Online dating has its ups and downs because you honestly don't know what you're getting into. These online dating users share the times they really questioned, or regretted, swiping right on these crazy, bizarre people.
(Content has been edited for clarity)
He And This Father Were Destined To Be
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“A little backstory: A few years ago I was dating this girl and her father REALLY hated me. Which was a bit odd as most parents love me (or at least lie about it really well). He was just a huge jerk and I always called him on his mess. Anyways, her parents got divorced, we broke up a few months later etc.
Fast forward to around a year later. This girl I’d met on Tinder and I had been dating for a few months and things were starting to get serious. We’re at the point where she wanted me to meet her family. Mother, stepfather, little sister. Why not? I have no problems meeting them, let’s do it I said. She told me how excited her stepdad was to meet me as it turns out we both happen to be Kansas City Chiefs fans.
Well, I’ll be darned: it was the same jerk father of my ex-girlfriend…”
This Tinder Date Turned Into A Babysitting Job
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“One day, I get a mutual like. Fairly pretty girl, some of her teeth are crooked, but I’m not judging. We talk a little bit, exchange phone numbers, and talk a little more. I’ve just moved from out of state, I haven’t made any friends, and I’m missing my once a week trip to the bar for drinks and wings, not to mention getting properly wasted once a month or so. So, we decide to hang out and have a few drinks at her house, no biggie, I’ve done this before with other people without a problem.
I get to said home and she’s started without me. She’s double fisting: one drink in one hand, Coke in the other to chase it down. We talk a moment, then she says she wants to go outside so she can smoke. No worries, I’d prefer that so the house doesn’t reek of smoke. She proceeds to chain a few smokes, then we go back inside, all the while she is consuming her drink and I am refilling for her while we chat.
She continues to drink and wants to go outside every twenty minutes or so to smoke. Just when she’s starting to get really wasted, her son wakes up (I didn’t even know she had kids). He is autistic, and she asks me to tell him to go back to bed so she can finish her smokes. I go in and have a chat with him, he’s had a bad dream. Mom comes in and puts on a Scooby Doo movie that he likes a lot. At this point, she is stumbling and slurring most of her words. She has started talking about this guy she’s really ticked at because he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything beyond friends with benefits.
Throughout the whole night, she has boasted about being a plus sized model and the success of her career and how terrible people are about telling her she needs to lose weight. She is adamant that they should all go to get a life and that she is absolutely stunning and can have any man in the world she chooses. I’ve gotten extremely uncomfortable at this point and would like to leave, but she is so messed up I would feel irresponsible for leaving the child and I don’t think of simple solutions like calling family services in the moment.
I watch Scooby Doo with junior while mom continues to ramble on about her messed up life and how everyone should love her and be attracted to her, repeatedly asking why people are so rude to her and why no one listens to her. She insists that I listen more than anyone she’s met because I’m an Aquarius. No one else will listen to an Aries. She’s smoked the whole pack of smokes by this point and is complaining that she does not have anymore. She then proceeds to shuffle through multiple CDs, tossing the ones that are too scratched to play on the floor and cussing out her TV for not playing them. She breaks two while trying to get them to work.
Eventually, she starts to sober up and is asking me to go and buy her more smokes. I explain that I don’t have any money (an honest response at the time), and tell her that I am sorry and that I will have to leave. I just wanted to make sure she was sober enough to take care of her kid. She asks me to take a gift card and go to a local grocery store to purchase smokes, and I let her know (after quickly checking my phone) that they will not be open for another two hours and I have to leave to get some rest before I go to work.
The next morning, she messages me on Facebook and asks how bad things were. I explain kindly, but let her know things did get a little out of hand. She says, ‘OMFG…I suck balls. So many balls,’ then proceeds to block me on Facebook. That is the last I ever heard of the only model I’ve ever met in person.”
He Was A Two-Timin,’ Lyin,’ Cold-Hearted Snake
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“I met a guy on Tinder after ending a six-year relationship. He was in his last year of school and seemed to have his life together and was really cool. I made it extremely clear that I was in no hurry to rush into a relationship, that I wanted to get to know him better. We ended up dating a few months later. Everything was great. I was actually really happy with him. I was going to take him home for Christmas (we had been together about 6 months).
Last Monday I got a Facebook message from a random girl. Screenshots included. Turned out boyfriend had made plans to go out with her Tuesday, she had found his Facebook, which had very clearly said we were in a relationship. Bless this little Tinder angel’s heart for messaging me. I confronted my boyfriend, went through his phone (not like me), found extremely graphic intimate texts between him and at least two other girls besides Tinder girl. Boyfriend said he was so insecure and worried that I didn’t want to be with him that he wanted this false security. I broke up with him and got drinks with Tinder girl, we’re friends now.”
He Felt Terrible Swiping Right On This Poor, Innocent Girl
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“This was a right swipe I was a little on the fence about but for one reason or another, I decided on a yes. What do you know, we matched! This is about 1 am on a Friday night and I was wasted, so I was ready to hit on anything. I spent a few minutes trying to pull a clever pickup line out of my barely functioning brain, but I didn’t need to, she messaged me first. Cool, this should be easier than I thought. Right out of the gate, she’s getting VERY intimate and in less than 15 minutes, I got her number. After exchanging a few pleasantries, she was already sending me very graphic pictures. If I was sober, this would probably have set off a few red flags but in my state, I felt like I just struck gold. It wasn’t long before I invite her to come over, because what else is there to do? She told me she would love to, but she couldn’t drive…she doesn’t even have a license (we’re both in our late 20’s). This seemed weird to me, but I was still trying to make this happen. She really wanted me to come over, but I am way too wasted to drive, and no matter how freaky this intimacy was bound to be, it wasn’t worth my life. We talked a little more and I ultimately resolved that it was going nowhere. That, and I passed the heck out.
Over the next few days, we texted. Our schedules just didn’t match up at the time being, but about three days after our initial online meeting, we finally agreed to get together. The plan was for me to pick her up from work at a specific time and bring her home. Once at her home, we made plans to do a lot of things that I now, after what ended up happening, don’t really feel comfortable sharing. But at this point, I was stoked, despite a little doubt creeping in my mind. This girl came right out of the gate just trying to fool around at all costs. I know Tinder is a hookup app and girls like fooling around too, blah blah blah, but seriously, it’s really rare for a girl to come in so hot like that. She didn’t want to meet in public either, she kept saying we needed to go to her house.
All sorts of scenarios were running through my head. I felt like I was going to show up at her house only to find out she has a boyfriend, who would proceed to jump me, along with all his boys hiding in the bushes, and rob me of everything I hold dear. It was just too easy. Not to mention the conversations we were having just seemed…off. At first, I thought she was a little quirky. That’s cool though, right? Everyone has their quirks. Then every time she would send me a picture, she would constantly ask me if I REALLY thought she was pretty. Because no one thinks she’s pretty. Alright, she’s got really low self-esteem. That honestly sucks, she’s a decent looking girl and has no need to feel bad about herself. Now we’re at the point where she’s randomly sending me (non-graphic) selfies pretty often. For some reason, I feel like there’s something off about her in these pictures, but I just can’t put my finger on it for the life of me. In the end, my manhood wins, and I drive to her place of work at the appointed time, but not before telling my roommate this backstory and giving him her address…just in case he needs to find my body tomorrow.
She’s working the closing shift, and I’m pulling up as all the employees are filing out. I park as close to the door as possible and notice quite a few of them giving me the stink eye, just the dirtiest look ever. But I mean I get it, your coworker is about to get in the car with some random dude she met on the internet three days ago. She could end up chopped to pieces in my freezer or something, she doesn’t even know me. Whatever. I’m getting laid and you’re not jerks. I wait a while and eventually she comes out.
Everything from here on out is just a description of events. I’m not trying to poke fun or ridicule anyone here, just reporting the events as they happened
We lock eyes and she smiles. I don’t even know how to put this nicely, I’m sorry, her teeth were bad news. They looked like the nasty rotten teeth you find at a Halloween store. It wasn’t good. I regretted my decision at this point. Surely, even a Facetime call could have prevented this, but what can I say, I’m an idiot. Alright, she’s on smack. Probably not gonna sleep with her at this point, I’m just trying not to die. Except she wasn’t on anything. Truth be told, I still had no idea what I was in for.
She gets in the car and when she starts talking, it hits me. God, how do I even say this? She was mentally handicapped. I don’t want to say she was severely mentally handicapped, but it wasn’t mild either, it was pretty bad (is bad the word I should be using? I have no idea). Let’s just say, she was pretty mentally handicapped. The best way I can explain this is like I was talking to a 10-year-old girl. She was essentially a child. All the weird things make sense now. What have I done? I honestly feel bad though, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Miraculously I keep it together. The first words out of her mouth, ‘I’m so hungryyy. Let’s get food!’ At this point, I’m pretty much responsible for her, so I oblige. I just want to get her food and get her home. The topic of conversation on the way there? ‘Taco Bell is good but I like Burger King the best. Burger King is my favorite. Do you like Burger King? I always ask people if they like Burger King because I really like Burger King.’ We pull into the drive-thru. She orders. I don’t want anything. When we pull up to the window, the guy working asks her if she wants any sauce. She tells him she does, and I can’t stress enough how obvious it is from the way she talks that she is mentally handicapped; this guy knows. Of course, she thinks this is a great time to start rubbing my junk. Right in front of the drive-thru guy. She is clearly mentally handicapped. I am clearly not. I don’t even want to know what was going through this guy’s head.
Basically, I tell her we probably shouldn’t do that in public. I’m not even sure how I’m gonna deal with it when we get to her place, aka the place we HAVE to go to, because she can’t drive and I’m giving her a ride home, I am responsible for her. I find out a lot about her on the 20-minute ride to her house. She tells me I’m really nice, way nicer than most guys on Tinder because most guys just take advantage of her. I deduce that this is why she’s so intimately woke. She’s just learning from these Tinder guys. The kind of scum that takes advantage of mentally handicapped girls.
Eventually, we get to her house. Initially, I had devised a plan where I immediately ask to use her bathroom and text my roommate something along the lines of ‘SOS. NO TIME TO EXPLAIN. YOU NEED TO CALL ME IN LIKE 10 MINUTES.’ He would then call and I freak out like something horrible has happened, and eventually leave on the premise that I had an emergency to attend to. But the more she talked, the more I felt that this is precisely what happens to her every time (except some really crappy people make sure to fool around with her first). So I decide to stay. I can handle this. I just really feel bad and don’t want to hurt her feelings.
Right off the bat, it’s bad. Her giant pitbull hates me. He’s in the living room, with nothing but a crappy plastic gate keeping him from me. She wants to watch a movie in the living room. Every time I go near this dog, he snarls at me. I really don’t wanna go in there. Luckily, her brother interrupts and saves the day. Except he’s not excited to see me either, though I can’t really blame him for this. He asks me what’s up, staring at me in such a way that it feels more like an interrogation than a pleasantry. I introduce myself and extend my hand for a handshake. He stares at my extended hand and does nothing. He looks mad. She breaks the silence by yelling at him and telling him to leave. He won’t. He wants to watch tv in the living room. She seductively whispers in my ear that we can go to her room to watch ‘Netflix.’ I know where this is going, but I’ll take my chances at fending her off before I have to hang out with her brother who obviously has an instant vendetta against me.
Once in her room, she immediately slams the door shut, and starts xkissing my neck and grabbing my junk again. I stop this pretty quickly and tell her it’s just a first date, we’re going too fast. She apologizes profusely and agrees to literally watch Netflix. It was kind of cool, I got to watch an episode of Jessica Jones I hadn’t seen yet so that was tight. She kept apologizing about going too fast, talking more about Burger King, occasionally trying to grab my junk more but getting denied as nicely as possible every time, and telling me weird random facts about her family that I could have done without knowing. Eventually, I make an excuse to leave and get out of there. She begs me to say, but I insist that I need to go. She tells me how nice I am and how much she can’t wait to see me again. This makes me feel like crap, but this is a tomorrow problem. I just want to get the heck out of here. I do and delete all of these pictures that now make me feel very uncomfortable immediately.
In conclusion, she texts me for a few days after. I eventually ‘confess’ that I have a girlfriend. That our relationship is on the rocks and I’m a butthole who was just looking for some tail because I wasn’t getting any at home. And that she was such a sweet, kind girl that I realized that I was making a huge mistake. I told her that I told my girlfriend everything, and she forgave me. But she doesn’t want me to ever speak to anyone I ever met on Tinder again, and I respect her wishes, so this would be the last time we could talk. I think she bought it…she definitely seemed bummed but understood. I’m sure she’s had encounters end worse than this before.”
That’s Not The Type Of Shower She Expected To Take With Him
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“I went on a Tinder date with a ‘famous’ chef. I was taken to a dive bar, where he promptly starting talking about how famous he was. We drank and watched sports, he proceeded to tell me, ‘You’re cute’ and this eventually went to, ‘I am going to make you bleed.’ He then invited one of his friends to come along. I went outside and he came up to kiss me. I was wasted, so I kissed back. Eventually, he proceeded to tell me how he was ‘being charged with battering his ex-girlfriend,’ but he ‘totally didn’t do it.’
Eventually, when it came time to pay the bill, he ‘lost his wallet.’ Of course, I got stuck with the bill. ‘I’ll pay you back.’ Needless to say, I never got a payment.
Then he leaned up against me. I thought he was trying to kiss me again, but I looked down, and he was peeing on me. In the street. Peeing. On. Me.
I swiftly, being too inebriated to drive, went and got myself a hotel room and a hot shower.
Never again.”
This Guy Had Some Straight Up Weird Fetishes
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“I met a guy on Tinder. He seemed nice, fairly attractive. Seemed a little ‘vanilla’ actually. He didn’t drink or smoke, wanted to be a meteorologist, was super close to his grandfather, gentlemanly and family-oriented.
We went to Starbucks and talked for a couple hours, it was nice. So, I set up another date. We went for ice cream and again talked for a while. We were sitting outside and I mentioned something about how guys have obvious body parts to be attracted to on women while girls pick out odd things like calves and such.
He got really weird and said, ‘I don’t know if I should tell you this,’ so of course, I prod him until he tells me. So, first, he said he’s got a foot fetish. That’s not super strange and I’m mostly curious so I ask him tons of questions about it. He’d never been in a serious relationship, so I ask him if he could handle being with a girl who wasn’t into it, at least long enough to feel love towards him and he said no ‘I’ve called a girl from back pages a couple times cause I couldn’t take it anymore.’
Still not that weird…
Then he asked if I have ever heard of a ‘Crush Fetish.’ He tells me not to google it because it’ll freak me out. I still haven’t, never will. There are two levels of a crush fetish. LEVEL 1: becoming aroused watching someone crush Invertebrate animals under their feet, like bugs (which was his fetish) and LEVEL 2: watching someone crush vertebrate animals like bunnies or kittens…this got me thinking about our previous date.
We had a conversation on the first date about how I had been getting a lot more bugs in my room that summer and so I’d been like squishin’ bugs all freakin’ day. And he said that ‘really got him goin.’ I also realized he had asked me what kind of shoes I typically wear and I had just brushed it off and answered him. I was wearing moccasins and (being a pretty open person) told him how they make my feet smelly so I try to avoid them. He told me that ‘I got really turned on when you said that. I’d love to smell your shoes if you’d let me.’ Among other very forward, very specific and unwelcome statements about what turned him on about me.
Best Part: I told him a week or so later I’d met someone and that we should end our communications. He texted me a few months later four or five times asking me for my ‘help’ and that he’d pay me to let him do stuff with my feet.”
This Tinder Boy’s Vacation Seemed Too Good To Be True
“I matched with a guy and did the usual add-on Snapchat to make sure he’s real. We hit it off but every time I invite him over he has an excuse. Almost a month into this naughty snaps and no hangs, I’m like ok bye, and he says he’ll finally come over the next day. We meet, drink, drink, drink. Hook up, but he’s too wasted to stay hard. I kind of throw up going down on him. We’re both embarrassing. We try again the next day. Great success. We start hanging out every 2-3 days. We’re talking constantly when we aren’t together and start to like each other. Every time we’re together, we’re laughing and happy. He plays guitar and sings and I totally love it. We play Jeopardy and Shoots and Ladders. He’s not from my state and it’s known that he has to go home in a couple weeks to see family, go on vacation, and then he’d move back permanently.
We’re in tears as the weeks pass and it’s his last week. I give him a sappy card, he gives me a card and flowers and his t-shirt and guitar pick. He sings me a song about me and my cat. He’s still texting me at the airport and when he’s home. We’re still sending ‘adult Snapchats.’ Daily. More or less the vibe was that he was going to be my boyfriend when he got back. Two weeks have gone and now he’s on his vacation in Hawaii, showing me the hotel, volcanos, selfies, and junk pics. We keep talking about how we miss each other. Red flag number one — he’s ending his vacation early because his dad had a stroke. Red flag number two — he’s been at the hospital and has bad phone service.
I got suspicious after this and Google his family. I find his brother’s Instagram and the second picture is of his brother and my Tinder boy in suits captioned, ‘Happy 2 weeks of marriage to this guy.’ Turns out Tinder boy got married and went on his honeymoon.”
She Was Ready For Marriage And A Baby Carriage The Very First Night
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“I met a girl who was quite vocal about ‘no hookups.’ We went out, got wasted, and she used the line, ‘want to come back to mine and put your junk in my hole?’ So I did. Just as we started, she said, ‘Oh I love you, I love you, do you love me too?’ I didn’t reply, I just thought, ‘Concentrate…concentrate.’
It was a good night, but then she got really demanding and argumentative. It takes me a while to get used to starting to see someone, I like to get to know them a bit. She was talking about kids within a day of meeting me and I wasn’t quite ready for that conversation. Then she got really upset that I wasn’t as committed as her, called me all sorts of names and said that I shouldn’t be on Tinder if I wasn’t going to take our relationship seriously.
It was a whirlwind. It felt like a year’s worth of emotion bundled into about three days.
I deactivated my account and stuck with touching myself.”
He Was A Bit Too Crazy For Her
“I needed a date to Passover dinner with my friends. He wore a vest and a newsboy hat, then introduced himself with a bow and a hat flourish. The night only got worse from there. He refused to eat any of the food because ‘things on the plate were touching’ (It was freaking soup) and wouldn’t shut his mouth during the 12 minutes of seder. When it came time for his train home, he purposely missed it so he could stay the night. HAHA NOPE. After a movie with uncomfortable levels of him trying to touch my chest, I convinced my friend to come with me to drive him to the nearest train station. During the ride, he thought was the best time to tell me he was schizophrenic but didn’t take medicine because ‘it was the devil.’ He tried to hold my hand saying that they were small and made him feel like a child abuser.
The night ended with him telling me he was going to poop on the subway and write my name in it.
There was no second date.”
This Hook-Up Invitation Turned Into A Party Invitation… Not Just For One
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“Buddy of mine hit it off with this girl and after a few days, she invited him over to a house party. ‘Sure,’ he says, what could go wrong? He shows up and is introduced to a few of her friends, all guys. As the night carries on, more and more guys show up and very few girls are actually at the party. After they start talking about how they all know this girl they find out that she invited them all from Tinder. Every guy was there not to hook up, but to populate this chick’s birthday party.”
You Should Always Check Your Messages
“I used Tinder once before and met a cool chick, but it didn’t work out so I decided to try again. What could go wrong, right?
So after a few days of using Tinder, I stopped launching the app but left my profile active, so I kept getting a few matches. Well, one night my friends and I decided to go bar hopping in a pretty popular area because why not?
We’re all pretty smashed at a bar, and I’m wearing the same sweater in my profile picture. Apparently, some girl I matched with sent me a few messages (I checked it was 10 within a 2 hour period) and I never responded. She recognized me and started yelling at me! Mind you, I didn’t have any idea what was going on as I was wasted off my behind. She was going psycho, saying, ‘What the heck dude, why did you never respond to me?!’
I responded with ‘Who are you?’ Apparently, this drove her nuts. She started yelling combinations of words I’ve never heard before, then she grabbed my drink and threw it in my face, then security came and threw us both out on our tails. She then followed my buddies and I to the car and was yelling and screaming still. While we were driving off, she threw her shoe at the car. My buddies were laughing the entire time. I think I’m just gonna stay inside for the rest of my life.”