While we all hold out for those magical evenings with the perfect companion, for the most part, dating is awful. Yet sometimes it's more than just awkward small talk, as these people recollect the hurtful, disgusting and just plain weird quotes from their worst dates ever.
“Oh my god you have tits.”
“Blind date miscommunication. Someone thought she was gay, she thought I was going to be a guy. We still had Beer and Pizza though so its all good in my book.” (Source).
“‘…….’ That’s the entirety of what she said to me on our date.”
“So I met this girl at the mall and I asked her out on a date. She said yes, and I agreed to pick her up. It’s integral to the story that I explain to you that she is not deaf, and she was in fact holding a conversation with me the day we met. I call her as I’m walking to the door. She picks up without saying anything, I say ‘hey I’m here, I’m walking up to your door,’ she hangs up. I ring the doorbell, her father opens the door. He says ‘Hello,’ then turns and yells for his daughter. After a couple minutes she turns around the corner and she’s on the phone. Never found out with her, I didn’t really listen to her conversation, I was busy crying internally. We get in my car and begin the 25 minute drive to a really f–king nice restaurant. This bill was going to run up close to $150, so you can understand my actions later. She eventually hung up and immediately switched to texting. She didn’t look up from her phone for the rest of the drive. I tried to make small talk. I was asking her about her family, her classes, when she moved here. The most I got out of her was a half-hearted ‘hmm.’ I park next to the restaurant. I could see her staring at the valet wondering why I didn’t get valet, but she didn’t say anything. At this point, her father said more words to me than she had, and all he said was hello. So, I get out of the car. She doesn’t. I walk over to her door and let her out, she steps out without thanking me and continued texting. I got back in the car and drove away. To this day I’m not sure if she noticed me leave. She never called me angrily, she never texted me asking where I went. You can be damn sure I’m not spending $150 to be ignored for another hour. Bitch, you can call an uber.” (Source).
“So, I just realized this is our second date… not our first.”
“We both realized, about an hour into the date, we had been on a blind date three years earlier, and neither had a very good time. The second date was just as forgettable as the first, minus that realization.” (Source).
“I’m going to get popcorn, I’ll be right back.”
“I met him online, and we hit it off really well. We talked almost every day all day and we had a lot in common. We talked on the phone and laughed constantly. After about a month we agreed to go on a date, we were going to see a movie. We got to the movie theater in our own cars and met each other at the doors, and right away I could tell he was disappointed with me. He didn’t really look at me going in, I said something that he would typically think was funny, and instead of laughing he kind of half-heartedly chuckled and didn’t look at me. I told him I’d pay for our tickets (because I felt bad that he was already feeling like I was a waste of his time) and he let me. We went and got our seats and he was sitting for about a minute and a half when he all of a sudden said, ‘I’m going to get popcorn, I’ll be right back.’ So five minutes went by, I suspected maybe the line was a little long. Five more minutes went by, and I started to get a little worried that maybe he left his ticket in the theater with me and couldn’t get back in. So I went out to find him, and couldn’t see him anywhere. I thought he might be in the bathroom, so I kind of waited in the lobby for another five minutes, and finally realized that he may have just left. I went out to the parking lot and his car was gone. I went back and tried to finish the movie since I paid for it, but I couldn’t get through the movie without crying. I ended up just going home. I haven’t been on a date since.” (Source).
“I’m Really Into Manipulating People.”
“Third date, she says, ‘I’m really into manipulating people.’ Also she wanted to set up a “poly” relationship where she would be able to bang other guys, but I wouldn’t be able to bang other girls. I noped the f–k out.” (Source).
“Wow, you like me so much that you couldn’t be bothered to show up on time? I’m flattered.”
“I had been waiting outside, where he said he would meet me, for 15 minutes. When I gave up and went inside, he was seated, with a drink and a clear view of where I was sitting. Didn’t even text me to say he was inside. I’m so happy to be done with dating.” (Source).
“And him, and him, and HIM and both of them…”
“I am a gay dude. Went on a date with somebody I was familiar with from college, but never really connected with. He decided to go to the gay bar for a fun date. Ok, weird, but sure. Then about 6 of his friends show up at his house. Also unexpected, but ok! So they pregame, and pregame and pregame some more to the point where they were HAMMERED before going to the bar. We get there, and date casually points at somebody and was like ‘I slept with him last week.’ This process repeats for literally about 40% of the people at the bar at that moment. Ok… I am not one to judge, but that is a lot of people… Then he starts making out with the door man. The door man is about 50 years older than him and one of the most disgusting looking people I have ever laid eyes on. The rest of the night is him getting blackout drunk and making out with random people and pretty much ignoring me. We get back to his place (I am sober by now) and he wants to get a little personal. I got him a bottle of water and some Tylenol, tucked him in and left. Happy Ending: He is going on celebrating 6 months sober now. Glad you got the help you needed buddy :)” (Source).
“I Had Fun Tonight…..We’re Breaking Up.”
“It was early in high school and we hadn’t really been dating that long 3 or 4 months maybe. We go out to eat and I feel like it’s a pretty good night. I’m driving her home and she says, ‘I had fun tonight did you?’ and I say I did. Then she says, ‘I don’t think we can do this anymore. We’re breaking up’ and then she proceeds to cry uncontrollably for the remainder of the drive. Once we got to her house she wouldn’t stop crying and refused to get out of my car until she stopped. I just kept rubbing my hand on her back not knowing what to do. She finally stopped crying and says ‘but I did have fun.’ I was so confused for such a long time. We occasionally saw each other and she refused to acknowledge my existence.” (Source).
“Getting Free Dinners Is A Hobby Of Mine.”
“A friend of mine was going to a speed dating event and asked me to go. I figure what the hell. I’m single, I’ll try it. I end up meeting a girl and we talked for like 2 hours after the event was over. I thought we really hit it off. We start conversing via text over the next few days and we agree to meet for dinner. About half way through our meal she drops a nuke. ‘I don’t want to date anyone, I’m just having fun and getting free dinners is a hobby of mine.’ She tells me she’s a friend of the speed dating organizer and since they often lack female participants, she goes to the events as a favor. I instantly lose my appetite and my desire to be in the same state with this girl, let alone the same table. This meal and drinks is going to be $150+ and I start thinking. I figure I’ll go to the restroom then make a run for the door. Luckily we drove separate. I texted her ‘enjoy paying for your first meal’ and drove off. I felt like a dick but she deserved it.” (Source).
“I can already picture my baby inside your belly.”
“The guy asked me to go watch a movie with him, so I met up with him at the movie theater. Once the movie was over we decided to sit outside on a bench and talk for a bit. As we were talking out nowhere he decided to rub my belly and say, ‘I can already picture my baby inside your belly.’ I wanted to run away from him, but I didn’t want to be rude so I stuck around for a bit longer. He then proceeded to come up with baby names. Just my luck we were sitting across from an Ikea store so he started thinking of decorations for our “apartment”. I told him I had to go and left as quickly as possible. He texted me for a few days and at times would send multiple texts back to back. I ended up blocking his number.” (Source).
“He Should Be In he Fields Away From Civil People.”
“I had one on a date a couple of years ago. Sat in the pub with a girl, not the best looker in the world, but she seemed genuinely nice. 45 mins into the date she sighs and says: ‘Can we go to another pub, I don’t want to be served by HIM” (Pointing to the black barman). I said sure, old boyfriend? She replied ‘No, I don’t want to be served by a dirty black bastard. He should be in the fields away from civil people.’ Safe to say I finished my beer and left her at the table.” (Source).
“Yeah, I Have Some Road Rage. It’s NBD.”
“I was driving a date back to her house and a car cut us off. She pulled down the window and started yelling and screaming and cursing at the car while throwing up the middle finger and then proceeding to honk the horn of the car. There was a moment of silence afterwords until she said, ‘yeah I have some road rage its nbd.'” (Source).
“Did You Know That Swallowing Cum Helps Prevent Breast Cancer?”
“Blind date in college, I was studying biology, we sit down and just as the waiter comes by to take our drink order he drops this one on me: ‘Did you know that swallowing cum helps prevent breast cancer? We should try that out later.’ Dead serious. The waiters jaw literally dropped. And that was the better part of that date :/” (Source).