapperfest even had their own shirts with a big outhouse as their logo.
It had rained the night before and during the ceremony, the bride’s wedding party had trouble making it up the slight hill as their heels kept sinking into the dirt.
About five minutes into the ceremony, we heard motorcycles approaching. They were in the distance at first but then completely overpowering. You could no longer hear the ceremony. It sounded like there was a large group of motorcycles in the front yard…because there were. They had arrived for Crapperfest and were waiting for the wedding to end so they could party.
This was the first wedding I ever filmed…I don’t film weddings anymore.”
Back To Where It All Started
“I went with a former girlfriend to her half sister’s wedding. The couple getting married had a kid when they were still in high school, then they split up and both had kids with other people before getting back together. He proposed to her because she caught him cheating.
The wedding was at a dog park because the first place they hooked up was that park before they fenced it in to make it a no-leash dog park. There were no chairs or decorations because the town wouldn’t give them a permit to use the park. It smelled of dog crap, the ground was muddy, and the officiant of the wedding was the lead singer of a local hair metal cover band. He tried to sing the ceremony like a ballad but it was obviously just ad-libbed. Most of the people were wasted.
The reception was a block away at a fire hall. The officiant’s band was playing. There were tubs filled with Milwaukee’s Best and some plastic tubs filled with jungle juice. Lots of parents were letting their very young children drink. The bride did a dollar dance and guys were actually slipping cash into her bra and copping a feel. One of the bridesmaids went with three guys into a back room and came back with her makeup smeared and a filthy dress. The groom was so hammered that he kept trying to pull the bride’s dress off in front of everyone. One of the guys who went into the back with a bridesmaid got into a slap fight with his wife. The cops showed up because two guys decided to have a drag race in front of the fire hall and one of them lost control and smacked into a parked car.
When the cops showed up, it somehow got trashier. A woman started arguing with the cops, used few racial slurs, then spat at one cop and ended up forcibly detained. While she was being held down, she started urinating on herself. Then a guy threw a drink at the cops. It was at this point it went from a hilarious train wreck to ‘this could get us killed’ and we left.
We heard later that more cops showed up and multiple people were arrested.”
It Was Over Before It Even Started
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“My father went to a wedding of a distant relative, but I don’t recall whether he was related to the bride or groom. The ceremony went off fine, everybody drove over to the reception hall for dinner and drinks, and drinks and more drinks. The crowd was getting rowdy and the groom was already wasted by the end of dinner. The bride was visibly annoyed at her husband’s antics through the first dance, but things settled down as people danced to the first set.
During the band’s break, the bride and groom went up to cut the wedding cake. They held the knife together, but the groom ended up cutting a comically huge piece. As the bride went to feed her husband a bite of cake, he did the same… only as she opened her mouth, he slammed the cake into her face and erupted in laughter.
The bride immediately swung and landed a solid punch to his face. This sobered up the groom and he responded by picking up a layer of the cake and smashing it over the bride’s head. About that time, the father of the bride and the bride’s brother got to the groom, threw him down, and started beating the crap out of him. The best man got involved in the groom’s defense and then all mayhem broke out throughout the hall.
It was a full-on melee as various relatives and friends started brawling as others ran for the doors. My dad got out quickly but watched from across the street while waiting for a cab. The sheriff showed up, broke up the fight and got the bride’s and groom’s sides separated and calmed down. A couple ambulances came. Thankfully no one died but I think the concussed groom had to get a number of stitches and the father of the bride had to be taken to the hospital for observation for chest pains, alongside a few more assorted injuries.
The minister was happy to shred the marriage license instead of turning it in and I don’t believe they’ve talked since.”
“Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace”
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“I used to be a cake decorator. I did this for 14 years. I made all kinds of cakes, including wedding cakes.
Wedding cakes were considered a big deal with my employer and insisted that I stay for the wedding and or the reception, depending on where the cake was. In 14 years, I averaged out to 35 wedding cakes a year, so about 490 wedding events, of those I’d say about half were wedding/reception combinations.
Surprisingly, I have never heard anyone speak up during the ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ bit. Well, until the time I made a cake for a spring wedding.
The original plans called for an outside wedding but weather brought us indoors. Other than the weather, the wedding was proceeding as expected and we were at the point where the religious figure was asking the groom the ‘do you take whatever to be your lawfully wedded blah blah blah.’
The groom said, ‘No.’
The crowd went into gasp, mumble and whisper mode. Nice, I thought, something different. The groom looked towards the back of the room and gave a hand signal to someone near the lights. The place went black and a flashlight came on which the groom was using it to fiddle with an AV cart with one of those older projection units that could project onto a wall or screen. The thing came to life and the groom, the bride, and the bride’s family were all lit up in the beam of the projector.
The groom announced that what we were about to see was filmed the night before the wedding. He walked over to the machine and pressed play. Immediately the room was filled with the moanings, groanings, slapping, and slurping sounds of two people going at it, and as the projector finally focused, we saw the bridge going at it with the best man superimposed over the bride and her family.
I watched as the bridal party was shocked into complete silence and motionless. The video played for a good 45 seconds to a minute before any of them showed any reaction. The bride crumpled to the ground crying, and the mom and dad pried her off the floor and walked her out. The place was still dark as night except for the front.
I always stand at the back for a quick exit (you learn after the first three or so where to hang out for a quick escape). When I decided it was time to go, I applauded and then left. I never did find out what happened after that, but I am happy I got to see that happen.”
Almost The Entire Wedding Party Was Hospitalized
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“I assisted with an overdose at a wedding once. The 911 call came in for an unconscious/unresponsive person in the ladies locker room at a golf club that did wedding banquets and ceremonies in the garden area.
We entered the ladies room and found most of the wedding party in various stages of overdosing. All said and done, we transported eight patients to the hospital; one was dead on arrival.
The uncle (the D.O.A.) had made up the substances used and made these ‘speedballs.’ He didn’t know that both of the substances in the combination were cut with fentynal. I actually ran out of Narcan and needed a second bus to truck more out to me and take survivors.
The trashy part you ask? I heard from one of the detectives that the wedding party had taken pictures the prior day and insisted on one photo showing off their track marks. I never saw the photo but can only imagine.
My EMT helped clean up the mess said they even found a needle in the bouquet.”
Way To Class It Up, Mom
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“At my sister’s wedding, the groom’s mom performed the ceremony, decked out in a crazy black dress with a slit just about up to her lady bits, rocking some serious fishnet stockings. She gave a long ‘sermon’ about marriage and the whole thing was insane. The best part of it was when she was talking about cheating in a marriage, and how the bride should handle it. She essentially said her son would cheat, but don’t worry, because ‘I’ve got your back.’
She was talking about how she’d yell at her son, and that my sister could be mad, but should ultimately forgive him. Her husband had just been caught cheating on her, so everything she was saying was basically directed at him.
Once the ceremony was over, she stepped in front of the newly married couple, spread her arms wide for her adoring crowd, and walked in front of my sister and her husband as they left the ceremony. The photographer couldn’t even get a decent picture because the groom’s mom was blocking them.
Then, this crazy woman changed into a white dress for the reception and kept yelling, ‘That’s my baby boy,’ over and over as we all watched a picture video of the couple. So glad we had a few drinks before the wedding.”
They Could Have Just Stayed Home
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“The groom’s family did not like the bride. This was because after the couple met, the groom started to finally have a life and make his own decisions. Before that, the groom’s parents were his entire life as he worked with his dad and still lived at home. The groom’s mom also did all of his banking, so the guy didn’t even know how much money he had in his account.
Even though the groom’s family did not want this wedding to happen, they came to the wedding. The groom’s mom, dad, and sister then proceeded to ignore the bride the entire time. When they were doing family pictures, the groom’s family refused to stand next to the bride. When the bride walked into the church, they refused to stand and looked straight ahead for her entire walk down the aisle. They proceeded to have a ‘whispered’ conversation as the bride was saying her vows. At the reception, the groom’s sister tried (my fellow bridesmaids and I stopped her) to walk onto the dance floor with her dad during the bride’s dance with her father.
They were relentless in their attempts to make sure every one of the 150 guests knew they did not like the bride. The poor bride was an emotional wreck about to have a breakdown by the time dinner was served. The groom was so angry that you could practically see the smoke coming out his ears. It all came to an end when the groom punched his dad in the face at the end of dinner when the dad insinuated that the bride looked like she belonged at the exotic club in her dress.
His family is utter trash and the groom hasn’t spoken a word to his parents in three years. I felt bad for the groom because up to that point, his family had been his entire life. But they deserve not having any relationship with him, his wife, and their brand new baby because they were complete jerks and trash to them on their wedding day.”