Secrets, secrets are no fun, unless you share with everyone!
When The Lie Goes Too Far
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“When I was about five years old, my sister (2 years old) and I were in the backyard in a kiddie pool. When my mom went inside, I attempted to drown my sister. After I saw her lifeless, I realized that it was a big mistake, pulled her out of the pool and called for my mom. Luckily she knew CPR and she was life flighted to the hospital.
My mom thanked me for saving her, pulling her out of the pool. Next week was my birthday, the police, firefighters, paramedics came to my house to give me gifts and celebrate my birthday.
To this day 20 years later, I still think about it. I remember the day so vividly, not a soul knows the real truth.”
It Was Only This One Time
“I secretly had a relapse (more like a slip) several months ago after being clean from opioids for over a year. It lasted one day and I think helped me stay clean afterward, but if my family and friends found out, it would undo years of hard-earned trust and progress with them.
You see, I had moved out of my apartment to try and get clean once and for all. My choice of poison had always been Snow but Speed and Benzos were also a bit of a hobby of mine. So as my dad and I are packing up my place to move back in with him and my mom, things are just being thrown into random boxes, stuffed into bags, anything we can do to get the task done and done quick. I should add that I had a ton of little hiding places for my stuff in my place, and as users do, sometimes I forgot where I put my stash.
Fast forward a few months, I’d been clean for about a year (the longest I’d ever been), got my own place again, etc, when I’m rummaging through old boxes of things that I had hastily thrown together when moving. Low and behold I spotted a small cup that McDonald’s had at one point given away in happy meals. I felt that cup like a rock in my lungs, I knew what I would find inside even before that sickly sweet smell wafted over me. Bad decision number 1: instead of walking the whole thing straight to the dumpster, I looked. I looked, smelled, felt, and knew that day was the day. I’ll spare you the details of what goes on next but it involves smoking out of tinfoil and a whole heaping ton of regret.
In hindsight, this night was a good thing, as it really helped me along the way to being happily clean, not just frustratingly restrained.
It has been almost exactly one year past the incident I described and I am feeling really good in general. I have the kind of happiness that makes you smile in the car, just driving down the road. And what’s even better is that happiness kept getting better and reinforcing itself as it drove me to make good decisions. Life was, and still is, good.”
Sometimes It Pays To Keep Secrets To Yourself
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“In 2009 I was working a dead-end job, living paycheck to paycheck, and my girlfriend and I were constantly struggling with the stress of financial difficulty and I could never get a job in an industry I wanted to work in.
Fast forward to Easter 2009. I was sitting in the passenger seat of our little car while my wife was driving. We got T-boned on the passenger side that crumpled the entire side of the car and banged me up pretty good.
I managed to get out of the car to check on my wife who was fine, I started to feel a minor throbbing in my leg, but quickly composed myself and ran over to check on the other driver, he was fine (it was a big truck) but he was mad he hit us and immediately admitted blame (it was pretty clear since he ran a red).
So we sort out the towing exchange information and I go home. That night I get a frantic call from my brother. He always calls asking for help, I don’t even remember what it was for, but I was like ‘Look, man, we were just in a bad car accident, and my leg is really feeling weird, I can’t help you.’ My brother was totally stunned and told me that I need to go to the doctor. I was mostly exaggerating, my leg was just bruised up and I didn’t want to go out and lend a hand.
Next day my leg is a bit stiff and I started to feel a bit lazy, so I called into work saying I’m having trouble standing up after the accident. They say no worries, take it easy. So I do and spend the day playing video games and eating old Chinese food.
My girlfriend came home and I was really just feeling lazy and I make this big scene of not being able to walk easily to help out. She immediately takes me to the doctor, and despite protesting they send me off for x-rays. Which while they are waiting, the nurse suggests that I start looking into a lawyer.
I don’t know what I was thinking, but I just went along with it and started faking this injury, the x-rays came back negative for any breaks but there was a possibility of a dislocation that righted itself, so I just said, yeah I think there was a sharp pain during the impact. Anyways, I went on short-term disability, my girlfriend was forced to carry the weight, I went on long-term disability and started going through physical therapy, which I faked my way through.
Now, fast forward 12 months, I’m done faking, I’ve ‘recovered’ from my injury and I’m at a party with some friends who introduce me to this guy who heard my story and my ‘struggles.’ He was so impressed by my perseverance he offered me a salary job, nothing crazy something like 45k a year but when you’ve been working retail, it’s huge. Then came a settlement, that was worth over 90k which my girlfriend and I used to buy our first house.
Fast forward 4 years, I’m extremely successful making over 100k (with commissions), been promoted multiple times and got married and literally owe it all to being a lazy lug who faked a sick day following a car accident so he could play World of Warcraft all day. My entire life is based around a single lie, but even to this day sometimes I get out of things saying my leg is acting up…”
My Secret Accidental Child
“I had a baby with sperm donated from a man who advertised on craigslist. If my very religious family found out it wasn’t an ‘accident’ I would be completely shunned and disowned.
I am a female who is ugly. NO, that’s not the secret. But… I AM ugly because I have a facial deformity that I was born with. I’ve never had a long-term partner and only had been intimate a few times in my life. My biological clock was ticking LOUDLY and I desperately wanted a child – there wasn’t going to be time enough to meet someone and my odds were none existent as a middle-aged, ugly female. I own my home, have a career – but I didn’t want to lose all my savings to pay to have it done through a clinic and sperm donation, etc. It would have been at least $15K per try. My chances of adopting were also almost nonexistent as any women looking to adopt her baby out isn’t going to pick the ugly, middle-aged lady to adopt their baby, plus that is crazy freaking expensive too. I wanted the money I had in savings to go toward raising the child.
So I turned to Craigslist and got it for free.
My child is a preschooler now and I’ve never been happier or more fulfilled! I pinch myself every day because my child is in my life and I feel so crazy lucky. Every day is a dream come true and I savor each and every moment. I try to be the best mom I can be in every way. Parenting really makes you take a long, hard look at yourself and how you show up in the world. I parent from my heart.
I regularly send pictures and updates to the generous and selfless man who trusted me on a handshake.”
Truly Devastating From All Points
“My stepbrother repeatedly abused me from age 11 to 16. I got pregnant and it was definitely his because when I told him he took me into the woods for a walk, to talk he said and then shoved me down a very steep, rocky hill that had tree trunks and roots poking out everywhere. He raced to the bottom before I could even consider trying to get up and bashed my stomach with a rock.
Then…..he left, left me literally dying at the bottom of a hill where no one would have walked down, bleeding from a slice across my scalp that required 187 staples to close, my stomach was split open and rib bones broke, and of course, the baby didn’t survive. There was blood everywhere and I was in and out of reality, I thought I was climbing to heaven when I was delusional but couldn’t move when I became remotely conscious. It turns out that when I thought I was climbing to heaven I was climbing my way up the hill. I made it to a neighbor and he rushed me to the ER. I stayed in ICU for 6 months. When I was able to talk my brother was in the room constantly. So I lied, I said I was getting chased by a dog and lost my footing and fell, and that as I stumbled up a fell on rocks and trunks of the tree.
It’s been 14 years and he absolutely got away with it. I know I should have said something but I had no courage and now it’s too late. I still have to go to family reunions, holidays, birthdays and all that stuff. Plus he lives 20 min away and my daughter is close to his daughter. I watch for signs with his daughter constantly.
BUT I have solid proof of something that will put him in prison fairly soon on unrelated charges and will be a minimum of life and I hope to get his daughter as she stays with me most of the time anyways. I will still never admit what he did though. I have my family to lose, siblings would never speak to me again and generally reliving everything. I have my peace to lose. And I may be seen as emotionally unfit to take my niece when the time comes if I have to unbury this monster secret.”
A Risky Ultimatum
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I’ve been with my wife for nearly 20 years, and while we used to have a great relationship, over the last 7 years she had suffered a diagnosed but untreated mental disorder. She is a shell of her former self and it breaks my heart, but she also vacillates between yelling at me for the smallest things I’ve done ‘wrong’ (which could be as simple as I didn’t bleach the kitchen floor because she thought it was dirty) to screaming at me for not wanting to be closer to her. On one hand she was quite sick but on the other hand, I felt abused. To be clear she had been diagnosed years previously, just refused treatment, and like an idiot, I put up a fight but eventually just ‘took it.’
Two years ago I got sent on a two-month business trip for a new position I had taken with the corporate HQ for my company. It was an awesome new job, and being away from my wife was just amazing because I wasn’t getting yelled at all the time. One of the women at the office was just amazing, and we hit it off right away. Over the 6 weeks I was there after I met her we hung out 2-3 times a week, often times alone, and towards the end it got far more serious. On one particular outing, it got far too real in which I realized it was heading down a point beyond being just friends. Before this, we would laugh and joke, but that night she was hanging on to me, and the topic of conversation was very straight to the point that she wanted more. I will admit I was extremely tempted with this nice, beautiful woman hanging on my arm, but I offered her a ride home and then after that let her know I couldn’t see her outside of work alone anymore.
The other thing is my wife was very jealous at the time, so while she knew I had buddies at HQ, she didn’t know the best one was a woman. It would’ve been a marriage killer if she had known how far it went even though nothing happened.
When I got home I gave my wife an ultimatum: she gets treatment or I’m gone. This woman was the kick I needed because I shouldn’t be getting my thrills from someone else other than my wife.
My wife went to treatment and is doing phenomenal now like we were first married, and we’re happy.
To top it off last year the woman moved to our city to take a job at the regional office. I see her around the office now and then but we don’t really talk. If my wife ever knew the truth it might just tear open old wounds, and at times I’m afraid this woman might just do that, and I want to tell my wife what happened, but I’m just not sure how she would handle it, so I feel like I’m on a ticking time bomb.”
Never Judge A Book By Its Cover
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“On the outside, I am a happily married 30-something, about to buy a house, in sync with my wife on most things like religion, kids, that things will get better for us, etc.
In reality, I am a deeply depressed, secretly a drinker (which I fear is already adversely affecting my health, but I can’t stop), don’t believe in any higher power anymore and derive little or no pleasure or satisfaction from anything.
Most of this started with a sudden and untimely death of my mom, and some other family drama that happened around the same time while I was in university. I powered my way through there because I was encouraged to by those around me, even though I wanted so badly to drop out. This is also about the time I started drinking heavily, I barely drank at all before.
My family is rather scattered now, living in different states. My wife and I are close, but I have been unwilling (unable?) to find or make new, meaningful friends as an adult in the city I moved to for a job.
I am so stressed: I feel pins and needles in my brain/head and tongue constantly, and drink heavily (5-10 drinks per day most of the time, sometimes more, I can hold off if I am traveling or around family (or in a situation where I can’t drink at all). I don’t even look like I have had a drink anymore, which is why (I think) I hide it well from my wife. There is usually an empty bottle hidden in my briefcase by the time she gets back from work, and I have usually poured my ‘first glass’ by then to mask that I have already been drinking (I get home from work earlier than she).
She thinks I am as happy and fulfilled as she and excited and ready to have kids and start a family, etc. etc. In truth, I am just numb to this world. I try to love her, I think I do and expend all of my energy keeping up the facade and affection for her. But apart from that, I have zero energy or desire for anything. I used to be athletic, and still look decent, but my physical shape is fading fast. I don’t have or enjoy any hobbies. I just wake up, go to work, drink when I can, and mark off the days as I get older and closer to eventually die.
I don’t know what to do. Tried therapy back in the day and meds didn’t seem to help. I just am trying to make life ok for the people around me who I don’t want to see be like me inside, mostly my wife. But beyond that, I feel like I have totally missed the boat and am past satisfaction or having any meaningful place in the world.”
Her Curiosity Got The Better Of Her
“I moved to California when I was 18 fresh out of high school. I was living with my uncle and I was super bored cause I didn’t know anyone besides him and some distant family members. I joined datehookup.com just to meet some guys and go out. I met some guy who seemed nice. He was 27, in the army, really cute. So I texted him for a few days and he wanted to hang out. So we meet up at a park and talked for a while. I vented my frustrations of having difficulty finding a job and he said something that ran like a cold wire down my spine.
‘If you’re with me you don’t have to worry about working, you’re gonna be home with our kids. I want two by the way.’
I turned cold and got a controlling abusive vibe from him. He seemed really nice through text. We NEVER discussed things intimately or anything like that, just normal what do you like to do for fun, stuff like that. He said this so casually like I was gonna move in with him. I tried to keep calm for another 5 minutes then I told him it was time for me to go home. I told him I’m living with a family member and I don’t want them to see me with a guy and he said okay and left.
After that day I ghosted him completely. He started messaging me on the dating site. I deleted the profile. A private number called me a week later and it was him. He angrily said that if I didn’t send him a pic of my chest he was gonna come to my house and beat me. I called his bluff but then he said ‘you know I saw you walking into your apartment complex right?’
NOW the area I lived in had a lot of apartment complexes but I was too afraid to take a chance. I begged him to stop and asked him why he was doing this to me.
He said because he caught feelings and I led him on. He made it seem like we were dating for years. I asked him to just leave me alone and he said that he won’t until I send the picture. He said ‘make sure your face is showing so I know you’re not lying to me.’
So red puffy eyes and all I snapped a pic and sent it to him. He told me to send him a full nude body pic next or he was gonna post the photo of me on the internet. I was truly mortified. I was gonna send the photo but I said do whatever you need, you come here and I will call the police and have you arrested for harassment and possessing inappropriate child images cause I was really 16 (I was really 18 I just wanted to scare him).
After I said that he hung up on me. I lived in fear for a week. But then things got a little better and I wasn’t as paranoid anymore. Two weeks pass and I haven’t heard from the guy.
One night I’m laying down around 12am. Out of nowhere this guy texts me and says ‘How’s the movie you ho?’ My heart dropped cause I just put a DVD on. I was really scared and creeped out and seriously considered calling the cops. But I didn’t.
A week later I told my mom and dad Cali wasn’t working out and asked them if they could send me a ticket to come back home. My uncle thought he did something but I told him it was me and I just wasn’t happy out here. Once I came home to NY I never heard from that guy ever again.”
A Secret Life Lived
“2 years ago for 4 months, I was a sugar baby (money given to a mistress in my country is considered a gift and tax-free on her part).
I needed the money badly, I hadn’t eaten a proper meal for a while and couldn’t get work at all. My first week I made $2000 for a weekend’s work.
I didn’t hate it either, my main visitor was a nice enough person and though a lot older than I was he wasn’t unattractive. It felt pretty empowering at the time too – I’d just had a weird break up and was in a low place because of it.
It stopped because my grandfather passed away and I was asked to stay with my nana for a while to keep her company – it doesn’t take long to lose contact with people.
I don’t regret it I needed the money, felt weirdly beautiful, and learned some things. But my field of study will most likely put me into work in a Catholic or otherwise religious school setting and there aren’t many men I imagine would be okay with that sort of past.”
Nothing Can Come Between A Father And His Daughter’s Future
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“I was assaulted by my parent’s neighbors. A father and son. The son was in his teens, I was 8. They used to put me in this walk-in closet and have ‘Show Time.’ I never realized what was happening until several years after we had moved from my grandmother’s house in Phoenix to Houston. Fast forward 20 years and I have a daughter of my own. She’s 4 and we decided to visit Grandma in good ol’ valley of the sun. We get there and a few days pass and one day my daughter’s outside with her older cousins playing. I step outside to check on her and I’m greeted with that very same neighbor’s son holding my daughter giving her raspberries while his dad is playing with the others cousins.
Something clicked. I walked outside, grabbed my daughter and corralled the kids and made my presence known. That tipping point sent me into an emotional spiral of brewing thoughts. I’m white collar, I make my money off of thinking, and I hatched a plan. I’d never say this to a real-life human nor will I ever give the details of how I did it, but several months after our visit with Grandma, my wife thought I had another work training when in fact I came back to Phoenix.
I burned their home to the ground. Everything was lost except for the master bedroom and walk-in closet. PS a good placed anonymous tip does amazing things to mess up someone’s life. They both survived, unfortunately.
I swear to God I’ve hoped I’ve done enough good in my life to earn at least one wish. That would be to meet those low life maggot creepers in purgatory and be their eternal tormentor.
I look at my daughter every day and know she gave me the strength I needed as an adult I didn’t have as a child.”
The Biggest Parts Of Us Are Normally Hidden
“I have hidden that I am a war orphan from literally every single person in my life.
Mother and sister died in the Chechen war, and my aunts and uncles think I left the city and stayed with a ‘friend’ for two years in Astrakhan but in reality, I stayed in Grozny and experienced the entire war.
But its even worse than that, none of my friends, my roommates, my girlfriends, none of them know that I am an orphan, let alone a war orphan. They don’t know that I used to be hooked on opioids during the war and kicked the habit when I was 17. I have basically been living a lie about my history and my past for my entire life. Every single person who has ever asked about my history has heard a lie. And the lies sometimes interconnect with one another and mix and match. And I am worried one day someone in my friend group is going to connect the dots and realize I am lying.”