People Reveal The Worst Date They Ever Went On

A Terrible Date With A Twist

“I was out to lunch with a co-worker and his girlfriend and she needed to know why I was single. She likes to play matchmaker a lot and she just HAD to set me up. So prophetic.

So I got this girl’s number and on day one, we have a pleasant exchange of information via cell phone (text only).

Day two, she started texting me a lot more. This girl decides that we need to take turns asking each other anything-goes questions, responding honestly, and then returning a different question. Ok, this was bearable and not that weird. So this went on literally like all day. From like 3 pm until midnight or 1 am. Anytime I started taking too long in between texts messages, she texted me random song lyrics from wildly different genres.

Day three, I was busy with work most of the day and I didn’t text her until like 9 pm at night. She was being a little ‘moody,’ expressing her concern about why we weren’t texting 200 times again today.

Day four was date night. I agreed to meet her at Buffalo Wild Wings. She chose the time, I agreed, we stated that we would meet and whoever got there first would get a table. 7:45 pm was our rendezvous time.

I’m early for everything, but I held myself off and waited until about 7:50 to walk in, hopeful she had saved us a spot. Nope, not there yet. No big deal. I got a table and had a nice chat with the cute waitress. 10, 15 minutes went by, then I got a text that she was running late. Yeah, obviously. I told her where I was sitting.

I ordered a drink to pass the time. 25 minutes had gone. Still nothing. I ordered some potato wedges and another drink and texted her again. She’s ‘on the way.’ I decided internally that when my drink was done, I would pay and leave. Unfortunately, the potato wedges and the football on TV slowed me down and 45 minutes had gone by and I was just about to find the waitress and pay up…then I turned my head. And there was my date.

I was shown a picture of this girl prior to accepting the blind date. Shallow of me? Not really…but I was shown. So it turns out the photo I saw was probably three to five years old. Before me was a girl who was easily 80 pounds heavier than her photo, has bright red hair (clearly not natural), and a wonderful powder blue sweater on, to compliment her pasty, white skin.

We said hey and she told me a little bit more about her self and over the next 10-20 minutes, she took me on a magical voyage of vapid, unrestrained blathering. She was one of those people who constantly makes comments about how she is ‘just so quirky’ and how witty and clever she is. And she did these weird, side-ways smiles and strange looks after every sentence because hey, she’s just so quirky, right?

Eventually, dinner happened, and she took like 35 minutes to eat like six freaking boneless wings. After she finished, I made every effort possible to alert our waitress that I was ready. This waitress was great, she keyed in on me right away and knew I was patiently waiting (and looked like I was being stood up) and was very diligent about coming by and exchanging a quick chat with me while I nursed my drinks. I grabbed her, got the bill, tipped well, and left. I just got it all on one bill and paid for this blind date. I told her, ‘You can pay when you take me out next week!’ with the fakest smile anyone has ever mustered.

After my blind date finally left and went back to her beater geo-metro, I handed the ticket to my waitress. She took out the customer-copy receipt and wrote her number on the back and handed it to me. I gave her an admittedly confused look.

‘I was with you for the whole thing and that was brutal. You’re a saint. Let me take you out and redeem woman-kind. Any man who would wait for someone like that for 45 minutes is at least worth that.’

Been with her 1.5 years strong!”

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His Ignorance Wasn’t Bliss

“I was set up on a blind date with this guy. Handsome, polite, a gentleman with great manners and a slight southern accent. Held the door for me and got me flowers, which I don’t demand but considered a very nice gesture.

We’re seated at a lovely restaurant and we ordered. We’re talking about school and our future careers when a very cute gay couple was seated beside us. My date sneered and told me he’d get us reseated, adding ‘freaking gays…’ not so quietly under his breath.

I stood up, said, ‘Don’t call me,’ and left the restaurant. I only wish I had dumped a drink on him or something, and have done so in my head many times since. Luckily I knew there was a subway to get me home. The friend that had set us up had no idea he was such a rude person and nobody I know talks to him anymore.

I really do consider bigotry in adults to be a major character flaw, but some people think it’s not a big deal. However, I’m bi and I date women about as often as I date men. So that’s not something I could overlook, though I doubt I’d try to overlook if I were straight.”

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That’s A Stinky Way To End A Date

“It was my first date ever. I went for a blind date downtown. At the time, I lived in the suburbs, so it was an hour by public transit. We met up at a Thai restaurant and ended up ordering the same dish. The food was spicy and all the heat came from one pepper per dish. We dared each other to eat our pepper. He spat it out. I didn’t.

I took three trips to the washroom within the next hour and drank a lot of milk, provided by the restaurant as a courtesy. The conversation was terse. I felt awkward. Is this how a date is supposed to go? We left and since neither of us were familiar with the area, we went to some nearby department store to window shop.

We ended up in separate parts of the store, mostly because we didn’t have much in common. I was thinking about how much longer this date is going to last when I felt a rumbling in my bowels. I knew at that point that I had to poop immediately. It wasn’t something that was going to be negotiated.

I made a mad dash to the nearest store employee, who informed me there isn’t a washroom in the store. The guy was nowhere in sight so I ran off to a place next door where they reluctantly let me use their basement toilet. Too late. I pooped my pants on the way down. I spent the next hour cleaning up in the washroom with an ungodly amount of toilet paper. There’s no cell service, so I couldn’t call the guy with some quick excuse. By the time I got out, he was long gone, not that I really wanted to see him at that point.

I was supposed to see a friend around that time but he assumed I ditched. That’s not too bad. The worst part was that I had to take the subway back, an hour commute, with a mess hidden in my pants and, oh god, I’m sure people knew.”

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There Were A Few Red Flags To Say The Least

“My wife had one really bad date. She was dating me at the time and I’m Asian. Her aunt set her up on a date with a ‘good southern, white, Baptist boy’ who was apparently a lot better than me. She went because she didn’t realize it was supposed to be a date.

They went to a Halloween event at a theme park. When my wife arrived, she was shocked to find out that she was actually on a date but couldn’t leave because he was her ride.

Turns out the good ole boy was more of a man and by a man, I mean 15 years her senior (she was around 19 at the time). He was also an ex-con and a coke dealer/user. All this was better than me, of course.

My wife spent the entire night not just being terrified of the haunted houses and actors in costume and makeup, but being even more afraid of the dude who wouldn’t let go of her hand, even though she kept insisting she had a boyfriend.

The night ended with the dude’s parents picking them up (he wasn’t allowed a drivers license because of something having to do with his probation) and him trying to make out with her in the car.

My wife moved out of her aunt’s house within days, moved to my city instead (we had been a couple of hours apart) and we’ve lived happily ever after.”

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She Brought THAT To A Date?!

“My dad had been set up on a blind date by his friend. As he picked up his date, he noticed she was carrying a strange bag, not a purse or anything normally brought on a date, but a garbage bag with stuff in it. He kinda shrugged it off and they got in the car and started driving. During the car ride though, he began to notice what was contained within those bags: two baby dolls with blood smeared on them. He asked her why she had brought two dolls, and she just nonchalantly responded, ‘They’re my children.’ My dad instantly felt that this girl had some problem with her, so he stopped at a gas station and asked her to go inside to get him some smokes. He immediately drove off, abandoning her at the station with her two bloodied dolls.

When he talked again with his friend who had set up the date, his friend was like, ‘Oh yea, I forgot to mention. She had two abortions in the past two years, so now she carries around those dolls and claims they’re her children. I thought it was no big deal.'”

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All The Hype Came Crashing Down

“This date was the weekend before Halloween.

I had been talking to this guy, Mike (first online, then text and phone calls), for a few months, and eventually we decided to meet. The week prior, he told me that he has this big plan for the weekend and to bring a formal dress because he had a surprise. My romantic little brain was filled with romantic thoughts at that order and I happily hummed through the usually mundane work week. My girlfriends were bummed that I was going to the city instead of out bar hopping for halloween with them- we’d had our costumes picked out and ready for a few weeks now. But they are awesome friends and were excited that I could be meeting that really great guy.

Friday night, I drove the three hours to St. Paul and paid for a hotel the weekend. The first night went alright- we chit chatted over pizza and hung out in the hot tub and the pool with a few of his friends. I liked their nerdiness and enthusiasm for humor and all things geeky. They raved about Magic the Gathering and how I really should start play; then promptly and unintentionally dissuaded me from the game after bragging about how much money they spent on cards. ($75 for five cards?! $40 for some specific cards?!) Besides my small shock of the expense they put towards this hobby, the night went well.

The next day was where it all fell apart.

Our plans- morning at the Minnesota Zoo, afternoon at the Science Museum, and fancy formal mystery evening date.

We arrived at the zoo and Mike informed me that he forgot his wallet so I would have to pay his way in. During the entire zoo tour, he was constantly on the phone arguing with his mother and father. About halfway through, he insisted we needed to leave so he could go take the dog out for a walk.

We arrived at his parents’ house, his dad was there and they argued about something or another while I lamely stood by. While Mike brought the dog out and I got a few eye-openers from his dad: Mike was fired from his job last month, Mike dropped out of college, and Mike has recently stopped taking his meds and really needed to start them again.

I was none too impressed with this new information, but I decided to bite my tongue and continue with the day because surely this evening’s date will be very exciting and romantic. He returned, we set out and I asked him if he had found his wallet yet. He replied no and asked if I can spot him for the science museum. Calmly (very irritated inside), I suggested we hit the Mall of America instead, stating I’d only been there once when I was very little (I’ve really been there tons of times; but after a hotel, pizza, and entrance to the zoo, there was no way in heck I was coughing up any more money on this date).

We walked around the mall, flitting in and out of neat little stores- sampled tea at Teavana, browsed music, watched the masses gathered between the Microsoft and Apple stores. I was feeling a little brighter now and gently brought up what his dad said. He admitted to it, saying he didn’t want to scare me away with that life shift- boosting my ego (and therein sympathy) a bit there, too, by stating how wonderful it was that I was stable and had my life in order.

We made our way up to Games by James and I while I was browsing chess sets, he was chatting up the clerk about Magic cards. Then my mood took a major cliff dive as he pulled out his wallet and purchased about $100 in cards. I appeared calm but was fuming inside- not hours ago he told me he couldn’t find his wallet.

We walked around for a bit longer, I escaped for a little while to a restroom. I checked my phone to find picture messages of my friends in costume and getting ready for the night out. I had that internal sigh moment. I may not be getting dressed up for Halloween, but I was getting dressed all fancy for a night out…with a guy that I was hardly interested in now.

I met back up with him and he said to me with a sheepish grin, ‘So, you know how I said I had a surprise for you? The place I wanted to take you is closed for cleaning tonight.’ Forget that. He might have been saying more at this point, but I didn’t hear it. I blinked, slowly turned around, and calmly strode away. He tagged along, lamely asking if I was mad at him. If I was going to keep talking to him. If he could come up and visit me. If we could fool around at the hotel! I didn’t look back, didn’t say anything, didn’t stop until I was at my car.

I pulled his backpack from the backseat, shoved it into his arms, looked him directly into his eyes and said, ‘Mike, I forgot, I have a date tonight with my lovely friends who treat me with respect and do not lie to me. Enjoy life.’

I drove back to the hotel and checked out about 15 minutes later. Drove back home, dressed up as a gypsy, and partied with an Eskimo, Batgirl, and a giant banana.”

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A Party You Wouldn’t Want An Invite To

“A few years ago, I decided to try online dating, probably because I was a little bored.

I found it quite annoying, so I quit the same day but not before getting my hands on some girl’s phone number.

We flirted on the phone for a while and decided to meet the next day. To be perfectly honest, there were already some red flags. But she was still seemed somewhat normal.

So, D-Day. I went pick her up at her place. I rang the bell and a really hot blonde came out. The pictures I saw were blurry, so I was more than pleasantly surprised.

Anyway, it was around 4 pm, so we decided to go grab some coffee downtown.

And as we went down the streets, she started making prejudiced comments. That made me uncomfortable but I thought she was attractive and I really wanted to ‘get to know her better,’ so I ignored it.

We find a nice bar, find a table outside and she started talking about her life.

Usually, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but she never stopped talking about herself, about how her parents are really rich, that her classmates are really mean people who are jealous of her, and so many things.

I barely got to say a few words. I wanted to leave, but she was really hot and gave away some hints I might get lucky that night.

So I ignored the red flags, we left the bar and we wandered around the city for a while.

The discussion drifted and she started talking about how the Holocaust didn’t happen.

Any other time or situation, I would have called her an idiot, left and deleted her number. Heck, I wanted to. But no, I shut up because hooking up beats everything, including Holocaust deniers.

I already gave up a few hours of my time listening to all her mess, I wasn’t going to let that stop me.

The night was beginning, so I brought her back to her place. On the way, she told me she had a party planned there and that she wanted me to come.

That wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was simple. I didn’t want to meet her friends. But I didn’t want all that time wasted for nothing, so I said ok.

Back at her place, we drank some drinks, make out a little and the guests started coming.

Six or seven of her friends ended up in her apartment, they looked a lot like a gang of bikers, but thanks to all I drank, I didn’t care one bit.

And then, all of a sudden, it hits me. I saw some tattoo on a guy. It was a freaking swastika. I was at a freaking neo-nazi party.

I didn’t know what to do, so I ended up drinking for a while, listening to them making jokes about Muslims and when it seemed appropriate, I got the heck out of there as fast as I could.

The next weekend, I received a text from the neo-nazi girl, saying that she liked me and wanted me to come over for some alone time.

I did, I hooked up with her and then, when she was sleeping, I disappeared into the night, never to be seen again by her and her neo-nazi friends.

She sent me a lot of texts after that, threatening me to send her friends to beat me up.”

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She Didn’t Have The Greatest Intentions

“I went on a blind date with a girl who claimed she had lost 100lb. I found it, it was in her booty. I decided not to judge and just have a good time. I am a large person myself. After about 30 minutes of dancing and drinks at her favorite club, I was getting lots of dirty looks from a club rat in a white suite. Her friends kept saying things to the order of, ‘I’m glad you two are together,’ ‘You two deserve a good relationship,’ and ‘You are so much nicer than her last boyfriend.’

I asked the last friend to point him out. Of course, it’s white suit Danny Tario over there. I realized I was being used to make this loser jealous. I looked my date straight in the eye and said, ‘I’ll see you sometime, I have to take a deuce.’ I then walked out the door and never saw her again.”

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There Were Ungodly Expectations

“I got set up on a blind date to a homecoming event/dance in college. She was pretty cute and I was looking forward to a fun night. To give you a better understanding of the situation, I went to a religious college that is owned by a church, so all school-sponsored events are kept pretty clean, including music played at events. Not five minutes after we had gotten there, she started complaining about how inappropriate the music they were playing was. It was just some pop song that was popular at the time. From there, it just went downhill. From the music they were playing at the event, to how all media today is filth, how her roommates were horrible people, etc. All within about the first hour of the date. Thankfully (sadly?), I had experience in handling crazy and skillfully cut down the length of the date drastically. Kind of easy when she thinks everything is evil!

The next semester, I met a new friend and founnd out she was one of the girl’s roommates (and moved out). The crazy girl would yell at them constantly for watching TV because everything on it was evil and made her feel bad. On several occasions, she had turned it off while they were watching it because she didn’t approve of what was on. She went on to meet a guy online, fly out to visit him after a week, get engaged, and marry him a month later.”

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There Was A Gross Infestation Going On…

“I met a girl on a dating site. That seems to be the start of a lot of bad dates.

On our first date, she invited me to her house. The house was pretty disgusting, dirty and plenty of trash around. She was remodeling her kitchen so I gave her a pass on it.

Next get together was at my house. I think it was our third date but maybe second. Anyway, short story shorter, we got intimate and I quickly became aware she had not bathed. She was funky, not like sticky sweet, feminine funky, but like B.O. funky. Also, the garden was completely unkempt. Now, I’m a child of the 80s, so a little garden is fine by me, but seriously shave your stomach and inner thigh, for Pete’s sake.

The next day I get a frantic phone call. ‘I have bugs,’ she said.

‘Bugs,’ I replied, ‘what kind of bugs?’

‘Lice,’ she replied.

‘Lice! Like upstairs or downstairs?’ I asked.

‘Up,’ she said. ‘I’m outside your house right now and I brought supplies.’

So, she comes in with RID, trash bags, cleaning supplies and four new pillows. She proceeded to bag everything she thought she came in contact with, throws out my pillows and leaves me with a bottle of RID.

Fortunately, I never got lice. I still keep the RID under my sink as a reminder to be more careful in the future. I never saw or heard from her again and that was fine by me.”

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