A Party You Wouldn’t Want An Invite To
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“A few years ago, I decided to try online dating, probably because I was a little bored.
I found it quite annoying, so I quit the same day but not before getting my hands on some girl’s phone number.
We flirted on the phone for a while and decided to meet the next day. To be perfectly honest, there were already some red flags. But she was still seemed somewhat normal.
So, D-Day. I went pick her up at her place. I rang the bell and a really hot blonde came out. The pictures I saw were blurry, so I was more than pleasantly surprised.
Anyway, it was around 4 pm, so we decided to go grab some coffee downtown.
And as we went down the streets, she started making prejudice comments. That made me uncomfortable but I thought she was attractive and I really wanted to ‘get to know her better,’ so I ignored it.
We find a nice bar, find a table outside and she started talking about her life.
Usually, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but she never stopped talking about herself, about how her parents are really rich, that her classmates are pricks who are jealous of her, and so many things.
I barely got to say a few words. I wanted to leave, but she was really hot and gave away some hints I might get lucky that night.
So I ignored the red flags, we left the bar and we wandered around the city for a while.
The discussion drifted and she started talking about how the Holocaust didn’t happen.
Any other time or situation, I would have called her an idiot, left and deleted her number. Heck, I wanted to. But no, I shut up because hooking up beats everything, including Holocaust deniers.
I already gave up a few hours of my time listening to all her smack, I wasn’t going to let that stop me.
The night was beginning, so I brought her back to her place. On the way, she told me she had a party planned there and that she wanted me to come.
That wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was simple. I didn’t want to meet her friends. But I didn’t want all that time wasted for nothing, so I said ok.
Back at her place, we drank some drinks, make out a little and the guests started coming.
Six or seven of her friends ended up in her apartment, they looked a lot like a gang of bikers, but thanks to all I drank, I didn’t care one bit.
And then, all of a sudden, it hits me. I saw some tattoo on a guy. It was a freaking swastika.
I didn’t know what to do, so I ended up drinking for a while, listening to them making jokes about Muslims and when it seemed appropriate, I got the heck out of there as fast as I could.
The next weekend, I received a text from the prejudice girl, saying that she liked me and wanted me to come over for some alone time.
I did, I hooked up with her and then, when she was sleeping, I disappeared into the night, never to be seen again by her and her prejudice friends.
She sent me a lot of texts after that, threatening me to send her friends to beat me up.”
He Had A Suspicious Set Of Rules To Follow…
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“I met him online and suggested going for a drink. He said he doesn’t drink, which I didn’t think anything of at the time, so we met for dinner.
Super attractive guy, we got along well, but throughout the conversation it came up that he didn’t have a car. I asked why, and he told me there had been an accident but it’s hard to talk about. Silly me, thinks he was probably injured in the accident and so I just let it go.
Then he drops on me that he has to be home by 10, because he lives with his mom and has a curfew. Ok, now I’m weirded out but I assume this curfew is his mother’s doing. So I ask if she’s just really strict or if he did something to deserve a curfew. He said he deserves it. Now the alarm bells are going but I still stupidly offer him a ride home so he doesn’t have to take the bus. Keep in mind my last boyfriend lived with his parents so it wasn’t a totally weird situation to me…though it was getting there.
We get back to his place and sit in his driveway talking for a bit and it finally comes out that this ‘accident’ was him getting hammered, driving the wrong way down a one way street and running over a pedestrian, killing her. He was brought up on charges of manslaughter and was currently out on bail while awaiting trial.
Now, this is bad enough, but what really sealed the deal, and this is 100% true, at this very moment a woman walks up to the car, bends over to look in my window and screams, ‘I KNEW IT!’ She then starts shrieking at my date in French (my French isn’t great so I didn’t catch most of it). She then turns around, gets in her car and peels off.
My date apologized and said, ‘I swear, she’s not like my girlfriend or anything!’
I just quietly said, ‘I think I should go.’ It honestly didn’t even feel real.
And there you have it. My awful date.”
All The Hype Came Crashing Down
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“This date was the weekend before Halloween!
I had been talking to this guy, Mike (first online, then text and phone calls), for a few months, and eventually we decided to meet. The week prior, he told me that he has this big plan for the weekend and to bring a formal dress because he had a surprise. My romantic little brain was filled with romantic thoughts at that order and I happily hummed through the usually mundane work week. My girlfriends were bummed that I was going to the city instead of out bar hopping for halloween with them- we’d had our costumes picked out and ready for a few weeks now. But they are awesome friends and were excited that I could be meeting that really great guy.
Friday night, I drove the three hours to St. Paul and paid for a hotel the weekend. The first night went alright- we chit chatted over pizza and hung out in the hot tub and the pool with a few of his friends. I liked their nerdiness and enthusiasm for humor and all things geeky. They raved about Magic the Gathering and how I really should start play; then promptly and unintentionally dissuaded me from the game after bragging about how much money they spent on cards. ($75 for five cards?! $40 for some specific cards?!) Besides my small shock of the expense they put towards this hobby, the night went well.
The next day was where it all fell apart.
Our plans- morning at the Minnesota Zoo, afternoon at the Science Museum, and fancy formal mystery evening date.
We arrived at the zoo and Mike informed me that he forgot his wallet so I would have to pay his way in. During the entire zoo tour, he was constantly on the phone arguing with his mother and father. About halfway through, he insisted we needed to leave so he could go take the dog out for a walk.
We arrived at his parents’ house, his dad was there and they argued about something or another while I lamely stood by. While Mike brought the dog out and I got a few eye-openers from his dad: Mike was fired from his job last month, Mike dropped out of college, and Mike has recently stopped taking his meds and really needed to start them again.
I was none too impressed with this new information, but I decided to bite my tongue and continue with the day because surely this evening’s date will be very exciting and romantic. He returned, we set out and I asked him if he had found his wallet yet. He replied no and asked if I can spot him for the science museum. Calmly (very irritated inside), I suggested we hit the Mall of America instead, stating I’d only been there once when I was very little (I’ve really been there tons of times; but after a hotel, pizza, and entrance to the zoo, there was no way in heck I was coughing up any more money on this date).
We walked around the mall, flitting in and out of neat little stores- sampled tea at Teavana, browsed music, watched the masses gathered between the Microsoft and Apple stores. I was feeling a little brighter now and gently brought up what his dad said. He admitted to it, saying he didn’t want to scare me away with that life shift- boosting my ego (and therein sympathy) a bit there, too, by stating how wonderful it was that I was stable and had my life in order.
We made our way up to Games by James and I while I was browsing chess sets, he was chatting up the clerk about Magic cards. Then my mood took a major cliff dive as he pulled out his wallet and purchased about $100 in cards. I appeared calm but was fuming inside- not hours ago he told me he couldn’t find his wallet.
We walked around for a bit longer, I escaped for a little while to a restroom. I checked my phone to find picture messages of my friends in costume and getting ready for the night out. I had that internal sigh moment. I may not be getting dressed up for Halloween, but I was getting dressed all fancy for a night out…with a guy that I was hardly interested in now.
I met back up with him and he said to me with a sheepish grin, ‘So, you know how I said I had a surprise for you? The place I wanted to take you is closed for cleaning tonight.’ Forget that. He might have been saying more at this point, but I didn’t hear it. I blinked, slowly turned around, and calmly strode away. He tagged along, lamely asking if I was mad at him. If I was going to keep talking to him. If he could come up and visit me. If we could fool around at the hotel! I didn’t look back, didn’t say anything, didn’t stop until I was at my car.
I pulled his backpack from the backseat, shoved it into his arms, looked him directly into his eyes and said, ‘Mike, I forgot, I have a date tonight with my lovely friends who treat me with respect and do not lie to me. Enjoy life.’
I drove back to the hotel and checked out about 15 minutes later. Drove back home, dressed up as a gypsy, and partied with an eskimo, bat girl, and a giant banana.”
There Was A Gross Infestation Going On…
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“I met a girl on a dating site. That seems to be the start of a lot of bad dates.
On our first date, she invited me to her house. The house was pretty disgusting, dirty and plenty of trash around. She was remodeling her kitchen so I gave her a pass on it.
Next get together was at my house. I think it was our third date but maybe second. Anyway, short story shorter, we got intimate and I quickly became aware she had not bathed. She was funky, not like sticky sweet, feminine funky, but like B.O. funky. Also, the garden was completely unkempt. Now, I’m a child of the 80s, so a little garden is fine by me, but seriously shave your stomach and inner thigh, for Pete’s sake.
The next day I get a frantic phone call. ‘I have bugs,’ she said.
‘Bugs,’ I replied, ‘what kind of bugs?’
‘Lice,’ she replied.
‘Lice! Like upstairs or downstairs?’ I asked.
‘Up,’ she said. ‘I’m outside your house right now and I brought supplies.’
So, she comes in with RID, trash bags, cleaning supplies and four new pillows. She proceeded to bag everything she thought she came in contact with, throws out my pillows and leaves me with a bottle of RID.
Fortunately, I never got lice. I still keep the RID under my sink as a reminder to be more careful in the future. I never saw or heard from her again and that was fine by me.”
Online Dating Has Been Odd From The Start
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“I signed up for internet access way back in ’95 when I was going to college and asked some guy to install a way to chat and meet people in the area on my computer. I was new to computers at the time.
He installed an IRC client and I found a girl who sounded great…blonde hair, blue eyes, 5’6 and goes to the school I went to…even the coffee shop I stop at on my way to classes. We chatted for a few days until we decided to finally meet.
Fast forward a couple of days. I met her at 11 am at the coffee shop and she had fangs. Literally, her canine teeth had implants and were filed down as fangs. She said she was a vampire and she thought we spoke about that during one of our conversations.
No. No, we didn’t.
No joke – I logged off of IRC, disconnected my internet service and didn’t sign up again for another three years.”
It Was All Great, Until The Cops Came
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“I had a great date I met on Match.com and I was walking her home at the end of the night and suddenly she started to run away. I started to chase after her and asked her what happened and she just said, ‘Police! I have a warrant out for me.’
Well, when I found out she had a warrant, I kept running, but a different direction than she went. I eventually got caught by the cops and I had to spend a good 20 minutes explaining to them the situation and how I was in no way involved in her crack dealing ring.”
There Were A Few Red Flags To Say The Least
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“I met up with a girl from OkCupid, then in approximately this order, discovered she was:
1. Larger than she appeared in her pictures.
2. Polyamorous (this one ain’t so bad I suppose but in the context of the others…)
3. A foot fetish dominatrix on Craigslist who also responds to missed connections posts just to troll people.
4. Homeless.
I ended up buying her some cheap Chinese grub and dropping her off at her friend’s house to stay at, and on the way there, we almost managed to bond over video games and mind-altering substances. Almost.”
He Took Her On A Whirlwind Of A Date
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“I was on a second date with a guy I met on the internet. Boring guy, fast car. He decided to evade the police while driving 120 mph on the highway, took an exit, and I ended up in an upside-down 350Z, which had rolled over at 90 mph into a stone wall and a telephone pole.
Over a year of physical therapy. Minor nerve damage. Will never internet date again!”
This Secret Admirer Had An Even Bigger Secret
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“Until I got married, crazy was semi-regular for me. My favorite is the month-long romance with a girl that wasn’t even real. I’ll back up.
I just finished dating the craziest of the crazy. We’d had quite a few incidents together and it ended with me calling her dad who called her and threatened to report her car stolen if she didn’t come home and quit stalking me around town… and that’s not even the half of it.
So a month or so later, I got a flower and a note on my car from a ‘secret admirer,’ saying she’s been watching me for some time but was too shy to meet me. I knew it was her, it had to be, so I passed it off. She left another note with an email address and I sent her an email telling her I knew who she was and to leave me alone. She insisted she wasn’t my ex and we went back and forth a few times about it. I caught her defending my ex a few times, which was the clearest giveaway.
A few weeks went by of me continuing to try and ignore this situation and finally she said she wanted to call me to prove she wasn’t my ex (even though she’s already claimed to know her at this point). I said what the heck and gave her my cell number (my ex already had it so what’s the harm). Sure enough, later that night I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize and answer even though I’m pretty sick of dealing with her nonsense at this point. Low and behold there’s a girl with a voice I didn’t recognize claiming to be this admirer on the other end. At first, I had a hard time believing it but I know my ex’s voice and this definitely wasn’t her. The girl took ownership for all the things that happened and even answered a few suspicious questions about her alleged events. She finally said she had to go because she’s at work and hung up.
I’m shocked. I’d never had anyone do anything like that for me before and I’m a romantic deep down so at this point I’m pretty entangled. Finally, she says she wants to meet and I eagerly, with heart on sleeve, agree. We go to a bar I usually frequent and I grab a stool at the bar and order a drink. Finally, the bartender walks over and sets down a drink in front of me saying a young lady bought it for me. I ask him to point her out and follow his index finger across the bar to a table. Sure enough, there at the table sat my ex.
I told him to dump the drink down the sink and stormed over to her, as angry with her as I was at myself for being so stupid. The only thing that didn’t make sense was the phone call so I demanded she explain. She finally gave in and told me she put her roommate up to it which was pretty crushing. I couldn’t believe another human being would let her brief her on everything that’d been going on and pretend to be this girl just to mess with me. After that, I left and told her if she ever talked to me again I’d get a restraining order.”
The Epitome Of A Dangerous Online Date
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“I got a message on a dating site from a guy about 1.5 hours away from me, saying he wished he were closer because he felt a real connection. I was flattered, we emailed for a while, and a few weeks later, I happened to be in his area.
Now, I let him know that afternoon that I could meet up at his house around 9-10 at night if he was interested. And we were too far away to have it be anything but a one-time thing. He, of course, was quite happy with this plan.
When I got there, I texted him that I was at the gate to his apartment complex. Now, he’d been responding immediately up to that point, suddenly he went silent for about five minutes. Just as I was about to leave, he came through the gate.
He started walking. I was a little puzzled because I thought I had made my intentions clear by asking if I could come over to his place, but whatever, maybe he wanted to talk first, make sure I’m not crazy, before he let me in the house. And frankly, my nerve for the random hook-up was fading fast anyway. We chatted as we walk, and he asked me where I’d parked. I pointed out that we walked by it a while ago, under the streetlight, so he shrugged and kept walking.
He said he needed to show me his van because he painted it himself and it was awesome. We walked all the way around his large, scary apartment complex to the alley behind it.
It wasn’t the exterior of the van he painted. It was the ceiling of the back compartment, and he explained that I needed to get all the way inside this van, in this alley late at night, so that I could really appreciate his artistry. It had glow in the dark paint, you see, so he had to close all of the doors so that I could see the effect.
Strangely enough, I got really tired all of a sudden, plus I had a long drive home ahead of me. Got to go, bye!”
He Judged Her, Then He Blamed Her?
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“I had met a guy online and we ended up meeting for a late night ‘booty call.’ We went to his place and pretty much got right down to business…which was the most boring, awkward hook up of my life. Anyways, after all was said and done, he started asking me all kinds of questions that made me feel really uncomfortable.
I have several piercings and tattoos, which was clearly obvious from my online profile and we had even briefly discussed it. He started asking me why I’d mutilate myself like that, and what would possess me to do that to my body (clearly he had a strong aversion to bod mod, so I didn’t really understand why he even hooked up with me in the first place). But that wasn’t the worst…he then looked at me, as I’m still laying on his bed, and said, ‘If someone broke into your house and held a weapon to your head, and told you that you had to hook up with an animal in order to survive, what animal would it be?’
…I was appalled! I jumped right out of his bed, put my clothes on and asked him how he could even ask someone a question like that. He didn’t seem to understand why I was so offended by his question. I quickly gathered all my stuff and got the heck out of there and told him never to contact me again.
By this time it was 3 am. I called my best friend in a slight panic and explained to her what had just happened. The next half hour would be filled with non-stop texts and voicemails from him as a result of me not answering his constant phone calls. He was in a frenzy and panicking, asking me to call him because he didn’t know what to do. He thought he had broken his junk while we were hooking up (nothing even close to anything that exciting happened during our encounter that would have ‘broken’ his junk). Needless to say, I took a little break from meeting anyone online.”