Everyone's guilty of telling a little white lie every now and then, but keeping secrets from loved ones or customers is a step too far. These liars' pants are definitely on fire after the sick burns these people threw at them.
This Copycat Got Caught Red-Handed
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“I once had a graphic designer apply for a post using my artwork in his portfolio. Asked him all about the work and the thinking behind the designs before I showed him the originals and the door.”
You Break It, You Buy It, Right?
“I work for a broadcast camera house – we rent out camera systems to shows, news, sports etc. A few years back, a client rented a few cameras and some specialty lenses, including one very rare, very expensive fisheye. Nice lens. It’s not made anymore, so replacing it isn’t possible, and fixing it will be extremely expensive.
So, the package comes back at the end of the job and the lens has a divot the size of a quarter taken out of the front element. I mean, this thing was trashed. I call the producer to have the ‘You broke it, we’re billing you to fix it’ conversation.
Within seconds, the conversation breaks down to the ‘This is bull, we never even used it, it never came off the camera truck, I can’t believe we’re being treated this way’ screamfest.
Meanwhile, it turns out that the client had also rented a few tape decks. One of them still had a tape in it. On a whim, we watched the tape, and darn if it wasn’t footage from the camera with the lens in question very clearly showing the truck driving into it. Big hit, too. The truck had to be going at least 25 mph.
I grabbed the tape and went to the producer’s office. I let him scream a bit (in front of about 10 other people – he’s the type that likes an audience) before showing them the tape. I made sure to shuttle back and forth a bit, slow it down, replay it a few times. I also showed them the part where his name was visible on the slate. The look on his face was priceless. Ended up being a $20,000 repair bill. Never heard from him again. It was worth it.”
The Customer Is Always Right, Especially In This Bold-Faced Lie
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“When I was in college, I had just gotten two new front tires for my car. A week later, my back tire was punctured by a nail. So I went to the local tire shop to have it replaced.
Later that day they gave me a call:
Tire Shop: ‘The estimate to fix the puncture is X. Would you like us to repair it?’
Me: ‘Yes, please.’ It was a reasonable price.
Tire Shop: ‘Also, I noticed that the treads on your front tires look dangerously low.’
Me: ‘My two front tires?’
Tire Shop: ‘Yes. They are at two-thirty-seconds of an inch low. This is legally worn down and they should be replaced. I can do it today for X dollars.’
Me: ‘So you are telling me that my two front tires are dangerously worn down?’
Tire Shop: ‘Yes.’
Me: ‘My brand new tires that I bought last week?’
Tire Shop: ‘Oh…’
Me: ‘Forget fixing the puncture. I’ll be by in a minute to pick up my car.'”
She Was Supposed To Have The Night Off But Then…
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“My boyfriend used to work third shift at a popular gas station on the East Coast. He worked with one of those notoriously terrible coworkers that would call in all the time with tons of excuses.
Well, one night, she called in claiming to be sick, that she was vomiting and feverish, and couldn’t come in.
The only person available to work her shift was the district manager, who happened to be in the area for a meeting. The district manager comes in and works the cash register with my boyfriend.
Around 3 am, who should walk in but the called-out coworker, wasted beyond belief. She bought two rolls of Tums and ate one while waiting in line for the district manager to ring her up… and fire her on the spot.”
He Told Them, “Well I Don’t See Your Name On Them!”
“I went to a Chicago Bears game back in the early 1990’s with my childhood best friend and his grandfather, a longtime season ticket holder. We get to the seats, which are in an awesome location, to see four guys sitting in grandpa’s seats.
My friend’s grandpa tells them, ‘Guys, you are in our seats, can you please move?’ One of the dudes is a huge jerk and says the seats are his groups’. The grandpa says they are wrong and they need to move. To which one guy replies, ‘Oh yeah, well I don’t see your name on them so bugger off!’
The grandpa points to the seatback on the seat nearest to him, which in fact has an engraved nameplate with Grandpa’s name on it, same with all the other seats. Since he had the same seats for so long he was able to get them engraved.
It was amazing watching these four idiots stammer and walk away.”
This Mechanic Thought He Could Pretend He Knew Best, But Her Husband Knew Better
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“There was a mechanic in my hometown…
One of my friends goes in and gets something done. The mechanic says he needs new radiator hoses, so this kid pays for new hoses. A few months later, his mom takes the car back in for an oil change, and guess what, the same mechanic says she needs new radiator hoses! She tells her husband, and her husband drops by. This is where it gets good.
Husband: ‘You said I needed new radiator hoses, right?’
Mechanic: ‘Yeah.’
Husband: ‘How long are those supposed to last.’
Mechanic: ‘A few years, then they get rigid and run the risk of leaking.’
Husband: ‘I got my radiator hoses changed out a few months ago, would you sign an affidavit saying that the last mechanic to work on my car charged me for work he didn’t do?’
Mechanic: ‘Sure.’
The husband then used the affidavit to sue the mechanic for three times the cost of the work (standard in Texas), and split it with his son.”
Harry Who?
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“I had a job with this complete jerk, who for the sake of this story, we will refer to as Peter. Peter had not paid me in a few weeks and I was starting to become more forceful when asking him about it.
One day, he handed me a letter from someone we’ll call Harry who purported to be the CEO of the company. Harry was firing me. Now I had never met Harry and in fact, when I was hired, Peter told me that he himself was the CEO.
Well, I was fired but I still wanted my back pay which was nearly $2,400 by this point. I wrote Peter many emails and he replied by saying that this Harry was not approving my pay. I don’t know why Harry had to approve anything as I was a legitimate employee with a contract, timesheets, the whole kit, and caboodle.
When I asked Peter, he was vague about it. Finally, I called the Pennsylvania Department of Labor and Industry and set up an arbitration hearing.
When Peter arrived, the first thing he said was ‘My name is Peter and I pay my employees.’ Throughout the hearing I showed my timesheets, the contract I signed with Peter, the letter signed by Harry that said I was fired, and the host of emails in which Peter states that Harry is the one who is holding up my backpay.
Then came the coup de grace. I busted out a final document: Harry’s death certificate filed with the Social Security Administration. Harry had indeed once been the CEO of the company. Unfortunately, he died two years before I even started working there. This made it quite difficult for him to be the one who was keeping my money from me.
Peter was furious. He started shouting and referring to me as ‘this little prick.’ He was caught committing fraud and he was ticked off. Not only did I get my back pay, but the arbitrator also awarded me additional money that Peter had to pay in fines and penalties.
I strutted out of that hearing with the swagger of 10,000 Humphrey Bogarts. It was a beautiful day, so I went to a local bar where I could sit outside, watch the girls walk by, drink, and eat a lobster-burger (which is exactly what it sounds like and is awesome).
In two weeks, a check came signed by Peter. I cashed it and used the money as the security deposit on a sweet new apartment.”
Maybe He Shouldn’t Have Put His Hand In the Cooke Jar
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“I used to be a substitute teacher.
I had classroom teachers regularly calling me to return, so I had gotten to know this particular class and, more specifically, this particular student. On this day, there was a milk and cookies thing for kids and their reading mentors, sort of as a thank you. I had a list of kids who had mentors and were excused to go greet the volunteers and enjoy the cookies.
Let it be known that J was not on this list.
At one point in the class, J had my permission to go to the bathroom (nowhere near the library). ‘Ok, J, you can go, but don’t you dare go to the library – you know it’s just for the mentors.’ (He had already attempted to blatantly ask ‘Miss, can I go get a cookie?’)
About 15 minutes later (a bit much for a second grader to be in a bathroom by himself) he returned. I looked at him and asked where he had been.
‘Bafroom.’ (No eye contact).
I saw crumbs on his shirt and went with my gut.
‘Really? You didn’t go to the library?’
‘Nope. Just the bafroom.’
‘Mmm. What kind of cookie was it?’
‘Chocolate chi- dang.'”
Don’t Touch The Car, Man!
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“I drive a very nice luxury/performance sports car. On this particular night, I had driven it to a friend’s place and parked it in an area that was easily visible to the street and near a good amount of bars.
When I come back down, there’s this guy and three girls around the car, and he’s telling them he lives in the condos next to the lot and he just forgot his keys to the car up there. He keeps talking about being ‘VP of investments’ for some company I’ve never heard of, and telling the girls they should ‘have a night on the town’ with him because he’s paying.
So I walk up to my car and he makes this disgusted face at me like I’ve just taken a crap on his feet, and goes ‘Don’t touch the car man, I just got it detailed yesterday!’ to which I respond ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t going to. It’s really nice car. I just wanted to look at it.’
He turns around to the girls and says something that he (and only he) thinks is funny and is motioning my way when I put my hands in my pocket and hit the unlock button that also makes the car lights turn on (it was night time at this point). He jumped as if a gunshot went off, and the look on his face when I opened the door and started the car was priceless.”
Her Constant “Make A Wishes” Finally Came To An End
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“I once knew a girl who claimed to have brain cancer. She was always using it to get sympathy and free things, while at the same time getting involved with the hardcore party scene.
She would party all throughout the night, and the next day she would complain on Facebook that her chemo was making her really sick. She would always use the ‘chemo excuse’ to mooch illegal substances off of people as well. Basically, whenever she wanted a free bar tab, or to get out of something her boyfriend wanted to do, brain cancer was her excuse.
So one night, I am at a Halloween party and she is there using her fake brain cancer to get sympathy and free things from guys. She is sitting in the corner smoking, crying about how hard it is to have this kind of cancer and how much the ‘blast radiation’ makes her sick, and how each day is ‘a struggle.’
Anyway, she gets up to walk to the bathroom in an out-of-it state, and trips and falls. Immediately a bunch of guys, including her boyfriend, rush to her aid. ‘Sorry, one of the side effects of the radiation is the loss of balance.’
This was the last straw for me. I rushed over to her side and told her to stay on the ground, ‘I have first responder training, you’ve just fallen and your brain is in a very delicate state right now due to the blast radiation. Do I have your permission to help you?’
‘Yes please help me, I feel funny,’ she lies, loving the attention she is getting from the entire party. I point to her boyfriend and say, ‘Call 911, we need an ambulance here now, explain to them that she is undergoing blast radiation for brain cancer, she has taken a hard fall, and could have suffered a head injury.’
At this point, she starts to panic, ‘Why are you calling 911? Don’t do that! Here, let me call my personal doctor instead. Don’t call 911.’
I calmly tell her boyfriend and the group of bystanders (our mutual friends) that she really should go to the emergency room. Of course, he insists.
Long story short, the paramedics show up, we tell them whats going on and they take her to the hospital in the ambulance. We all get rides to the hospital, and because we are such a large group are asked to sit in the waiting room. When the nurse finally comes out to the waiting room after her MRI to let us know that she’s fine, her boyfriend mentions the brain cancer.
The nurse, of course, is completely confused by this question. The boyfriend prods for more info from the nurse and he basically finds out in front of the entire group that she does not have brain cancer.
Everyone is so baffled and leaves, including her boyfriend.”
Me too!
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“My ex-girlfriend was away in Edmonton for the summer.
Things were getting serious between us, but a summer apart would be difficult. We had some long chats and decided that we’d stick out the distance. My dad worked for a major airline, so we get very cheap flights, and my sister wanted to see the West Edmonton Mall, so we went on a trip to see her.
Now before she left, I had noticed that she had been Facebooking with a guy from Edmonton, who she called an ‘old friend.’ I thought nothing of it at the time. His name was Mike.
Fast forward to when we land in Edmonton. I get to her place and she seems happy to see me, but something didn’t feel quite right. I had arrived early and she wasn’t ready. We were meant to meet my dad and sister for lunch, but she needed a shower. We were quite an intimate couple, so when my offer to join her in the shower was denied, I thought it was really weird.
While she’s in the shower, someone knocks on the door. I was the only other person in the house, so I answered. There’s a guy about my age. He actually kind of looked like me and it was a little creepy. He says, ‘Is Melissa there?’ I’m like yup, she’s just in the shower before we head out for lunch, can I help you with anything? Mike responds, ‘Oh. Well, I’m Melissa’s boyfriend.’ I started putting my shoes on, opened the door, and told him to come in, before saying: ‘Me too!’
I left and never spoke to her again. Was a complete mess trying to figure out Edmonton transit by myself there.”
This Immaculate Conception Came To Light Real Quick
“When I was in junior high, I had a ‘best friend,’ let’s call her Kim, who basically treated me like dog crap. She was always insulting me, always bossing me around. Basically, she was just a crappy person all around. I don’t really know why I was her friend, but I was.
Anyway, on top of being a little prick, Kim was also a raging pathological liar. She was constantly trying to one-up me with these huge, obviously not true lies, but since I was a pushover and she was my only friend, I usually just took it and pretended to believe her.
But one day, Kim told a lie and I decided I had enough. She waited until we were at the bus stop with a bunch of other kids and started telling them a very elaborate lie about how she had been visited by God in a dream and was told that she was pregnant with the next Jesus Christ and that the baby was the biological son of the most popular guy in school (who she knew I had a crush on).
She went on and on and on all day about how she could now feel this child kicking in her womb, how God said the baby’s father was her soulmate, and they would be married in a year’s time. Some of the idiots on the bus actually believed her or at least pretended to. I stayed quiet about it all day, nodding politely whenever she started in on her story about how she was the new ‘Sweet Kim.’
After school, I would always get off the bus at Kim’s stop and spend the afternoon at her house doing homework until my mom got home. That day was no different. I got off the bus with Kim, smiled and nodded enthusiastically as I listened to her jabber on about how she had supposedly received the holy creation.
‘You’re okay with me being pregnant with Ryan’s baby, right?’ Kim asked me as we started up her driveway. ‘I know you were kind of in love with him, but I feel like this is fate, you know?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ I said.
‘Okay, good,’ Kim sighed with her smug smirk. ‘I mean, it’s not like you’re really Ryan’s type anyway, you know? He’s always hanging out with those really skinny girls.’
But I said nothing. I just nodded and smiled like I had done all day and followed Kim into her house, down the hall, and into her kitchen, where her mom was sitting at the counter reading a book.
‘Hi, girls,’ Kim’s mom sang out as soon as she saw us. I always liked her. ‘How was school?’
‘It was fine,’ Kim said.
‘Did anything interesting happen?’
The polite smile on my face slowly crept up in the corners to a full-on poop-eating Grinch smirk. ‘Kim, why don’t you tell your mom the story you told everyone at school?’ I looked into Kim’s eyes and could almost hear the sound of her stomach falling out of her butt. ‘About how you’re pregnant.’
I calmly sat in the nearest chair, folded my hands in my lap, and watched as the world burned down around me.”
They Both Were At The Wrong Place At The Wrong Time
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“I got to witness two people catching each other in a lie in the most fascinating way possible.
A friend of mine told his girlfriend that he didn’t want to hang out that night because he wasn’t feeling well. She immediately started reassuring him that it wasn’t a big deal (they had reserved that night to spend time together) and that he should get some rest. Well, after sleeping it off, he felt okay to do something again, so he tried getting their plans back in order.
At this point, she said she was just calling it a night and finishing some homework, so she didn’t want to hang out anymore. His response was that he would do the same.
Well, my friend was full of it, and he came out to the bar with me instead. Lo and behold, this was the same bar that his girlfriend had decided to visit that night.
My friend and I moved over to the dance floor but got separated. He was about 15 feet to my right when I thought I caught a glimpse of his girlfriend across the room. Right as I noticed her, my first reaction was to look at him to see if he saw her.
Well, as I looked away from her, over to him, and back to her, they noticed each other. I got to watch as their eyes met and they’re expressions went to looks of complete horror in one glorious moment.
It was priceless.”
He Was Prepared To Call The Cops On His Friend
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“When I was younger, one of my Super Nintendo games went missing and I was pretty sure it was a close friend of mine who’d taken it. I loved him dearly so I didn’t want to upset him and confront him about it so I came up with a cunning plan.
I told my friend that I thought one of my games had gone missing and that I’d notified the police. I also mentioned that I’d recently had my games chipped which the police could track so I was fairly confident that I’d have it back soon.
He was at my house within two hours to ‘help me look for it.’ He didn’t even subtly look for five minutes before he went straight to my front room sofa, magically produced the game, and said ‘look, you silly idiot, it’s here! You’d better let the police know!’
I even pretended to ring the police to report it found. I still love the guy.”
His Invite Ended Up Being Rejected Because…
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“I work in IT department for a construction firm.
We were rolling out 78 iPhones in one day to a bunch of our superintendents and corporate people. Everybody had to sign up in advance for a 15-minute time slot. Two weeks before the rollout, we cut off the signups and ordered one phone for each person who signed up. The phones were set up so that they’d already be attached to that person’s name, number, etc.
The signup sheet was just a document with write-only permissions. Nobody could remove or change anybody else’s name, they could only add their own. On the day of the rollout, we have one of our pretentious higher-ups walk into the room where we’re doing the deployment. There are lines and lines of people. He strolls in, claps his hands together, and says ‘alright, who’s got my iPhone?’
‘Well, we don’t have one for you. You didn’t sign up. We ordered exactly enough. It’s only 10 a.m. and there are lines of people who signed up that are waiting to get theirs.’
‘No, I definitely signed up! I have it right here in my calendar. This is the event that got auto-added to my calendar, look!’
Every person in that room knew that there was no automatically-added calendar event because the sign up only consisted of you writing your name on a page. ‘Sorry, the invitations didn’t work like that. You made that event yourself.’
He started fuming! Turned red, began several sentences, then gave up, turned on his heel, and walked straight back out that door. Our non-corporate superintendents and all the other field people really appreciated us that day.
Don’t act like you’re important if you can’t even follow the simple instructions we send you, people. Come on.”
This Mechanic Should’ve Hit The Brakes When Dealing With This Customer
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“OK. so this one time my wife is taking our kids to school and she calls me to let me know that the car keeps randomly losing power.
I immediately think alternator. Now, at this time I worked at a Starbucks right next to our town’s largest auto dealer. The salesmen and mechanics came in three or four times a day, and often we’d treat them right with an upsize or extra something. So I ask one of them if they could do me a favor get my car looked at for a reasonable price. They let me know it will be at their cost. Sounds like a sweet deal, they tow it and begin to look at it.
A few hours later, my wife is waiting for the car and this mechanic comes out and says, ‘Are you the one driving the deathtrap?’ He then begins to list off all the things wrong with the vehicle. She begins crying and proceeds to call me. I get the mechanic on the phone and he lists off everything from bushings, to tie-rods, to brake pads, and rotors.
I’m a tad surprised at all this since It wasn’t all that long ago I just did some underbody work. So I tell him to just replace the alternator and I would look at the other things he had on the list when I got my car to my garage. (I know a bit about cars, no expert but enough to do a lot of things) He was real ‘hesitant’ to let me take the car out of the shop, since ‘Your brakes are grinding metal and your ties are about to come loose,’ but I insisted.
Anyway, I get home, call a buddy, and get to looking. First thing I notice is that the rotors are just fine. No irregular wear or grind on them. So I pull the pads and they easily have half of their miles left on them. Everything else he listed off was in expected shape. At this point, I had already bought new pads so I swapped them anyhow since they’re like $15 a box. I put the old ones in a box and the next morning headed off to the mechanics.
I went to the customer service desk and asked to see the guy who looked at my car. He came out and I asked him to tell me what he told my wife and go over the list with me. He did and was very adamant that I bring the car back in right away. So I asked him to tell me about the brakes.
‘Oh man, they’re grinding bad. We’ll have to replace the rotors. No chance at resurfacing those.’
I asked him if he was sure and he was adamant that he was. So I took the box out and dumped the old pads onto the counter. Looked at him and said ‘These brakes?’ Then I looked at the customer service lady, who looked horrified and said, ‘Manager. Now.’
He tried to interrupt me but I told him to shut his yap if he had any sense at all.
Anyway, the manager heard the story, took one look at the pads, told the mechanic to go straight to his office, and gave me a certified note for a monthly maintenance on my car for two years. Had a real tech check the car and none of the things other than the already replaced alternator needed fixing.
I don’t know what happened to the mechanic, but for me, it was a good day.”
His Impersonation Skills Were Great, But He Needed To Work On His Timing
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“When I was a kid, I played hooky from school once. When I called in to tell the school I was sick, I pretended to be my father, using my best impression of him. It worked. I had duped the school secretary.
So anyway, I spent that whole day in town, just messing around with some friends who left school during study halls, and I went to get some ice cream.
While I was eating my ice cream, I received a call from one of my classmates. I placed my cone in my shirt pocket, which was secure enough to carry, and picked up. She sounded a bit worried. She told me that my uncle had recently come back from a two-year military tour in Afghanistan and that he had shown up during my English class to surprise me. He had gotten the news that I was sick, so he had left to visit the house.
I panicked and ran to get on my bike, forgetting that my ice cream was still in my shirt pocket. If he had just left, I could meet him at my house before he got there. I pedaled my hardest, going faster on my bike than ever before. I rounded the last block and was almost home free when I saw him walk out of the house, disappointedly.
I thought maybe I could fib my way out of this situation. As I approached, I prepared to tell him I was out getting orange juice. But who steps out of the house but my mother and father, both ready to surprise their ‘sick’ son, and wondering how he managed to get melted ice cream all over his nice collared shirt on a school day.”
She Complained They Weren’t Paying For Their Fair Share But Actually…
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“My boyfriend and I live together, but his parents are old-fashioned in the way that they don’t like couples living together unless they’re married. So, he ‘lives’ with his friends some of the time, but stays with me. Because most of his stuff (Xbox 360, bedframe, guitar, a lot of clothes, etc) are at the other house we still pay bills like heating and electric.
There are five people in the house, including my boyfriend. Bills are split up by five and no one has any fuss. Since I’m the one with a job, I pay boyfriend’s bills that he can’t since he only has financial aid as income. Everything is going great until one girl that lives in the house (Annah) says that we owe her $400.
Yeah, not happening. When we question her, she says that it’s for the bills she was put in charge of (heating and water). We’ve been paying her money every month for these bills, so we shouldn’t owe her anything. We ask to see a bill and she mysteriously doesn’t have it. We call the company, but since the bill was put in her name we can’t really find out any information there.
This is where things get fun. See, we had all been putting the money for her in envelopes- all cash. Every person in the house has seen her (on separate occasions) pull money out, but since she “had everything taken care of”, no one questioned her. Turns out she had been using that money to buy illegal substances, get herself a new tattoo, and buy stuff for her boyfriend.
Fast forward to about two weeks ago. We had been gathering information about her paying bills. We had the owner of the house (the house is being rented) talk to the company and we were given monthly statements to see how much was being paid on the bills. Annah had told us that she needed the $400 in December, which meant that from September to December, nothing was paid on bills. From January until now, the monthly payments had been spot on. We had spoken to various lawyers and the companies themselves for back up because we were planning on cornering Annah soon.
The final bills come in for water and electric. They both add up to high prices, but the owner is able to put us on a program to help pay. Annah decides now is her chance and gives us another bill, saying we owe $1,200 for what she didn’t pay, plus interest, plus the end months. We tell her that we’ll pay $800 because we’re not giving her the $400 twice.
She flips out and tells us that we’re legally obligated. That’s when our lawyer comes in and says no, we’re not. Our names aren’t on the bill. She is legally obligated to come up with that $400 and if she doesn’t, this will follow her until it’s paid off.
God, that look on her face was fantastic.”