Childhood is arguably the most impactful part of a person's life, because it helps to shape who they are. The parents play a huge role in this, as they're responsible for teaching their children right from wrong. These life lessons can vastly change from parent to parent, especially depending on their age.
Children of teen moms on Reddit share how their lives were different. Content has been edited for clarity.
“I’m Glad You’re Safe”
“My mom had me at 17, I’m 23 now and she is 40. My dad was never around, and she never married or had any more children. Financially it was a little rough growing up, but looking back I had a very supportive upbringing because my mom was always young enough to understand my perspective. It was kind of like growing up with a sister-mom hybrid.
For example, when I was 15ish I asked for birth control and my mom did not bat an eye. She just took me to the clinic and took care of it.
No fuss, no drama, just ‘Okay, I’m glad you’re safe.'”
“I’ve Had To Mature Faster”
“I’ve noticed that I didn’t have the same opportunities as other kids because being a teen mom can lead you down a road of struggle and poverty if you don’t have help from family.
I’ve always wanted to play sports, but she could never afford the equipment needed at school to be a part of it. Mentally, I’ve had to mature faster at a young age because she was still a kid herself. It’s unnerving to think teachers would tell me I seemed older than my age at 10-years-old.”
“Learned A Lot About The World”
“I was born to a teen mom and a single one at that. I definitely had a lot more freedom and less supervision as a child since both of her parents (my grandparents obviously) passed away soon after I was born. So, there weren’t many options for babysitters. Since she worked two jobs, I would often be on my own after school until about 8 or 9 at night, sometimes later.
She definitely struggled to hold down jobs due to not having an education and the overall grind would eventually get to her. At one point, she was walking 11 miles a day to and from work because we didn’t have a vehicle. Eventually, we lost our home and we remained in and out of shelters until I was about 12.
I learned a lot about the world in those days. At the time I hated it and was jealous of other kids having normal lives. Now that I’m older, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It gave me every bit of motivation I have and it gave me better social skills (gotta learn to make friends quickly when you move frequently). Most importantly, it taught me to be humble and never view less fortunate people as beneath me.”
“Life Wasn’t Much Different”
“My mom was 17 when she had me. She had to deal with a deadbeat, abusive, substance addict boyfriend (my biological dad) and his family that kept threatening to take custody of me, all while having very little support from her own family. Somehow, she got away from deadbeat and made it through all that and is still a generally well-balanced person. She met someone new when I was three and had two jobs to help him get a high paying trade job. Now she’s a stay at home mom and we live on the nice side of town.
My mom isn’t perfect by a long shot, but she did what she had to do to make sure I never went without. I never noticed when the going got tough. I only ever realized it was out of the ordinary when kids and teachers at my catholic private school gave me weird looks when they did the math on my moms age. Other than the judgy looks, life wasn’t really much different.
Sure, it helped that my paternal grandma babysat and paid for my private school, but I have to hand it to my mom. She had abusive and neglectful parents, but she made a concerted effort to break that cycle at the tender age of 17. Now I don’t agree completely with the way she chooses to live her life now, but I find a lot of inspiration in how she escaped a very toxic situation. Now she’s standing taller than the people who tried to drag her down.”
“Would Have Liked A Different Childhood”
“I was born in 1964 when my mother was 16. My grandparents adopted me so I’d have a ‘name.’ My father’s family paid for the hospital bills, and that was it because they didn’t want to ruin his chances to go to VMI. My mother had three other kids from at least two other men and tried to treat me like a little sister although a girl in 3rd grade decided it was her duty to tell me I didn’t really have a daddy.
I lived in a three-bedroom country farm with four kids, grandparents and my mother with her creepy husband. It was a constant fight complete with fists and screaming almost daily. At least we could go outside.
My mother continued to treat me like a sister until she decided she wanted to be a mother. My grandmother was the one who raised me, and the one I consider my true mother. When she died, she left me the land with her house on it and my mother tricked me into signing it over to her (I was very naive). She accused my straight-edge goth kids (in their 30s now) of being on substances because they wore black, and has held a remark I made about moving away when I was 16 against me to this day.
My father sent me $50 when I graduated and $100 when I got married the first time. And I had no idea he was even my father until I was 23.
I would have liked to have had a different childhood.”
“Teenagers Are Really Stupid”
“My parents got married when they found out my mom was pregnant at 16 (she had me her senior year at 17), and both still managed to work their way through college with me in tow. It was honestly pretty annoying. They liked to party a lot with their friends, which got annoying quick having a bunch of 30-somethings getting trashed and listening to loud music when I had to be up early. My mom enjoyed the attention of being mistaken for my sister, but it felt gross because she was the ‘cool mom’ to all of my friends growing up and I never heard the end of it. My dad wasn’t really interested in doing ‘dad’ things until they had my sister in their mid-20s.
Found out a year ago thanks to 23andMe that my dad’s not my biological father. Apparently, my mom slept around a lot in high school. Found my bio dad, which uncovered a huge conspiracy of lies and insanity that I will forever be haunted by. Teenagers are really stupid.”
“Always Thought She Was Pretty Relatable”
“My mom and I are really close. She had me at 14. Growing up, I noticed a lot of my friends didn’t get along with their moms. I always thought she was really relatable. We go eat, go shopping, get coffee, gossip, just hang out. She worked a lot, sometimes multiple jobs at once, so I felt like I did less extra-curricular activities than my friends. But I was pretty happy growing up.
She was always concerned with money. I’m starting to notice that she’s not very good at saving money or planning retirement and whatnot.
I once asked a family friend ‘Now that us kids are grown, how are my parents still living paycheck to paycheck?’
She explained that, in her opinion, my mom basically skipped learning how to take care of herself as an adult. Instead of learning how to effectively adult, she focused on taking care of her kids.
I will forever be grateful for my mom and the hard work and sacrifices she endured to raise me and my siblings.”
“Had To Come To Grips With That”
“My mom was 15 when she had me. Honestly, my life sucked. She used to say that she could have given me up for adoption, and then decided not to because she realized that I would love her unconditionally- no matter what. Our relationship progressed pretty negatively because of that mindset of hers. Every negative thing I did was against what she thought motherhood would be like. I was something she could pick up and put down and leave behind at her leisure. There were a number of times she’d drop me off at a family member’s house and disappear. Once, I came home from kindergarten and no one was there (dad was in prison). The next morning, my uncle showed up. He had heard my mom left and had a gut feeling he needed to go to my house.
There was no food and the heat had been turned off by the utility company. I don’t remember much about that time other than the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the Demolition Man movie.
She had she pretty bad trauma and never processed it properly, so when she got angry due to a trauma reminder, she got furious.
When she was good – boy she was golden. She could be the most fun of a person you could ask for, but she wasn’t a mother. She never held and comforted, she expected hugs and comfort. She was a kid, and thought with a kid brain. When we had some spare change, she’d walk me to the ice cream place and she’d buy herself an ice cream and we’d go back home.
As I got older, our already weird relationship became weirder. She told me she didn’t want people to know she was my mom and I could introduce her as my sister. She would tell people that she had three children (my siblings) and not claim me because people would do the math. She wanted to be friends with my friends. She wanted to hang around when they were there.
What I know about having a teenage mom is this: I loved her with the kind of fanatical worship that messed me up for a long time. She could be funny and cruel at the same time. When she gave you attention, your world would be brighter but when she was mad at you, the world would be dark.
She never grew out of her teenage mindset, and I had to come to grips with that.”
“If I Wanted Something, I Had To Earn It”
“My mom had had myself and my two siblings by the time she was 23, and was raising the three of us as a single mother. We never had a lot of money to do fun things, but she loved all three of us dearly and did whatever she could to make sure we were provided for. Sometimes, this meant two or three jobs at a time. It also meant we never got annual vacations like all my friends at school. Not that I minded terribly since for almost the entire first decade of my life we lived right down the road from a public beach and a playground. I didn’t get to go to Disney World until my senior trip when I was 18, which I paid for myself. If I wanted something, I had to earn it. We didn’t get an allowance, either.
There was a lot of ‘No, we can’t afford that.’ When tax time came around, she always bought each of us a nice gift and took us out to dinner somewhere. She went through a lot of cheap used cars she found on the side of the road and we spent a lot of time at Grandma’s house on school breaks and weekends.
My first official family vacation didn’t happen until I was 17. Amusement park visits were not a thing for most of my childhood unless a friend invited me along or my uncle took my siblings and me for a fun day trip.
All in all, though, I think for being a teen mom, my mother did an okay job and I appreciate her always being there for us kids even though she was still a kid herself when she had us.”
“Then I Really Got The Picture”
“My mom was 18 when she had me. She was 24 when she had my sister. The way we grew up was vastly different from each other. Mom saw me as competition for my dad’s attention. My mom fawned over my sister, and to this today, she and my mom are very close. We didn’t have a lot of things growing up but had what we needed.
Some things that stand out for me are when I was in middle school, I was responsible for my sister always. Anything I wanted to do with my friends, it had to be planned for if she could go or not. If she could not go, I couldn’t go. I cooked the meals, cleaned up, and did laundry. My sister always talks about the fun things she did with her friends and adventures they did, and it hurts a little knowing what I missed out on.
When I moved out, I moved hours away, I didn’t want to be responsible for anyone but me. It was then I really got the picture, my sister was the wanted child, I was the ‘oops.’ Mom took her shopping for name brand stuff, bought her dresses for formals, when to her sporting events….all the things I never got to do.
Caused a huge rift between my mom and sister and me. It was very obvious. When I called my mom out on it, she told me when I have kids, I’ll understand. I now have three kids of my own, teenagers, I still don’t see what my mom felt about it was okay.”
“She Only Wanted The Best”
“I was the second one born, but my mom was still only 19 when she had me. I think she was mature enough to realize she needed to grow up quickly so she could be good for us. In her early 30s, since we got a bit older, she had her crazy going out phase.
She also wanted us to have the experiences she didn’t get like prom and college, so we got the ‘loving-making’ talk pretty early. She made sure to keep ’emergency rubbers’ just in case, and got me on birth control once she knew I was sleeping with someone.
She was a good mom, we never had a lot of money but I knew she wanted only the best for my siblings and me. I’ve made it to my senior year of college so far with nothing holding me back.”
“It Feels Weird Sometimes”
“My mom was 21 and a senior in college when she was pregnant with me. I thank God every day for her, because literally every decision she made early on had a positive impact on my life later.
She stayed in college and finished with not just one, but two bachelors in math and math education. She got a job as a teacher, but since teachers don’t make a lot of money and raising a child in the US is expensive, she furthered her education with a master’s in computer science.
She was brave enough to move from her hometown where all our family lives to a state where she found a higher paying job. It was just her and me, and we didn’t know anybody in said state at the time. I was only four years old too. With the higher salary, she was able to save and enroll me in a private school.
Overall, I still had a good and admittedly privileged childhood compared to other kids raised by young, single moms. We went on vacations and to Disney World regularly.
Some differences would be long hours in before and aftercare because she worked and still works long hours. I would often go to other friend’s houses where they had a parent home to watch us until she got off work. Also, since my dad and mom were never together, I had double Thanksgivings, double birthdays, and double Christmases.
They’re both married with ‘new’ kids now, so it’s sometimes weird feeling like the odd factor in the equation and the black sheep of both families. All in all, I love my blended family even if it feels weird sometimes.”
“We Were Told We Look Like Sisters”
“My mom and dad had me at 20. I now laugh at the fact that I remember in elementary school, kids my age saying ‘Your mom is so beautiful!’ Now, I realize she was like 25.
I loved having younger parents, I’ve always been extremely close to them and tell them everything. My dad and I often like the same music and my mom and I will watch the same shows. I’ve gone clubbing with my mom, and we always get free drinks and told we look like sisters. What’s most different from my friends is growing up are my grandparents and great-grandparents, some of which are still alive!
The cons are I felt like my parents were a lot stricter because they were trying to prove to everyone that they were capable young parents.”
“Felt Like I Was A Burden”
“My mom was given a hard time by her parents because she had to move back in (my father left). She would pay some rent and literally be their maid to ‘pay rent.’ She would do their laundry (she had to do it by hand), cook food, do all of the errands, and so forth. Grandma wouldn’t allow us to go outside my mom’s room because we would ‘clutter’ her house.
My mother loved us, but as I grew up (when I was eight-years-old, we moved out to our own apartment), I noticed that sometimes she would get a visit from her old friends that just had a night out at bars and stuff. I would feel bad because she can’t go with them and have fun. I felt like I was a burden. She never told me that I was a burden or it was my fault, but it was pretty evident that she couldn’t have fun because of us. It just sucks not having the power to do anything to help out or to give your own mother a break.
I feel like because of what we went through, I became more emotionally perceptive and mature. I often put myself in people’s shoes without even thinking about it, and sometimes it depresses the heck out of me because again I couldn’t help because I was young.
But that was my mom. She was content, she worked hard, she persevered, and now I live a pretty easy life. Finished college and everything and I owe it all to her.”
“Her Intentions Are Not Bad”
“My mom has me a little after she turned 18. I had the ‘hot mom.’ This was really terrible to grow up with, as a woman. My mom was in constant competition with me as I moved into my teen years. She put me on diets. She tanned topless, knowing I would show up with friends after school. She was hyper-focused on looks and thinness.
She is emotionally immature. I have had to do a ton of work on myself to not be her, have a healthy relationship with my body, food, and intimate relations. I have had to go to therapy to deal with the effects of her objectifying narcissism.
And she wasn’t even an abusive person. She is compassionate and loving. Her intentions are not bad. But she has always been shallow, immature, and utterly clueless about how to deal with the feelings of others.”
“Makes Me Really Sad”
“My parents didn’t know what the heck they were doing because they had three unplanned kids before 25. So my childhood was a lot of fighting and stress over money. My dad has anger issues and never worked through them, so that was fun. They racked up a lot of credit card debt and that hit them hard once I was in high school.
They declared bankruptcy and lost a lot. They were physically and emotionally unavailable a lot because all they could do was work. I mean, I get it. You got bills. But it left me to basically raise my siblings because I’m the oldest.
My sister has even told me that she considers me to be more of a mom than our mom ever was. The whole situation makes me really sad. I wish I had done more for them. And I also never want kids as a result.”
“I Got To See My Mom Grow Up”
“My mom had me at 16, and we ended up being really close. My mom’s parents resented my mom’s teenaged pregnancy but they love me. My grandparents live in a large home in Hartford, Connecticut, and my grandfather is successful in the insurance business, so my mom’s pregnancy didn’t fit with their high-society lifestyle. My grandma was too embarrassed to go to DAR meetings for months.
The fun part is that I got to see my mom grow up. I was with her when she graduated from community college, and I got to be there when as she grew her career, going from working at a small bed and breakfast to owning her own Inn with her best friend. We’re inseparable, and she always tells me, ‘Where you lead, I will follow you anywhere that you tell me to.'”
“Will Not Make Those Mistakes With My Son”
“My mom was 18 and my dad was 20 when they had me. My childhood was mostly great, they both worked really hard to provide for me and give me everything I wanted/needed. When I hit my late teens, my mom made a lot of mistakes; we did some narcotics together, and ultimately it caused a lot of issues for me throughout early adulthood.
Eventually, I developed a pretty major problem with substances. My mom doesn’t abuse substances anymore and neither do I. I went through a really rough patch, and I’m pretty sure that our relationship contributed because she treated me more like a friend and less like a son for a long time. My dad was always strict and our relationship was pretty rocky when I was in my teens. Now I’m super close with my dad and less so with my mom even though they’re still together. I would change some things if I could, but I forgive my mom and I know they both love me very much. I will not make the same mistakes they did with my son.”