If you thought you had a bad roommate, just wait till you read these. And if you haven't had the pleasure of having a disgusting college roommate, then count your lucky stars.
The Rotting Food
“She was disgusting and a total slob and wouldn’t let me clean her side of the room. It was always super cluttered with sh_t everywhere. Our room had a gross smell all the time because of her, so I finally broke down and decided to let her be mad at me, and cleaned everything. I found cups, like 5 or 6, of partially drank spoiled, rotten, curdled chocolate milk…plates of partially eaten moldy food…it was horrible. She got so pissed off that I cleaned it that she ended up moving in with another girl. I wasn’t upset about it….
She’d also have loud crazy sex at any and all hours of the night, wouldn’t lock our door and I ended up getting some items stolen…it was a mess.” Source
The Freshman Year Horror
“I lived in a triple; let’s call one of my roommates Tom. Tom was a disgusting inconsiderate sex addict, and I’d venture one of the worst roommates anyone has ever had. Here are just a few examples: Tom masturbated several times a day, just under his sheets, not subtly. Being a triple and the largest room on the floor, we had people in and out of our room regularly. This didn’t matter to him. After a while, we got him to agree to a rule that if we caught him wanking he would stop, but once he was past a certain point that just wasn’t going to happen. Tom had a girlfriend on the floor and would sexile us whenever possible (for example, when we were showering). She was a spitter, which I know because the spit cup by his bed was never cleaned out. Tom was a believer in the ‘sh_t test.’ Apparently going to the toilet only to find out you didn’t have to go is a big waste of time, so you just stand up and try to go a little bit first, then run to the toilet if needed. Once, while attempting this, he sh_t himself (‘a little,’ he claimed), right before going out to a party. He asked me if he should shower, but then decided he had no time. Obviously Tom did not wear underwear, and when he returned back from the party he just took off his pants and hopped naked into bed. I don’t think those sheets were ever washed. Tom once had to pee during a poker game in our room. Rather than leave, he used a solo cup under the table, and then a second one that he urgently requested as the first was filling up. When he finished, he put the cups on his desk. Later, someone noticed that one of the cups was on its side and empty, over the side of the desk, having apparently spilled over his clothes on the floor. Tom got sick of not being able to have sex with his girlfriend whenever he wanted, so he had this great idea to buy a tent from Target so he could have sex while we were in the room. His girlfriend wasn’t having it, so he moved his mattress and the tent to a janitor’s closet. Apparently a cleaning lady walked in on him sleeping naked there and he was forced to move back in. We had two men’s bathrooms on our floor, each with 3 showers. One shower belonged exclusively to Tom and his girlfriend. He kept a lawn chair in there, because ‘sitting is the luxurious way to shower.’ You can imagine what else went on in there, and why nobody else used it. At the end of the year, we did a survey. Over half of the people on the floor had seen his penis at least once. I know this sounds unbelievable, but this is all 100 percent true. Almost forgot to share this story:
Late one night, we’re sexiled as usual, and my other roommate (call him Phil) comes back and wants to go to sleep. He knocks, Tom tells him 10 minutes, he comes back a while later, 10 more minutes. After half an hour, Phil can’t take it any more and starts pounding repeatedly on the door. After a minute or so, Tom opens the door, nude and fully erect, and says: ‘if you want to sleep, you’re going to have to suck me off first.’ I should mention at this point Phil is a big guy with probably 40 pounds on Tom, but normally quite chill. Phil takes a swing at Tom and the two of them start to brawl. It took 3 or 4 guys to separate them. Tensions were high for a while after that, and we had to do conflict resolution with our RA, but the legend of Boner Fight was one of the defining memories of that year.” Source
The Dirty Bed
“He was leaving dirty plates in his bed, covered with his sheets. When he was going to sleep, he just kicked the plates and didn’t bother to clean them.” Source
The Crazy Cat Lady
“I was friends with a girl a year behind me, and her freshman year she was randomly matched with a girl who:
1) Was convinced she was in a relationship with the lead singer of Tokyo Hotel, and had been for several years, but it was obviously some catfisher on the internet. They would skype where only he could see her, his video would be blank for ‘security reasons’ and he told her they could never meet in person because of the media. And since he was always ‘on tour’ she would skype with him at all hours of the night to make up for the time zone differences. It was actually kinda sad/scary, several people I know tried to explain to her that she was being taken advantage of, but she could/would not listen, pretty sure she did stuff on camera for him and sent him money.
2) Brought multiple bags from home stuffed full of her cat’s hair, and knitted tiny clothes/figurines/whatever out of it. My friend was of course very allergic to cat hair.” Source
Double the Trouble
“I was fourtunate to have lived with TWO douchesticks during my freshman year.
F_ckstick #1 was Eddie. Eddie was my original roommate. After the typical freshman e-mail exchanges (who’s getting the fridge, microwave, rug, etc.) we had the opportunity to meet on move in day. At first, Eddie was a great roommate — fun to hang out with, good to grab a bite with, etc. But then Eddie found out how hard engineering is. You see, he was a mechanical engineering major and found that it was just too difficult.
Instead of switching majors, he decided to just give up. He stopped going to class…didn’t go out on the weekend…He. Just. Stayed. There. All the time. Day and night. I kid you not, he only left to eat — at the cafe on the first floor. Lucky for me, Eddie failed all of his classes and didn’t come back, leaving me with a room all to myself!!
I started my second semester with my own room/bachelor pad. I moved the beds together to set up a nice queen bed, to host the nonexistent ladies I’d be bringing home. The room was huge without a second person!
…enter F_ckstick #2, halfway through the semester…John. John and his roommate had a ‘disagreement,’ so they moved him to my room. John was f_cking weird. I have no other words to describe him, other than a total weirdo. This coming from a self-proclaimed fantasy geek computer scientist. I have a really high tolerance for weird, and John exceeded them all. He loved Hillary Duff. So much so, he watched her movies on repeat. All the time. Whenever he was home. Which was all the time, because he didn’t have any friends. HE USED MY F_CKING TOOTHBRUSH! I had no idea at the time, until I walked out one day, to see him with my toothbrush dangling out of his mouth, like it’s totally normal. He would masturbate loudly while I was trying to sleep. Awkward. He showered every 2-3 days. Not horrible, but definitely not often enough. He would stand over my shoulder and watch what I was doing on my computer. As in, he would read every word. When I would confront him about it, he acted like it was totally normal. He wasn’t unsafe or unstable, he was just really friggin weird. Thankfully I only had to deal with him for like 7 weeks or so, before the year came to a close.” Source
The Puker
“The very first weekend of my freshman year in college, my roommate comes back from a party at like 2 a.m. or whatever, and proceeds to vomit on my f_cking desk, which did contain my laptop on it…Jay, I know you use Reddit. If you’re reading this, f_ck you.” Source
The WoW Roomie
“I was in a small triple freshman year. Early on my roommate was extremely studious and would accept nothing lower than pretty much an A on everything. He would beat himself up over it if it wasn’t good enough and we would try to get him to relax a bit. Second half of freshman year he buys a new computer and the game World of Warcraft. Refuses to go to class and played WoW nonstop all night and would sleep through the whole day. It was disrupting to me and my other roommate. He eventually ended up pretty much dropping out of school. I’ve never seen such a drastic change. He has actually gotten back on track though and has been doing pretty well for himself.” Source
The Chinese Jose
“My roommate freshman year was a Chinese exchange student straight outta Shanghai. His name was Zihil, or something, but if you’re anything past one semester into college, you know they have their own ‘English’ names. For whatever reason he chose the name Jose. F_cking Jose. He didn’t speak much english, too. He definitely understood more than he could speak, but we got along marvelously. One night, I was out showing him the American past time of drinking games. I ask him, Yo Jose, You have had alcohol before, right? ‘Cause you know, I didn’t want to get in trouble if he died of alcohol poisoning. He says yes, but looking back, it was definitely a no. So about two hours pass and this kid is slugging beers. Of course, everyone wants to teach the Chinese kid everything Americans do. By this two hour mark, he must have beer bonged three beers, shot gunned two, casually drank another two. He starts feeling sick, I can see it in his eyes. He grabs his sh_t and we take off back to our dorm room. Half way there, he starts stumbling and falling. In the hallway of our dorm, he heads over to the trashcan, and just starts puking his brains out. I get him into the room, get him some water and make sure he won’t choke on his puke. In the morning, he starts freaking out because he can’t find his phone. He turns on the find my iPhone thing, and the trash can he puked in the night before starts pinging. We had to search through this trashcan filled with puke and garbage to find his phone about halfway down.” Source
The Live-In Boyfriend
“My freshman roommate lost her virginity the night before move-in to her much older, very creepy, unemployed (‘musician’) boyfriend. In the hotel room that she was sharing with her mom and little sister, who were in the bed next to them. This guy basically lived with us on weekends. I had to always change in the dark because a strange creepy dude was lying there, usually butt naked. They had a lot of gross sex. She decided it would be funny to pants me during a 4 a.m. fire drill in front of the entire dorm, which was co-ed. I don’t wear underwear to sleep… she failed to see how this wasn’t hilarious. There were a million other things, but those stick out the most.” Source
The Shower Sleeper
“I was the horrible freshman roommate because of one event. I was super tired all the time so I would often sit on the floor in the shower and just let the water wash my sorrows away. Well, I accidentally fell asleep, and I happened to fall asleep with my butt right on top of the drain. It plugged the drain and caused the entire bathroom, dorm room, and the floor below us to flood.” Source
The Baby Crasher
“He had a girlfriend that didn’t attend our university that would stay the entire weekend. They stayed in bed, lights out, ordered delivery, wouldn’t leave. At one point I woke up and there was a baby in our room (they were babysitting). A f_cking baby.” Source
The Noise Nazi
“I had a roommate and a suite mate. It was two rooms, each with two beds, and a shared bathroom. The dude in the suite next to ours didn’t have a roommate for whatever reason.
Our suite mate would regularly flip out if there was any noise after about 10:00, because he went to an insanely early church service every morning. When I say any noise, I mean that if I had to pee after 10:00, I would get screamed at, threatened with violence, etc, etc. It got the point that he was shoving notes under our door threatening to murder our families. I remember at one point I was watching a movie with my friends and he banged on the door screaming ‘What the f_ck is wrong with you f_ggots and n_ggers?!??! (many of my friends were gay and/or black) Stop making so much f_cking noise, I have to go to church!!!’ He got kicked out of school.” Source
The Weird Hippie
“We had a suite of six guys. One of these guys, Ron, was a weird ass hippie who did all sorts of hysterical things.
Example 1: he was barefoot wherever he went (not too bad, but we got concerned when it started snowing)
Example 2: me and another suite mate came home one day and opened the door and there were something like five 20 gallon drums filled with dirt and dying plants. There were bugs everywhere for weeks. When we asked Ron “what the f_ck?” He responded by exclaiming ‘Look guys! Can you believe the farm was giving these away for free??’
Example 3: he liked to use the microwave to cook. He once baked weed into chocolate using the microwave (impressive). Another time he put a plastic bowl in for about 20 minutes until the f_cking thing vaporized and released poison smoke. Another time he made his tea so hot that it spilled and melted the carpet.
Example 4: he invited my roommate in for a threesome (guess it would have been a foursome if he had said yes) out of the blue.
Example 5: he fermented apple wine under his bed. That was actually pretty cool.” Source
The Kleptomaniac
“One of my freshman roommates was a self-professed kleptomaniac. She got a huge thrill from stealing clothes from department stores. Usually Nordstrom. In the first week or so of school, she went through her closest and showed us all of the clothing she had stolen, plus she knew how much each item cost and how she’d swiped it. Thousands of dollars worth of nice clothing. She had so much that half of it still had tags on and she never wore it, but she took it because she knew she could. Usually this theft involved carrying a really big purse, taking way too many items into a dressing room, and then emerging with one item in the purse, one to buy, and the rest to put back. Then if an alarm went off, they would assume it was just the item she had purchased and let her leave. Half the time she returned the item she paid for soon after too. It got to the point where girls in the dorm would go to the mall with her, and they’d all pick out clothes they liked and she’d go back on her own later and steal them for them. It was crazy. And to my knowledge, she’s still doing this and hasn’t been caught. She never seemed to steal from anywhere other than department stores, and none of my stuff ever went missing, so I guess she wasn’t too bad of a roommate, really. Just a person of questionable morals.” Source
The Cheese Eater
“Maybe this is not the typical story, as I did my undergraduate in Belgium and sharing rooms is not really a thing in northwestern Europe. Anyway, in my second year I lived together with 15 other students – sharing a huge kitchen and one (1!) shower. Most of them were extremely cool. There was, however, one dude that was just plain trash. He informed us he’d have a party (one day in advance), and completely trashed the place. But! On top of that! He raided our fridge. Me being a proper Dutch girl, I always kept Gouda cheese in the fridge. Just the piece, unsliced. He took a bite from the cheese. I came into our trashed kitchen in the morning, only to find my dear cheese with some bite marks in it.” Source