Sometimes the words from a child can knock the wind right out of you. Parents share the one thing their kids said that will stay with them forever. Stories have been slightly edited for clarity.
Someone Will Want Me
“My little guy is 8. He is a ball of energy at all times. It gets frustrating at times. Especially with him and his brother home, cyber schooling. One day he told me to ‘take me up the road and drop me off. I’ll be fine. Someone will want me.’ It tore my entire heart out. He is beyond loved but we have to constantly remind him to mind his body and mind his energy. He is a good boy with an amazing heart. He loves so deeply. I hated that he felt like this. Obviously we internalized this request and changed our perspective as well as how we handle his energy.”
Smell Your Birthday Cake
“I’m in the process of divorcing my physically and emotionally abusive husband. The last time I saw him he beat me in front of our two kids, 4 and 2. My daughter (4) has been handling everything so well, but of course has times where the emotions take over. I taught her a breathing exercise for when she’s spiraling… imagine your birthday cake. Take a deep breath and smell your cake (in through the nose), now blow out your candles (out through the mouth.) It helps her tremendously.
There are times when I just break down crying. One day I just sat in our hallway and couldn’t stop bawling. Daughter comes up to me, puts her hand on my shoulder and says ‘mommy you need to smell your birthday cake.’ Broke my heart. She’s so compassionate and strong.”
Daddy?
“My youngest daughter had to have a series of blood tests when she was an infant. I remember vividly a day when I took her to the hospital, she must have been about two years old.
It took the nurse half of the day, and god knows how many injections to draw any blood from her, and she must have been in such pain, pinned down again and again.
Once the deed was finally done, I noticed that she had been quiet for a good half hour or so, all worn out from the experience.
Around ten minutes into the car journey home, She said ‘daddy?’
I replied ‘yeah baby’
And she just cried.. but I realized she was crying because she was just too young to articulate what she meant to say, but I knew, I just knew every word of what that cry meant to say.
I ended up pulling over and crying myself. Luckily she was fine, and we never needed another blood test again.”
The Moment That Changed Everything
“Yesterday morning, when I had planned to take my own life as soon as the kids went to school so they wouldn’t be there to see me, my daughter – just before leaving – looked me seriously dead in the eye and said, ‘I love you daddy’.
That just about did it. I tried, and failed, but those words and that smile from her are currently the only thing stopping me from doing it again. Went from utterly numb to emotional and back a lot that morning.
I am now working my hardest to make sure this doesn’t happen. A plan is in place and I’m reaching out. I’ve been out of work since covid started and not having any income has put a lot of a strain on my marriage and mental health, but my daughter has given me some reasons to keep trying.”
I Don’t Like Scary Daddy
“So this incident was entirely my fault and there is a chance I’m going to sound like a bad parent and I’m not totally sure this answers the question but here it is.
It was bed time and I had sent the two older kids (Male 5 & Female 7) to brush their teeth while I changed their younger brother’s diaper. Well the five year old decided that the 7 year old was taking up too much sink and instead of asking her to move decided full on punching her was the right response. Despite the age difference they are the same height and he has a couple pounds on her so it hurt. This was after an afternoon of constant fighting and not listening and I snapped. You can ask anyone that knows me and they will all say that I’m a calm, peaceful, and usually really patient person. I might raise my voice but I’m not a yeller. This time I did. I pulled my son out of the bathroom and yelled at him to go to his bed right now.
This isn’t a usual thing and his face immediately change to terror. He turned and ran so fast he tripped and kept running. My heart immediately just broke. I waited about a minute so I made sure I was completely calm and went to him. I pulled him out of bed and set him in my lap on the floor when he said ‘Dad, you scared me I don’t like scary daddy.’ My heart broke again. I hugged him tight and was crying as I said I was so sorry and how I never want him to feel anything but love from me. We hugged for a while then he laughed and said I looked funny when I cried. We got up gathered his siblings, had a group hug, and then finished the bedtime routine.
This was the only time something like this has happened but I still feel super guilty that I was the cause of my child feeling fear. It has made me want to be a better father.”
This Is Your Home
“When sitting my then four year old daughter down to explain that I was moving out of the house, she was confused about it and said, ‘But why, daddy? This is your home?’ I knew this was going to be a tough conversation, so I’d been steeling myself for it. Still sucked.
A few years later when she was seven, I had her for a weekend. I was in a terrible mood and while I was fumbling with the keys to my apartment, I was hissing at her even though she was just being a kid. She said, ‘Dad when you’re like this, It makes me feel like you don’t want me around. It makes me feel like you just want to be by yourself’. This one was unexpected, so time stopped for me. It was then that I knew I needed to get into therapy because I now understood that if my daughter was saying this kind of stuff to me (and had the courage to say it in the first place), I did not have the tools necessary to be a good dad. So, into therapy I went and my relationship with my kid (now 18) has never been better.”
I Feel Unpretty
“My daughter just turned 5 and asked me for real makeup. I asked her why she wanted it because I don’t wear any unless it’s like a special occasion and she said to feel beautiful. Apparently the girls in her class told her she wasn’t. Now it’s part of affirmations. I can do anything. I am beautiful. No kid should have to worry about that. Broke my heart.”
Two Words
“I asked my 11 year old if he wanted to ‘Hang with Dad?’ and he said ‘No thanks’ for the first time ever and I was crushed!!!! I’m getting a little misty thinking about it.”
Take Me Home
“My son had cancer a few years ago at age 4. After his initial operation he was in the recovery room hooked up to all the monitors. He had been intubated during surgery and was still half asleep with his eyes closed. When I held his hand and he said in the tiniest raspy voice, ‘Daddy…please take me home.'”
It’s Not Even Close
“My kids were trying to get me to say who I loved more, and I tried to help them understand why I couldn’t answer by saying, ‘That’s like me asking who you love more, me or mommy.’
My daughter dead looked me right in the eye and said, ‘We love mommy more.’ Paused, almost as if for effect and added, ‘Way more.’
It was more funny than heartbreaking but darn girl.”
Not So Easy
“My son in kindergarten needed to take money to buy toys at school for a fundraiser. I explained how to pay and get change, and I gave him $5. He was really nervous about doing it wrong because he knew money was important. I said, ‘relax, it will be easy’ and he burst out crying and said, ‘it’s not easy when you’re just a little boy!’ And I felt that it summed up all the vulnerabilities of being a little dude trying to learn how the world works, still makes me laugh/cry a little.”
Grief Is Strange
“Our cat died last August, in December we had a miscarriage.
When I told my kids that the baby died they started laughing and cheering. ‘Now Francis (the cat) is not alone anymore and has someone to play.'”
Three Handprints
“My son was 7. I took him to the ICU and explained Daddy’s going to die, and it’s going to probably be later today. (He wasn’t at the point where he would understand withdrawing life support, so I left it at that.) We made a piece of paper with all 3 of our handprints that I later framed, and he put a special quilt over his dad and said goodbye. 7 years later and it’s the only thing that still chokes me up when I think about the death, telling him he’s gonna lose the most important person in his life. The rest I can think about without crying, I’ve made peace with it all.”
Just Not Enough
“My son (11) once broke down crying at bed time. It took me a very long time to convince him to tell what’s wrong. He said: I always feel I’m not enough. I still have so many things I don’t know or can’t do. I’m doing everything wrong. What happened before his breakdown: I told him he had to get faster at bedtime because it usually takes him half an hour to get ready because he always has his head in the clouds. Reminded me to be more patient with him. Poor little dude.”
One Last Time
“About 15 months ago I had to hold my then almost 6 year old as we went into this little room at the funeral home. I held her in my arms while we looked at her mom/my wife for the last time. I didn’t know if I should have taken her in there or not but looking back I’m glad I did. I think her and I both needed to be able to see her one last time and say bye. The next day my little girl and I sat there as they lowered her into the ground. It’s been amazing to see just how much hurt and suffering a little family can go through when they lose mom. We miss her everyday and we go the cemetery often. They say time is suppose to help but so far no help in sight. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.
Although I had a nearly 6 year old at the time, I was also blessed and left with our 16 month old daughter when she passed. One will remember their mom and all she did and loved and one won’t. I’m not sure how that will look or work in the future. However I am very lucky to have them both and I am lucky to have had her while I did.”
Scars Don’t Heal
“My son told me he was being picked on, on the bus. I was picked on, on the bus, at his age (7-8) also. It brought back some of those feelings. We nipped it in the bud and the bullies’ parents we appropriately responsive.
My daughter was over at a neighbors house and was attacked by their dog. Left her with puncture scars on her wrist and upper thigh. Something like that makes you see how vulnerable things really are. She was upset about the scars and I quickly pointed out all of the scars on my arms, face, and neck. I asked her, ‘Do you see these scars when you look at me?’ She said she never noticed them before and I think that made her feel much better. I see those scars now and weirdly it makes me sad. Mine have made me feel self conscious and I know she will have some of that. I guess I feel like I let her down by not being there to protect her but then you realize at the same time that you can’t be there all the time.”
Fairy Godmother
“My best friend of over 20 years was my daughters god mother (fairy godmother as my daughter called her). We were all very close. We saw her multiple times a week because she was like my sister. She was there the day I was told I could finally try to get pregnant (long story there), she went to appointments with me, she was waiting in the hospital after my emergency c-section. She had cancer and my daughter knew she was sick. My daughter and her still did yoga together, dressed like fairies, read books, she taught my daughter Spanish- they were close. Then she died last year. My daughter was 3. I had to explain it to her. She understood. She asked if we could visit her though. No. ‘But can I still love her?’ And that’s what broke me. She still says she misses her all the time. Me too kid. Me too.”
Man Of The House
“My older Son was 5 & I was in the midst of horrible Postpartum Anxiety. Just a mess but quietly trying to keep him from it. His dad has to go out of town & has a cute little ‘you’re the man of the house, take care of your mom’ talk with him. It’s 2am…I can’t sleep, I’m anxious out of my mind, quietly trying to keep it together…and I hear him rustling about. The next thing I know, he comes waddling into my bed, dragging his blankey and announces, ‘he’s here to take care of me.’”
The Last First Time
“When my oldest was first born and I was watching him, I’d hold him while he slept. I’d get set up with a snack and a drink, sit in the recliner, and put his head on my shoulder. As he got old enough to walk and talk, I’d just say time for a nap, and he’d climb up, and put his arms around me and go to sleep. One day, when he was around 2.5 years old he said he’d rather sleep in his bed. I kept my cool and said, ‘Oh, sure, that’s fine,’ while my heart broke. He never slept in my arms again.
The other one was the last time I took my daughter trick-or-treating. I was at work on Halloween talking about how I had to get home early to get ready to take her out and how it would probably be the last time she wanted me to take her. When I got home she told me she had made arrangements to go out with her friends instead, and I realized that the previous year was the last time. Again, ‘Oh, sure, that’s fine.’
You never find out it’s the last time when it’s happening. You always figure it out later when it’s too late.”
A Daddy To Check On
“My daughter is almost 7. Her dad and I split when she was a little over a year old and he’s seen her twice since then. It’s always just been her and I and it’s always been great. My best friends are a married couple with a 4 year old son. We were at their house a few months back and friend said to her child ‘go check on daddy and see how much longer until he’s ready because we have to go.’
And my daughter, very quietly says, ‘I wish I had a daddy to check on.’ I explain to her that she does have a daddy and that he just lives far away. ‘No I mean a daddy who actually sees me and talks to me.'”
Which Heaven?
“My oldest is four, she stuns me constantly with how clever she is and how she thinks of things .
She understands the idea of death due us having a couple of cats die.
One day she asks if she’ll go to my heaven when she dies. Then tells me she wants to die before me so I’ll be with her for her whole life.
We both cried a whole lot. Oy, I’m tearing up just writing it.”
Why Didn’t You Catch Me?
“I’m 25 now, but my dad has told me the two worst things I ever told him and he will never forget are 1) when I broke my arm falling off the monkey bars when I was about 6 and I asked him ‘why didn’t you catch me?’ and 2) when my parents told me and my sister they were getting divorced, I took my dad off to the side and told him ‘I don’t think I can do this.’ I apologize profusely about those all the time now.”
Full Recoil
“I grew up in a house hold where smacks and harsh punishment was a daily routine; I remember one time I had to stand in one spot with a 50lbs bag of rice in my arms for hours because I swore at school, type harsh.
Fast forward to when I had a kid, an emotional wreck, deep into substances, getting inebriated every night being hungover every morning. My daughter was almost two when this happened.
So with all this terrible up bringing and my terrible life habits, I would swat my daughter when she was not doing as I said getting mad and yelling at her. The thing that makes me cry to this day is the one time I was terribly hungover and my daughter wasn’t behaving or listening to me, the usual things to expect from a kid that age from time to time. Out of frustration I raised my voice and she did a full recoil, expecting me to swat her.
She’s 3 now, I’ve been soberish since then, try to recover entirely, and I haven’t laid a hand on her since or raised my voice to those extremes since.
I’m crying writing this.”
Love Isn’t Always Easy
“My daughter is the most stubborn, hard-headed, precocious, funny, maddening, happy, joyful, helpful, proud, smart, independent, needy person I have ever known. She wants to know everything and refuses to wait for whatever she’s looking for. All of these traits are exactly the type that will take her very far in life.
These are also the same traits that led her to discover illicit and unclothed photos at a very early age because ‘she wanted to know about what it meant to make love.’ She hid it from us for a year before we started catching on to increasingly disturbing behaviors, failing grades, hiding out in her room when she wouldn’t normally, refusing to engage in family activities, things like that.
When we confronted her she became violent to the point I needed to restrain her and when she realized she was on the losing end of our family emergency she just emotionally collapsed. There was a disconnection made between what we are as a family and a married unit and her perceptions and fears of how we would react if found out.
We lavished her with love and understanding, embraced and held her for what seemed like hours as we both calmed her down and helped her to understand there wasn’t a darn thing she would or could do that stop us from loving her unconditionally. The worst was the my feeling of being unable to protect her, to hide her away from the fake, non-reality that too often gets paraded around as ‘real life.'”
They’re Not Like You, Dad
“My daughter came to me after being jumped by a group of guys with a baseball bat. They broke both her eye sockets bc she was born a male. I wanted to destroy those kids, but she looked me in the face (with swollen eyes at the hospital) and says ‘dad, it’s not their fault I wasn’t born in the right body and it’s not their fault they’re afraid bc I’m Trans. It’s their parents for failing to teach them to love everyone like you did.’”
Depression Sucks
“I have had severe depression lately. I took my 3 y/o son to the playground last weekend. He loves it there and I’m able to walk around and follow him, so it feels like I’m actually participating in his fun. It usually ends up being a bright spot in our lives. However, last weekend he decided he wanted to run around in a field next to the playground. He kept yelling ‘chase me, Mommy!’ I explained to him that I was tired and didn’t have the energy to run. He then said to me ‘but you are tired all the time, mommy’ with the most heartbreaking look on his face. Depression sucks.”
Barbie Girl
“Not a parent but I have dated two guys with young kids. First one: 2yr old boy who wasn’t taken care of well. He’d come over and I’d be the one feeding him or giving him something to drink. This lil boy didn’t talk ever. After a few months of dating his dad and lil guy hanging around: I was getting food out of the fridge to make lunch and the little boy reached up to me and said ‘Mom’. Long story short, dad was smoking in the back room while I was watching his kid. I snapped, called the baby momma to come get the kid and I moved out that same week.
Second kid: 5year old girl. I was working IT and making ok money. I had a brand new car and she just loved to hold my keys and lock or unlock the doors as needed. She would draw pictures for me in school and I’d always put them on my fridge. I remember buying her a Barbie because she always said she wanted one (her parents had the view Barbie is a bad role model and promotes body image issues- whatever, I wanted the kid happy). One day while we went out to get Icee drinks she blurts out ‘If you keep letting me play with your car keys, people are gonna think you’re my mom’. I said, oh well let them think that and she smiled all giddy from the sugar high. Some time later maybe a week or two, I pick her up (I was a shuttle service since baby mom liked to drop off the kid at the dads work) and she is distraught. The Barbie was taken away and she just said ‘What if you’re not around anymore???’ I told her I wasn’t going anywhere. Then she says ‘I know that! But what if you’re not around??’ I had a sinking feeling a beak up was going to happen between her dad and I…and it did. That weekend.
Kids say the darndest things.”