It's the nightmare that no one wants, catching your lover with someone else. The heartbreak that these writers have been through is hard to understand, but that are here to tell their stories. Some content has been edited for clarity.
A Letter Changes Everything
“I had been married for close to 10 years. We were a good match or, so I thought. One day I came home from work earlier than my now ex. I got the mail and noticed a certified letter from a court house. It was addressed to my husband. Since I did all the mail stuff, I opened it. To my dismay it was a court order for child support. A lady was suing my husband for child support of their two years old son. I called him at work and asked about the child. He said we will talk about it when he got home. He did not come home for three days. When I called him at work the second day, he was missing. He said he was giving me time to calm down. I was hurt and felt lied to and betrayed. Was I calm when he finally got home? NO! Note to men: giving a woman three days to think of ways to punish you is not a good idea…ever. I was very angry!
For some twisty reason, I wanted to know everything––from when they met to where the child was conceived. I needed to know if he ever brought her to our home and how much they love each other. To this day, I don’t know why this was so important to me at that time.
Apparently, my husband had promised this woman that he was going to leave me for her and when he didn’t keep his words, she took him to court. I later found out that when my husband was not hanging out with his army buddies, he was with her. When he said he was working late, he was with her. He told me they had to take a pay cut, that was a lie. It was for him to be able to support his other child without me knowing.
The lady thought if I found out about the baby, I would put him out, and then she will have her man. One thing my grandmother told me was ‘Never let another woman be the cause of you leaving your man, you leave him when you are good and ready to leave him.’
Well, II did not let him off easy. Remember, I had three days to plan his punishment.
For a year, I made his life horrible. He had to ‘clock in’ with me at all time spent outside the house. He had to make all phone calls in my presence and I had to speak to the person before and after him. When at work, he was to call me hourly from the office phone. His job was a 20 minutes drive from home, I gave him 22 minutes to get home. No stopping for anything.
Another letter came, this time from Children Services. The lady started drinking heavily. The little boy (now 6) was taken from her. They contacted my husband to asked if he wanted his son or he would be placed in foster care. Again, I was not ready to leave. He begged and begged me.
We took the child in. Our third child is now 19 years old and doing very well. When was I ready to leave you ask? When our last child (the 19-year-old) completed high school. I drove him to his college. I had met a wonderful man and had him on ‘standby’ for the last two years of our marriage. When we decided to take our relationship to the ‘adult’ level, I ask my husband for a divorce.
For some stupid reason, he was in shock. We got divorced and I started my new relationship and never look back.”
Thanks Doc
“A doctor told me my girlfriend was cheating on me. My girlfriend was sitting right next to him when he said it.
I still look back on that day and think, ‘Man, you should have taken some of those free health bars they were offering at reception. Those things looked delicious.’
I’d been waiting in the waiting room. I’d been in the same doctor’s office the week prior getting my own test results. I got the all clear across the board. No cancer (always a highlight after my brush with Leukemia) and no STDs. But, somewhat annoyingly, no developing superpowers either. Ah well, can’t win them all.
My girlfriend of over two years was going in for her check-up this time. Again, no major reason. You just have to look after your health when you’re in your early 20s––drinking too much, sleeping too little and generally giving the middle finger to a balanced diet.
So, I was a little surprised when she popped out of the room and very quietly wandered over to me, leaning down with a soft ‘the doctor wants to talk to you.’
Following her into the small, sterile room I took a seat in what was possibly the world’s most uncomfortable chair––both physically and metaphorically.
‘I’ve just told your partner that she has Chlamydia,’ the doctor said with the type of poker face that would win awards.
Seriously, I’m the type of person who laughs when things get awkward. You don’t want to giggle when you tell someone you’ll be amputating a foot. In fact, that’s the main reason I’m not a doctor (that and I have the IQ of a door).
Imagine that room. You could cut the silence with a fork (I don’t use knives, I use the side of a fork, it saves washing up). All the while my girlfriend sat there staring at the floor while a kind eyed doctor peered over his glasses and through his poker face, waiting for me to speak.
‘I understand’ I replied, not understanding at all.
Everything was a blur from there. The doctor was gentle and empathetic, but also aloof. He didn’t offer more than the facts––the antibiotics for her to take, the timeline of recovery, safe tips for the future. His poker face remained. We left his office together in silence not long after. My mind whirring at the possibilities, trying to wrap my head around what this meant.
And my girlfriend? She came at me hard and fast.
She told me, ‘Alex, I know what you’re thinking, but I didn’t cheat on you. I know where I got this from. I went to a rave in the woods just before we met and slept with a guy. It was unprotected, but I was alone and felt scared and I know he gave it to me. I’m sorry.’
I did what felt right. I accepted her story. I got on with making the best of our relationship. I chose to forgive and forget.
Fast-forward a little over two years…by now she was gone. I’d caught her cheating on me with a regular from the bar she worked at. Our 4+ year relationship was over. As a now single guy crushing it on the single scene (see: definitely not crushing it on the single scene), I went for a routine health check-up. The results were fine of course, just as I knew they would be.
As I sat in that same doctor’s office, speaking to that same doctor. Over two years later, I just had to ask, ‘Mate, this might seem off-topic, but could a woman have Chlamydia for over two years and not know it?’
He nodded. ‘It’s possible,’ he replied objectively and with poker face in play. Chlamydia is typically asymptomatic in women.’
So I pressed on…
‘What if that woman was having unprotected relations with her boyfriend for two years, is there any chance she wouldn’t pass it on to him?’
‘No’ he replied. His legendary poker face almost cracking like he’d been holding the world’s greatest secret, ‘Almost zero chance.’
And that’s how a doctor told me my significant other had cheated on me two years ago. Then, the same doctor told me again two years later.”
How Did He Not See It
“I remember the exact time over 40 years later. Just 5 minutes past Midnight on a Monday night. I was watching Monday Night Football and one of the announcers said that this was now officially the latest Monday Night Football game ever and it was now 12:05am. That’s when the phone rang and it was the Director from my then wife’s second job.
‘Can she come to the phone?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘She should already be at work.’
She had to arrive at 11pm and the job was only a 25-minute drive away. Even if she’d gotten halfway there and had car trouble, she could have walked either home or to work by now, so it seemed.
I started to say, ‘Maybe I’d better call the sheriff’ when the Director cut me off.
‘No …er, that is … I think I’ve already said too much. Look, just leave her a note telling her to call me when she gets in.’
I called the sheriff anyway, but they’d had no reports. They’d keep a lookout since I’d given them a description. The make and model of the car and the plate number. I called the local ER (only one hospital anywhere near where she should have been). No one there met her description.
Okay, by around 2am it’s finally beginning to dawn on me. All her double shifts, late shifts, extra shifts became suspicious all at once. I have work at 9am and I have to be there by 8:30, so I have to go to bed. In this town, all the bars close at 11pm on weeknights and midnight on weekends. Even if it was innocent, went out for a drink because she got her next shift wrong, she’d have been home long before now. You could pretty much walk from the nearby small city to where we lived from bars closing at 11-2am.
I left the note and went to bed. Next afternoon, I run into her briefly and ask if she got the note. Yes, she said, ‘Mix up in shifts. Mrs. X thought I was supposed to be there last night but it’s tonight.’ Then ‘I went over to so-and-so’s house (a friend) and to tell the truth, we had one too many. I spent the night on the couch. I work tonight and then I have a double on Wednesday and a probably both Friday and Saturday. Guess you’ll have to find something to do all weekend.’
In her line of work, her official shift was 3:30-11:30, but as a manager, she had to be in by 3pm and didn’t leave until Midnight to overlap with the other shift managers. A double would then also include the midnight-7:30 shift, with overlap to 8am. Conveniently for her it would seem, I’d always have just left to get to my job by the time she’d get home from a double.
My paid hours went from 9-1 Monday through Saturday, so by the time I’d get home at 1:30 or so, she would be still sleeping or just about getting up to get ready to leave at 2:30. Then, I started college at a community college about 45 minutes (good weather) drive away. I’d leave the store promptly at 1pm to make my 2pm class. I had a second evening class from 5-9pm, so I wouldn’t get home until nearly 10pm. She’d either be gone (work) or asleep if she didn’t have her regular shift or her second job.
But now, I was suspicious for the first time in our relationship going on two years. I said nothing. Maybe I was wrong. I knew little about how people really worked in her field. And whenever she’d bring up the long hours and all that with others around (all of our friends were her co-workers) no one would ever disagree.
I would find out for sure just a week later. Therefore, I ended up coming home from class at about 3pm instead of my normal 10pm.
I found two cars in the driveway. One was hers, the other I didn’t recognize. I was going to pull out, but I had nowhere to go. I also thought maybe I was being unfair. After all, she did get together with co-workers sometimes and like her, most of them worked evening and night shift. So, I went in. I’m a very quiet person so they, having very loud relations, never heard me. I walked back out, revved my car and scattered some gravel in the process. I fully intended for them to hear me and hopefully run to the window. Now, the problem is that I really had nowhere to go so a half hour of driving later, I return. Only one car there now.
That’s when she admitted she was seeing this guy and that she was going to stay with him. She would be leaving in an hour or so for a date, and she only hung around to clean up, figuring I’d be back shortly. I could get a divorce or not, up to me…he was in a position where he couldn’t get divorced for quite a few years. She was with him for good, we were over, but if I wanted to save my money until I found someone else, fine with her.
We’d been scheduled to visit my parents for a week at Christmas time (8-hour drive away in another state). She would not be going under the circumstances. She also advised me that her brother and his girlfriend would be visiting for the week between Christmas and New Years. It would be better all the way around if I turned my week into two weeks. She would then give me until January 31 to be out of the apartment and during that time, we would not see each other if at all possible.
Our lease ended on March 31st and she already had a legal document. We would both pay half the January rent, and she alone would pay February and March. I agreed that I had to be completely out by 1/31 and that anything left there at that point was hers.
Things totally fell apart after that and I would soon learn (from a box of letters and a diary she’d left behind in my grandparents’ garage) that the affairs had started just 3 weeks after we announced our engagement. They’d been non-stop ever since. Not only that, but this was why she lost her original job and ‘couldn’t find’ any work in the area. We ended up moving to another state 8 hours away … but that turned out to be because her old boss told her to clean up her life and that it would not be wise for her to look for another job around there.
There was the never-true ‘I’m pregnant’ she used to get me to get engaged. Then there was the desperate attempt to get out of it once she learned that my parents were far from wealthy and that I wasn’t on any job fast track to the top. Then the affairs, non-stop and not very discrete. But in all that, word never filtered back to me. Her friends and bosses would cover for her stories of long hours, extended shifts, and all that any time I was in the room.
All starting with me, not really a football fan at the time and having to get up in the morning to boot, deciding to stay up watching Monday Night Football. Had it not been for that, I’d have been long in bed and the answering machine would have gotten the boss’ message.”
It’s Always Someone Close
“My wife and I had been married for a year at the time this all went down. I’d had suspicions before, even while we were dating, but nothing was ever verifiable.
I used to work in construction and had delivered some equipment to a job site at a hotel. This was on a Wednesday. We were remodeling the penthouse which required card key access. The front desk made me a key and I dropped the stuff off. I forgot about the hotel key until, while doing laundry the next day, she found it. I was immediately confronted as I came through the door that day. I explained and even showed her pictures of the project to further calm her worries. I thought it was over. Friday rolled around, and we had plans with friends/neighbors to go out for a birthday. All seemed fine. The night was fun. I had to work in the morning, so I didn’t drink much. Almost everybody else was drinking heavily including my wife. I and our downstairs neighbor, let’s call him Rick, were the only sober ones.
At around midnight, our next door neighbor, Dan, had his fill and could barely walk. Having to get up early, I offered to take him home. Rick agreed to take my wife and Dan’s brother home later. We left, got Dan to his bed, then I crashed out myself. I’m not sure of the time exactly, but it felt like she got home just before I got up for work at 6. She was dead to the world when I left. When I returned she was up, hungover, but everything seemed totally fine. She even initiated some loving. Fast-forward to Monday: I came home from work, and she was getting ready to leave.
‘I have a study group at 5 on campus,’ she said. ‘This class is really tough.’
Sounded legit, she had been going to school for her degree and she had mentioned this class before. There was something inside me that just didn’t buy it though. I played along, kissed her goodbye, and watched her leave. I don’t know what it was, but I knew something was off and Rick had something to do with it. It took me all of 15 minutes to come up with a reason to call him. He had mentioned he’d take a desk off my hands, so I called him up.
‘Hey the wife is out, it would be a perfect time to move that desk if you still want it.’
His response made me even more suspicious. ‘Yeah I still want it, but Nancy (girl he had been dating, but broke it off recently) is here right now. Let me call you after I take her home.’
Two things stuck out to me: 1) he previously said she wasn’t his type and 2) she has a car, so why would he be taking her home?
Strange. I just knew ‘Nancy’ was my wife. How do I prove it though? It didn’t take long for the simple, yet genius plan to pop in my head.
We lived in apartments with tandem garages. If you’ve ever had one of these, you know getting in the passenger side, inside the garage, is near impossible. He had a nice Caddy and I knew he always pulled out before he let a passenger in. So, I’ll wait in my truck in the parking lot with a view of his garage. If he pulled out and I saw Nancy get in, or my wife came home, then I’m just being paranoid.
I sat for about 3 hours, then it happened. The garage door opened, he pulled out and drove off. Either no passenger or someone got in before the door opened.
Queue Mission Impossible music.
I followed at a safe distance. He drove to his work, I drove past and pulled into the next driveway at a bank. I pulled around back, so I could see the parking lot and there it was––her car. He pulled right up to it and she got out.
I confronted her right then and there. He saw me coming across the parking lot and just kept going. ‘What a coward,’ I thought to myself.
I told her not to come home.
‘We’re done.’
She confessed that it had started Friday night (why she got home so late) and this was the second time, but she had ended it. She tried to blame it on being inebriated and how finding that hotel key made her feel. I went home and brought that desk down from my second story alone and dropped it from my balcony on to his brand-new patio set below. He never showed his face again. Unfortunately, I’m a glutton for punishment and took her back. It’s been the same stuff since.
I am on my way out though. I’m fighting for the well-being of my kids and it’s been an uphill battle, but I’m done. My freedom is within reach and I’m excited!”
It Freed Me
“My spouse had never been much for showing affection. I was expecting our 4th child and had been effectively isolated from what friends I had. We had just moved to a more upscale neighborhood with neighbors that were nice but definitely not my type of people. They were always talking about decorating and which interior designer they used. My old friends had been watching the abuse pattern for years and had distanced themselves either in frustration or fear that his wrath would turn on them.
I wasn’t working at the time but that in no way meant I had no money. There was so little contributed to household expenses that I was told, by the breadwinner himself that I needed to apply for food stamps if I didn’t ‘want to work.’
I had been told by both my doctor and our family Rabbi that as a result of a health condition that I had ignored for too many years that working to support the family, as I had done for the first 12 years of my marriage, was off the table for me for a while to help me get well again. My spouse was incredibly bitter, despite having traditional values about everything else…(women do the housework and tend to the children’s needs and serve their spouse, all while working a full time job). I was just following orders from him to keep him happy enough to not hurt me.
He began traveling. First, it was for a night or two. Then for weeks at a time he wasn’t around. Pages of his passport filled up. We still didn’t have money at home, but off he went on many adventures, which looking back, I am sure he spent many nights with other women in his bed.
I didn’t know for sure though, until his trip to Vegas. During the trip, some work related acquaintances that I had met became concerned and reached out to me saying so. He started canceling speaking engagements last minute. For me, he didn’t answer my messages for days at a time at this point. Upon his return, he brought with him several pieces of physical evidence. It was then that the pieces began fitting together as he became more and more detached when he was home, which was rare.
Passwords to his phone and computer were changed. He spent hours laughing at his phone, claiming he was playing online games with a friend. I was so hurt that he would do this to our family especially while I was growing our child inside me. I held my belly for comfort. At least I would have my children to love me since their father didn’t want to.
I had to get through the pregnancy and then it was time to end my misery. It was a miserable slow death, the death of my hope for an intact family, the death of my dreams for a loving spouse who was on my team, the death of ever feeling appreciated for all the loyalty and selflessness I had shown for 15 years.
It has been almost 3 years since the separation. He refuses to give me a divorce, civilly or religiously. He texts at all hours about nothing, as if we are somehow still together. He still tries to boss me around, using our poor children as pawns in his game.
I take comfort in knowing that I finally acknowledged the problems we had instead of sweeping them under the rug and letting myself be open to that level of pain and disappointment. I am so much happier and my life has more purpose and meaning. I am more connected to my friends, who despite what names he has given them, are good and loving people who care for me and my children better than he ever did. I can go to bed early without fear he will be there to wake me up to get him a drink. I can leave the laundry for another day and nobody will berate me about how lazy I am. I can succeed at a difficult job and not be told that I am not making enough money (does anyone?). I can eat chocolate and not be called fat. I am free to hug and kiss my children for an hour before bed without anyone hissing at me to fulfill their needs because ‘they come first.’
I can choose my own clothing, things that I like without being told my taste is trashy. I can go visit my mother without fear that he doesn’t approve. I can breathe again like I did when I was young, before he came into my life and turned me into his servant.
As bad as the abuse ever got, and it was awful, it was the infidelity that pushed me out the door. To all those women who kept him company, thank you. Thank you for being the catalyst for me to save myself from a sad existence and to show my children that treating your spouse poorly is simply not okay.”
Didn’t Even Try To Cover Her Tracks
“We’d been married nearly a year when she asked me to take in her sister-in-law’s brother for a few days while he was in town. I didn’t like it, but she quilted me into making it out to be like I was turning ‘family’ away. The guy was nice enough, though a bit of an unemployed drifter, as it turned out. He stayed about a week and went on his merry way, if a bit sudden and unannounced. I came back from work one night, and she told me he’d left. Fine. I didn’t give the guy much thought afterward…until a couple of weeks later.
We had one of those old answering machines with the tiny tapes inside. They were very common at the time in California. I came home from work one late afternoon while my wife was out. The machine was blinking, so I checked for messages. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what I heard.
The recording was of a complete conversation that had taken place early that morning – after I’d left for work – between my wife and her sister-in-law’s brother. It seemed apparent she had been sleeping when he called and the phone must have rung enough times for the machine to pick up before she answered the call herself. Unless you stop the machine it keeps recording, and that’s what it did. For an entire twenty minutes or so.
During their conversation, my wife managed to shake off her drowsiness and candidly describe – in vivid detail – the last time he had woken her up, referring to an occasion during his stay with us, it was safe to assume. Then followed some very youthful and flirting with moaning sounds included for effect, talk of possible plans to meet up soon and how to explain them away to me, and the recollection of other intimate moments they had shared in our home. The whole works. Very little was left unsaid. Of course, a normal cheater would have enough sense to cover her tracks a little, maybe check the messages on the machine or just make sure nothing inappropriate was left on there. Not this bonehead. There was so much more detail than one would ever truly want to hear, even though we usually believe we’d like to know it all. Trust me, it doesn’t help. The thoughts and images that stayed in my head accompanied me for years afterward.
I won’t comment on where things went from there, except to say that everything changed. And no, we are not together anymore.”
I’m Not Crazy Bob
“I was woken up by a phone call with a number I needed to call. I stumbled out of bed and looked for a pen and paper to write this info down, so I could give it a call. No paper and pen in sight but Ah! Lucky me, boyfriends phone is on the desk. I’ll just use that to take the number down.
As soon as I just click the side button on, a message from K.K. that says:
‘So your just gonna leave without saying goodbye? Rude.’
At first, I thought, ‘What?’
But pushed it past me and continued on with copying the number down. As I finished my business, I put my boyfriends phone down and went to brush my teeth and wash my face. As I’m washing my face, I can see that image of the text message burned behind my eyelids… ‘just gonna leave without saying goodbye?’ That’s only something someone with intimate intentions would say…
I feel guilty and horrible on my end for this part, but I went back and checked that message. I opened up his phone, opened up that stupid message and wouldn’t you know:
2:54am Him: ‘What are you up to you little minx?’
2:55am Her: naughty photo of her front
2:56am Her: photo of backside
2:57am Her: video of her sucking on her fingers in the dark
Then this was all followed by her: ‘you just going to leave’ comment with no response from him.
I felt… devastated. I couldn’t understand, I was laying right there asleep on his bed while he messaged this female. If he was that aroused, he could have come to me, but he didn’t. He made a choice and that was to message this stranger.
I know I shouldn’t have gone further, but I check this other messaging app he was and I shouldn’t have gone that far. Every woman that added him or he added…he had a message for every single one, talking inappropriately to every single one. As I looked at all of these messages it made me feel odd… like I was looking at the filing cabinets of a compulsive liar or psychopath. It was message after message.
This was nowhere close to being ‘friendly’ and introducing yourself to people. This was something way beyond that. I even saw the dates. He has been doing this ever since we first met. Once we started getting more serious, he never stopped. He even had a few girls in his WhatsApp with their contact info, messaging back and forth, sending photos, consistently throughout our relationship, I felt so angry and betrayed.
After seeing all of this, I gave myself a moment to breathe and made sure I was not seeing things. I wasn’t making anything up and that for a fact I was not dreaming. I put his phone down and went to another room to sit and think. I cried all morning until he woke up and came looking for me. He was so genuinely shocked and upset to see me so hurt and crying. He hugged me and asked me what’s wrong, ‘You’re safe, you’re okay. What is wrong my love?’ I pulled away from him and I said, ‘I saw the message…’
He stared at me for a while, ‘…What message?’
‘The message on your phone, from K.K.’
He stares at me longer, ‘What message? Who is K.K.?’
‘Please don’t make me feel like I’m crazy. I saw you messaging a female at 2:54am.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. Look.’
He proceeds to pick up phone and open it. ‘Look see! there’s nothing there.’
I look at the phone and I look at him, ‘WOOOOW…you’re really going to play me like that? You’re really trying to insult my intelligence?’
Him getting a little antsy, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about?! Maybe you deleted it? I don’t even use it!’
‘Okay B ob, so its either one of two things: 1) You’re lying to me or 2) You’re saying that I’m completely crazy. Which one is it?’
He stares at me long and hard and I can see defeat in his eyes and in his soul. It was like I could see the brick wall of charm he built up shatter in front of me all with just a look.
He looks downwards and stays quiet…
‘That silence says it all. I saw all the messages on the other app too…. and I saw your ‘best friend.’ Brooke was it? (yeah that’s her real name, at least what he had her saved as). I saw she was in your skype too… All of this goes that far? Really, Bob?’
What hurts me the most about this situation is the fact that, weeks prior to me visiting him (we are a long distance couple), I had been having this ugly feeling in my intuition about him being unfaithful to me. I tried voicing my feelings to him, and he would consistently make me feel like I was crazy, like I was being paranoid. I fought against my own instincts and tried to trust this man. I even went to see a counselor because I seriously thought something was wrong with me to be feeling this way and having panic attacks. It turns out… I was right all along.
I asked him for 3 things in our relationship…
- Don’t lie to me.
- Don’t cheat on me. (if you want something else, be an adult and leave)
- Don’t make me feel like I’m crazy (don’t lie and make it seem like I’m paranoid, own up to your lies.)
It has been a very rough ride, very confusing and very tiring… I’ve had too many emotions to count with no one to talk to. All I can say from this is that my counselor is going to hear one intense story.”
In Front Of Her
“I was dating this guy for about four years. I was in the need for a new car, since mine was about to blow. I was in the market and I found this nice car for a decent price. I asked my then boyfriend to go with me, since he is an expert on cars. This nice girl with a southern accent comes out and shows me the car, and I immediately knew I was going to get it. I started signing the papers, going over all the things you do when you purchase a car, and everything seemed to be going well. I only brought in a certain amount of cash with me to the dealership but I needed a bit more to put my monthly payments lower. The girl said she would love to drive us in my new car to the bank where I could pull out the money. As I am in the bank, my boyfriend said he would wait in the car. (I didn’t think it was weird at the time because I trusted him.) As I am getting in the car, they are exchanging phone numbers. My boyfriend came up with this lame excuse, ‘Oh, she has a Disney pass, she can go with us to Disney since she doesn’t have a lot of friends out here.’
Okay whatever…
We go back to the dealership, I get the keys, and we go home. I was upset and he knew it. He started saying, ‘You’re upset I got her number huh? She isn’t even cute.’
Yeah, but if I did that to him, that wouldn’t fly.
A couple of weeks pass. I am showing off my new car to my friends and family, but little do I know what is about to happen. My ex started acting super distant to me. He started making excuses to hang out with friends and would always be asleep by the time I got off work. So, I got fed up with it. I told him that we needed to go a week without talking to each other. Not a break, we would still be loyal to each other (at least I did). And he was totally cool with that!
I went off doing my own things and had a lot of girls nights out. The week was over, so I texted my ex. No response… I texted him the next day, again no response… so I texted and called him and left messages on his phone the third day, with no reply.
He ghosted me, for almost 3 weeks.
Finally, I sent him a text and a message because it was his birthday. I went on his Facebook and saw he was replying to everyone who was writing on his wall, so I decided to write ‘Hey! I hope you have a good day on your birthday.’
I kept checking every 10 minutes. 45 minutes pass by and nothing but someone else posted on his wall… THE GIRL WHO SOLD ME MY CAR! And this is what she wrote, ‘Happy birthday, Mr. President. I can’t wait to see you tonight and spend your birthday with you.’
My heart sank… I felt disgusted and mad and upset. 15 minutes after she posted that, he blocked me on all social media.
Our birthdays are exactly a week apart. The day before my birthday, he said he wanted to see me. He came over to my place and told me that it wasn’t going to work out anymore. I asked if it was because of that girl. He said they are just friends and that he doesn’t look at her that way… I knew he was lying. He said he still wanted to be my friend and he left me there, crying my eyes out, wondering what does she have that I don’t?
I was hurt. I let it go. And started finally being happy again. A couple of months pass by, and he starts hitting me up to hang out (as friends), so I oblige. We got some drinks, played darts and just talked. He was the person who knew me the best.
But during this time, I meet this amazing man. He is super respectful and I have never met anyone quite like him before. (this guy knew I was hanging out with my ex) I told my ex that I met this guy and I really like him. Oh, was he angry.
‘You only like him because he has an accent!’ (He’s Brazilian lol)
We hang out another time again, and he apologizes to me about hurting me and that he doesn’t want to lose me again and if I am willing to try our relationship over again he would do anything. I told him I could never be with him again. The only reason why now is because A) it didn’t work with his new chick (she lives too far) and B) I met someone who might fill in the boyfriend position.
He kept wanting to hang out ‘as friends.’ The guy I was dating told me that his intentions are wrong and no matter how much he knows you or how good of a friend he is, he would respect you if you didn’t want to talk and hangout every day (yeah, after I told him I was dating someone he tried to hang out with me every day).
One night, my ex texted me ‘Hey let’s get dinner and a drink after?’
I responded, ‘I am sorry, but I am going to have to decline your offer. I can actually no longer be friends with you. Your intentions aren’t the same as mine and I feel it is unfair to keep on hanging with you and you’re hoping something is going to happen. On top of that, I don’t want to ruin anything I have going on with this new guy I met. I wish you and your family all the best and good luck in your life’
And that was it….
Flash forward 4 years, and I am married to the Brazilian.”
Young Love, And Soup
“She canceled our date at the last minute because she said she was sick, so I thought it would be romantic to bring some chicken noodle soup to her at home.
This happened in the late ’80s when I was in high school, so for all of you young folks out there, try to imagine a time before cell phones were common and the Internet was only used by the government and universities. The communication options with other teens were either A) in person B) the family’s home phone or C) passing notes in class.
Sarah and I were doing great—or, so I believed.
Thinking I’d be the sweet boyfriend who surprised her at home while she was sick, and that we’d hang out instead of going out, that’s exactly what I did.
As I pulled up to her house with piping-hot soup that I picked up at WaWa along the way, I saw her and Adam making out on the couch through the front window.
It’s a cliché played out in many movies, but every time I see it on the screen, this 46 year-old guy becomes 16 again for just a moment.
It was three decades ago, but at the time, my fragile adolescent high-school heart was shattered, obliterated.
However, a fantastic thing about that era was that I wasn’t able to send mass texts to my friends calling her nasty names, hit her up on any of the messaging apps to tell her I caught her in the act, take video of them kissing to publish on my blog, or otherwise say/do anything stupid online while parked in front of her house, with a brain doped up on both angry and devastated hormones.
Instead, I had to drive home, sleep-cry it off, and approach her in school the next day. I didn’t write this answer because I still pine for Sarah, or that it was the most soul-crushing event in my life
Dating is hard enough as it is for kids and young adults—it’s so much more complicated now due to technology and social media.”
Karma Gets A Creep
“I was up in the middle of the night with our crying 7-week old baby, as usual, and walking around the house with her was the only thing that would calm her down. I was walking around and I picked up my husband’s work pants from the previous day off the bathroom floor to put in the laundry.
When I picked them up I felt something in the pocket, so I pulled it out and saw it was a handwritten letter. I proceeded to read a 4-page letter from my husband’s 17-year-old girlfriend––he was 26––while holding our newborn baby in my other arm. She knew all about me and our baby and was begging him to leave us.
Turns out, he’d been seeing her on the side after work and every other chance he got. The fact he’d suddenly need to go get smokes all the time at night and would be gone an hour when the store was only 5 minutes away suddenly made sense. This is something I normally would have noticed and questioned immediately, but being tired and overwhelmed from being a 1st time mom had me off my game, which he knew and took full advantage of. Of course, we divorced soon after.
I’m now remarried to the best husband in the world while my ex-husband is in prison for the millionth time. The girl he had an affair with is now 34, living with her mom, has 3 kids with different dads (1 is my ex), neither married her, and both cheated repeatedly. That’s karma at its finest my friends!”
The Watcher
“I was just starting a relationship with this guy. Let’s call him John. We’ve been dating for a few months before we made it official. We have keys to each other’s house.
Everything was going well, although about three months in, I started having this nagging feeling that he was cheating. I’m never one to snoop in on my partner’s phone or computer, but my instinct has pulled me out of some nasty situations before. I knew this wasn’t paranoia. This was my instinct telling me something’s wrong.
One day, the nagging feeling just went full force. I was too restless to even focus at work, so I took half the day off, bought some groceries and went to John’s house to make dinner and surprise him when he comes home after work.
The lights were out and the door locked- as was expected because he was supposedly at work. I went straight to the kitchen and put my stuff down when I heard a noise in the bedroom.
I went slowly to investigate, trying not to make any noise. I wasn’t even scared, thinking it was a burglar or something. The nagging feeling just got a LOT stronger.
I slowly opened the door to see John and Brittany (not her real name) on the bed, going at it.
So what I did: I went back to the kitchen, took a chair, went back to the bedroom, placed the chair by the open door, sat down and calmly watched them.
It felt like an out-of-body experience. I was numb, and betrayed. But the weird thing about me is when I get really hurt, I don’t cry. I just kind of turn stone-cold.
They were so into it that they didn’t even notice me watching them. When they finished, John made a move to go to the bathroom. He turned towards the door and that’s when he saw me.
He looked like an electrocuted cat (I haven’t seen one, chill) and screamed like a lady. Brittany sat up in bed and saw me. She rolled to the side of the bed and tried to hide under and shouting ‘you creep!’ the whole time LOL too bad she didn’t fit, so she had to settle for the corner with the duvet covering her.
John tried to sweet-talk me and give some lame excuse of what I just saw. I wasn’t having any of it. I stood from the chair, snapped a quick photo of them in the room, found the spare key I gave him, took my groceries and calmly went out of there.
Both of them were working at an airbase in Japan. Brittany was married. I asked some of my friends who know Brittany and her husband and I managed to get her and her husband’s email. I emailed him of what happened, attached the photo I took and Cc’d both John and Brittany.
I never saw either of them again. I also didn’t want to know what happened after I sent that email. I didn’t care to know, I was focused on moving on and taking care of myself. John messaged me, called me but I wasn’t having any of it. There was nothing to explain. What I saw was enough explanation.
I always trust my intuition. It has saved me a lot of times, I know it won’t fail me in the future.”
Chinese Food Saves Lives
“There was this Chinese buffet in my hometown at which I used to eat, quite regularly. Probably more often than a person interested in their health and well-being should.
The woman at the front desk would seat me and bring me my drink, rather than the waiters/waitresses. The head chef would always come out and greet me and give me a polite smile, and ask me if I wanted anything specific made (of which I never really took advantage). So, in other words, these people knew who I was and actually cared about my business.
I used to go there all the time with my then-girlfriend. One day, I went in there alone on my lunch break. The woman at the front desk approached me at my table.
She asked me, ‘You and your girlfriend break up?’
I was confused. ‘Uh… no?’
‘Oh.’
Then she said, very matter-of-factly, ‘She come in here earlier with another man. She kiss him.’
I was shocked. ‘What? She did?’
‘Yeah!’ She said, very excitedly, and pointed to a table, ‘She sat over there.’
So I texted her.
‘Hey, I’m at the buffet for lunch. Wanna join me?’
She replied, ‘No, I already ate.’
‘Ah, cool. Where’d ya go?’
She replied, ‘My mom’s.’
So I said, ‘Really? Because the waitress said she saw you here earlier.’
Five minutes later, she texted, ‘Yeah, I went there. But I didn’t eat anything.’
At that point, I lost interest in pursuing the truth, so I just said, ‘Cool. We’re done.’
I left the woman at the desk a $20 tip.”