Men Who Asked The Father For Their Daughter’s Hand In Marriage And Told ‘No” Share The Aftermath

It's an old-fashioned tradition, but it remains important to many people There must be nothing worse than asking for a parent's blessing and having them say no. Here are some heartwrenching stories of when a man asked for a father's blessing and was told 'no'

Her Father Knew She Was Up To No Good

“I was in Afghanistan. I called her dad from the USO tent one night and asked him what he thought about me doing it at the airport when I got home after a seven-month deployment. He said it was an awful idea and that we were too young (21/19). I told him I was disappointed, but that I would respect his wishes and talk to the family about it when I got home.

She ended up cheating on me and breaking up with me over the phone two weeks before I got home. We got back together briefly after I returned home, but it didn’t last because of the cheating. She then went on to have a crippling smack addiction and OD’d at least three times.

I’m now 31 and very happily married to a woman that has never cheated on me and I can’t even fathom the possibility of anything like that happening.

While I guess you could say I dodged a bullet, I am devastated that substances consumed her life. I truly loved her.”

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They Never Believed They Would Become A Stable Family

“Well, they were upset and disapproving because I had already gotten her pregnant. They said she needed to leave me and have an abortion. When it became too late for that, they said she needed to leave me and give the baby up for adoption. After the baby was born, they said she needed to leave me and move back in with them and let them help her raise it. The baby was seven months old when the wedding happened. Then they made one more effort by recruiting her sister to help convince my wife to divorce me and take the child back to their home, of course. Almost a decade later and now there are four kiddos and my wife’s parents complain that we don’t come see them enough and they can’t figure out why we seem to like spending time with my parents more than them.”

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Her Last Act Was To Support Their Love

“My friend is an Arab lady from a working-class background that got completely rejected by the man’s parents, who are of an affluent Pakistani origin after he proposed to her without telling his parents because he knew they would say no. They wanted him to marry from the pool of other people in his class and race.

Five years later, both of them were completely heartbroken and unwilling to move on. So they told their respective parents that if they didn’t get to be with each other then they’d happily die alone. Both parties refused every attempt to date or be set up with any other people during this time.

At the end of this five year period, the man’s grandmother was unwell. In fact, she was dying. She was in the hospital and called for the man and his parents to speak to her privately. The man was very close to his grandma. She said she wanted him to marry the woman he loved and for his parents to unify against the rest of the family because he should be more important to them than what the others have to say. She made it her dying wish and called over the family lawyer to explain to his parents that her will had been structured in such a way that any money will only be given to them if those two got to get married. If they do not do it within three months of her passing, then the fiance will get everything. They agreed, though I’m unsure if they were motivated by the cash, and she unexpectedly died the next day.

They got married six weeks later. Granny died at peace knowing her last act in this life was an act of love. She knew and never questioned their loyalty to one another because she understood what love meant for them.

It was super emotional at the wedding. The Arabs that got invited actively rallied around the girl and protected her from the hateful stares of some of the groom’s family members. It was a gorgeous yet somber event.”

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Her Parents Were Right To Question Their Relationship

“At the time, I had been with her for three years. We met in college and I moved 1,600 miles to be with her after I dropped out. She was starting her career in finance while I could barely scrape by as a bartender who couldn’t stay sober and spent all of my free time glued to video games. She was quite literally the only bright spot in my life.

Her parents and I did not have the best relationship. Honestly, they saw me for what I was; a dropout who would end up hurting their daughter. Her father said no. He played it off nicely. He said he wanted me to get a degree in business to prove that I could take of her. He said I wasn’t ready.

Things got worse when I overheard an argument between my girl and her mom. Her mom was upset about a career move my girlfriend had made since it was extremely risky and because, ‘If it doesn’t work out, who are you going to fall back on to support you? Your boyfriend (me) sure as heck can’t and you know it.’

In addition to a bunch of other life factors, my drinking took a turn for the worse. I spent the next almost two years in a wasted haze. I was so angry that they couldn’t see my love for her and just give her to me. I didn’t need a good job, a stable foundation or even a clear head to take care of a wife and future children. I just needed my love for her and that would make everything work out.

Well, of course, it didn’t. I hit my rock bottom on November 1, 2016. I finally realized that if I didn’t stop my drinking that day I would lose her and I would let my drinking kill me. Life gave me an ultimatum and I chose to give sobriety a shot.

I worked my tail off to repair the damage I had caused throughout my life. I finally put plans in motion to secure the career I wanted (running my own restaurant) and turned my life around.

After a year sober, I asked her parents again, almost three years after I had first asked. It was a completely different response. They immediately said yes and wanted to help any way they could in the proposal and were ecstatic.

They said no because I wasn’t good enough for her and they were right. I wasn’t good enough for anyone, not even myself. They said yes because I decided to grow the heck up and stop trying to outrun my problems.

I might add that I think I have become a pretty ok guy through all of this.”

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He Was Understandably Wary Because Of Their Age

“I proposed while my wife was still in high school. I was a year older and had been out of school for six months. We met in high school and had been together four years when I asked her. The plan was to go to university and get married after.

I asked her father for his blessing to propose the day before I did it. He said that we were too young to get married and that neither of us knew what we wanted in life. I thought he was an old man and didn’t know what he was talking about.

She said yes and her father took me aside later that week and told me that he wasn’t going to make a fuss about it but to put the wedding off for a bit. I told him of our plans to finish university first and that seemed to appease him.

Then we were both in the middle of a natural disaster the following year. We made it out ok but some of our friends did not. We both dropped out of university and moved back to our hometown. Looking back now, I can’t see how we didn’t notice we had both slipped into a deep depression.

We got married six months later. I think the decision to bring the wedding forward was as much to give us something to look forward to as any real desire to be married so soon. I was just 21 and she was 19.

At our wedding, her father gave his toast and said nice things but you could tell he didn’t agree with what we had done.

It’s now seven years later and our son just turned 1. We got lucky. For three years, we were both depressed and there was no love or passion in our relationship, just the need to not be alone. After getting professional help, we both managed to climb out of the pit of despair we had found ourselves in and found our love. The year we got married, three other couples in our circle of friends got married mostly for the same reasons we did. Of the four couples who got married within six months of each other, we are the only ones still together.

I’m not trying to say young love doesn’t survive. I love my wife more today than I ever did while I was a hormone-crazed teen. All I’m saying is 21 was young to get married and even without the depression, I think we are lucky to have made it.”

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On Second Thought…

“I was dating my girlfriend for five years before I went to her parents to ask what they would think of me proposing to their daughter. After they told me no, I let them know that I would take their opinions into consideration. I then told them that I was coming to them to make them aware of my intentions to propose, rather than truly asking for permission. They didn’t like that very much. By the time I finally proposed to my girlfriend, they had taken it upon themselves to tell her all of the reasons why an engagement to me would be a bad idea, and why she should stay single. She said yes to my proposal, but was so conflicted that she changed her mind about half an hour afterward. She broke it off with me just a few months later.”

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They Had Quite The Backup Plan

“When my great-grandfather asked for my great-grandmother’s hand in marriage, her parents declined because they needed to keep her as a farm hand and her getting married would mean she moved away.

So they got pregnant. Her parents had to allow the marriage then to save face!”

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Religion Stood In The Way

“My wife’s family were strong Southern Baptists and I was some military guy who came from a broken home. The dad instantly didn’t approve of me. Over the course of a year, we continued to date and I did my best to be a ‘suitable’ boyfriend.

Orders came for me to go to Afghanistan and I knew I was in love and she was for me. I brought her dad out to breakfast and asked his permission. He flat out said no because I was not a good enough Christian. I looked at him and told him I didn’t give a crap what he thought and we are going to go through with it. Things got real ugly and he went ballistic on my wife. He was a verbally abusive person.

After the dust settled, we had a small, $500 wedding. None of our family was there. We invited six of our good friends and had Jimmy John’s cater. Today is 7 years of our marriage and we are as happy as ever. I married the best women in the world and her dad has since apologized about the whole ordeal. Her family loves me now and it all worked out in the end.”

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She Couldn’t See What He Saw In Her Daughter

“My wife grew up with a single mom. I asked her permission. She sighed and told me, ‘She won’t make you a good housewife. She hates cleaning, she cooks okay, but I spent my life telling her that school is number one and never got her to lose weight, act like a woman, or anything feminine. If you want my blessing, you better accept she will never cook or clean for you.’ I replied I was marrying a human being, not a slave. She went, ‘Okay then. You’re a good man, a brave man, but not the best boyfriend my daughter ever dated, so…’

We were married 25 years before my wife died from sarcoidosis. Mom was right, she was a terrible housekeeper, but an amazing partner. I miss her every day.”

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The Inside Joke On The Invitation

“My great-grandfather did not give his blessing when my grandpa asked to marry his daughter. It wasn’t too dramatic, but my grandpa basically informed him that they were already planning on getting married and that the lack of a blessing wouldn’t stop that.

The wedding announcement read ‘so-and-so and so-and-so announce the marriage of their daughter so-and-so.’ The family joke is that it doesn’t read ‘are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter.'”

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It Wasn’t The Answer He Wanted, But The Answer He Needed

“A really close friend of mine had been dating his girlfriend for about 2 years when he brought the idea up to her dad. They had met in college when he was a junior, and she was a sophomore. Thing is, he’d graduated college about six months prior to the proposal conversation and had secured an above average starting salary in his field at a good company. The complication was that the girl was still in school as a fourth-year, and was going to need to stay as a fifth-year senior to complete her degree, and then she still kind of needed to feel out her graduate school/career options.

Basically, the girl’s dad had some qualms about getting married so young. To be fair, my friend was 23 and she was 22, which was pretty young. Anyway, he explained that he, too, had been in love with his college sweetheart, but elected to wait on the marriage until both of them had settled careers/jobs and then decided to reevaluate the situation. Long story short, the dad’s college sweetheart basically became career-obsessed upon graduation and ditched him, so I guess he was warning his own daughter’s boyfriend on the possibilities.

Anyway, the gist of the conversation was, ‘I don’t approve of you marrying my daughter so young, but that doesn’t mean I don’t approve of you.’ Fair, overall, but still tough to hear.

About a year later, she got her dream job two states over and they have a tough conversation. Without a fuss, he left his job in favor of a different one in the other state in order to stay together. Kind of a slight ‘here’s your proof’ to the dad. About three weeks later, the dad called him crying, asking him to please marry his daughter. This was about a month ago.

I’m pretty sure he’s proposing within this summer.”

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Their Interracial Relationship Rubbed Her Family The Wrong Way

“I’m marrying my Indian, Muslim fiancée late September. I’m a white, English man. While I wasn’t told no when I told them I planned on marrying her, for three years since we started dating they tried every single thing they could to break us up. For a year, we didn’t actually tell them we were dating, but when we did, they threatened to remove her from the UK and move her back to where they lived originally (India). They threatened to not help her through university unless we broke up, they conspired with other members of the family to try and find new men for her. Many of her family members were actively introducing her to other men in the hopes of her realizing there were ‘better options’ (one of which was an illiterate devout Muslim who believed a man should be able to have multiple wives).

I study at a university in the UK that belongs to the Russel Group (I think the equivalent to Ivy League in the US), and many of them criticized me on that basis that I’m shrewd and a ‘user’ because I only care about my own success and progression. Many of them said I’m not capable of understanding what it’s like to not have things come easily (I grew up in public housing and self-funded my way into private education so I could go to university).

They eventually did remove my girlfriend from the country, however (though I do actually believe it was because of short-term financial issues, even if they were conveniently timed), but we did long distance for a year or so, with me visiting against their wishes regardless. The last time I visited, I told them I intend to marry her.

Now I’ve spent more time with her parents face to face, I think they’ve come to realize what the situation is exactly. They’re allowing her to come back to the UK to study and they’re singing my praises to the entire family. I went from being the imposter to them acting as if I’m a welcomed member of the family.

Something I’ve learned is that if someone decides to hate you, it really doesn’t matter what you do. They’re just going to hate you. No matter how true your intentions might be, they will find a fault in every single positive thing you might do and will criticise you personally to try to sway your partner into thinking you’re not the person they think you are. I also learned that if you give them literally no reason to hate you anyway, eventually others will turn against them once they realize that the false statements they’re making about you simply aren’t true. I think being diplomatic and killing people with kindness is the key to these situations, but also not giving them an inch in terms of compromising your own values. When I told them I plan to marry her, I said I respect their wishes, but heavily implied that I will disregard them if they’re not compliant with my intentions. I’m glad they came around to realizing the situation, as my fiancée values family and we’d have hated to cause a rift between us and them.”

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Their Changing Views Were Enough To Give Anyone Whiplash

“When my husband asked my dad, my dad said yes! Then, later in the weekend, my dad pulled my husband aside and said, ‘Wait, I forgot to ask, do you love her?’ Of course, my husband said yes, so my dad got all misty-eyed and shook his hand. Because my mother can be an incredibly emotional (and reactive) person, my dad waited until we left to tell her because she would have given it away to me.

Tuesday of the following week, my husband got a call at work from my parents on speakerphone. It was my dad talking, but with my mother’s words. They wanted my husband to wait a year to ask me so I could have a year ‘on my own’ to live independently and focus on my career. I was about to start my first year teaching. My husband was flabbergasted, said something rude, and asked me anyway about a month later.

My husband had asked permission over Thanksgiving. On December 11th, we left to go live in Mexico and rock climb for two months. He only managed to wait four days into the trip before asking me. I said yes! Apparently, he was prepared to pay for my airfare home had I said no, which I think is hilarious. It would be such a waste of money to drive me down to Mexico just to fly me home.

After he explained all the madness with my mother, I chose to wait until we got back from our trip to be able to tell her in person. But of course, I had to tell my sister when I made the Christmas phone call home. My mom already knew something was up and bullied my sister into telling her after I had hung up. So when we walked into the house after getting home from the trip and I was all excited to tell them, my mom was all, ‘I know.’ And she didn’t even bother to pretend to be surprised.

We’ve been married almost a year now, having our actual wedding at the end of June (yes planning a wedding during the first year of teaching sucks, don’t do it). The reason we got married well before our wedding is thanks to his side of the family! That’s a different story.

For us, the first year of marriage has been fine. It’s everything else; planning the wedding, building a house out of a school bus, moving out, my first year teaching, etc… that’s been stressful.”

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Persistence Is Key Sometimes

“My great-grandfather announced his intention to marry my great-grandmother to her parents as he walked through the front door, the first time he met them.

His future father-in-law laughed and literally kicked him out the open front door.

My great-grandfather just kept coming back to their house and pretty much harassed them until his future father-in-law got too annoyed and just gave up.”

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