People Share The Most WTF Thing That Had Ever Happened On A Date

People reveal the crazy moment they knew they had to nope out of the date.

So Awkward…

>>> “I once went on a date with this girl. We started with a movie. After the movie finished, as we were pulling out of the parking lot, she saw her father leaving the same movie, with a woman who wasn’t her mother.”–

>>> “My date tried to crash her car into a tree. Neither of us were injured badly, but the car was wrecked. Later she confessed that she wanted me to become paralyzed so I’d never leave her and she can look after me forever.”–

>>> “After our first date, he gave me a verbal report card in the car. One of my negatives was that I ‘took too small of bites.’ Apparently, my good table manners made him nervous? But one of my positives was that it seemed like I liked to be in the kitchen? About two hours after the date he called me to tell me that he had looked through my entire Facebook and read all of my blog. He had decided that I was cooler than he’d thought on our date, so he call the girl he had plans with the next night and dumped her to hang out with me more. Needless to say, there was no second date.”–

>>> “I went on a first date with this guy who seemed really sweet. We went out to a really classy dinner. The food was great, the atmosphere was fantastic, but at the end of the main course, he whipped out his phone and started showing me pictures he’d taken of his ‘member.’ Like, different angles, lighting, dynamic effects… I rode with him to the restaurant, so I had to sit next to him on the ride home and fight the urge to fling the door open and tuck ‘n roll.”–

>>> “I once had a blind date walk into the restaurant wearing a niqab. She was not Muslim, but wanted us to have a conversation without me knowing what she looked like. Kind of a WTF moment or something out of a TV show, but I saw her point. I ended up disliking her based on her personality.”

Her Date Went Way Too Far

>>> “I had recently started dating this guy and we were on our way to Circuit City to browse around for a few things he needed for his computer. While in the car on the way there, an annoying techno song came on and I commented on how I couldn’t stand how often they played it on the radio. He turned it up a bit telling me that he liked the song. I laughed and jokingly said, ‘OK, well I’m not talking to you until this song finishes!’ I smiled at him and looked away, just enjoying the car ride.

We park the car and I immediately sense that something is wrong. He’s walking a few paces in front of me, clearly trying to avoid walking side-by-side. I let it go and run to catch up to him. I take his arm and kiss him on the cheek and proceed to walk to the store with him. Again, he seems distant. I ask him what’s wrong and he tells me he’s fine. I let it go and decide to enjoy the shopping we were there to do.

We’re browsing through the store and suddenly I realize that he’s nowhere to be seen. It’s around 7:00 PM at the time and the store was pretty crowded. I figure he must have wandered to another aisle and I do the same. Fifteen minutes later, there is still no sight of him AT ALL. I’m walking through the store searching for him, and nothing. It’s now 8 pm. I call his cell phone and it rings out. I walk out to the car, and it’s empty. There are about six other stores in the complex and I wasn’t about to walk to each one searching for him.

It’s now 8:45 pm and I’m getting scared. The store closes at 9 pm, so there aren’t that many people there. Finally, the store is closing and I walk out to the nearly empty parking lot. There he is, sitting in the car.

I run over with tears in my eyes asking what happened. He looks at me calmly and says, ‘Now you know how it feels when the lines of communication have been cut.'”

Anyone Can Do Better Than These People

>>> “I have horrible self-esteem and date losers (I’ve also been divorced for over 10 years). I went on a date with some internet dude and he wanted me to stay over. Fine, but no way was I putting out with this one on the first date. ‘Ok, fine,’ he says, ‘Why don’t you come with me to the bathroom and make out while I touch myself?’ This has become a go-to line with my friends.”–

>>> “I had a gal ask me what I looked for in a partner. She seemed annoyed that my answer was rather general, and proceeded to pull out her list. It was eight typed pages. She started going through them and giving me check marks. I didn’t get very many.”–

>>> “I went out with this girl four or five times, but this was the first time I picked her up from her house. When I went to drop her off, there was an extra car in the driveway. I said that she had never mentioned having a roommate, and asked when she was going to introduce me. She said, ‘Oh, no, that’s my husband’s car.'”–

>>> “The only blind internet date I ever went on (in 1993, no less): He took me out for dinner and a movie. We saw Schindler’s List at the dollar theater. No lie. His choice. Afterwards, he told me he didn’t believe the Holocaust happened. Dinner was at Burger King. My meal of chicken tenders and a small fry cost under $4 at the time. Afterwards, I bid him good evening and he complained that I didn’t put out because he bought me dinner. Heck, even if I did it for a living I’d charge more than $4. I didn’t stick around to go watch Apollo 13 and find out if he thought the moon landing was faked, and perhaps eventually barter my favors for an entire extra value meal. My self-esteem in college was low, but not that low.”–

>>> “I was on a second date. This guy said he wanted to cook something elaborate for me. I met him at his house, he shows me his freezer and asks me to pick a frozen dish, which he then puts in the microwave for me. Seriously.”

He Wasn’t Concerned At All

>>> “It was my freshman year of college and I had started dating this 23-year-old. He took me to Wendy’s for a date because neither of us had a lot of money.

He had one of those monotone voices and could drone on and on and on about nothing. He was telling one such story when I swallowed my water the wrong way and started coughing.

This was still a date, so at first, I tried to politely expel the water, but to no avail. As he continued to talk, I started hacking all over the table. Tears were streaming down my face, water was dribbling down my chin, and I was pounding my own back at a futile attempt to get the devil water out of my system.

He kept talking.

Trying to hold the water in at first was a bad idea. I could not stop coughing. I bent down under the table, hoping the angle would make it easier to cough up the liquid. Everybody in the whole restaurant was staring at me in silence, except for my date, of course. He was still telling his story. I finally finished hacking up my lungs and tried to listen to the rest of his story.

I had no idea what he was talking about. He continued with his anecdote unfazed by my wet, red face and smeared make-up. When he finally finished I apologized for my coughing fit and explained that I had swallowed my water the wrong way.

To which he replied, ‘Oh, I was wondering what was wrong with you.'”

What A Crazy Night…

>>> “A few years back I was just getting out of a long relationship. My boss’ sister decided to set me up with one of her coworkers (let’s call her ‘Susan’). So she gives me Susan’s number, and after a bunch of debating, I decided to give her a call.

She sounds alright on the phone and is very open and flirtatious. I ask her if she wants to go get some coffee, to which she says yes. We agree to meet at her parents’ house in a couple of days and then head out to get coffee from there.

In the two days between making our plans and the actual date, she starts sending me affectionate text messages that always address me as, ‘sweetie’ or ‘hun.’ I figure that, if anything, she is just a really affectionate person and try not to read too far into it.

Eventually, the time of our date arrives and I go to pick her up. She is a knockout. Drop dead gorgeous blonde with a full tan and nice figure. I am kind of a schlub, and so I can’t believe my luck. As we are getting ready to go, she says that she would rather take her car because it would make her feel more comfortable. Being a good guy, I can see her reasoning and acquiesce (this would later come back to bite me royally in the butt)…

So we start driving when she informs me, ‘I’m not really in the mood for coffee. Let’s get some drinks!’ Now, I am not a drinker, it has never held any allure for me. However, at this point I am going along for the ride and agree.

Fifteen minutes later finds us in a sports bar. I decide to stick to soda, while Susan decides to take things slow by ordering a very strong drink to get things started. Pretty soon though we are hitting it off really well.

I tell her about growing up with a terminal illness, and she relates how she got over ovarian cancer. We find out that we share some common interests in movie tastes and hobbies. Things are going fine until she has her third drink…

‘Oh, crap!’ she hisses while ducking down.

‘What?” I ask, confused.

‘You see that guy over there? In the booth with that girl in the blue dress?’ she whispers. I see the one she means. ‘Well,’ she continues, ‘I sorta used to fool around with him.’ I am taken aback by her blunt honesty.

She then goes on to explain how she lets people use her as a means to cover for insecurities. Next thing you know she is opening up to me like I’m Oprah, all about how she likes to cut herself (she rolls up her sleeve to show some fresh bandages), and how she has attempted suicide in the past. Then she is reaching across the bar to take my hands, she looks in my eyes and says, ‘You know, I feel a real connection to you…’

Then her phone goes off. She checks it and informs me that it is a text from her ex-boyfriend. He is in the Marines and is shipping out the next day. Apparently, he is coming over to meet up with us so she can say goodbye. By this time I have realized that I don’t want to get involved with crazy. I also realize that we took her car, and she is now wasted. And to make it even worse, we are in a neighborhood that I have little knowledge off. I’m trapped.

Pretty soon the ex-boyfriend shows up. He’s a big beef cake guy in his Marine uniform. She starts to flirt heavily with him and ignores me. She is on her sixth or seventh drink. It soon becomes known that the ex-boyfriend is also in the business of recruitment. ‘You ever think of signing up?’ he asks me as he takes in my nerdy 5-foot-6 frame.

‘Nope,’ I answer, ‘I’ve got medical dispensation.’

‘Oh yeah?’ he asks, ‘What’ve you got?’

Susan starts to answer for me, ‘Oooh, he’s got cystic fib…’

I cut her off, ‘I’m colorblind.’ He doesn’t look impressed.

Soon Susan and Beefy Marine go outside to have a smoke and leave me to watch the table. I just want to get out of there.

At this point, I should mention that Susan’s day job is as a behavioral therapist for autistic kids. My boss’ sister is her supervisor, and I happen to know that Susan is expected to be at work at 6 am and by this time it is creeping past midnight.

After they come back from smoking, I decide it is time to try and get this crazy chick’s keys from her and get back to my car. But not before she can introduce me to three more exes, and one guy who she practically starts making out with in front of me.

I ask her for her keys and say that it is time to go. ‘No! No one drives my car but me.’ Oh no. I weigh my options, and for some reason decide that it can’t be more than five or six blocks back to her place, she might be fine to drive that far, and if all else fails I’ll tuck and roll out of the moving car…

I get her to her car and we start heading back. Suddenly she looks up in her rearview mirror and screams, ‘COPS!’ before randomly swerving down a side street. She starts zigging and zagging at high speed through residential neighborhoods. I look behind us, only to see… nothing. Finally, she decides that ‘we lost them’ and heads back to her place.

Now you think the story would end here, but there is more crazy to come. As I am trying to make my getaway, she asks me to drive her back to the bar. ‘If you don’t I will drive back wasted. I’ll then drive home even more wasted, and probably get in a crash and die.’ Fine, screw it, whatever, I tell her I will give her a ride.

Before we can get in my car however, she informs me that she has to pee. I figure that she will go in the house. I figured wrong. This chick hikes up her skirt, pulls her underwear aside, squats down and proceeds to pee on the sidewalk right in front of me. I immediately spin around and avert my eyes and mumble an apology, as if her peeing on the sidewalk without warning was somehow my faux pas.

Finally, I get her in the car and start heading back to the bar. On the way back she starts telling me how she feels a real connection to me: ‘I don’t want to say soul mates, but have you ever seen the movie, The Notebook?’ I tell her I haven’t, ‘Oh, well it’s kind of like that.’

Then she says what is maybe the icing on crazy cake, ‘The last time I felt this way about someone and they didn’t feel the same way-‘ she lets out a little laugh, ‘I tried to kill myself.’ That’s it, time to get her out of my car.

I pull into the parking lot and try to get her out as fast and politely as possible. ‘Can I kiss you?’ she asks.

‘No, I would be a little uncomfortable with that,’ I tell her.

‘Well, what about just one on the cheek?’ she pleads. I figure, fine, anything to get her out of the car. I lean over and present my cheek only to have her grab my head, and then like the face hugger from Alien, jam her tongue down my throat. I start to flail around.

She finally releases her death grip and exits my car. Before she goes, she leans down and says, ‘I really messed things up tonight. didn’t I? You’ll probably never call me again.’

The next morning at work I relay this crazy story to my boss when suddenly I get a call from his sister. Susan didn’t show up for work that morning and she isn’t answering her phone. Her parents say that she didn’t come home either, and everyone wants to know what I did with Susan. Great. Crazy chick goes missing, I was the last person to see her, and her DNA drip dried onto my passenger seat – I’m going to jail.

Eventually, she turns up, claiming that her phone had died and that she had spent the whole night at the hospital with her grandfather who had a heart attack. I, of course, know all of this is bull, but whatever, I don’t have to deal with her, or so I thought…

That’s when the voicemails began. Tearful jarring sobs of, ‘I just wanted to say hi to you,’ and, ‘Hey love, why aren’t you answering my calls?’ and my favorite, ‘What did I do?’ Eventually a month later or so she got the hint and left me alone.”

“Well This Was Fun, But…”

>>> “I went on a date with a guy who said he was getting into the elements, and slowly has developed the ability to control fire. I met him on OkCupid after a serious break up, and we talked for like two weeks. Seemed completely normal. He was a cello player and pretty smart from what I could tell. We decided to meet at a Starbucks and conversation was good until he started talking doing impression of The Joker. I’m freaked out at this point and ready to leave when he asked me why I hadn’t drank my coffee yet, and I said it was still hot. And he apologized because he said he was in control of the heat and fire around us. I was intrigued at how ridiculous this was and let him continue. He told me he first learned of this when he was in his car and the car windows steamed up. I was trying so hard not to laugh. I politely said, ‘well this was fun, but I need to get to work.’ That was my first online date – won’t do that again.”–

>>> “Once I went on a first date and the guy told me that I seem great, he just had one concern: ‘I’m not saying you’re fat, but I’m worried you will gain weight and not be attractive to me anymore.’ I was 110 pounds at the time. And I was eating a salad. Then in the car, he asked me to fool around with him. Um, no.”–

>>> “I have shoulder problems, and I have had three different dates with three different women that ended with me in the ER after a major dislocation. Once I dislocated my right shoulder when I went to hold open the door for my date on the way into the restaurant. Shortest date ever, she drove me to the ER and as I walked in, she walked toward a bus stop. Never saw her again. The second instance, I forced an entire theatre audience to wince as I tried the ‘arm stretch’ move to put my arm around one girl and pop… my right arm dropped painfully behind the seat. The woman sitting behind me actually screamed. Movie stops and lights go on – great fun. Dated that girl for about a month. The third I can’t even explain, I was just driving and my arm just went out. I was downshifting and the arm just came out of the socket. I had to pull over and call for an ambulance ride that time because she didn’t know how to drive a stick. She was too freaked out to ever go out with me again.”

She Was Terrified

>>> “I was fresh out of high school and enrolled in a 10-month cooking school vocational program. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, but I thought cooking might be a good skill to learn.

There were all age ranges in the program, but I was by far the youngest. It was no secret how old I was because the teachers made a fuss over it sometimes. The female ones kept the older, creepier students far from me. No one really caught my eye, but there was this super quiet guy who never really spoke much. Let’s call him John. He was kind of cute.

One day, John asked me if he could take me out to dinner. I was only 17 at the time, but the guy looked young so I figured he was around my age.

I had one boyfriend all four years of high school who dumped me the day we graduated, and I was ready to try out what I thought was going to be a whole new world of ‘adult dating,’ so I said yes. He had a car he drove to school, and talked about ‘his apartment,’ so I assumed he lived alone.

He picks me up from my house and my mom gave me her cell phone and told me to call if I had any trouble.

We get to ‘his’ apartment, which I quickly find out is his mother’s, too. She’s an angry-looking woman who is furious that she can’t watch her shows because some young hussy is here.

I was under the impression that we were going somewhere. I was wrong. We sit on the couch and he asks if I want to watch a movie. I say sure. He puts on the music video to a terribly explicit song. He knew I only listened to classic rock (I still do), so I don’t know why he thought THAT would be a good viewing choice. It wasn’t even a MOVIE.

His mother then grabs the keys and yells that she’s ‘going to Lou’s house to watch her shows, and she’s taking her car.’ So now I’m freaking stuck with this guy.

He tells me that it’s hard for him to meet cute girls his age because everyone his age doesn’t understand that he still lives with his mother at AGE 33.

At this point I was terrified. I went to use the bathroom and pleaded for my mom to come pick me up. I gave her the cross streets and the apartment number. Within 10 minutes she was kicking down at the door, just as he had put on the movie he had been looking for — a creepy erotic movie (that, looking back, might have been an adult film) where a baby doll with a gangster man’s voice kidnaps women and wants to assault them.

I was so creeped out by men after that. I didn’t date for two years and gave every guy that tried to hit on me got the stink eye.”

“We Never Spoke Again”

>>> “The plan for the date is dinner and a movie. We were set-up by a mutual friend and had been texting and talking on the phone and I was pretty excited. He shows up an hour late. I would have cut and run then, but I wanted to make the best of it, and he was good friends with one of my friends, so… On the way to the movie, I discover he already had eaten dinner. I’m starving, but I make the best of it and grab chocolate bars at the gas station. He starts talking about how chocolate will make me fat. I’m a skinny girl. And still, who says that? So we’re waiting for the movie to start and I’m munching on my snacks and he keeps going on about how I wouldn’t want to get fat because ‘being fat is so terrible.’ I smile and nod. On the drive home, we start talking about movie editing. I ask him a question and I’m halfway through it when he cuts me off and says ‘You’re smart too! Now I’m realllly in love!’ Then he doesn’t actually answer my question, just starts aimlessly complimenting me. When he dropped me off, I’m ready to dash but still, I’m too nice to be rude. The guy is arrogant, shallow, rude, and can’t hold an intelligent conversation. Now he’s telling me about his weapon collection. Oh look, there’s some in his trunk! He wants to show me them, but I have an early class so I have to conveniently go. We never spoke again.”–

>>> “When I reach for the door, he tackles and shoves me aside so he can open the door for me. I thought it was an accident, so I laugh it off commenting on how hard it must be for guys to follow all these rules of being gentlemanly, (opening doors, etc) and mentioned it’s easier for me, as there are fewer rules to follow. He gets a devilish look in his eyes and says, ‘Women are expected to provide certain services to a gentleman.’ Oh heck no.”