A parent's love is unconditional, right? Not the case for these parents. They share why, no matter how hard they try, they just can't help but wish these kids would just disappear from their life.
Having Her Son Changed Her Life, And Not For The Better
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“I fell pregnant while I was taking birth control. My husband and I swore we wouldn’t have kids but we kept this baby. He fell ill when he was a baby, and it ended costing thousands in bills and caused a lifetime of developmental problems. We treat him as if he is normal; don’t tell him why he goes to his therapies, and to anyone who meets him they have no idea that there is anything wrong.
He has put a great strain on what was once a good relationship. My husband and I were together for four years before having him. We rarely fought. After having him, we fight all the time. My husband works long hours to try and pay off all of the medical bills, which leaves me to basically be a single parent. We don’t speak to my in-laws because they tried to use my son as a pawn to make my husband hate me.
I love my son. I bust my tail trying to give him a normal life. But I hate what he has done to the relationship I had with my husband. I hate the stress that his illnesses have put on my life.”
She Tried To Be The Best Stepmother, But It Just Wasn’t Enough
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“I dated a guy for five years, and he was the sole parent of a kid. He basically raised her barely above neglect levels. She had food, clothes, and a room. But he would not do anything to care for her and wouldn’t even see her for days on end. She was six years old when we met.
I felt I had to step in and help out, and he dumped raising her on me. I was overwhelmed and resented the fact that I had to change my life and lifestyle for her. But when I would withdraw, she was left in her room.
I tried to make things special for her; planned outings and whatnot. She never expressed gratitude and would throw temper tantrums that things weren’t enough, I wasn’t spending enough money, or we went to the local amusement park when she wanted to go to Disney.
Her father was manipulative. If I took time for myself, he would tell her it was because I was being ‘selfish.’ She picked up on this and would threaten to tattle on me if I didn’t do something or told her to take time. She told her grandparents her grades were bad because I didn’t do it for her.
When her father and I split up, it was hard because I knew her dad wasn’t willing to parent at all, and I knew she would be neglected. No one deserves that. But I had to get out of the bad, abusive relationship. We kept in touch for a while, but her dad started using her as a weapon. I broke contact.
Now she posts angry messages on Facebook directed at me. She is entering her teen years and blames her problems on me.”
“Between My Son and Me, He Is The One Who Tries The Hardest”
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“I have three kids (two with down syndrome), and I can hate them all at times, but I want to focus on the eldest, as I would say the ups and downs are the most severe for several reasons. He is from a previous relationship and one that I now resent. I have custody of my boy, but that hateful witch is still involved and he can remind me of her messed up ways. Reminding him to keep his tongue in 20 times a day also gets old quickly, and let’s not forget the God-awful spazzy noises he will unleash if he is with his granny.
As far as the condition goes, I don’t think I get it that hard, but I get angry and resentful, none the less. He has achieved so much since I ended the relationship with his mother, and I’m proud of him for that, but it’s hard to accept the struggles and trauma of it all. I’ve worked with him, but I’ve also been a bad dad. I resent myself for that. Between my son and me, he is the one that tries the hardest, puts in the most effort, and stays committed. He should be starting school which I hope will give me some space and him a place he can excel on his skills, but his mother is making that difficult, and he is now missing his third week. I’m emotionally dead, but this kid makes me emotionally unstable.”
“There Is Something Not Right With This Girl”
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“I remarried a wonderful man, my soulmate about two years ago. I have two kids of my own. One son and one daughter. One is 14 and the other is 21. He has a daughter. She is almost eight years old. We met when his daughter was about three years old. It is bad to say, but personality wise she hasn’t changed much the last four years.
I don’t necessarily dislike my stepdaughter all the time. I have just had to distance myself a bit. She has no manners and no respect. She is spoiled and will whine until she gets her way.
Everything has just been building up so long. I try my best with her and I had such high hopes for a close relationship with my stepdaughter. I have found that our personalities clash. And I am used to having respectful kids. My husband tries his best to make her act right, but every time she goes back to her mom or her grandparents it gets worse. They give her everything she wants no matter what and they allow her to talk to them anyway because ‘she is still little and we may not have any more kids/grandkids.’ So I don’t blame my husband; I feel bad for him because he is tired of having to be the bad guy all the time.
Oh and she likes to torment my cats. I tell her all the time to be nice to them. Pet them gently, or better yet… leave them alone. But she likes to chase them, pour water on them, and throw dirt at them. She has plenty of toys in her room and also electronics and games. But she will cry and whine until my husband lets her use his laptop. She likes to watch toy commercials on Youtube and tell us what she wants for Christmas or her Birthday. She makes these five-page-long lists of what she wants all the time. And then if she doesn’t get it, she whines that she never gets anything she wants. Her mother told us she picked out a $50 Halloween costume last week. She said she told her that was way too expensive to pay when she is only going to wear it a few hours. Well, my stepdaughter proceeded to cry and say she didn’t have anything.
If adults are in the room trying to have a conversation, she will interrupt repeatedly until they stop talking and listen to her or watch her do some little something that could have waited. This child gets more attention than any child ever so I know it’s not lack of attention that causes it.
I could go on and on but no one wants to read a two-mile-long post of me complaining so I will end it here. Thanks for letting me vent a little.
About a year ago, I had my granddaughter over at our house. She was about nine months old at the time. Stepdaughter got caught trying to give the baby rocks. We all come clean to her and tell her how dangerous it is to give baby rocks, babies can choke and get injured or even die. Well, a few minutes later, I catch her putting the rocks in my grandbaby’s pocket and I go mental.”
This Father Will Always Resent His Daughter For The Way She Was Born
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“When she was pregnant with our first and only child, we knew before birth that she was high-risk of down syndrome because the gene was quite prevalent in both our family histories. We both got tested and the doctor told us that our daughter had an 80 percent chance that she will be born with Down Syndrome. Our marriage up to this point was happy and wonderful.
We dated for nine months before getting married and were more of partners than a couple. Everything we did, we decided together. We bought our own business, which didn’t cause any fights, but rather we thrived because she was good at what I wasn’t and vice versa. I was a messy ‘kid’ before I met her, and she helped me change my ways. She lacked hobbies before I met her, and I helped her find things she truly loved doing. We were happy, very very happy.
The doctor told us that abortion was a viable option, but we needed to decide within a week or it would be too late. I knew right away that I was for the abortion, but didn’t know how to bring it up. When we finally sat down and talked, I brought all sorts of articles and books on kids with Down Syndrome. I tried to show her rather than convince her of how hard our life would be if our child did have it. It was going to be hard for both us to have a healthy child, let alone one that needed far more care. We were both busy and happy.
She didn’t want to kill our unborn child, and there was nothing I could do to change her mind without making her mad and ruining our relationship. So reluctantly, I went with it.
As luck would have it, our daughter was born with translocation Down Syndrome. Only one percent of all cases of Down Syndrome are that, and it has a lot to do with hereditary conditions. I don’t want to go into how bad our life became. My wife had to quit her job, which she adored. We had to move to a smaller house after a year and a half because of the medical bills. When I came home from work, she was too tired to talk or even see me and went to bed, and my entire five hours of free time every single day was spent caring for our daughter in some form or another. I didn’t see my friends for nine months. Missed my cousin’s wedding because we couldn’t even think about traveling.
Everything changed, and everything changed for the worst. My wife and I only talked when we fought. Either she was too tired and that caused her anger, or I worked too much and didn’t help her enough. To tell you my life went to poop is an understatement because I can’t even imagine how much extra stress my wife must have endured in that first couple of years.
I don’t hate my daughter. But I do resent the fact that we had her, even though I knew our life would be this way. I go to the parks sometimes and sit and watch all the happy fathers play with their happy kids. Watch them throw the ball around, or just run around the jungle gym. That’s the life I wanted, that I dreamed of, but I will never have. My wife and I are still together because neither wants to burden the other by leaving.”
He Tried To Save His Son, But Now He Figures It’s Better To Cut And Run
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“I recently gave up all parental rights to my only child, a son, after 13 years of dealing with his mother’s lies, accusations, and lawsuits.
I loved my son. I was an excellent father who did everything possible to teach him the value of truth, kindness, and honesty in life.
I have been accused of starving him, beating him, doing illegal substances. I have had to invest thousands of dollars in legal fees to defend against false claims.
My son has picked up her lying manipulative ways, as well as her desperate need for all attention to focus on her. He has become a liar just like his mother, who supports her falsehoods with his own voice. He has threatened to shoot me, and himself with my business protection weapon.
For the safety of myself, and the safety of my wife, I have severed all ties, and allowed him to be adopted by his stepfather… who is an evil and manipulative man just as his mother is. He is on his own, in a world I know little about. I fought hard for him, but he continued to lie, not only supporting her outrageous claims but also coming up with some of his own, for added flair.
After 12 years of crushing heartbreak, I gave up.
Life has been so much less stressful and crushing since. I do this knowing that I gave all of my self to parenting so my burden of guilt is minimal.”
Everyday Is A Battle With Their Daughter, But They’re Not Winning The War
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“One of my children suffers from mental illnesses and has survived numerous suicide attempts.
There have been times where I have had to sit in a chair in her room and watch her all night while she sleeps. Everything is locked up in our house. I keep cleaning supplies in my desk at work and bring them home only to clean and then take them back. Everything is a battle with her. It’s embarrassing all the times we have an ambulance or cops come over. There is so much more that goes on.
Anyway, I can remember one awful period in our lives about a year ago where I honestly felt like had she not survived her attempts that life for the rest of the family would be easier.
There are a lot of days where I feel like I resent her inside. I just tell myself and try and remember that she is still the sweet girl I remember from her being a kid. What I resent is the person she is when she’s on meds and the depressed suicidal and self-harming person she is when not on meds.”
This Entire Family Situation Was Just Plain Disgusting
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“I am a step parent. I love my son. Love him like crazy.
But.
He’s a slob. And he married a slob with two slobby children and they had another child who is our adored grandson and likely also a future slob.
Their house is always filthy. They have five dogs and at least two cats inside the house. The dogs are untrained, and so they chew through everything and crap on the floor. It smells like a cat box, dishes are never washed and sit in the sink caked with food just wherever they leave it. Laundry is piled high against the walls in the bedrooms and you have to pick a path across the living room dodging toys, dishes, dog crap, and the cats who are always trying to stay one step ahead of the dogs.
The smell of cat pee is so strong my eyes watered when I walked in. Beds not made? Yeah, they don’t even have proper beds. They sleep on bare mattresses on the floor. A floor that is covered with dog feces and dirt. I am astonished none of them have developed ringworm or typhoid. The kids smell like a dirty litter box and go to school in wrinkled dirty clothing. It’s humiliating for us and frightening. They’ve been reported to DFS, but I don’t know what DFS did because the house is still a craphole. The whole situation makes me so angry I don’t trust myself with either of them. The urge to shake them and scream ‘You stink! Clean your house!’ is nigh uncontrollable.
It makes me sick that he and she allow this to go on. Neither of them was raised in dirty houses. I don’t like either one of them, but I love them all very much.”
She’s Been Down This Dark Road With Her Son Too Many Times
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“I don’t dislike or hate my son, but I have some resentments every now and then. I have a 5-year-old with extreme behavioral/rage issues. They stem from a large dose of steroids required for a long period of time for a previous medical issue. I am not in the dark about these issues. He has regular visits with a psychiatrist and a counselor. However, no one is willing to do anything because he is so young. No diagnosis. Barely any medication (the wrong ones).
I have had to hospitalize my 5-year-old son twice. I have another child younger than him that was born around the time that all of this started happening, and I can’t help but notice the difference between the two. I sometimes wish I could have switched and had her first because the only reason for trying again was so I could have a girl. I watch happy, functional families, and it makes me angry because we have been burdened by this. We can’t travel, we can’t go to parks or things of that nature because he targets other children, and I don’t want to be that jerk mom on the playground that just lets her son beat the snot out of other kids. CPS is now involved for the fourth time in two years after he cracked a kid across the head with a rock because the school refused to give him an individual education plan because of his age. My husband and I have tried every parenting book, behavioral therapy method, and strategy. Nothing seems to work. Some days I just turn my phone on silent because I know it’s going to be the school calling me saying he won’t sit still in class and keeps running out of the classroom acting like a jerk. But I have asked them repeatedly for an IEP and they refuse.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my son more than life itself, but it kills me to watch him have to live like this. He is angry all of the time, and sometimes I have to hold him in a full nelson on the floor crying so that he won’t hurt himself or anyone else. I wish other parents knew what this torture was like. It is slowly killing my marriage, and I honestly wouldn’t blame my husband if he left, in fact, I’d probably send our daughter with him just to make sure she was safe.
I don’t judge anyone when they say their kids have pushed them to the edge. I’ve been there and back so many times, I have the route memorized.”
Raising This Child Is Like Trying To Raise The Devil’s Spawn
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“My dad likes to ask me ‘I bet you didn’t know having kids would be so hard, huh?’ but no, I never in a million years figured how hard it would be.
Basically, it started at ‘terrible 2’s’ normal, ok. But wait no, 3’s were terrible, and 4’s, and 5’s, all terrible. It’s a bit of just a bad memory at this point with a few highlights that stand out.
Kindergarten started, the school called every day saying how his behavior was bad. He wouldn’t sit down on the bus, wouldn’t sit still in class, and wouldn’t stop talking. During grade school, getting a simple page of homework done took two hours because he would hide it, rip it, and throw it away.
I couldn’t read books to him at night because he would slap it out of my hands or bounce around on the bed to the point I couldn’t finish.
He would go into terrible rages as he got older threatening to throw up on me, smash the table, and turn chairs over. He had no concept of behavior vs punishment or reward. None. We tried everything we could think of. I could say ‘don’t touch that thing’ and turn my back for a second, and he was touching it. Short term goals, long-term goals, immediate punishment, or ‘atonement’ in the form of making up for bad behavior with ‘good works,’ nothing matters. Nothing was being learned.
He would steal food. Plenty of healthy choices were available, want to eat five ham sandwiches? Extra dinner? Sure! No. I’m taking eating an entire carton of ice cream, a brick of cheese, five popsicle’s in one sitting. We tried teaching portion control, teaching how it was unfair that he got nine items out of a box of ten when there were four of us were in the house. We tried telling him we needed, for instance, a block of cheddar cheese for dinner the next night, but he could have the sliced cheese. Nope, he ate up the entire block.
He’s not allowed to eat food in his room but we find empty cups, plates, and bowls everywhere. Bowl under the couch? Check. Old pizza under the blankets? Check. Empty ice cream carton in the closet? Yep. Half-eaten frozen dinner in a pile of laundry? You guessed it.
He was on meds for a while. Focalin at first. His teachers at school called me in one day under the pretense of seeing him read. Instead, I got ambushed about how unhappy he was, and how he needed more help with reading. The next day, they said he was done with the special reading program. What?
He lies about homework. ‘I don’t have any.’ Great, well the school website says you do, where is it, show it to me? ‘I forgot it in my locker/I did it already/I turned it in already.’ Lies. When hiding it around the house didn’t work out, he turned to say it was at school, knowing I couldn’t verify until it turned up as late on the online grade sheet.
He steals. Just around the house so far. Can’t have soda? That’s ok, I’ll take it anyway. Does he want to impress a girl? He’ll take my mom’s necklace. My chain broke; I’ll take my brothers, even minutes after being told, ‘Don’t even think about it.’ I want a game mom said I could have next week? No problem, I’ll steal her credit card and order it now, or steal my brother’s money.
He’s currently in after school detention on Wednesdays and Fridays to help him get his work done. He is grounded. He lied about not needing to go to the detention and didn’t show up. He tried to do it this past Friday but I called his teacher and marched his butt back to school. He cried and screamed about that.
I nearly had more than a few nervous breakdowns when the school called me and let me know about the terrible things he told other kids at school. We got into therapy. I took hidden videos when he would flip out because it was so nightmarish.
He threatened to kill himself because some girl didn’t want to date him. We thought we had that talked out with the therapist. Another night when he ran home early, which was unusual, I got a bad feeling. Shortly after, the police and paramedics showed up because he threatened to kill himself and smeared my red lip gloss across his chest and took pictures, and said he had stabbed himself. That was an expensive bill. The therapist thought we had it sorted out. Nope, soon as he got his cell phone back, he messaged the girl saying he was dying from an infection.
He asked repeatedly why the rules are what they are, and even if we lay down the law, he’ll pester and pester and pester. He’ll tell me unnecessary things while I’m working even after being told I need to not be distracted.
We keep tabs on his web activity, Xbox, tv viewing, and cell phone usage. We try to provide knowledge of the bad things, but not allow him to bask in it like many on the internet do. I’m not religious, but I roll with ‘see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.’ It’s hard. Evil is cool in young peoples minds. Trolling is funny to them. Being mean is funny.
We try to keep him occupied with sports and activities, but he needs action and monitoring for what feels 24/7, and I can’t DO IT.
We have two kids and the youngest, who is now eight years old, is so much EASIER I want to cry. I would have NEVER had kids if I knew how much work the first one was going to be. NEVER.”
He Never Even Wanted To Have Children
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“I’m a stepparent. My wife has a son from her previous marriage. I ‘take the hit’ in a sense because I’m not fit for parenting, but I won’t allow myself to turn out into a person he will hate later in life.
I don’t feel comfortable around children, and that includes my stepson. I have a strong feeling that this is because I’m still young and it might change when I grow a bit older, but that’s the main reason for my resentment – being responsible for a child makes me feel old. While my friends are getting together for parties, trips, and whatnot, I’m stuck at home living a life around a school schedule.
It doesn’t help that his personality isn’t exactly compatible with mine. I’ve tried to connect with the kid several times but we’re just too different people. I’m introverted and enjoy conversation. My only successful approach with children is trying to teach them stuff or have them talk about stuff they like. My stepson though is more into making messes and speaking nonsense 99 percent of the time. I just can’t connect with that. I don’t know how to be one of those fun adults that turns into a child and plays with them.
Another thing that ticks me off is that the kid turns into a total brat on family trips. He complains and whines about everything almost all the time. I don’t really feel like traveling with them anymore.
The short periods when he’s away with his biological father are cherished that I wish they’d never end. They allow me to get this glimpse of what life would be like if it were just his mom and me.
Someone might ask why I married someone that had a kid, and that’s a really good question. As cheesy as this might sound, she is ‘the one’ for me. There’s no person I’ve ever felt so comfortable around and with whom I’ve connected so well. On top of that, she is understanding of how I feel about her son. I’m not getting out of that relationship.
While I have issues connecting with him, I try to be as supportive as I can, be it helping with homework or encouraging them to partake in activities he enjoys. I also try to teach him good values and that seems to be well received.”
If Only His Daughter Knew How Horrible Her Mother Truly Was
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“Being a stupid 16-year-old, my girlfriend and I had a kid. Her parents told me I either drop out and start working or forget about girlfriend and baby. I didn’t want to drop out. I had dreams to go to college and make something of myself. I said I’d get a part-time job and still go to school, as dropping out was not an option. Her parents blocked communication between my pregnant girlfriend and me. Two years pass and I get a job to hire a lawyer and meet my daughter, who’s now a year and a half old.
I loved my daughter the moment I saw a picture of her. She’s a smaller girl version of me. She’s a nice and polite 1-year-old. Her mom made my life a living nightmare. I didn’t want to go pick up my daughter sometimes because I didn’t want to deal with her mom and her everlasting complaining. It got to the point where she would just straight up not hand over my daughter and the police had to be involved. Her father assaulted me at one point on one of the visits. Her boyfriend tried assaulting me as well. She gets mad and calls the police if I drop off my daughter one minute late when my visitation is over. She’ll constantly complain she doesn’t get enough child support yet tells me she doesn’t need my money. Why all this crap?
To make matters worse, she brainwashes my daughter. When she has custody of my daughter, she puts things in her mind like how I’m not her real dad and that I’m going to hit her when she comes and visits. My daughter gets scared when I pick her up from her mom’s house because everything her mom tells her. Her mom also tells my daughter that my sister is ugly and my mother is a witch. She was at a point where she was bringing my daughter over and my daughter started cursing in the car. I don’t say any bad words in front of her. The mom has a boyfriend and tells my daughter that he’s the biological dad and I’m just a man that takes her to my house to treat her bad. I’m not allowed to have any girls I date around her. My daughter has only met one of my girlfriends in the past three years. I wouldn’t parade my daughter around to a girl I don’t trust yet.
My daughter is confused now. She loves me when she’s at home with me, but with her mom, I’m some sort of monster.
My life turned into a mess. I had to drop out of college because I couldn’t cover tuition after I started paying child support with a minimum wage job. It becomes an issue dating girls when a girl’s parents say I’m a bad guy for being a young father and not being with the mom. I can’t have a normal job where I can work a lot of hours to pay child support, pay my bills, my apartment, my car note or even buy food because I, by law, am the only one allowed to pick her up from her mom’s place. And, of course, her mom won’t let anyone in my family pick her up without calling the cops. I’ve been out of a good paying job for months now because I was fired for leaving early on Friday’s to go pick her up. I’m behind $2,300 on child support because my $7.25 an hour job forgot to garnish my check and I didn’t notice because I had direct deposit. Great! Now I’m going to jail in a month.
I don’t hate my daughter. In fact, I’ve never felt so much love for another person before. If I could turn back time and stay out of her life, would I? In an instant.”